Here's the next chapter! Enjoy! I do not own Mockinjay, any direct quotes will be in italics.
Ch. 39
Gale is the one who most needs medical attention, I hadn't noticed until now that he could have died along with Finnick. One of the mutts had bit him and large gash was cut into his neck. I knew why I had not noticed, but I felt bad that I could not help in any way.
Katniss tries to be gentle with her hands; I see her with a set determination in her eyes. But there was a difference between Katniss and her sister-whom could heal Gale within a matter of seconds-Katniss' hands shook. She was scared to death.
I knew I used to be jealous of Gale, partly because Haymitch had told me, and partly because I still felt it somewhere inside of me now. I wasn't jealous of him because he knew Katniss better or because I was afraid that with him in the picture I would be left out in the cold alone. This jealousy was different, and though I couldn't quite put my finger on it, I could feel it. I could not tell you how grateful I am to feel something more than sadness and hatred.
I am now minutes between wrenching my fists up against the cuffs to deny the monster the right to break down my walls. I am starting to actually feel the pain, which is nice. I had decided that physical pain was much better than emotional pain. Through emotion I could get lost, but pain brought me back. It reminded me that in the end I was nothing more than Peeta Mellark. A baker's son who got reaped in the Hunger Games and fell in love with a beautiful creature and was made mad at the hands of the Capitol.
Emotional pain made me insane; physical pain kept me grounded.
Katniss somehow finds her way to me and leads me over to where a small faucet is. She doesn't say anything, but words were not needed. At least I could see her beauty again. The Victor that she was only minutes ago in the apartment is long gone. I now see the vulnerable girl from the Seam, scared, lost without her father.
Her hands don't shake as bad as she begins to wipe the blood from my wrists, but I see the girl that brought me back to life in the arena. Remembering it was hard for me; most of what I remembered was shiny. Some, bits and pieces, was what I was really looking for. How concerned she looked when she had first uncovered my leg. How utterly helpless she looked when she first saw the dark red running up towards my heart. I do remember that. Gratefully I accept the long lost memories.
She works efficiently on my hands and not until she has carefully placed the bandages on does she speak, "You've got to keep them clean, otherwise the infection could spread and—" She stops; this situation seemed too real.
"I know what blood poisoning is, Katniss." I stop. I remember it and it was fresh. I had to let her know that I knew what she was to me. What she is to me. "Even if my mother isn't a healer." I let out.
"You said that same thing to me in the first Hunger Games. Real or not real?" The roles have been reversed, Katniss testing my memories and not me testing hers.
"Real. And you risked your life getting the medicine that saved me?"
"Real. You were the reason I was alive to do it." I did not remember that. I did not remember risking my life for hers. I did not remember saving her at all.
"Was I?" The monster tries hard now, seeing an opportunity to break through. I search for the memory at the same time looking for something to tell me about what she meant. But the search was hopeless because my mind was tired, I was tired, and if I tried any hard we would have a much bigger problem on our hands. "I'm so tired, Katniss." I whisper.
"Go to sleep."
Except I don't trust myself with sleeping, so I ask her to shackle me to the staircase. Which she does, but I can see she isn't very happy about it.
Sleep finds me and when it does I find no dreams. I am thankful for the little unconsciousness I get, but even so it isn't long.
When I wake up I see only Cressida awake, her wide eyes stare in no general direction, just somewhere. She looked lost, but all of us were lost. I had never directly talked to her, but something in me made me want to. She was from the Capitol, yet she acted as if she was one of us.
"Why?" My voice sounds dry and parched. She looks away from where ever her eyes were to me.
She stands up and fills a cup with water and comes over to me.
"What?" She asks me. I accept the water and drink the whole cup before speaking again.
"Why did you join us?" I ask.
"Join you?" She looks at me confused for a second. She shakes her head and looks away up towards the door that leads out through Tigris' shop and into the cold Capitol. She doesn't turn back to me when she begins to speak again. "Peeta, I never was this. I never stood for any of this evil. I don't know why, but I didn't see any justice in it. I was told again and again and again about how the Districts deserved it and that it was entertaining. But you, Peeta Mellark, never deserved any of this. Neither did Katniss, or Finnick, or Johanna, or any other tributes." Her words are simple, but they make my eyes overflow. I had come across few Capitol people that were compassionate. I was glad to find another.
"But you're risking your life. For what? A boy who's insane, a girl who never wanted of any of this?" I try and lean my head back, but it's too uncomfortable. I arrange myself so my hands sit in front of me, it is, at least, a little better.
"I'm risking my life for more than just that, Peeta, I'm risking my life for a better tomorrow. I once did an interview of a tribute's mom something like 8 years ago and for the life of me I can't remember what tribute it was. I hate myself for my horrible memory, they deserve to be remembered, but my mind is all over the place. But anyways, this mom, she was small, but she had this determination in her eyes, like she was ready for anything. Like…" she pauses and searches for the right words.
"Like she had already prepared for the death of her child. And I had asked her out of pure curiosity what kept her going after all of this. I remember it vividly, she had turned her head away for a split second and then turned back to me and she stared into what seemed to be my soul and out of her mouth slipped, 'It's because I feel like tomorrow will be kinder.'" She pauses and looks at me before going back in, "I'm risking my life for a kinder tomorrow."
A couple of things.
One, I wrote a one-shot of Cressida's back story, I hadn't thought about her much before Wednesday, but then I suddenly wanted to know, so if you would like to read it ((nice companion to this chapter)) please go check it out and review! It's called Cressida: Her Story.
Two, I recently got a review on the 18th chapter of The Fate Games ((my first ever fanfic and the beginning of this whole thing)) saying that I had only one side of Peeta portrayed and that I only focused on his love for Katniss, please tell me I have added more to his character than just that! I feel like if that's all I've portrayed through these stories then I've done a horrible job at attempting this. So if you would please tell me what you think about this person's comment so I can improve if needed.
Third, well I have nothing third. Well I guess I kind of do... nah, I'll tell you guys later.
Don't forget to REVIEW on the way out! Thanks! ~boywithbreadlover