*alright lovelies, i'm trying to bust some of this out today since i have a little time but y'all know how long it takes me to write so don't expect miracles please…*

*I know it'd be fun to have Reagan see Karma and Amy right now but wouldn't it be more fun if she saw them in court?*

*just sayin'*

Chapter 12

She Hates Her Life

Somehow after that the two got onto the topic of Lauren. It made a lot of sense. If they couldn't talk about work what else could they talk about? They could do the boring dance. Where did you go to high school? What kind of groups were you in? Are you from around here? How's your family? Was your college big? How did you end up studying law?

See, these were all great questions and questions that Karma really wanted answered but she was good at reading people. She poked a bit and noticed that when she mentioned Lauren, Amy immediately became her actual self like a veil had been lifted. Not that she was being someone else before. When Amy talked about Lauren there was no bluffing and no holding back. Most people who knew Lauren also knew that there was no one else like her. Talking about Lauren wasn't complicated at all, it came easy.

They shared war stories. One after the other. But they didn't get far before Karma's phone began to ring.

"Who is it?" Amy asked, watching Karma's face drop.

"It's Shane," she sighed. "I have to," she seemed crushed but she answered quickly despite it all.

For a few wonderful minutes they had been friends. For a few wonderful minutes they'd been something better than Lawyers, they'd been themselves, just as they are.

Amy watched on and drank her coffee black instead of adding things. She wanted to watch her some more. She wanted to know what it was about, this mysterious call from the one who just up and left.

Then she remembered that Liam was gone too.

Why did Lauren drag me into this? Amy thought. She was bouncing her leg nervously below the table but she hadn't been nervous thirty second ago. She realized and stopped. She and Lauren would be having a talk when she got back, a long talk that involved answers being given and secrets coming out.

"Yeah," Karma said, unaware of Amy's musing. "Mmmhmmm," she was playing with her hands and Amy watched them nervously. Work stressed Karma out. Work was too much for her. She shouldn't be taking on so much. And that's all Amy could see or think as she sat there across from her and took her in every small piece at a time.

She'd help her. She'd work for her.

The decision was made right there at the table. Karma needed help and Amy would try.

Happy donut Karma who smiled and laughed was so much better than pensive stressed out Karma who got abandoned and boggled down with to-do's for no good reason. Karma needed to change things and Amy would try to show her that or at least try to ease her pain for a bit. I mean, what other things did she have to do and look forward to? She'd fucked things up with Ruiz and Ward and the job was never her favorite thing about life anyways so what was it all for? This seemed a good waste of time.

Karma looked up at Amy and felt like a jerk for having her sit there while she listened to the voice on the phone. Shane was apologizing. Again. But he was also telling her that he was supposed to meet with a client in 30 minutes on Apple and Duncan which was about ten minutes away if Karma drove fast.

"Okay," Karma said. "Shane, okay," Karma said, accepting it again, another meeting that wasn't supposed to be hers. She had to confront him about this stuff but every time she tried they ended up laughing. He was so good at getting her to change the conversation and talk about other things. It was horrible because she needed things to be easy at work. But it was lovely because she needed friends more than she could ever say. An odd dynamic that never seemed to balance; if she had to describe her relationship with Shane that's what she'd be forced to admit to herself, luckily nobody ever asked her these questions and she could put off thinking about them and put off thinking about how screwed up all her close relationships were. She needed to not think. Things were better if she let them go.

As she hung up the phone all she could feel was that she was wearing thin again, feeling faint and unwell.

"I have to go somewhere," she said. She felt bad for needing to leave. For once in a long while she was actually having a good time.

"Okay," Amy said. "Do you want me to come?"

The thought hadn't even crossed Karma's mind.

"Do I…" Her mind trailed off as if she was following it outside. "I, yeah," she said. "I'd love it if you came."

It was so simple. It was like it used to be way back when the firm was starting out.

"I mean, you don't have to," Karma said. She didn't want Amy to feel trapped. She was trapped and she hated it. She didn't want anyone feeling the way she felt ALLLL THE TIME.

"No, it's fine, I want to," Amy realized. She wanted to see more of it. She wanted to see what Karma's life was actually like. The more she tagged along the weirder it all seemed. And she'd only been with her for a few hours so far but something was just driving her to stay. It was Karma's smile probably… Karma's laugh? She couldn't be sure… A mixture of things made her feel comfortable and wanted, she liked that feeling, she liked it a lot.

"Okay," Karma said, feeling confused about it all but happy. What was supposed to be another awkward meeting with someone new would turn into something more pleasant. If Amy stayed with her Karma could learn more about her. And that was a plus. With two it was always easier to greet clients. At least, it was supposed to be. Karma was excited to have a partner again. Even if only for a day. Life kind of kills you sometimes. She wasn't under any illusions that things with Amy could keep going well. People always seemed to leave her and let her down. Karma was used to saying goodbye and thank you. She was used to a lot of things that she hated. But she couldn't think about that now because she was too happy inside knowing Amy was going to stay for now.

"Want a water for the road?" Amy asked, getting up.

"Yeah," Karma said, dazed. "Sure." She brushed her hair out of her face and watched as Amy pulled two cold water-bottles from the freezer and bought them from Mrs. Ling. As they stood at the counter Karma stared down at Amy's calves and admired them. Amy looked back at her and smiled. Karma smiled too and then stepped back a little to stop herself being strange.

"K, ready," Amy said, holding her bottles and awaiting Karma's cue. "Thanks Mrs. Ling."

"Welcome Amy," Mrs. Ling said as the two of them began to leave.

"Bye," Karma said to the nice woman who knew her from tv.

"Bye bye," Mrs. Ling waved. She was so excited for them to go because she wanted to call her daughter right away and tell her everything that she'd heard. Their Amy was friends with Karma Ashcroft. It was big news for sure.

They got in the car and Karma drove the familiar roads with an extra oomph of speed. The meeting would be short. She told Amy that much but Amy already knew she wouldn't mind either way. She was used to meetings and new people. She didn't much like introductions but when things were fact-driven they had a tendency to calm her nerves.

As they reached the corner of Apple and Duncan, Karma pulled into a meter and stopped the car with precision and ease. Amy moved to get out but Karma stopped her with a hand on her arm.

"Amy, wait," she said, feeling nervous and strange. She knew she had to say something. She needed Amy to know how much her presence comforted her but it was hard to form words.

"What is it?" Amy asked as Karma sat there looking like she maybe didn't want to go after all.

"This… This may sound stupid," Karma said, looking up at her. "I'm just going to say it anyway…"

"Amy waited."

"Thanks," Karma said. "Thanks for staying today… Back at the office I just…"

"Karma, it's fine," Amy tried.

"No, I-I'm serious… I don't know what I would've done today… I'm not usually alone like that in the office… And Liam… We never…"

"Karma…" Amy used her hand to hold Karma's.

"I just want you to know that this was a big deal for me okay? I know that sounds stupid-"

"It doesn't," Amy said, tears welling up in her eyes. The whole morning she could just feel something was wrong.

Karma moved to talk again but Amy couldn't help herself, she moved her hand to Karma's neck and pulled her forward over the arm rest until her lips touched Karma's and she was kissing her, warmth spreading through her chest as Karma let her lips slide open so that Amy could taste her and know that it was okay, it all was. When they kissed it was just perfect. Amy was suddenly hungry for her and Karma felt all her thoughts flying far far away.

A knuckle knocked on Karma's driver-side window. Amy let go in surprise both from what she had done and from the fact that someone was really waiting for them just outside. Stunned and flushed Karma turned from Amy and noticed a man standing right outside. She was frazzled but she could handle it. Luckily the windows were tinted and he hadn't seen a thing. She rolled her window down and tried to act like her world hadn't just been shaken in the most positive of ways.

"Mr. Nevens, hi," she said, her voice awkwardly cracking. "We'll be just a minute."

"I thought that'd be you! You don't see many of those cars around here," he chuckled. "Take your time! I'll get us a booth." They were meeting at a restaurant that served margaritas and had bottomless chips. It'd be the perfect place to talk shop.

Karma rolled her window up and sat inside. She was too scared to speak. She didn't know what to say. And then there were the feelings, all the feelings just filling her up inside. She sat there wordlessly and Amy waited. Karma knew that she had to be careful. She didn't want to chase Amy away.