Chapter 16: Anymore Child
DEDICATION: Insane PJO Lover, a friend of mine that has been through hard time and I am ashamed that I wasn't there for her much.
THE SECOND DEDICATION: To my new computer, and an apology for not updating, and reviews as well. Because computers are the best/worst things ever, and not updating is the greatest sin, and reviews what I desperately need to help me crawl out of a depression hole I've dug. And to parents as well, because everyone needs one.
Severus felt cold.
Colder than usual in the underground dungeons.
Colder than he had felt before in his entire life.
Which was a bit ridiculous.
But he had slept with all of his lights on ever since the first day of sixth year, with as many candles he could call up from the house elves without being rude and as many he could make believe until his whole dorm room was filled with star light.
He still felt cold, freezing after his first day of class and had taken to sleeping in the Owlery immediately after that, surrounded by trusty feathers and soft coos. The birds didn't laugh at him when he squeezed himself in between them, didn't reprimand him when his sharp feathers too ordinary feathers off by the chunks.
He discovered the reason when he walked into the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, with his Marauders guarding him with their eyes and bodies because nothing can sneak past them, something he didn't ask nor expected, and came face to face with the newest professor.
Severus had never know or experienced a DADA professor that lasted more than a year. When he asked his friends in second year about the why, Sirius shoved his fingers up to his face and groaned "cuuuuuurrrrrsssseeeee" in a 'spooky' voice.
The curse was true, to some extent at least, because all five of his professors either resigned, or was maimed, or been seriously injured.
He didn't learn much anyway.
First year, there's the presence of Joffery Baratheon, which was what Mcgonagall and Binns' child would look like with unstable mentalities. A person with great charms, charms that makes you want to smash him in the face. Quit because Bellatrix kicked him the the balls when he gave her a Troll for no good reason.
Second year, Sebastian Michaelis. Probably what Severus would have end up if he wanted to teach and could plaster a creepy smile onto his face. Almost all female in the castle fawn themselves over Michaelis' impeccable swan tail suit and perfect noble smile. James thought he was a demon trying to suck his soul, which turned out to be kind of correct since he only wanted to suck Sirius'.
Third year, Franken Stein. Severus had actually read Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, and he had his expectations of the professor that was not human and not sane. He had the biggest nail Severus had ever seen wedged into his head, and the best insane smile Severus has seen in a long time.
Fourth year, a really nice and talented lady by the name of Joanne Rowling. A lady that managed to squeeze all four years of work into one and left because she wanted to pursue a career in fiction writing. About a little boy too found of trouble, a story Severus was not so fond of reading.
Fifth year, Stefano Olaf, a man with a wheezy voice, a bushy eyebrow and extremely poor hygiene. A man that continuously tried to pick the student's pockets and collected galleons when essay are due. James caught him trying to steal Dumbledore's phoenix once, and promptly sent him to the Forbidden Forest.
Everyone of his past Defence teachers have either been good, bad, idiotic and/or extremely insane and should be locked up in St. Mungo's. Severus ploughed through all of them with an indifference mask and varied time in the library.
Usually people left him alone when he shaped his dark aura and sent hurtling through the air at his adversary shaped like a sword.
Sixth year, Lelouch R Kuran.
He was the only man that has ever made Severus Snape feel afraid, feel that he has has to do his best to impress an adult, that it is important to do so. That Kuran was hiding something from them all and messing with him is the one thing that you should never do.
He also made Severus felt, and scared, and like a child. Which was extremely strange because there is no childhood ever in Severus Snape.
It was like a prince-regent finally seeing his rightful king for the first time.
Kuran was good, and interesting to listen to. Sunlight would filter through the half open window and light up his whole visage, staining his black hair gold and his thin glasses opaque. But he was also cold, like ice trying to melt but couldn't collaborate with the temperature.
Severus was pretty sure he was the only one that knew how dangerous the favourite teacher could be. He wore that cloak of mixed emotions too many times to not see the signs.
Lelouch R kuran was perfect, so perfect that nobody, not the Gryffindors, not Dumbledore ever had a smidgen of complaint about him, even though they want to. He's handsome, talented, well read and extremely powerful and well mannered.
And he's surprisingly nice, and fatherly, and just good to everyone around him. Especially to Severus. Sometimes just to Severus.
It's as if he was doing a survey and had chosen Severus as his lab rat.
Severus felt the coldest whenever Kuran was talking, or smiling, or just doing normal teacher things,
It's as if he knew something was wrong with that image, of a man like Kuran doing mundane things like teaching eleven year olds about dangerous plants and animals. trimming his quills while humming to music, making cough drops the potion way with Severus by his side.
His smiles, much like Severus', never reached his eyes.
Severus was never a fan of being a child, nor of feeling cold. Children, to him, was a vulnerable state of being for everyone. Children were dangerous, and not at all good, their goodwill and life depended on their parents and sometimes siblings.
His childhood was basically coldness and darkness. His mother Eileen didn't care much for magic or for him or anything anymore when she had her beloved husband to take care of. A husband that did nothing for her and made life harder and harder until she had to pawn everything she owned, including the items belonging to the Princes, items she valued stained with her blood.
That's how grandmother Aurora Prince found them. A husband half dead with beer frothing spread across his mouth, a child covered in black feathers with a head gashed open, and a mother/wife/daughter freaking out because she didn't know how to treat wounds without the use of potions because darling Tobias didn't like magic.
Her child was bleeding his brains out and she's worried about whether or not Tobias Snape will accept her magic or not, a question that should be apparent enough.
Severus would ever tell he was awake the entire time.
So he learned quickly to wrap coldness around himself, to freeze his wings in to avoid them getting shattered by the rough elements outside.
With his father's rages and his mother's single-mindedness and his grandparent's aloofness and his Slytherins' fake nobleness and his Maruaders general weirdness that is good and bad, he learned to take all of his feelings and wrap them around himself, like a cloak of sorts.
It's like feeling without actually feeling anything.
A cloak of ice.
A cloak of anger fear disgust sadness joy surprise acceptance all mixed together into one thing.
So when he wanted to intimidate or scare or get his way, he would shape his cloak into something else and just let it loose, and unleash all of that frozen emotions jumbled into one. It's like forcing a whole chunk of Every Flavoured Beans and doesn't swallow at all.
It's an expression of pent up emotions.
It's another way to wear your heart on your sleeve.
Because of all the things Severus has experienced, many people find it hard to dissect that 'cloak' of his and when faced with something something they haven't experienced, they may feel scared and would slowly back away.
There's a difference between scared and cold. Severus have no idea what it is.
Professor Kuran would always ask Severus to stay behind to help him sort through papers and tidy up the classroom and just to talk. To just talk about things, books tea pranks the war the past Slytherins Loki Dumbledore muggles.
Kuran would always listen when he talked, smiled when he put up his hands in class (so rarely it's a thing to be celebrated), laughed when Severus spouted some comments about potions and eggplants, ruffled Severus' poor hair and called him a 'boya' whenever he felt like it.
Slowly reminding him that he's only sixteen and doesn't need to keep his feelings around like a sword ready to scare young damsels in distress. And with his great height and calloused hands, Severus could finally imagine what his father could be like if all of those stupid things didn't happen.
He still felt cold, and so he knew that Kuran has experienced a thousand more terrible things than he ever did and knew perfectly well how to weasel control from anyone's grasps.
He just wanted a bit of warmth, just a tiny bit of family without feeling that he had imposed on his friends. Friends that he shut off in the summer because of the Prince family's potions business falling into disarray, and also because he had no idea how to breach the Peter Pettigrew issue.
At least let him enjoy (not) keeping warm alone in his room for a while before Sirius and James would no doubt barge in with a bag of sweets and Remus in tow and threaten him with their apologizes.
Lelouch R Kuran was an enigma that he wasn't sure if he actually wanted t solve. He just wanted to enjoy a year of useful defence class and feel like a teenager for once, no matter how his instincts screamed at him about not being fooled.
Or maybe he's just afraid of finding out who he actually is.
Feeling like a child at least made him a bit more agreeable. Not lets-be-friends agreeable, but I-will-not-kill-you-today agreeable.
Severus had yet to find out what the R stands for.
This chapter is confusing. Here's the synopsis: Severus likes the newest defence professor but isn't fooled by his warm personality and knows he want something from Severus but doesn't want to find out because Severus is so deprived of proper parental care that did not involve paint and forks.
I will dedicate a chocolate cake and a chapter to anyone that understood where the names came from. My medications are off so I am slightly insane. Not slightly, more like very insane.
Pay attention to detail, is my advice to all of you reading.
Review please!