Explanation for this really short chapter below!
Ch. 41
When Gale leaves and I finally find the strength to close my eyes and somehow my mind shuts down, I finally sleep. And in my sleep I dream. A normal dream. That isn't scary or life threatening or anything that increased my heart rate. It was in all words, perfect.
Katniss had her hair down, not in a braid or up in the many ways her stylists had it, but down, in her natural waves, mid-back, absolutely beautiful. She's standing looking out at the ocean and I'm a ways away from her, but I can tell that we are here together. After a while she turns around to me and smiles. She walks back to where I am and takes me in her arms and I hug her back and we just breath each other in for what seems like forever. I want to stay like that for eternity, but at some point we have to let go.
She looks up and smiles at me, "You know I think Annie's doing better with us here."
"I feel that way as well, but I don't think she'll ever really be okay." In my dream I think; like me, I'll never really be okay. Even in that hug I was still fighting against that wall, still trying to make it disappear.
"Will any of us?" She turns to me, I notice a scar on her arm. It's deep and isn't there in real life. My own subconscious has created an unreal injury. Even I notice that we will not make it out of this unscathed.
"I don't know. I like to think someday, we'll be…." My voice ends and I can't come up with the right word.
Katniss finishes for me with, "Happy." I could feel it, the unhappiness. It wasn't that we were sad; we were just content, only content. It was better than the wars, it was better than the constant fighting, but that was all still there, all still real.
"Nothings ever going to be right ever again." I pause before adding, "Real or not real?"
"I don't know." She answers me, looking out into the ocean. I put my arm over her and she snuggles into my side, letting out a sigh of relief.
"Sometimes I wish this was all fake, that it was all a dream. But then I remember that we would still have the Games and I wouldn't love you and that I would have never met Finnick or Cinna or anybody who has any real importance to me anymore. Things might never be okay again, but I'm okay with this. I like my life." She says after what seems like hours of silence, just me and her and the sounds of the waves.
"Stay with me." I say.
"Always." She answers.
And that's when I wake up and realize that this isn't over yet, that we have not defeated the Capitol. I'm fighting for that, but I have not won it.
I'm really sorry guys, I have been SO busy, which I know, excuses excuses, but Honestly, believe me, LIFE HAS BEEN CALLING. I almost didn't post tonight (It has been very stressful) but I owed it to you guys. I did not have the time to do a full blown chapter nor look in the book and plan it out so I did a dream with Everlark because Everlark is always fun to write. I hope you thoroughly enjoyed it. AND I hope you understand! Hopefully there will be a real chapter tomorrow, but if there isn't please have some patience. It takes a while to write the chapters at the length that I like to and it takes a lot to find that time. Please tell me you understand! I don't want to be THAT author, so please yell at me if I'm gone for longer than two weeks!
Don't forget to REVIEW on the way out! Thanks! ~boywithbreadlover