*hi all! i'm having a hard time deciding whose head to be in for this story for the most part here. my usual instinct with this pairing is to be more in karma's head than amy's because karma is more of a mess mentally (and that is deliciously fun for a writer, let-me-tell-you)but this one has mostly been following amy just out of habit (probably because I missed her so much tbh) so it's this whole thing*

*this chapter is long and weird. i'd apologize but nah*

*victress: GO FOR BOTH the picket fence AND the career! that's my dream :D also to work at home though and also I don't have children (or want them really) but I do want to be able to put up all my friends for long periods of time and without a care for money hahaha that is truly the dream for me*

Chapter 16

Stay With Me

Karma swung by the house at about 6:20pm. Amy had dressed nicely and done her own hair. All day she'd been inside just waiting and getting more and more excited to see her friend. Every hour that went by was equal parts agony and bliss. She'd pace the floor from her room on into the kitchen. She'd try to eat and then stop herself. She'd check Karma's message again and then smile and drop her phone. Just getting dressed was nearly impossible but she had done it. Amy's whole day just sort of melted away and all in anticipation of her night.

Karma on the other hand had been busy busy busy, too busy to think for the most part but still sort of pleased in the back of her mind to know that her day would end with a reward, another sweet Amy day. Something about that girl just made her happy. So when she did get a chance and she did think of Amy she felt relief. Driving to Lauren's house Karma secretly hoped that Lauren wasn't there. It was nothing against her really but Karma wanted Amy all to herself.

In the front of Amy's house, after a somewhat tiring day, Karma parked her car and got out. She went to the passenger side and leaned back on the car while she texted Amy that she was there. There was finally some time to relax and she couldn't be happier about that.

Not more than two seconds later Amy came rushing out and she looked stunning. Karma immediately felt happy at the sight of her and as Amy grew closer she felt herself nervous too, overwhelmed.

"Hey," she said, pushing herself off the car and hugging the new friend who felt like an old friend.

"Hey," Amy sighed, hugging her too, a true confidant.

"I missed you today," Karma said, holding her close. It was already dark outside and she already wished she had more time, perhaps to change after work, but she just wanted to get to Amy, she hated to think of keeping her waiting so she drove straight there after her last briefing with another of Shane's clients that Karma really didn't care much for.

"I missed you too," Amy said, and it hurt how true her words were, she felt them deep inside as she held her. She let her nose rest on Karma's hair so she could breathe her in. And she noticed that Karma's hands were at her sides now instead of her back where they had first been. Karma's fingers were politely clasping at the fabric on Amy's silky shirt, Amy noticed and pulled away. It felt strange to feel so close so soon.

"Lauren said Liam's coming back," Amy tried to speak about anything. It was the last thing Karma wanted to hear or think about. Amy didn't know that though but she'd already screwed up.

"Oh, really?" Karma asked, trying to be okay with it. In a lot of ways she just wished Liam would take himself away from her at the very least just to be kind.

"You didn't know?" Amy asked, looking down at her.

Sadly, Karma slowly shook her head to mean no and Amy watched on feeling somewhat mortified at herself and Karma's life.

"I'm sorry," Amy said, pulling Karma into her and hugging her again. Karma liked the feel of the hug but thinking about Liam was no fun anymore and she wished she could stop that. If she could erase him from her mind altogether now she was sure that she would. It'd be a lot better than holding onto the bitterness and sadness and the years of never feeling good enough for him. Even the thought of him, on a plane, heading back now made her nauseous. She wanted him to leave her alone. She'd been wanting him to leave her for a while now. To admit his emotions. To confess that he was no longer in love. Instead of doing so he was silent and cruel like Don Draper from Mad Men, slipping out to have affairs and acting tired when his life was not much of a chore. Liam had finally left her but it was at her insistence and, as she was just now finding out, it was only to last a good hot minute. A small consolation, too small to stand the test of time. That could never come close to being enough. Nothing with him really could, not after all that she'd been through. She'd never go back and do it again, not any of it. Her life was regrets and Karma hated regrets because she had too many.

On the flip-side of things Amy was trying to make Karma feel well. Karma noticed that straight-off and took to thinking about Amy, this woman in her life who was pretty and sweet and definitely worth the time to know. Karma couldn't push her aside and she didn't want to. She put Amy in that place where Liam used to be in her brain and she tried to hold her there, at least for the time being, it was a better feeling, a sweet rumination. If Karma could compare the thoughts to anything substantial she'd compare them to house listings on the web. Where Liam was a dilapidated split-level with stains on the walls, no room, and no parking, Amy was a welcoming new home, with excellent lighting, a two car garage and a stunning veranda straight-off. Karma wasn't sure why she was thinking about houses now so she shook it all away.

The night was young. There was no need for droll thoughts. Karma tried her best to push them away. Being busy was a help. But her time with Amy was her me-time and her me-time was always actually hard, though she wished it not to be. Never-the-less, they drove to a restaurant that Karma preferred. It was a fancy place lit only by candles inside. Funnily enough, the seating was mostly outdoors and they had expensive furniture set up for individual parties so that guests could patio-drink-and-dine in-private by candle-and-string-light and have an intimate backdrop for their various rendezvous, parties, and dates.

"It's nice here," Amy noticed. She felt uncomfortable though because she never came to places like this.

At the door the hostess had seen Karma approaching and set a man to lead them both straight out to Karma's favorite spot. Amy was sure this place was reservation-only and even then not welcoming to most. That knowledge put her off right away. The service was excellent but it was all to do with money and notoriety. Amy hated that shit, she really did. It made her feel sick inside. In truth, it distracted her.

"Yeah, I like it," Karma said. She felt bruised all day. Fighting back tears over Liam had been a real chore. And even though she was with Amy now they weren't having their banter yet so she felt strange like maybe she shouldn't feel so close to her since they only really spent one day together. What was one day? What could one day be to another person? True, it had meant a lot to Karma but Karma wasn't so sure. She knew she could be overestimating things, personalizing them a little too much. Karma was aware of her own dangerous paths and instincts now and they frightened her.

They'd been sitting a few minutes, trying to find the comfort. Amy was having a hard time. It was the setting. Or maybe it was Karma? She tried to put a finger on it but itw as hard. In nervousness, she began to ramble a bit.

"I felt crazy this morning. I don't usually get like that," Amy said, taking a sip of her martini. She was trying to put off all her angry thoughts about fame and riches. Her morning of angry thoughts about Lauren helped with that.

"Crazy?" Karma asked, looking up at her and noticing her again. By candlelight Amy was a true vision. Her blonde hair tumbled down in front of her shoulders making her appear even taller than she was and she was sitting so straight that it almost frightened Karma so she tried to mimic her and be elegant too.

If Amy even thought that Karma was thinking of her as elegant she would laugh. But she was not aware.

"Yeah, I just… I woke up and I was the only one home and Lauren was gone and I just kept thinking, I shouldn't be here…"

"Oh," Karma sighed, not understanding. What was it that Amy was trying to say? "You're used to working right?" Karma guessed.

"Well, yeah, but… Not really," Amy confessed. "Usually if I'm home I like being home." Having a job wasn't the point. The point was that Amy wanted to be with Karma and she couldn't get to her, those feelings were new.

"And you live with Lauren and your Mom?" Karma asked. Making conversation for her was not hard. Karma was naturally curious and overly honest about that.

"And my step-dad, yeah," Amy said, drinking more and feeling nervous. All of a sudden it just really started to feel like a date.

"That's cute, you all stay close…" Karma mused sitting back and looking out over the other parties and the empty grass nearby, a space that was most definitely used on occasion for private parties. "Lauren makes enough to have several houses, you know that right?" Fun little facts. They were close now, they could talk about them openly in good jest.

"I… didn't know that, no," Amy sighed awkwardly.

"She does," Karma confirmed for the record. "She makes a lot. She wins a lot of cases. She's a big help."

"Yeah, but she's Lauren," Amy teased.

"True," Karma laughed, coming out of her stiffly elegant pose. Something had been eating at her all night and day. "Why do you like me?" Karma asked, she was unable to dance around it. Instead she came back down to Earth and back inside her current situation. She couldn't resist asking. She spoke and surprised Amy, with her words, in every possible way.

"What do you mean?" Amy asked looking up at her nearly shocked. All the anger was gone. For a second the conversation had worked but then they were back to it being weird again.

"You're not about money… Or fame…. You're not into power…" Karma had been trying to figure it out for a while now. There had to be something that Amy wanted from her. Everybody wanted something.

"I'm not, no," Amy reminded and then sighed, disappointed. The place where they were was so not a place she'd ever want to be. And it was nice but it stood for things she didn't like. Speaking of which, she didn't like this line of questioning or where it was coming from. She felt uncomfortable and she rang the bell for another drink. All the tables had bell-systems set-up.

Karma watched her and noticed the change.

"Why do you like me?" Amy asked, turning it all around. Her anger had momentarily waned but it was back now just a little.

If Karma believed that everyone wanted something from her. How did she feel about Amy? And what did she want from her?

"You make me feel safe," Karma said, realizing it again. She liked that she could tell what Amy was thinking. And most people weren't usually able to turn things around on her, only a few knew the way. "And I just made you feel like shit didn't I?" Karma asked, realizing it and hating herself.

"Its fine," Amy shrugged, scratching her arm and wishing they could start over tonight. She had her nice sleeves rolled up and Karma couldn't stop staring at the place where her shirt neared her elbow. Amy's arms were beautiful. Lovely, Karma sighed. She was in a daze somehow. She was just so aware of Amy's body language. I guess you could say, Karma noticed that she was watching her more than talking or thinking about her own words.

She wasn't all there. Meeting people and putting on different fronts could really wear on a person. And the hugging, with Amy, had been good, the relief then had been so palpable but this was…

On the flip-side Amy was feeling like she was failing in every possible way. Karma was distracted and not with her. She'd fucked something up, she was sure.

"We just… We didn't have to go out tonight if you were tired or something," Amy felt like an idiot. She'd been so excited that she forgot how complicated talking could be if things weren't easy to discuss. Just like she had forgotten it might be hard to get used to being with someone who was used to having and using more money than she herself knew what to do with.

"No! Shit…" Karma leaned forward desperately, the last thing she wanted to do was insult Amy. Beside herself with guilt she stood up suddenly and Amy did too just out of reflex. "I'm sorry, really. I'm no good at this. I haven't done this in… Well…" Karma had touched her hand to Amy's arm. She hadn't intended to do it but now she was seeing it, her fingers on Amy's skin, her ring on her finger like a blarring reminded. She took her hand back quickly and looked down at her ring again. It frustrated her so she pulled it off. "I haven't done this," Karma reminded shakily but with a surety. Her eyes darted up to Amy's and Amy noticed that Karma wasn't as cool as she seemed. She was nervous too and somehow that helped Amy to feel calm.

Karma put her ring down on the table and took her drink up again as a sign of wanting to try.

"We don't have to do anything," Amy said, sitting back down. It was feeling like a forced date. How the hell did that happen? "I just wanted to see you," that was surely simple.

"Amy…" Karma couldn't help noticing how uncomfortable she'd somehow made Amy feel. She got up from her chair and walked over to sit next to Amy instead of across from her. If she could just hug her again and make it alright she would. She'd been in the clouds, somewhere else. It wasn't Amy's fault. Fuck. Karma thought.

Amy felt the hair on her arms stand up as her neck twitched and she tried to act normal.

"I'm an idiot, okay?" Karma nearly begged, coming near to her. She had alcohol on her tongue and a she used a gentle hand to push Amy's hair back behind her shoulders as she sat down real close to her. And then, without much of a warning, Karma was looking at her and touching Amy's face adoringly, her thumb stroking Amy's cheek and she watched how much Amy reacted to her, her eyes fluttering just a bit. God, she's pretty, Karma thought.

Amy felt her lips part and her eyes close as she took a deep breath in. It was like Karma had a spell on her. When Karma touched her she felt so many fucking things.

"Fuck," Amy said, opening her eyes and trying not to feel like such a little kid. She looked down at the ground and let out the air she was holding in. But she tried to do it ever-so-slowly as not to seem strange. The result was that she seemed nervous, about as nervous as she was, and Karma picked up on that. She was watching her after all, trying to figure her out and see what it was she wanted. Karma was beginning to understand that maybe Amy was just really attracted to her. But she was cute about it, so cute. Amy didn't stare, in fact, it was almost like she couldn't let herself. She looked everywhere else.

"What is it?" Karma asked, she was rubbing the back of Amy's neck and sitting so close to her now. She loved how Amy seemed to break at her touch. It was intense and it made her feel things. Most importantly, when Karma was with Amy there were no thoughts of Liam, no thoughts.

"I just… You feel really good," Amy said, admitting it, allowing her eyes to close as Karma adored her.

"I've never met anyone like you," Karma said. She'd been watching her so closely, staring so thoroughly that Amy had taken up her whole world.

Amy brought her hand up and pulled Karma's hand down to get her to stop the touching. When Karma was touching her she couldn't focus and she couldn't talk.

"What does that mean?" Amy asked, she was trying, to focus, to know her. People always said these things to her and they never made sense. No one ever explained.

"You're just a really good person," Karma said, her voice almost a whisper as she felt Amy needed gentility and tenderness and a voice like a kiss so delicate and soft. Her hand was in Amy's and she liked where it was, she liked how it felt. Just as she liked that Amy felt strong enough to stop her.

"Wow, that makes me feel like a girl scout or something," Amy said sadly, remembering her place. This was her boss. This was strange. She didn't want another situation where she felt used. It was all pretty scary actually but Karma touch was… Fuck… She thought in her head.

"Yeah well, you are a girl scout," Karma teased, knowing little about Amy's fears.

"I'm really not," Amy said, taking the drink that was left for her and pulling it up to put a barrier between Karma and herself.

"Okay fine… You're not a girl-scout," Karma smiled. There was a softness in her eyes and she realized immediately that she felt nothing but affection for Amy somehow. "You are sweet though," she said.

"I'm an idiot," Amy fought. If they were going to talk about anything then they really should just start talking about that.

"Why would you even say that?" Karma asked. It seemed so silly, so stupid. No doubt in her mind, it was false.

"I'm not used to people touching me," Amy said. She felt stupid for having to stop Karma. Karma wasn't some predator. Karma was lovely and gentle. Her intentions were almost nonexistent and yet, Amy was too nervous to let her try.

How strange that she should crave her all night and day and then stop her from touching her when she's finally close.

"That's a good thing, right?" Karma asked.

"I dunno," Amy sighed, sitting next to her and feeling the distance and how short it was. Any distance between them was a distance she was creating. It was almost like Amy could feel the air between her and Karma as it shook and tried to shrink itself. "Most people our age have been with a lot of people."

Karma laughed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know…" Amy urged, before taking another sip. "Sex," Amy said, hating the word and how it still made her a little hot and whole lot of bashful. She remembered Karma's hand on her neck and moved her head just a little to try and shake off her touch.

"Oh," Karma smiled, she moved her body closer to Amy's and shifted so that she could lean onto Amy's side and drink her drink in her left hand. "That."

"Yup," Amy said, swallowing her drink down nervously. "That," Amy repeated. With Karma against her, she let her left arm fall so that she could lightly hold her. When she did move, Karma smiled to herself.

"I haven't been with many people," Karma said to make her feel better.

"Yeah but you've had lots of sex," Amy was sure.

"How could you possibly know that?" Karma asked.

"Well, for one, you're married," Amy mused.

"I don't see any babies," Karma teased.

"True," Amy said, feeling the buzz and wanting it more.

Karma was starting to notice that the more Amy drank the more relaxed she was becoming. If not relaxed with her body then maybe relaxed with her words. She was confessing things, things Karma never could've anticipated. Amy surprised her.

"Can I get you another drink?" Karma asked, loving how it felt to be with her.

"Maybe," Amy smiled lazily, looking over at her suspiciously.

She was so great that Karma wished to keep her forever just then. She leaned forward and rang the bell again. When the waiter came with a random tray she pulled two more drinks off and ordered a special drink with a silly name Amy had never heard of before.

"What are you doing?" Amy asked.

"What?" Karma played. She took a plastic sword out of her martini and ate the olive right off of it. "We haven't eaten," Karma reminded, staring some more. Amy's eyes were simply mesmerizing and she was becoming addicted to that face. It was a situation. That picture Amy had sent made Karma's stomach do summersaults every time she remembered it and stared. She dropped her eyes a second to try and contain herself. Karma hadn't felt this way in a loooooong time and definitely not for a woman, not ever.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" Amy asked point-blank.

"Never," Karma teased, drinking half of her martini in one gulp and trying not to smile herself off of the planet. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe I was trying to get myself drunk?" Karma played. I'm flirting, she thought. This is flirting. Holy shit.

Liam had only been out of the country for five minutes and in that span of time Karma had found someone she had actually really liked. To her it was insane. She thought she was done with that somehow but now…

"Bullshit," Amy smiled, she was suddenly so aware that it gave her pleasure. Karma was flirting. Karma was trying to get her drunk AND she was flirting. RED FLAG. Amy thought. "We have to go," she said, her face red.

"Uh-uh," Karma refused. She laid back down on the couch and let her head rest on Amy's lap so that she could stare up at her. "Stay with me?" She begged, her hands roaming again now that she knew how she really felt.

Amy felt powerless to Karma's begging. She felt Karma touching her again. Karma's hands were snaking up onto her neck and rubbing her skin. Fuck, it was insufferable, it felt so good.

"Can we at least do this at your house?" Amy insisted awkwardly.

"I hate my house," Karma sighed. The mention of her house brought her back to her sad reality. Her hands fell back down in hopelessness as she remembered that her house was Liam's house too.

"Okay," Amy said, realizing that. "What about Shane's mansion then?" She took Karma's hand in hers, laced her fingers, and squeezed. She just wasn't about being all drunk and touchy-feely in public. Just like she wasn't about just one hookup with her boss. She didn't like that she could have a pattern of troublesome behavior.

"What about your house?" Karma asked with a smile.

"My house has two nosy women in it," Amy laughed with closed-lips, looking down at her semi-drunk and definitely amorous friend. Karma's hand felt good in her own. She loosely held and it and felt suddenly grateful for the night. This woman was so sexily silly that it hurt to resist her and talk sense in any way. "If we go there they'll be all over us." Amy was sure.

"Oh," Karma sighed. "Fine," she said. "A hotel."

"A hotel?!" Amy scoffed.

"What?"

"Karma…"

"What?" Karma wasn't sure why Amy was so against it. She stared up at her confused and noticed Amy's thoughts racing a little too fast.

"I'm not…" Amy wanted to say something but she stopped herself. The thought of getting a hotel implied something to her and she didn't like what it implied.

"Oh!" Karma said, realizing. "Oh My God, no!" Karma said sitting up and feeling embarrassed. "We can sleep," Karma confirmed. "Just sleep," she reinforced and Amy laughed. "Shit," Karma felt relief in Amy's laughter. "I didn't mean-"

"It's fine," Amy shook it off. Was it so bad to assume a hook-up?

"And after what you said about-" Karma felt instantly rude and foolish.

"Karma, it's fine," Amy pushed. She stood up from her chair and held Karma's hand waiting for her to stand too. When Karma didn't stand on her own Amy pulled her up and made her come.

"I seriously do not understand how you can put up with me," Karma said, her face painfully close to Amy's. It was too embarrassing. And the pain that dwelled in Karma had all to do with not being able to just kiss her. She never meant to insult or imply… But she did want to kiss her, she realized that somewhere between the second she touched her tonight out in front of her house and the moment that lighting hit with the candles and then that laugh Amy got her to make that felt unfamiliar but so so good, somewhere in there it was just this feeling coming on so very strong, this need and hope to just be… Just be kissing her.

"There's nothing to put up with," Amy smiled, realizing that Karma was just a wreck too and an undeniably sweet one, like, irresistibly so. "Come on, I'm sleepy, take me home," she pushed lovingly. She didn't want to see Lauren or her mom. A hotel would do just fine for the two of them.

When the hostess came by Amy told her they needed a driver and that they would pay. Because she was with Karma it only took a few minutes to get one just out of the blue.

In the back of the car Karma rest on Amy and Amy held her. They still hadn't eaten but neither of them gave a damn. They'd rather be touching than eating. That had always been the truth they just never said any of that out loud and right now it was definitely not on their minds.

"Why do I want to be with you so much?" Karma asked sleepily. Amy just felt so right. Safe…

"I dunno," Amy sighed heavily, "but I know how you feel…"

Amy rest her lips in Karma's hair and held her on the way to the hotel. Eventually Karma somehow moved. As a result, Amy rest her lips on Karma's forehead and held the side of Karma's face in her hand, adoring her. The position should've felt odd but it didn't. It felt right.

Amy didn't feel the distance anymore, no more static, no more awkwardness. All she felt was that Karma was with her and Karma felt nice.

Karma smiled to herself, her heart almost bursting in her chest as Amy held her. It felt so good to be held. Amy smelled so great and her skin was so warm on Karma's that it burned in a good way and made her anxious to touch, almost desperate for it, thirsty. Amy was nothing like Liam, so different that it actually hurt in every unspoken correct way. Karma tried to quell her feelings just a smidge but instead she felt hot and almost panicked in how lovely it felt to be held by her.

When they had to get out, and find their room, Amy was sad. All she wanted all day was to hold Karma. She was suddenly so aware of how perfect things seemed with her again.

But Karma was tipsy and tired and pulling away, at least, that's what Amy saw and incorrectly assumed. Was that at all what Karma was feeling? To put it shortly: no. But Amy saw that night would lead again into day. All good days come to an end. Things change at the drop of a hat, after all. Thoughts like this buried Amy as she mechanically followed Karma inside.

When the concierge asked if Karma wanted her usual room or a different one, Amy felt herself standing just back of the stunning red-head and wondering how many other people came here with her. For a moment the thought stung... Amy tucked it away and tried to pretend it never occurred to her. Karma smiled back at her, knowing not of these things. She reached out for Amy's hand. Amy took it and helped her to the elevator, taking a bit of her weight just because.

When the doors finally closed, locking them together inside, Amy felt the phantom taste of Karma's last loving kiss and all her fears seemed to flee. She ran her hand down her neck and Karma noticed and wondered what on Earth was going on in that strange yet beautiful head.