Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight...however I do love feedback so reviews pretty, pretty please.

I didn't dream at all over the weekend...only because I didn't sleep. I felt abnormally keyed up and, what was usually a good four or five hours a night became a fifteen-minute cat nap here and there. By Monday morning, my eyes were noticibly swollen and bloodshot. I looked pale, with dark circles to give me that 90's Calvin Kline druggy model feel. I sighed loundly as I gazed at the girl in the mirror. Was I starting to look older? I was only nineteen.

I combed my fingers through my hair, as I usually did. It was wavy and I looked as though I would fit right in with Indy's homeless but I decided it wasn't worth the effort. Who was even looking? No one. Though this thought made me breifly wonder if, maybe, Edward was. I shook that idea off quickly. He was just my lab partner. So what if he was a bit of a flirt. I probably wasn't the only girl he'd asked back to his apartment.

After brushing my teeth, I decided to forgo the makeup and headed back to my room to get dressed. I could hear Renee snoring from behind her bedroom door. She wouldn't be awake for hours and, most likely, by the time I got home tonight would already have gone back to bed. Since starting college, I had seen less and less of my mother. I was out all the time and she was becoming increasingly reclussive. Sometimes, I would find empty bottles of wine in the back of the fridge or a few old beer cans in the bathroom garbage. I wondered if she was okay, if she was keeping things from me but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. Renee never had taken well to conflict and I was pretty sure any sort of argument with me would send her on one of her very depresssing and very persistant guilt trips. Nobody wanted that.

I slipped on the only pair of jeans I owned: loose, ripped-up, paintstained denim. They were soft and comfortable and I'd been wearing the same pair since I bought them at a garage sale four years ago. Today was a no-caring kind of day so I snatched my favorite multicolored smock-like shirt off the top of a pile on my closet floor and muttered 'good enough' as I pulled it over my head. I decided that this was the Year of Sloppy: sloppy jeans, sloppy shirt, sloppy pony tail.

When I walked into the kitchen to grab my bag, Bree was already there waiting for me with a cup of coffee and a bowl of Lucky Charms. When did my baby sister start drinking coffee? I knew I wasn't home enough. Mom wasn't very capable of taking care of Bree, which made me feel responsible. She was only thirteen but she seemed so much older.

"What's shakin', kiddo?" I asked, smiling a little and grabbing the mug of black coffee out of her hand.

"Hey!" she cried in protest. "I was drinking that."

"You know..." I said, taking a large gulp from the mug. "This stuff is really bad for you."

The irony was not lost on me.

Bree just rolled her eyes and went over to the coffee machine to pour herself another cup. She always had been stubborn, a lot like me. I hoped she wasn't too much like me.

We finished our breakfast in silence. When we were both done, I collected our dishes and washed them in the sink before wrapping my arm around Bree's shoulder and kissing her breifly on the cheek.

When the door to our apartment shut behind me, I felt the air thin out. Home was always such a hard place to be. There was a reason I tried to keep myself busy.

The parking lot was full. Everyone was still sleeping and everything was frozen and covered in a thin layer of ice. This was the coldest winter in years and I'd about had it with Indiana weather. I pulled hard on my door handle, expecting it to stick and finding it completely frozen still. I yanked and yanked but the door just wouldn't come open. I shivered. My coat was still lying in the passenger seat.

After pressing the trunk button on my keyes, I found myself crawling inside, punching the backseat down and wiggling my way through. I hit a few elbows and knees in the process but was mostly fine, though I expected a bruise or two the next morning.

Driving to campus was as long and as boring as usual and when I finally got the lecture I found that, once again, Edward was nowhere to be found. I guessed he was big on playing hooky, though there was always a chance that I was simply missing him. In a class of three-hundred that isn't hard to do. But he definitely wasn't seeking me out and so I decided to let it go. What, was I going to indulge some ridiculous school girl crush? And even if he did want to see me as much as I wanted to see him, where did that lead? Nowhere. I was not the relationship kind of girl.

No. I was the single kind of girl.

Lunch came and went. Rose told me all about homecoming and Tall-dark-and-hunky. She'd slept with him, of course, and very proudly regailed us with the painfully detailed tail. When I scrunched up my nose in the midst of a particularly graphic portion of the retelling, Rose complained that if I ever got some I woudn't be so disgusted. I shrugged it off with a chuckle and a nod, but it bothered me.

I thought about it after lunch in the library while the girls worked on some math assignment on the computer. I was a virgin and my virginity was the bane of my existence. It wasn't that I had never been attracted to a guy before or even that no one had ever asked. I was a reasonably attractive girl. I'd had my fair share of opportunities. But, for some reason, I always clammed up. The previous summer, I'd had a fling with a guy I worked with named Jacob. We'd had a lot of fun, even messed around a lot, but when he tried to seal the deal I just panicked. We didn't speak after that and it had cut me deep.

At the crux of it all, I simply didn't feel very sexual. Like I said, I was reasonably attractive, but there was a difference between being cute and being sexy. More importantly, there was a definite divide between me and feeling sexy. I didn't see myself that way and the more I thought about it, the more distant the notion of sex in the near future seemed. Maybe it wasn't for me. Did sex have to be for everybody? What if it just never happened?

Alice cleared her throat loudly, bringing me back to reality.

"Bella, we've gotta go. It's alomost time for lab."

Shaking off the heavy topic of my unwanted purity, I nodded and got to my feet, gathering up my things. "Ya, sorry. I spaced out there for a little bit."

"Ya. You were pretty comatose." Alice laughed. "I was talking to you for like ten minuted before I realized you weren't really listening."

I blushed. Now I felt bad. "I'm really sorry, Al. I didn't mean to."

"She's probably thinking about fucking Edward." Rose blurte out and I blushed an even deeper shade of red. It felt like all of my blood had concentrated in my head.

"Oh my God, Rosalie, I was not!"

I was mortified, but she just laughed.

"Asshole." I muttered.

"But you love me." was her only reply.

When we got to lab, I saw that Edward wasn't there yet which really wasn't too much of a surprise. I set my things down and walked down the hall to the bathroom. When I met my own eyes in the mirror I breathed in deeply. Had I really thought this outfit was a good idea? I looked like a very small, very flat-chested bohemian which I guess I kind of was. I applied a little lipgloss, just because it made me feel a little like I'd tried.

When I rounded the corner into the hall, I ran into something hard. When I looked up, I saw that it was, of course, none other but Edward.

"Hey, you should be more careful or I'm gonna have to sue you for damages." he laughed, but I wasn't laughing with him.

My life was a cliche and embarrassing re-enactment of a bad teen movie and I was the star-the awkward, nerdy, starry-eyed main character.

"Sorry."

Good recovery, Bella.

"I guess I'll see you in a minute." Edward offered and I nodded, slipping past him and walking quickly away.

I plopped down in my chair feeling a little warm. I hoped to God I wasn't as bright red as I felt. If I was, I didn't want to know. I reached for my bag, popping a few alium into my mouth and praying that they'd take effect in the next two minutes. Needless to say, that didn't happen.

I took a deep breath to regain a grip on my cool, struggling to swallow back my nerves. With the knowledge that Edward had invited me to sleep in his apartment, regardless of his intentions, I now felt weird around him, like there was some sort of secret between us. Was it because I really liked the idea of sleeping with him? Or was it that I felt uncomfortable with the notion that he was just trying to get in my pants? Either way, it was awkward.

When he sat down next to me, I didn't look at him. Instead I fixed my eyes on the TA and patiently awaited instruction. Once we started going through the lab, I tried to listen but found that I couldn't concentrate. My mind was racing. When was my damn Valium going to kick in. I briefly contemplated taking a second dose but stopped myself for fear of overdosing. That would be a whole new kind of humiliation.

When the instruction was done, the room filled with buzzing as people divied up tasks between partners. I turned to Edward and found him already looking at me, that Hallmark half-grin plastered on his face. I offered to grab our supplies and quickly flitted away. I was beginning to feel a bit airy, which meant my pills were working.

"Got everything, partner?" he asked as I sat back down, laying several test tubes on the table along with a few petri dishes.

"Yep." I nodded.

There was a moment of silence as we measured out portions with the pipettes before Edward broke the silence.

"You're kinda quiet, huh?"

"Sometimes." I conceded, not altering my demeanor.

"I like talking with you though."

"Do you now?" I quaestion, arching one brow.

"Ya, it makes my time here more interesting."

I nodded. "Whatya want to talk about?"

"I don't know."

I smirked. "You hadn't thought about that?"

He smirked back. "No...I was thinking though, I have a few friends in this class that I sit with and you always sit with those two girls...maybe we should merge our groups."

I nodded again. "Sure. That would be alright. We could take up a whole row."

He laughed a little. "Where do you sit?"

I paused, trying to think of a good way to give lecture hall directions. "Well...like if you're looking from the front...it's like..."

"Okay, so maybe I already know where you sit."

I raised my brow again. "What?"

"I may have been looking for you..."

"Oh. If you knew where I sit why did you ask?"

Edward was quiet for a moment, seemingly debating what he should say, before answering. "I guess I didn't want you to think I was like spying on you. It's kind of awkward walking into a three-hundred student lecture and having to wander around the aisles looking for a girl you barely know. And probably kind of weird to just sit down next to her and make her endure your presence three times a week." He winked at me and my heart skipped.

"You're right." I admitted, my tone somber. "You are super rape-y. I don't think I want you as my lab partner anymore. In fact, I might have to report you...for sexual harassment." I choked back a laugh but, on the inside, I was mortified. Sexual harrassment? It was a bad joke, but Edward seemed to think it was funny.

He shrugged, looking down at his work and then back up to me. "Well, then I guess asking you to work on our group assignment after class would be out of line then, wouldn't it?"

"Oh, yes. Real far out of line." I furrowed my brow in mock disapproval.

Edward hesitated, that same expression on his face as though he was about to say something but wasn't sure if he should or not. He inhaled, looking me straight in the eye, lips pursed.

"So...walk to the library with me after lab?"

I didn't think before I responded with a quick shake of my head and a "sure."

We were quiet for the rest of the class.

At six, I packed up my things and Edward packed up his. I told Alice and Rose that I'd see them later. They gave me funny looks, I'm sure expecting some sort of explanation but I said nothing. I wasn't in the mood for any of Rose's humor. Yet the image in my mind of their surprised expression when they saw me leaving with Edward made me grin. It was truly priceless.

It wasn't like me to spend time with anyone other than the girls outside of class. But Edward was the exception to that rule. And as we walked side by side against the cold winter breeze, I wondered if maybe he was the exception to every rule I'd ever had. Every few steps, I found myself glancing at him sideways only to find him looking straight at me, that same thoughtful expression on his face. I smiled a little. I felt like giggling but, thankfully, stopped myself.

The library was almost uncomfortably warm but I welcomed it. I felt like I had wind burn from all of the walking I'd been doing. We called the elevator and waited quietly for the doors to open. When they did, it was packed with people as usual and I found us squishing in. I ended up with my back pressed against him, too close for me to feel at ease. I heard him clear his throat and idly wonder if he felt as illogically nervous as I did. When the doors opened on the fourth floor, I exhaled a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

We found an open computer at a desk near the back and I dropped my things to the ground beside it. Edward sat down next to me, pulled out the rubric and opened up a word document. We started going through the instructions, Edward typing out (or attempting to type out) the information we collected during our last lab. After a few minutes of typing and re-typing, I decided enough was enough.

"How about you dictate this to me." I offered and he laughed.

"That might not be a bad idea."

We switched seats and began I the process of correcting Edward's numerous typos.

"So, where'd you get those fabulous typing skills?"

"Ha. Just comes naturally, I guess."

"Ya, that extra thumb sure is something."

He laughed again and I could feel him looking at me.

"So...um, how's do find higher education thus far?"

I threw him a sideways glance, noticing the way his lips tugged up at one corner. He was trying to make small-talk with me and I appreciated it. I hated awkward silence as much as anybody, probably more so due to the fact that, when it came to talking with new people, I was not a very good conversationalist.

"I love it, actually."

"Make a lot of friends?"

I shrugged. "A few. Mostly just acquaintances though. I'm pretty close with Rose and Alice, I guess."

"Were you very popular in high school."

Again, I shrugged. "I had friends, mostly guys though. My friend Jak sort of brought me into his group...which was nice. But being friends with the girls is definitely different."

"Different, huh?" he asked with a mischievious glint in his eye.

"Yeah, well, girls are different. They're...a lot more complicated. I think I'd prefer to have mostly male friends. Less trouble."

"Really?" Edward challenged. I never stopped typing.

"Sure."

"Doesn't the whole 'sex' thing get in the way?"

I gasped, suddenly offended. "I did not sleep with any of my friends!"

Edward chuckled. "I wasn't saying that. But you've heard that song, right? How does it go? 'You and me. baby, ain't nothing but mammals'?"

I shook my head vehemently. "So what? Men and women can't be friends now?"

Edward shrugged.

"Huh." I sneered, typing just a little bit faster. For some reason, his admission had really pissed me off. "I think that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Do you just want to fuck every woman you come in contact with."

"That's not what-" But I didn't let him finish.

"Like adult people just have absolutely no control over their acrions, like were all humping each other because it's instinct."

"I think you mistoo-"

"No, I get it. I just think it's moronic."

Edward pursed his lips and nodded, recognizing that he'd been beat. I had successfully shot down the conversation without much of an exchange. But, now, I was sure more than ever that Edward was only interested in me for sex. I needed to remove myself from the situation before my little schoolgirl crush went to far.

"Look," he began. "I didn't mean to offend you, Bella."

I wanted to smile when he said my name but I didn't. Instead, I just nodded. "It's fine. Don't mix business with pleasure, right?"

"That's a very blunt way of putting it..."

"Blunt is good. It gets straight to the point."

I could practically feel him smirking at me. "That it does. And so do you."

Shrugging my typical shrug, I told him "I value directness."

"I'll mark that down in my notes."

I finished our short dictation and printed out two copies, handing one to Edward and stowing the other away in my Biology folder. I said my goodbyes, resolving myself to take Edwards own advice. I didn't need any sort of trouble in my life and Edward seemed to supply plenty of it. I would see him as a classmate and nothing more. I would not admire his pretty green eyes or messy auburn hair. I would ignore all of that and focus on passing my lab.

"Thanks for working with me, Edward...kind of." I laughed. He hadn't participated much.

"Well, any time you need someone to keep you company..."

"Sure." I said, but I didn't really mean it.

"See you around?"

I only nodded.

Edward pursed his lips thoughtfully as he looked at me, head tilted to one side, eyes fixed intently on mine. "Would you like to have dinner with me?"

My heart nearly stopped. I didn't know what to say. He'd taken me by surprise. Why would he put me on the spot like that? I had to give him points for guts yet, in the meantime, my breath had caught in my chest.

"I'm sorry." I muttered. "I have to go."

And with that, I got up, slung my bag over my shoulder and walked away.