AN: Hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and a good new year! Here's the first update for 2013! There will be many more to follow – Enjoy!
4:03
Are you milking the cow yourself?
SH
4:05
What?
JW
4:06
You left two hours ago to get milk. Are you milking her yourself, or is this some sort of death match with the chip and pin machine?
SH
4:07
I told you I was going to the pub and then I'd get milk on the way home.
JW
4:08
You didn't say a word about the pub.
SH
4:09
True – I said I was going out. Which almost always translates to – I'm going to the pub.
JW
4:10
Shouldn't there be quotations marks in there somewhere?
SH
4:11
Can you just stuff it?
JW
4:11
Can I? Yes, I suppose I am physically capable.
SH
4:12
Prat. Will you just stuff it?
JW
4:13
No. I'm bored.
SH
4:15
Fine. I'll just ignore your messages then.
JW
4:16
John, I seem to be experiencing difficulty breathing...
SH
4:17
Nice try, Sherlock.
JW
4:19
Oh, never mind. It was just shortness of breath caused by laughter at your ridiculous threat.
SH
4:20
And what is ridiculous about it?!
JW
4:21
Well for one thing – you're still replying. You always reply.
SH
4:25
And now you aren't going to answer me just to make a point, right?
SH
4:31
You're being childish, John.
SH
4:35
Fine. You don't mind if I test the flammability of silk by using one of your ties do you?
SH
4:39
I'll take your lack of objection as permission.
SH
4:42
Shall I use your dark red or moss green one?
SH
4:43
Perhaps the one with the blue and white stripes?
SH
4:46
Dammit, Sherlock leave my ties alone! Bastard.
JW
4:47
Knew you couldn't resist. Language, John. We're married now, remember.
SH
4:48
And your point is?
JW
4:49
Aren't you supposed to treat your dearly beloved with respect and affection?
SH
4:50
Yeah, when they treat you with it. But burning my ties doesn't really classify as "respect and affection."
JW
4:52
You're being obtuse, John. I wasn't really going to burn your ties. I like seeing you wear them far too much.
SH
4:53
Well I can never tell with you. Really? I thought you hated them. You always complain when I wear them.
JW
4:54
No, I complain when you wear that horrendous old grey tie. Though it's the one you wear most often...
SH
4:55
What's wrong with my grey tie?! I've had it since Med School. I love that thing.
JW
4:56
Well the fact that you've had it since Med School is part of the problem. And it's dull.
SH
4:57
It's not dull – it's subtle and classy.
JW
4:58
No, John. I am subtle and classy. Your tie is dismal and outdated. It should be binned.
SH
4:59
Sherlock, I seem to be having difficulty breathing...
JW
5:00
And what are you laughing about?
SH
5:02
The idea of you being subtle and classy! Classy I can give you, on a really, really good day you can be classy. But subtle?! Have you met yourself?
JW
5:03
I can be very subtle, John. But most of the time I must speak and act blatantly because I'm surrounded by idiots who have no understanding of the minutia of life.
SH
5:04
Right. If that helps you sleep at night...
JW
5:05
Don't be ridiculous - you help me sleep at night.
SH
5:06
Careful there, Sherlock. That was almost touching.
JW
5:08
Was it? I was trying more for "Stating the obvious." My mistake.
SH
5:10
Love you too. Be home in twenty minutes with milk.
JW
If convenient please review; if inconvenient review anyway.