{{AN: This is a redo of my 'star crossed romance' this is going to be more in dept. I OWN NOTHING, NOT CHARACTER'S UNLESS IT'S A OC, NO ANIME, JUST THE PLOT. THIS IS A SESSHOMARUXKOUGA If you don't like that couple please don't read. This will have yaoi/slash mpreg, lemon's and character death in later chapters OOC. If you like it please review and or leave me a message. Flames will be used to light my smokes.}}
Sesshomaru had never believed that the world could sound or feel this cold. Never before had it felt so lonely and dead. Not until today. Not even when he came West with Kagura, it was welcoming then, sure there was hard work but she was there with him to do it. And now as he looked down at the fresh grave he realized that the world was a cold, unforgiving place that would turn it's back on you. He had thought that once before, back when his own mother disappeared in his youth. But then..well he supposed it hadn't hurt that much because he was to young to really understand. He was still running behind his father's steps when the man went out into the fields, this though..this was a completely new kind of hurt.
The wind howled as it blew around him, tossing his hair and pulling at his jacket and the tiny blanket that was covering the small figure he was holding close, intent on having the world know it's fury directed at those who came out of the shelter of their homes today. But while most were shivering, Sesshomaru did not. He stood still as stone, eyes dark and seeming dead. The spark that used to tease and make him seem more friendly and welcoming was gone. There standing in front of the brand new grave, the man looked older, colder, and distant. As if he was gone completely from the world, and believing that if he wasn't there, if he didn't acknowledge this, then it wouldn't be. It wouldn't truly be happening. For it felt like just yesterday that he and Kagura were coming West, building their home and starting their family.
The small bundle in his arms shifted, a small peeping whine was heard before the man was moving, rocking lightly to and fro until the bundle settled again just as the preacher finished the words. They were nice, fitting for the situation. Offering strength and understanding for the two life's left behind. Sesshomaru didn't feel comfort, he felt alone and angry, like the wold had turned its back on him once again. Only this time instead of taking his mother, it took his wife.
"Sesshomaru, I know that it's gonna be hard now, do you want me to take Rinny for a while? just until you get settled again?"
"No, she needs her father now, we will manage."
"Alright well if ya need any help, let us know."
Sesshomaru nodded, finally turning his head from the grave to look at the elderly Kaede, the woman who had been there to deliver his daughter, and the one who he had called when Kagura's body got tight and the fever spiked to the point that cool rags hadn't been able to help.
"Sesshomaru..She loved ya, and ya know she would of stayed if she could. An ya ain't alone, ya got that sweet little girl." A pat on his fore arm before the woman was moving again. "Don't be a stranger."
And then she was walking back to the wagon her own family had come in. The cold wasn't good for her old bones, and she knew that right now Seshomaru wouldn't want the company, he needed to mourn this in his own way, as much as that hurt the elderly woman to leave him alone, she knew that it was best.
"Daddy?"
"Hm?"
"Where's mama?"
Those two words cut Sesshomaru deeper than anything else. His eyes trailed from the mound fresh to the earth to his two year old daughter who was looking up at him with large dark eyes and question's that he couldn't answer. Or if he could, he didn't give them to her. She was still young and he didn't want to expose her to how ugly the world could be, he wasn't ready for her to face this pain. Not yet, not if she could avoid it.
So he didn't answer the question. It was unlike him yes, but he wasn't sure what to tell her, he was at a loss for that kind of a explanation to a two year old that her mother was dead. He didn't think that she would understand anyway and there was no point in doing that to her. So he held her close, silently cursing the world once again for taking something so precious not only from him, but from his child too.
He wasn't sure how long he stood in the cold, listening to the wind howling and watching the grave, before the reality sunk in, Kagura wasn't coming home. He turned then, forcing himself to walk away. No amount of standing and watching would bring her back to them, even if he wanted it more than anything. He still had to go on, the world wouldn't stop for his mourning, and his daughter still needed him. Now more than ever. So he walked to the wagon, setting Rinny in the small basket covered in hay to keep in soft, and headed for home.
As night fell, the rain came with it. Sesshomaru had put his daughter into her small baby bed, pressed a kiss to her forehead and made sure that her quilt was pulled up over her to keep the chill off. It was still early spring and a frost wasn't unheard of. So after making sure that Rinny was indeed asleep and not in danger of getting cold or anything else, he felt that he could finally break.
Moving in to the living room, his eyes taking in all of the small thing's that had Kagura's touch, making the ache in his heart throb all the much harder. When he got to the kitchen table and sat down, his shoulders sagged as if the weight of the world was pressing down on him. He couldn't believe it. He didn't want to believe it. And in his minds eye, he could still see Kagura holding Rinny in her arms, smiling at him, the mischievous gleam in her eye that always made his heart skip a beat.
0~0~0~0
"Are you sure that your alright? if you think it's time then I should go for Kaede, we want to make sure that she's here when the baby decides he's ready"
"Sesshomaru, your getting worked up over nothing. It's our first baby, it's going to take a little while before SHE comes. Sit down and finish eating, then i'll go to bed and you can go for Kaede if it will make you feel better."
The woman was infuriating, honestly. She wanted him to sit and eat dinner while she was having contractions! how could he sit and eat then? But seeing how she seemed to be able relax and eat, he did his best to copy the motion, though every time she winced, he nearly dropped his fork. This was literally the longest meal he could ever remember having.
0~0~0~0
"Sesshomaru! look who just took their first steps!"
The cry caused the golden eyed man to whip around just in time to see his little girl toddling forward on unsteady leg's with a bright smile and little arms reaching out for him.
"Come here Rinny, come to Pa."
"Daddy"!
A tiny body as light as a feather stumbled into his arms. He held her tight, spinning them and smiling as he heard her laugh before his eyes trailed to his wife who was standing in the back door way watching the two of them.
Rinny was clapping proud of her new achievement and Sesshomaru was happy. He had everything in life he could of ever wanted. A loving wife, a beautiful daughter, a home and some land that had been good to them. He wasn't hurting for anything. They of course werent rich by any mean's but they had enough to be comfortable and some money saved up if there was something that they needed.
0~0~0~0
"Kaede! you have to come!"
Never in his life had Sesshomaru pushed his horse so hard before. But he couldn't get to the home fast enough. Something was wrong, he knew it when he came in from the fields for lunch and Kagura was doubled over in the kitchen with Rinny gumming her finger's in her little chair.
"Hush now Sesshomaru, i'll come but you must tell me what it is."
"It's Kagura, somethin is wrong, she's all stiff and got a fever somethin fierce, ya gotta come now!"
"Alright I'm coming I'm coming. Bankotsu, watch the kids!"
That had been the longest day of Sesshomaru's life. He kept Rinny in the fields with him in the little harness he had rigged up. He didn't want her to see her mama that way, so he carried her on his back. The time he had been with Kagura before going to get Kaede had nearly killed him. She was broken out in a cold sweat, her body was ridged and tight, and she was biting her tongue so hard he had seen the crimson red blood staining her lips from trying to keep from screaming. He couldn't let Rinny see her mama that way.
The evening was long, and Sesshomaru couldn't stand to go inside and know he had no way to take the pain away from his wife. He had put Rinny to sleep in the living room that night by the fire to keep her from the bedroom, while he paced. Every so often he could hear the faint cries of his wife and the soft encouraging sounds of Kaede murmuring something, and then it would become quite again and he was left to pace.
This continued until the early hour's of the morning. Though when the door opened Sesshomaru looked up just in time to see Kaede looking heart broken.
"Is she all right?"
He knew the answer before he asked. Simply looking at the elderly woman told him the answer to the question, but he didn't want to believe it, they were both young, they would be alright. She wasn't going to die, he wasn't going to loose her. Not when they had their whole life's to live.
"I'm so sorry Sesshomaru. Ya might want to let her see Rinny again."
The words stunned the silver haired man , he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Though he did as he was bid to do, picking up his sleeping child and walking towards the bedroom where he could see his wife laying in the bed, her hair disheveled and her eyes hooded, the life that was usually there fading fast.
"It hurt's Kagura, you can't leave me."
He didn't want to say that he was begging. But he was. He didn't know what to do without her. How was he supposed to live without her? How was he supposed take care of their daughter?
"It will be alright Sesshomaru, you can make it. You've got Rinny, an I don't have much longer."
"Don't say that, Kaede can fix it. She know's enough to fix most anything around here."
A weak laugh and a shake of her head. Kagura knew that it wasn't as easy as he was making it sound and she knew that she wouldn't make it, she could feel her body shutting down on her. She wasn't sure what it was, or what was causing it, but either way she felt it and it hurt.
"Let me see her, one more time. Please."
Sesshomaru was quick to comply as he moved the tiny child to his wife's arms, a weak smile coming to his lips as tears blurred his vision seeing his two girls together one last time. Kagura's hand shakily raising to brush her daughter's hair from her face.
"I love you Rinny. My sweet little girl. And you Sesshomaru, the love of my life. You've both made my life somethin special."
"Don't talk that way. Kagura please."
"I love you Sesshomaru."
"I love you too Kagura."
One last smile teased her lips as the life finally faded from her eyes and her grip on her daughter went slack. Sesshomaru saw it and nearly died right along with her right then and there. He moved forward and pressed his lips to her forehead, the tears still burning in his eyes finally falling and landing on the woman's forehead and eyes, making it look as if in her last moments of life she were crying herself.
0~0~0~0
Those memories and more played across Sesshomaru's mind as his eyes once again burned with un-shed tear's as he fingered the book he brought to the table with him. It had been one he had taken Rinny to town to get for her mama's last birthday. He remembered Kagura had been so excited when Rinny had handed it to her, all wrapped up in some fancy wrappin paper that Mrs Cifer, down at the General Store, had said Kagura would love.
Inside the book, were thing's Rinny had given her mama. A rose from the rose bush she had pulled all by herself, thorns and all, never once cried about the little pin pricks and little drops of blood on her tiny palm. She was just so happy that she could get her mama the flower. The feather Kagura had worn in her hair. The first few picture's the child had colored for her mama and more.
Dropping his head into his hands Sesshomaru closed his eyes as his tears stain his palms.
"Oh Kagura, what am I gonna do with out ya?"
TBC.