Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Thank you for reading!

It felt as though I was on fire.

Why was it so freaking hot in here?

I kept looking around (for what, I don't know) but finding nothing but blackness. There was nothing but the sound of someone breathing.

Was it me?

It must be.

I tried to move and realized I was lying down. I rolled and hit something hard. That was where the heat was coming from. I thought that maybe, if I could open my eyes a little wider, I might be able to see . But mybody felt so heavy and every effort seemed to be counteracted by the crushing pressure of my own exhaustion.

I was in a fog and there was no getting out … not just yet.

I laid there still as a statue for a long time, and for once, I felt calm. There was nothing to see or do, no one I had to impress, no appearances to keep up. I was just me, entirely safe and whole, hypnotized by the even breaths echoing in my ears.

In, out. In, out.

Then, suddenly, something tightened around me.

I was awake now, the peaceful nature of my lucid dream shattered as my consciousness cut through the cloud of sleep hanging over me. I opened my eyes and saw that I was not alone.

For a moment, I almost panicked.

Then, I remembered everything that had happened the night before.

"Oh, God." I said to myself. I could feel my cheeks heating.

I looked to my left and there was Edward in the bed beside me: shirtless, one arm wrapped around my waist, hair hopelessly disheveled and falling in his eyes. I could feel my heartbeat accelerating, but not necessarily in a bad way. I thought about reaching for my Valium until I remembered I had left my bagon his kitchen counter.

How could I get up without waking him?

What would I say when he did wake?

I had completely humiliated myself. I had no idea what Edward thought of me now, but I had no idea how it could be anything but bad. I couldn't lie to myself and I couldn't lie to him either.

I was a disaster.

My family was a disaster.

My entire life was one gigantic disaster.

I breathed in one, long shaky breath and slammed my eyes shut. Maybe, if I wished hard enough, it would all go away. Maybe, when I opened my eyes, I wouldn't be here in Edward's bed anymore, embarrassed and still wearing yesterday's clothes. I thought about the ripped, paint-stained jeans and baggy sweater I had left my house in yesterday and cringed. I realized that Edward might have asked me if I was homeless for more than one reason. Not only had he found me sleeping in my car; I also looked the part.

"Why me?" I mumbled to myself, refusing to open my eyes. Edward's face was just inches from mine. I could barely breathe.

"What?"

His voice was soft, but it made me jump. I felt like crying. It was all so mortifying.

"Um...nothing," I told him, hoping that would be the end of it.

I should have known I wouldn't be that lucky.

Edward didn't say anything for a long time. I thought he might move his arm from where it rested over my body, but he didn't. He held me, his head touching mine, our legs intertwined, for what felt like hours. Then, he took a deep breath, and without looking at me, asked the question I had been dreading all morning.

"So, what were you really doing out there in your car?"

I didn't say anything.

I didn't know what to say.

My mother was making me crazy? It sounded silly even just saying it in my head. Instead, I shrugged. "I just ... it's complicated."

I looked at him and found him looking right back at me, that familiar, pensive expression on his face: lips pursed, the skin crinkled between his eyes.

"You know, yesterday wasn't the first time I saw you sleeping in your car."

His admission hung in the silence and a state of frenzy ensued. How was I supposed to respond to that?

"What?"

Yeah. That was really eloquent.

"The morning after that night we talked in the library, I decided to walk down to the convenience store on New York Street to pick up some groceries. I mean, I thought you were long gone. But when I was cutting through the parking lot, I happened to walk past your car and ... well, there you were. I didn't want to say anything. I mean ... I thought that maybe ... it was probably none of my business so I didn't ask. But then, last night, I saw you sleeping in your car again."

I closed my eyes. I couldn't look at him. "Yeah." I conceded, waiting for him to continue.

"I know we don't know each other very well but ... I feel like ... connected to you in some way. I do want to be your friend. I'm sorry I blew you off the other day, I really am. I shouldn't have done that. I guess I just got my feelings hurt. But what you should know is this … If you're sleeping in your car because you feel as if you have nowhere else to go, that isn't true. You are welcome here anytime. But you are not welcome to sleep in your car, because first of all it isn't safe and secondly it's ridiculous."

I made eye contact with Edward once again, and this time, when I looked up, his eyes were blazing and his nostrils flared. He wasn't angry, per say, just passionate. I liked him this way, I decided. It suited him well.

I nodded. "I know it's ridiculous. It's just ... I don't know how to talk about this..."

"Bella," he began, one hand coming up to cup my cheek. "I think it's pretty obvious that you need to talk about it."

I sighed and turned my head away from his penetrating stare.

He was right, of course, but something stopped me. How could I explain this feeling inside me? It was as though I was being boiled from the inside out. I couldn't control it. It just was. The Good Doctor told me that my anxiety disorder was a combination of genetic and environmental risk factors. When he explained it to me, it all sounded so reasonable, almost as though its presence in my life made sense. But when that choking sensation rose in my throat, the entire world appeared to be without order. Everything closed in on me so tightly and I just couldn't ever seem to shake it.

There was something very wrong with me and it destroyed everything. So, I did what I seemed to have been doing a lot lately; I cried.

"I'm sorry." I mumble and duck my head down to bury it in Edward's chest. As if of their own accord, my hands moved to touch his skin. Normally, I would have been embarrassed but right now, I couldn't bring myself to care. He already knew too much for my liking. Why kill myself trying to sell him on a story that just wasn't the truth?

"Shh, shh..."

But I couldn't stop sobbing. "I just ... my mother ... I couldn't be at home last night."

Edward stilled. "Did she hurt you?"

I sighed. "Not exactly. It's... complicated."

I could feel him nod as he pulled me closer to him. I felt his hand cupping the back of my head, his fingers running through my most likely, wild hair. He held me until I could breathe again, and for a moment, I felt accomplished. For the first time in a long time, I had made it through one of my episodes without a single, little blue pill.

Around a quarter 'til ten, Edward reminded me that we had a lecture at ten-thirty and that we needed to get up if we planned on making it in time. I nodded and pulled away somewhat reluctantly. I knew that once we separated, whatever spell we were under would be broken. The comfort I felt with Edward would be nothing but a distant memory and I would probably regret everything. But I couldn't afford to miss the lecture.

Edward gave me a towel and directed me to the bathroom to shower. I locked the door behind me the second it shut and let the breath I'd been holding whoosh out of me. I'd slept in Edward's bed last night, right next to a half-naked, admittedly very attractive man. It was completely out of character for me, but I realized, as I stood bare in front of Edward's bathroom mirror, that I didn't regret it. I couldn't help the jittery excitement bellied in my stomach or the way a smile would slip onto my face every time I thought of his arm wrapped around me.

Edward liked me, at least enough to want to take care of me.

And, God, did I ever like him.

I showered quickly that morning and slipped back into my jeans and sweater from yesterday. I checked my appearance and felt suddenly deflated. I looked like a sad, wet and very flushed puppy dog. I hadn't even bothered putting on my bra the day before. But there was nothing I could do about that at the moment.

When I walked into the kitchen, Edward was waiting for me by the door. When he saw me, he smiled that crooked smile of his and then proceeded to stare at me for a good minute before finally saying, "We still have a little time if you wanna grab coffee on the way."

"Okay."

Again, we walked in silence, both of us catching each other stealing little glances here and there. Something had shifted, though I wasn't sure what. Then, I had a terrible thought.

Edward had told me that he wanted to be my friend. Was that all he saw himself being to me? Did I want him to see me as something more than that?

Who was I kidding? Of course, I did.

I knew it was silly. He looked at me too much, tried too hard, and touched me too often. But I couldn't ignore the tiny voice of doubt threatening to kill my buzz.

When we got to the coffee shop, Edward offered to buy my coffee but I turned him down. He had done enough for me already.

It was a short, four-minute walk to the lecture hall, but the wind made it feel like an eternity. When we finally got there, we were three minutes late, which for me, was very out of the ordinary.

The door to the auditorium creaked open and as usual, everyone looked up, including Rose and Alice. Edward and I scurried down the left aisle and into the empty seats beside them. I wasn't sure if I was surprised that Edward took a seat right next to me or if I had been expecting it. Either way, it made me happy.

Rose and Alice on the other hand, were obviously shocked. I turned to meet their unwavering attention and was met with accusatory eyes. It took me a moment to realize that Edward had caught on to their silent question as well.

"What's the deal?" he chuckled under his breath.

Alice looked as though she'd had an aneurysm and Rose just looked proud.

"So, you and Bella spent the night together, huh?" Rose blurted out, a bit louder than she probably intended.

"Shut up, Rosalie!" I hissed.

"No, good for you, I approve. This walk-of-shame look suits you," she whispered back, smiling so wide I worried her face would crack in two.

"What 'walk-of-shame look'?"

"Wrinkled clothes? Wet hair? Seriously? I think it's pretty obvious."

Edward laughed and I raised a brow at him. Rose was never going to let me live this one down.

"Shh. I wanna hear what Dr. Mullens is saying." I said, attempting to end this interrogation.

"Ha. Sure. We'll talk later."

And with a wink of Rose's eye, my fate was sealed.

I elected not to think about my inevitable inquisition until after class. In all honesty, I did need to hear the lesson being taught. I was getting a low B in this class, and due to my type A personality, was completely dissatisfied by that reality. But Edward's arm kept brushing mine and even though I heard something along the lines of the production of pyruvic acid, it didn't really click. Instead, I was thinking about being in Edward's bed. How had I ended up in Edward's bed?

He leaned towards me halfway through lecture and whispered something I guessed might be the lyrics to an Archies song.

"Those aren't even the right words." I laughed.

"Sugar, duh, duh, duh, duh, oh honey, honey … that's not right?"

I rolled my eyes at him, fighting the urge to laugh out loud. He was a terrible singer. "If you're trying to impress me with your knowledge of 70's music, that song came out in '69."

He sighed and smirked at me. "Close enough."

"I'll make you a mixtape." I offered and this time he was the one trying not to laugh.

"How old are you, Bella."

"Shut up." I retorted, sticking my tongue out like a little kid. "Everyone owns a CD player."

"No, you're right. Fine. I will accept this 90s-retro-hipster gesture of yours ... on one condition."

"And what's that?"

"That you at least try not to get mad at me next time I see you."

"Ha." I jested, leaning in a bit closer. "I think that's more up to you than it is to me."

Edward nodded. "All right, but how am I supposed to know what makes you angry when I barely know you at all?"

I shrugged. "I guess you'll have to figure it out."

"I look forward to it." he replied with a wink.

I could feel my heart in my throat.

Lecture ended a few minutes late, which didn't surprise me since it was Friday and Dr. Mullens loved to entertain us with weekly episode of 'Fun Fact Friday.' We all stood to pack as usual and wandered in groups of three or four out into the main hall. Rose and Alice tagged behind Edward and me, to give us space I guess. I thought he might come to lunch with us, but then he turned to me and said, "I'll see you later, okay?" And I said, "Okay," and that was the end of that.

The familiar feeling of dread crept up on me as Alice and Rose closed in, each one grabbing hold of one of my hands and dragging me out the front doors of the building towards the cafeteria.

"So ... tell us all about it." Alice beamed.

I shook my head. "Nothing happened."

Rose snorted in disgust. "What do you mean nothing happened? We saw you two. You were practically in his lap."

"I mean that nothing happened."

"Look into my eyes and tell me you didn't stay at his place last night."

Rose pulled me to a halt and urged me to look at her. I'd always been a shitty liar. "Ok, fine. I did stay at his place. But nothing happened."

"Oh, my God!" Alice squealed pulling me along again. "That's ... when did this happen. I thought you weren't into casual sex."

"I'm not!" I exclaimed wishing Alice wouldn't talk so loud. "We didn't have sex. We didn't even kiss."

Alice's brow furrowed. "I don't understand."

"So what?" Rose interjected. "You just chickened out? And now you're stuck with him as a lab partner for the rest of the semester. He's never gonna ask you over again. I mean, we're not kids, Bella. There's no such thing as a platonic, co-ed sleepover when your twenty years old. I mean, that's really weird."

She didn't even know the half of it. But, despite the fact that Rose wasn't getting the full picture, my insecurities from earlier came creeping over me. Had Edward expected me to kiss him?

Or more?

My face had fallen, but Rose wasn't finished. "I mean, does he think you're weird now? I bet he thought you guys were gonna hook up and you totally should have. Ed-what's-his-face is really hot."

"You don't understand. We ... well." I couldn't tell them what had happened. I just couldn't. "Never mind. You're probably right."

On the way to lunch, I wondered if she was right.

Why hadn't Edward tried anything with me? Not that I would have welcomed any advances, but it seemed so strange to me. We were two, single young adults. We had no ties or responsibilities, at least I didn't. To my knowledge, Edward was free to do whatever (and whoever) he wanted; which may have made me panicked. Was he hooking up with girls as Rose had said? Most of the girls here were much more experienced than I was and carried much less baggage. What if one of them caught his eye?

I wasn't even entirely sure why I was acting this way over a guy. It wasn't like me. But I moped around all through lunch and for a good hour and a half afterward in the library with Alice and Rose. I knew I was in way over my head. I had virtually nothing to offer Edward in the way of romance. I had never had a real relationship, never had sex, and never even fooled around. I couldn't make it through more than a few hours without a healthy dose of anti-anxiety medication.

I was a mess.

I decided to call it a day around three o'clock and headed back to my car in the main parking lot. The drive home today felt endless and lonely. I kept going over the past twenty-four hours in my head over and over again.

I was obsessing.

Edward wanted to be my friend. He wanted me to stay at his apartment if I ever felt I couldn't go home. He wanted to know what made me mad. What did it all mean? I realized around the sixty-fourth block of Keystone Avenue that I didn't even have his phone number; though I wasn't sure I would have the guts to call him if I did.

All I knew was that I wanted to talk to him, to see him and I couldn't wait until Monday rolled around.

I had never felt that about anyone or anything.

Not once in my whole life.

And I was terrified of what that might mean.