{{AN:Okay this is ch.1 I want to thank everyone for the review's I've been getting. alerts, favorites and silent readers. I want to once again state this is a yaoi/slash. SesshomaruxKouga. This will be ooc, with mentions of other anime characters. Lemons will be later, oc's might be mentioned. This will also have mpreg. Established relationship's, and character death. If this isn't your cup of tea please don't read. If it is, I hope this is enjoyed.}
Kouga wanted to fall into the ground and die right along with Inuyasha. It just wasn't fair! how..how could this of happened? it seemed so surreal, like if he just closed his eyes and pinched himself, that he would wake up and this cruel dream would be over. He would wake up and be in bed, Inuyasha's arms wrapped around him. And they would be happy back East, preparing for the baby that was growing safely in his birthing fathers womb. They were excited, they were happy and planning a new life. Then they came out here, out to this wasteland, this wretched West! and the first chance it got, it snatched his Inuyasha away without a thought to how it would affect Kouga, or the life growing inside of him.
"Amen."
The final words of the prayer was what pulled Kouga from his thought's. He hadn't even realized that he wasn't listening to the preachers words. Though he didn't think that right now it mattered to much. Inuyasha was gone, gone from him. Gone from this world, never to know the unborn baby he was so excited to have. Never to see their land that Inuyasha had gone to buy before they came here. It just hurt so much. Kouga swore that this was the worse pain he had ever experienced before. How people managed to go forward every day after experiencing this, he didn't know. He wouldn't wish this kind of hurt on his worse enemy.
'Inuyasha, what am I gonna do now? I need ya, the baby needs ya.'
The ache in his heart throbbed all the harder as Kouga forced himself to turn away from the newly marked grave. The longer he looked at it the more it hurt and the more he hated the West. It just wasn't fair! what had he done to deserve this? they were good people. They hadn't bothered anyone in life, they were happy and planning a life. What ever had they done for this to happen to them?
The sun shone down on Kouga's already to warm body, making him more lethargic than he had felt before. He just didn't have the energy or the will to deal with this today. He didn't think he would ever be able to face this without feeling weak and dead inside.
So he walked from the grave, body tense but sluggish still as he forced his legs to move, one foot in front of the other, as he slowly made his way back to his broken wagon that he had been calling home for the past few months.
"I'm sorry bout ya loss. I only got but one room, but iff'en ya need, your welcome to it."
The sound of a voice pulled Kouga from this thoughts to see who was talking to him. It was a soft spoken carrier male like himself. Kouga remembered this mans husband had been one of the men to return his Inuyasha to him.
"I appreciate the offer, but I think I'm just going to stay on here for a bit, too clear my head."
"I understand. Iffen ya need, my name is Ginta Wolfe."
Kouga nodded in thanks for the offer, but didn't say another word and continued on his way back to the covered wagon. Hoping that he might be able to escape some of the blasted mind and body numbing heat.
Didn't the universe know that today isn't a day that the sun should be shinning? today should of been cold and grey with the wind howling out it's misery like Kouga wanted to do?
"Son, I am sorry for ya loss. Now we ain't got no room's, we're full up at our place. But we can offer ya a hot meal, and a place to put your wagon until you get some plans made."
Another voice had called to Kouga making him pause, turning to a elderly woman with greying brown hair and a eye patch covering one eye. She reminded him of his own grandmother, and the look in her eye made him want to hug her and weep. Weep for the loss he felt so keenly.
"Appreciated, though I think I'm'a just stay on here for a bit. Clear my head."
"Of course."
Kaede patted the man's hand and gave a kind but understanding smile, and turned walking back to her own wagon. Her eye looked on at the other mourners and she sighed, moving towards her husbands side and put a hand on his arm. Nodding lightly at the offered help up into the wagon before they were leaving as well.
Shade. That was the first thing that Kouga thought when he got back to his wagon. It was under a large oak that was possibly over grown, but right now it was providing him with the much needed relief from the sun.
Though he didn't go back into the wagon, it was hot enough, being inside wouldn't of helped much, besides out here he might be graced with a light breeze.
0~0~0~0
"Inuyasha's comin~ Inuyasha's comin~"
"Taka, ya stop that right now. You know how miserable ya brother is without your teasing."
"But he IS comin! I can see him down the way!"
That had caused Kouga to look up and out the window, and true enough, his annoying little brother was right. There walking down the street towards his mama's home was indeed his Inuyasha!
"He's right mama! It is Inuyasha!" Kouga said throwing the door open, just as Inuyasha was entering the yard, and took off at full speed, throwing his arms around the man with enough force to knock him back into the grass, and hugged him tight. Inuyasha had been gone for four months, gone West to get their land so they could start a new life together, and now he was back and Kouga wasn't letting him go!
"Oof, Kouga? what's the matter? did somethin happen here at your ma's while I was gone?"
Inuyasha was frantic now. He knew that he had been gone for a little longer than planned, but having Kouga running at him like there was a fire under his feet had the golden eyed male more than worried.
"I missed ya. I swear next time you go I'm going with ya, no matter what."
Inuyasha had to smile at the words. His hands that had formally been pinned at his sides in fear of actually hurting Kouga, in the chance something had happened to his husband while he was gone, now reached up and stroked the man's back and hair, nodding lightly.
"I know, because we got our place now. In my pocket is a deed to our new place. Now we can really go home"
0~0~0~0
"Kouga, you should of told me before we started to prepare to go out there! you cant be pregnant and going West! it's dangerous! we can put it off for a little longer, until the baby is born and your safe enough to travel. You cant be making the trip on a bumpy wagon ride!"
Inuyasha was frantic. He couldn't believe that Kouga was pregnant. Oh sure he was more than happy about having a baby. But his husband bein pregnant. He couldn't be pregnant and going on a wagon trip out West! there was no doctors around, no mid wife's. Not even one of their mother's!
"Your worried about nothing Inuyasha, it's still early. We will be out at our place long before this baby decides to make an appearance. Now hand me that book I want to get them all packed up before we go."
Kouga thought Inuyasha was being silly. They would be at their place and settled before the baby came. At least he planned to be so long as Inuyasha would just quit dawdling around and hand him his book. He didn't want to leave without them.
"We are gonna have to take a milk cow or somethin, your gonna need lot's of milk."
Kouga rolled his eyes. He knew they didn't have the money to buy a milk cow. They didn't even have a way to transport it and he knew that. But he knew that Inuyasha wanted to comfort him, so he merely nodded, moving to finish the packing of his books so they could move on to everything else.
"Kouga, how are we going to fit everything we need in one wagon?!"
"Inuyasha, we're not takin everythin, just the thing's that we need. The extra stuff will be put up at mama's."
"Stubborn man."
Kouga pretend that he didn't hear his husband calling him stubborn. Yes he wanted to take several thing's West, and yes there were thing's that could be left behind, but he didn't want to,and that was that. Beside's, it wasn't like they were taking the whole house.
0~0~0~0
The sound of horses walking forward had caused Kouga to look out of the wagon flap. He swore that he was going to tare into Inuyasha when he got back, he was worried sick and Inuyasha had told him that he wouldn't be gone long, just long enough to get the run away horse. But that had been hour's ago, it shouldn't take this long to find a horse.
"Inuyasha I swear! when I get my hands on you-"
Kouga's sharp remark died on his tongue when he saw the stranger's. He knew that there was a chance that they weren't here for him. After all the whole reason he and Inuyasha were on this land was because their wagon wheel had broken here. But there was no way to fix it, they had mended it one to many times and now it was simply broken beyond repair.
But they were close, only a few day's away from their land and they would be able to start their new life's. They had stayed for dinner at their 'neighbors', and then returned back to their moving home to prepare for one more final leg of their trip and then they would be able to go to their new place.
That morning through, more bad luck had come to them, one of the horses had broke the tether to the tree, and had taken off. So Inuyasha had taken the second horse and went to find him. Though Inuyasha hadn't come back yet, and now he had stranger's leading his missing horse and looking at him.
"Are you Kouga son?"
"Yes. How can I help ya folks?"
Kouga finally found himself and stepped out of the wagon. He wasn't sure who these men were, but talking to them from beyond the wagon was kind of rude. So he stepped out and brushed his pants free of dirt before turning his full attention to the men asking for him.
The men's eyes became solemn and they bowed their head as one stepped forward. He was a little older than Kouga with dark skin and wavy brown hair, though only one eye was visible.
"I'm sorry. We...found your husband son."
0~0~0~0
'Well Inuyasha? what am I supposed to do now? we need ya.'
Kouga was aching, silently begging for some answer's. He didn't know who he was asking, Inuyasha couldn't answer him now, but he still needed the answers, he needed to know what he was supposed to do. He didn't have any friends or family here. And he didn't have any money to get back East either. And he knew that there wasn't another wagon train comin until spring, tryin to wagon train in the winter was a death sentence.
"Excuse me."
Kouga's eyes snapped open. That voice sounded just a little to close for his comfort. And when he looked up he saw a man with emotionless gold eyes and silvery white hair. He looked as old as the West itself. Kouga remembered he had been with the men who had come to tell him that Inuyasha was...
That thought was just to painful to get through, so instead Kouga just raised a brow letting the other know that he was listening, at least half way listening to him. Maybe it would distract him from the reality that his husband was gone.
Sesshomaru couldn't believe what he was doing, though he knew that he had too. It had been a long year since Kagura had died, and while Rinny was a happy adjusted little girl. He knew that his daughter needed a softer touch that he just couldn't provide, and he knew that this male was a carrier male, or a beta male. The one with the softer touch his little Rinny needed. Now he just had to force the words out.
"I know this isn't the proper time. But the preacher man isn't going to be here long enough for me to make this proper. Now from the looks of it, ya are in need. Ya got a broken wagon, and no way home, if ya even got a home to go back too. Now ya see i've got needs too."
The widening of sky blue eyes had Sesshomaru quickly back tracking. He hadn't meant those kinds of needs!
"I have a daughter, just three. But she needs the softer touch that I cant provide her. Now how I see it, if we marry. You will get a home and shelter from the upcoming winter. And Rinny will get the softer touch that she needs. And come spring when the wagon train comes through, i'll pay for you way back East. On the condition that you take my Rinny with you."
That being said, the taller male stood from his haunches, and turned to go. But he only took about a step before turning to look back at Kouga.
"I can only wait about an hour, then i'll have to have your answer."
And then the man was walking forward again. Though it didn't look it, that had taken a lot out of Sesshomaru, more than he would admit. He didn't want someone else coming into the house, taking care if his daughter, in his and Kagura's home, but..he wasn't doing this for him, he was doing this for Rinny.
He just had to keep that at the forefront of his mind since it was the only thing that mattered, he would deal with the rest later.
Kouga on the other had was wide eyed. That man had some nerve! he had the gall to come to him, the day he buried his husband to purpose..purpose a marriage! even if they wouldn't really be married, at least not a real marriage, still! he would rather stay a whole West winter in his broken wagon than be in debt to this man who would purpose something so...out of place!
But he didn't want their baby to die. It was the last piece of Inuyasha that he had. Though the thought of a marriage with a stranger left bile raising in Kouga's throat. Though he wanted their baby. The baby deserved to live. That was all that there was to it.
'Well that's it then.' Kouga straightened his back and squared his shoulder's. He might agree to this faux marriage, but it was also just for the life of his unborn child. Plain and simple.
And come spring he would be heading back East with his family and his child.
'Two children, if he holds up his word i'll be going back with not only mine but his too.'
That thought was another one that Kouga just wasn't ready to handle right now. His mind was settling on one thought at a time, and his mind was still sorting out the fact's that Inuyasha was dead and he had a unborn baby to think about, not just himself.
So with that reality in mind, the blue eyed beta male turned his attention back to his wagon and grabbing what he wanted to take with him and what he could live with leaving behind. If he was going to do this, then he was going to take at least some of his things.
And he wasn't going to wait around on pin's and needles for that...man to come and collect him like he was some piece of luggage that he needed to grab before moving on.
Sesshomaru returned an hour later, like he said he would, and raised a brow seeing the male sitting on a trunk and looking at him with a look that was akin to disgust. Sesshomaru could understand why, though he didn't say anything about it either and merely stopped the horses before getting down to assist him in getting his things in to the wagon. Though he was on the receiving end of a evil death glare the entire time.
'Hm well we will hopefully be able to stay in good graces for Rinny.' Sesshomaru thought moving the trunk up in to the back of his wagon, ignoring the fact that it felt like there was rocks in this trunk. Honestly what could he be bringing that was this heavy?
'His husband must of loved him. No man coming West would haul something this heavy if it, or who it belonged to wasn't special.' The golden eyed male thought, finally getting the trunk on the wagon, turning just in time to see Kouga stepping over the wagon wheel and onto the seat.
Hmm well apparently he had decided, and it was time to move on.
Kouga hadn't felt the urge to apologize for what was in his trunk. It was everything that he planed on taking with him. His books, his clothes, necessities, and the baby thing's he and Inuyasha had brought along when they came West,for the 'just in case' their mother's talked about.
'Oh mama, if you could see me now.'
Kouga had to force himself to take a deep breath to keep the shuttering whimper he felt in his throat from coming. He couldn't break now, not in front of this man.
"We will go to Kaede's first. The preacher is there along with Rinny."
The sound of the voice made Kouga flick his eyes to the side to see the male talking to him. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say or what to expect so he simply nodded letting the male know that he had at least heard him.
He didn't comment because what was there to say? His own choice was pretty much taken from him. He was marrying a stranger on the day he buried his husband. And for what? to keep himself and his and Inuyasha's child alive? well that was what was important. Keeping his and Inuyasha's baby alive.
Sesshomaru seemed to notice that Kouga wasn't in the mood to talk, so Sesshomaru decided to not go in to a more in dept conversation right now he wasn't a talkative man anyway. And besides his own mind was spinning with the thought's of marrying again, even if it wasn't for the reason's he married Kagura, this had nothing to do with love.
It was for his daughter, and she deserved everything, and if he could give her this, a 'mothering' figure, then his own unease at the situation was just something that he would live with.
Across the seat, Kouga was having the same thought's. He didn't care for the man he was going to be 'marrying' honestly he thought that the man at his side was most likely the single most selfish person he had ever come across, for what he had done.
Though he wanted his baby to live. It would just be until spring and then he could return home where he belonged.
'Oh Inuyasha, please give me strength to handle this.' Kouga silently begged as the wagon rolled on in a thick uncomfortable silence.