*lovin' these lil love-bugs*

*victress: "We see a lot of that in the show, people walking the fine line between friendship and love." you are very very right and that's the key to why these characters are so lovely to write. they all love each other in their ways, they're all a little obsessed with each other. that makes for great chemistry.*

*this chapter is a little meh but whatever, I keep trying to move this story along but life stops me*

*forgive me upfront to knowing nothing about the current seasons of the tv show mentioned half the way down*

*also, I know this fic has had a lot of typos and mistakes but I seriously have no time so it's not a mess without reason*

Chapter 22

A Happiness Space

Once dressing was done they walked with a certain ease, traveling from here to there without much care of where they were going. There was this whole familiar feeling. They were comfortable with each other, so comfortable. And it was almost like sweet surrender. They weren't locked in or anything like that but they were each somewhat obsessed with the idea that they might actually belong to one another now. If you've ever noticed the way a person lives alone with a cat who loves them? If you've ever had the privilege to witness small bits and pieces of a relationship like that, you'll know what I mean with that in mind. Every action made creates a reaction.

A loyal cat will wait all day and feign patience once their loved one is around, moving slow to say hello, and pretending to not be as affected as they actually are. Distracted, an owner will show much love to a cat without even noticing, or pretending to notice, and vice versa. Both parties care an awful deal for one another but an outsider might not see it if they're not used to a relationship such as that.

Karma and Amy were just like this, somehow used to each other and craving affection constantly while trying to mask that craving or perhaps make it come-off as less-than what it was. For the amount of affection Karma showed to Amy, she was really holding back. And Amy, to Karma, appeared to be pleased by Karma but she rarely moved to do much other than answer Karma's affection with her own. Up until now, she would hold Karma's hand when Karma took it in her own. She would hold Karma when Karma made a move to suggest that maybe she wished to be held. Aside from that first kiss out in the car, Amy was shy to move first and always doubting Karma's seriousness with regards to her and doubting what was right. Karma, by now, was awake to these things. She'd become addicted to studying Amy's behavior. It fascinated her. She was enamored, to say the very least.

In the car by her side, with Karma's hand in her own, Amy felt pensive and, she seemed languid. She had Karma's world on her mind. The thoughts about Liam and how he treated her. One meeting with him could completely shatter her. She didn't like how true it all was.

"Did you sleep okay?" Karma asked. She had woken her up and then left.

"I did, yeah," Amy answered, clearing her throat. There was a pause and Amy felt she should fill it. "Lauren kept texting me," she said. "She was worried."

Lauren was also obsessed with finding out what was going on with Amy. But that was beside the point. And then there were all the gossipy texts about Karma's meeting with Liam and all that. Amy still hadn't caught up with all that.

"I'd worry too," Karma smiled, looking over at her. She'd hate not knowing where Amy was if she were to leave right now.

They'd been driving a little while, not too long. It made Amy nervous though. It was hard for her to go along with unfamiliar change when she gave that change hope and weight. Usually she didn't feel so attached to things and changes and people. But this, with Karma, it was different. It was intense, right away, real and important right away.

"She said you really stuck it to Liam," Amy laughed lightly, for lack of a better thing to say. She was playing with the fingers on Karma's right hand and noticing Karma's immaculate manicure. It was frustrating, almost, how good Karma was at seeming perfect. And then there was the pleasure she felt in that, the pleasure in Karma's touch and her gentility. Something about the way Karma treated her and talked to her… It was just so very different from every other relationship she had ever had. She thought back on waking up the first time and how delicious that felt be given a kiss upon waking.

"Ha," Karma laughed. "I don't know about all that." Karma was lost in Amy's touch and in loving her. The way Amy held her hand felt so intimate and sweet.

It wasn't Karma's intention, sticking it to Liam. Her intention was to stop her cycle and find a happiness space. Amy was that. A happiness space…

"Was it hard?" Amy asked, remembering the way Karma was when she came home and feeling a pang.

"A little," Karma sighed. "But let's not think about that," she smiled and squeezed Amy's hand. "We've got each other and we've got all day." Granted the day was somewhat gone. Amy was more interested in Karma than food. And then there was that whole nagging feeling that Lauren might be looking for her.

"Okay then," Amy tried. "What should we talk about?"

"What do you like?" Karma asked.

"What do you mean," Amy chuckled. "You know… Movies, music… That kinda stuff?"

"Hmm.. I like documentaries," Amy said. It was boring, she knew.

"Really?" Karma asked, side-eying her with intrigue.

"Yup," Amy sighed. "What about you?"

"Me?" Karma laughed. She took her hand away from Amy to support the wheel through a turn and Amy wiped her hand on her jeans just in case Karma was going to grab it again which Karma did. "Well, I don't really have time," she began, "but when I do have time I watch all kinds of things."

"No, you can't do that," Amy teased. "You have to give me something."

"Okay," Karma smiled and breathed in. "The only show I like force myself to make time for? This is kind of embarrassing…" She realized.

"I just said I liked motion-textbooks. I doubt anything you say can beat that in embarrassing," Amy tried.

"Okay… Don't laugh though."

"Okay," Amy said.

"American Idol."

"Wow," Amy said, trying not to portray her surprise. Of all the shows out there she never imagined it'd be that one.

"I dunno what it is," Karma said, shaking her head. "I just get so happy when someone makes it, ya know? Like they are all so good and they work so hard and they all have these crazy different lives and-"

"It's uplifting," Amy realized.

"Yeah," Karma said, brushing her hair from her face and holding the wheel again with two hands. Breaking out of her shell in a more normal way wasn't something she'd done in a while. The only people who knew about American Idol were her parents and Liam. Not even Shane knew.

"I like it too," Amy said to be supportive. "Sometimes." It was nearly a lie. She hadn't watched since Taylor Hicks won over Katharine Mcphee. Looking back on it now she realized that she definitely had a crush on that girl. But back then it was just upsetting. She didn't have anything against Taylor Hicks or his music. Katharine's voice was just so much more soothing. It made her angry to see her lose when she as so close.

"Liar," Karma teased. She could tell that Amy was pretending to be more into the show than she actually was.

"Okay, I used to watch it," Amy laughed.

"Why'd you stop?" Karma asked.

"Well, Katharine Mcphee lost and I knew it was an injustice." Karma burst out laughing. Sometimes Amy spoke and Karma could never guess the words and until the lept to her ears and did things to her, good things.

"Have you always known you were gay?" Karma asked. Katharine McPhee was… Well… She was sexy.

"God no," Amy shrugged. They hadn't gotten into that can-of-worms yet and Amy was almost scared for it because she already knew that Karma had been seemingly-straight and monogamous for a very long time. That comment from Shane out by the pool the other day really proved that. He couldn't even see the possibility of Karma and Amy together, that's how straight Karma seemed.

"I have a lot of embarrassing things I could tell you," Karma confessed. "Maybe we should make a deal. Every time one of us tells the other a secret the other has to do it to."

"I really don't have a lot of secrets," Amy confessed. "My life hasn't been a ball of excitement. I've never run a corporate firm or married a millionaire or-"

"Amy…" Karma tried. "It's really not a contest. That's not why-"

"Sometimes I wonder if we could even work," Amy said, preemptively dooming them.

"What do you mean?" Karma asked, worry shadowing her mood. She never knew where these thoughts of Amy's were coming from. To Karma the thoughts were completely out of the blue.

"Up until this point our lives have been so different," Amy confessed.

"I don't see it that way," Karma said, trying to understand.

"Well, for one you've been rich for a very long time." That was the easy one to pull at. "We go to a restaurant and I feel like I'm uninvited."

"What?" Karma seemed shocked. She saw a place up ahead to pull over and she took it. "You never said anything," Karma said, looking over at her in sadness and surprise.

"What could I say?" Amy asked. "And then we went to that hotel and I wasn't sure if you were just…"

"Amy?"

"At first I thought…"

"Oh, right," Karma remembered. "It's just new, it's just all new. That's okay," Karma fought and tried to find a safe ground for them. "I mean, I didn't want you to feel like that and had I known I would've-"

"Even at the donut place I felt like maybe you wouldn't want to be there, ya know, because of what it was."

"Are you kidding?!" Karma wanted to freak out just a bit. She was smiling somehow through it and she wished she could stop herself but she liked learning more about Amy so not matter what was being said it was important knowledge she didn't have before which she treasured. "Amy…" She tried to get her to look at her but Amy wouldn't. "Look at me," she pushed, using a finger to draw Amy's chin around and stare at her teary eyes. "I didn't grow up like this, okay? And I wouldn't have done any of those things if I knew how uncomfortable you were. I'm serious. Okay?"

"Okay," Amy said, noticing the severity in Karma's stare.

"The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable. You make me feel like..." Her voice trailed off. She made her feel so many things and all of them were too good.

Karma brushed her hand down Amy's cheek and leaned in just enough to give her a kiss on the forehead before lowering her lips to Amy's and kissing her tenderly, feeling exactly how vulnerable Amy all of a sudden was.

There was another thing to add to the list of complications. Karma felt like an idiot for not noticing. No wonder Amy was so awkward at the restaurant outside.

"I am so stupid," Karma said, breaking from the fabulous kiss and focusing on Amy's beautiful eyes and then again on her lips.

"You're really not," Amy said. "I'm just complicated." Karma sighed and rest her body on Amy's, hugging her inside of the car. Somehow it was like she wanted her to know she could tell her anything at any time.

"You're sensitive," Karma said, still holding her. "And now I'll be sensitive to that."

"It's really not as bad as-"

"Shhhh," Karma said, hugging her tighter. "I wanna try," she said, committing to it for the both of them. Not everything could be easy. Somethings were going to be hard. That was a given.

When Karma finally sat up she noticed Amy's soft smile and how she seemed more relaxed.

"So, tell me more about American Idol," Amy said just to break the ice.

They both laughed.

"Okay," Karma said, getting back into her seat and looking behind her to wait for a gap and pull the car back out into the street. Karma was taking Amy to a place she hadn't let herself go for a very long time. "Like what?"

"Who's your favorite judge?" Amy reached for anything familiar. She knew they always had judges.

"I guess Paula," Karma laughed. "I usually like the guest judges," she said. "You know, the musicians."

"Oh," Amy said, keeping the convo going. "Like who?"

"Umm… I really liked when Mariah Carey came on. And I loved Andrew Lloyd Webber. And Carrie Underwood, of course, she's my favorite contestant ever. She's just soooooooo talented."

"Oh yeah, I love her," Amy said. She moved to her pocket and pulled her phone out.

"What are you doing?" Karma asked, nervous that she was boring her.

"Just wait," Amy said, a smile twitching her lips. She pressed a few buttons and a few notes beat out of her phone loudly. Karma smiled and hit the wheel with her hand.

"You aren't humoring me?" She asked.

"Why the hell would I do that?" Amy joked.

Carrie Underwood started to sing and so did Karma.

"WHOA!" Amy said after Karma spat out the first few words of FLAT ON THE FLOOR. "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU COULD SING!" She yelled over Karma's words and Karma laughed.

Amy paused the song and sat beside her in awe.

"You're reeeeally good," she said, seeing Karma in a brand new light.

"I'm not that good," Karma blushed.

"No, you are reeeeally good, like, you could win that competition, good."

Karma didn't know what to say so she just tried to adjust and breeze over it. She didn't have much time for singing anymore but it used to be her only passion before Liam.

"I used to love music."

"How does someone fall out of love with music?" Amy was shocked.

"I just… I got busy I guess," Karma said, ruffling her hair and trying not to feel the pain of her wasted potential.

"Does Liam know you can sing like that?"

"Yeah," Karma scoffed. Liam knew everything about her by now. Didn't make a difference though.

"Wow," Amy said, putting her food up on Karma's dash and holding her head.

"I'm not that good, Amy."

"No, you really are that good, Karma. It's not even up for debate, like, you could have records." It was hard to wrap her head around. Not only was Karma this ball-busting lawyer but she also had a singing voice that could knock out a whole stadium. "You are insane," Amy realized. Karma was starting to seem like just one of those people who was naturally good at everything.

"I dunno about all that…" Karma said that phrase a lot. Amy was starting to notice.

"God, what did you do to you?" Amy asked, bitterness seeping in. Here this wonderful woman was, she was sexy, she could do anything, yet she felt as if she was only half good and definitely not deserving of love.

"He didn't do anything," Karma said. There was no need to think about all that.

"No… He did," Amy said, sure of it. "He must've done a lot to make you ever think you weren't as talented as you are."

Karma let out a breath and tried to smile.

"Can we not talk about him?" She asked.

Meanwhile, Amy was starting to realize she was starting to hate Liam more than she ever hated an actual person.

"Sorry," Amy said. "Your voice is just…" Amy used her hand finger to point to her eyes. Karma noticed that they were watering.

"Are you crying?" Karma nearly laughed.

"It's a really pretty voice!" Amy yelled and then laughed at herself for being such a sap. "Where are we going anyway?" Amy asked, upset again. It was weird to want to go back in time and save someone you would not have known. Amy felt that for Karma though.

"I… I hope you don't think this is super weird," Karma started. "I just… I wanted to take you home to meet my parents."

"Really?" Amy immediately lost her anger for Liam. Wasn't meeting parents a huge deal? She thought.

"I haven't seen them in a long time," Karma confessed.

"Are you sure it's not like… Too soon?"

"Oh, they're not stuffy or anything," Karma said. "They'd love you if you were a homeless person I picked up."

"Ohhhkay…" Amy tried not to take offense to that.

"I just mean, it doesn't have to be a big deal," Karma said, taking Amy's hand in hers. "I obviously care for you and they'll see that. I didn't mean it like…"

"I get it," Amy said. Karma just said things sometimes that sounded wrong in her ears. She knew she didn't mean to but it happened.

"I don't think you do," Karma said letting out a heavy sigh. "When I say I haven't seen them in a long time I really mean it's been years."

"Whoa…"

"Yeah…" Karma sighed.

"So… Why today?" Amy asked.

"I feel safe with you," Karma said. "With Liam sometimes… He made me feel like I was alone. And with everything… With life… I just… I really need to not be alone with them."

"Oh," Amy sighed, kinda getting it but kind of not. She felt better though. It was about moral support.

"We really don't have to go if it's too weird."

"No, I want to," Amy pushed. This was obviously a big deal, something that had been nagging Karma for god knows how long. "I want you to feel safe," Amy said.

Karma felt warmth spread inside of her like a glowing orb.

"I don't deserve you in my life."

"You deserve better," Amy said.

"No, I mean it," Karma said. She felt like crying as she drove with her new friend into the neighborhood she'd taken so excruciatingly long to return to out of sadness, guilt, and fear.

Amy squeezed her hand and kissed it. "It's gonna be fine," she said. She'd be there for her, there was no question about that. Ugg… If only Karma knew…