*they're making me awfully teary*

*I've been working like mad with no time to write*

*every time I get a chance to add to this I feel a little bit happier*

*there are so many sweet lovelies in this fandom but I've been pretty upset with a lot of the fandom for both supporting bi-erasure and supporting biphobia in general*

*it's definitely been a tough journey with lots of ups and downs. I just think a lot of people have no idea how offensive they are being when they say certain things and that's tough to deal with because I want to believe everyone cares but then shit just gets said and it just makes me super upset or sad… anyway… I love these characters but the discussions surrounding them are more than always problematic and they really shouldn't be problematic at all so I'm worried for the future of the gay community as a whole and that just blows*

*anyway.. here's wonderwall…*

Chapter 23

Home is Where the Heart Is

Karma parked the car and let out a huge sigh.

"You ready?" Amy asked.

"Ready as I can be." She hadn't even called ahead or checked if anyone would be home. Karma tried to be hopeful. They could very-well go up to the front door and have to turn right back around after a couple of small knocks.

When Karma finally moved to get out, Amy did too. Karma met Amy at her car-door though and took her hand.

"We don't have to hold hands if you don't want to," Karma said.

"It's fine," Amy pushed. She wasn't much for PDA but this was obviously a complicated situation. Whatever Karma wanted, she'd want that too right now. Plus, holding her hand did feel abnormally lovely given the complicated events that felt they were about to take place.

Amy turned in strength to join Karma and face the house. Before Amy stood a modest Austin abode much like her own. If this was home for Karma this complicated everything in Amy's mind. Here Karma had been, and so close, all along.

"What is it?" Karma asked. She felt Amy twitch.

"Did you grow up here?" Amy asked.

"I did," Karma confirmed.

"Wow," Amy sighed, almost angry with her life. Karma was so close all this time. Just a few miles away. This was her childhood home.

"Told you I wasn't always rich," Karma smiled. "Not that this isn't an amazing house or anything. It's just, though I grew up here, occasionally we lived out of a food truck for reasons."

"Whoa," Amy said. That was the last thing she was expecting to hear.

Amy had never considered herself poor and she knew she really wasn't ever. There was a year or two after her Dad left that Amy and her mom were on welfare and really trying. But Amy rarely felt a hurt during those times. She didn't care about the newest clothes or the shiniest phones or any of the other crap people her age seemed to care about. All she cared about was her mother's sanity. For the longest time she felt a burden on her mother. But that all changed when her mom got the killer station job that was more stable than anything she'd ever had in her entire life.

Given all that, and her mother's unwavering love, Amy never once felt displaced or homeless. Not even when things had gotten really bad and her mom had to stay with her dad for a little while back when Amy was only five or six.

Hesitantly and with a bit too much sadness in her sigh, Amy felt the weight of Karma's coming home. She felt it in the way Karma clutched her hand for dear life and the way Karma's breath seemed tight and her energy shaky.

"It's complicated," Karma said. And they really didn't have time now to talk about all that.

The more Amy learned about Karma the more she wanted to protect her.

"We can talk about it later," Amy said. It was an effort to comfort but it came out a bit stranger.

Amy wished she could stop time and calm Karma down but there was no way. The laws of nature just didn't work that way.

They approached the front door and Karma heard music coming from inside.

"Here goes," she said, moving her hand to the bell and ringing it. How strange to ring a bell instead of just walk right in. Amy wondered if she'd ever be that way with her own mom. She'd hate it. It'd be horrible. She couldn't even imagine.

There were voices inside and then a high-pitched squeal as the door was swiftly pulled open.

"MY BABY!" Karma's mom nearly screamed. Amy watched and felt her hand tugged and let go as Molly enveloped her daughter in a bear-grip of a hug right in front of her eyes. "Don't you ever leave us again!" Her mom said.

Amy watched as Molly held Karma tight and rocked her lovingly. Both of their eyes were closed as they hugged for what seemed like forever.

Amy stood patiently by, watching. She couldn't imagine why there had been such a rift or why things seemed so strange between these two people who obviously loved each other very much.

Eventually Karma's eyes drifted open and she saw Amy watching her and happy about it all.

"Mom," she said, breaking the moment that lit her up inside and gave her joy. "I wanted you to meet someone."

Amy suddenly stiffened.

Molly turned to see the pretty woman who had come with her daughter all the way out to visit her past. "My goodness, you're pretty," Mrs. Ashcroft said, reaching a hand out for Amy to touch.

Once Amy grabbed the outstretched hand, she felt Molly tug her close and force her to fall into a very natural hug.

"Any friend of Karma's is a part of this family." These were actual rules. Amy couldn't know but these things were fact.

Molly wasn't sure what possessed her daughter to finally come home after the last unexpected fight they had but she was so very grateful. Anything could happen today and Molly would still feel blessed.

"That's sort of why I came out," Karma started once her mother was back to gazing at her as if she were tiny again and precious.

"My goodness, where are my manners," Molly asked, excited and flustered. "You two have to come in," she said, pulling their hands inside and making it come true. She couldn't chance her daughter flustering her and running off. She had to get them inside where leaving would escape their minds.

The music inside was coming from a very old sound-system that was actually crisp and clear. The inside of Karma's house looked almost exactly like it did when she was small. There were tell-tale signs of success: new paintings, updated carpets and tiles, antique pieces that were much more expensive than they seemed. And then there were the signs of the past: old speakers from the 70's, Karma's first guitar hanging up on the wall, and hand-drawn pictures of babies from way back when.

"Your house is lovely," Amy said. She spoke more to Molly than Karma.

"Thank you dear. Karma, I like her," Molly teased. "Come, come, come," her mother ushered them into the living room and onto the couch. "I've got pictures of Zen's. The farm is doing so well! Your father and him are out there planting the peppers again right now."

Karma had bought her parents a farm. It was a guilt purchase sort of. It was and it wasn't. She'd always wanted them to be happy and stable but she also wanted to be a success to them, something they could be proud of. That's why with the farm.

She sent them the deed two Christmases ago in a wooden crate with a fancy hand-painted logo on the front, a simple card with a hefty check, and a key to the farm-house that came with it all by default. It was sort of her apology but also her decision to just not give a fuck anymore and to let her family have their things even if it meant their things would be separate from her own.

She'd been driving around before that Christmas. She had a random day off after Liam had been spotted publicly kissing one of his wealthy young clients and a newspaper caught wind of it.

She drove for what seemed like forever that day. The farm just came out of nowhere. A little boy and his father were putting the sign right into the ground as she was passing it by.

She pulled over to ask for directions. They got to talking and then Karma knew she could help them so she just did.

It made her feel better in the moment. But then she had a farm she didn't need and a grudge she shouldn't keep so she sent it off to her mom and dad and let it all just solve itself.

"Here look," Molly said. She pulled a photo album from somewhere and opened it up on Amy's lap.

Amy felt stuck between the two women who obviously needed to be alone.

"See, this is when we first went. We all wished you had come but I couldn't get ahold of you and you were so busy with all your cases so we just moved along and waited. We knew you'd come around in time."

That was always Karma's way. Karma was stubborn and strong. She had her way of looking at things and Molly knew. Karma was a very sensitive child who often thought things that were untrue. But there was no way to change a mind like that. She'd live and learn. And that's how Karma always was. Even now sitting near her, Molly had to fight the urge to want to cage her if only for a little while.

Not to mention, she'd love to hear her little bird sing again. It'd been so long since that golden voice touched her poor desperate ears.

"Who's this?" Amy asked, snapping them both from their heavy stupors.

"Oh, that's Zen, my adopted older brother."

"He was so hot that day," Molly laughed. Zen appeared to be soaked from head to toe and exhausted. He had his jeans rolled up and a wet wife-beater on. The tan he was sporting was something Karma had never seen on him. "We had to spend forever trying to breathe some life into that soil. We knew it'd be hard but I don't think we were really prepared," Molly smiled.

"Mom," Karma said, touching a hand to hers and moving it out of the way so that she could shut the album and get her to listen.

Molly knew that Karma needed to come. Karma would not have come if she didn't need to. What Molly didn't know was why.

"I need to talk to you about Liam," Karma said.

Molly seemed to sense things. She let out a pained sigh.

For the longest time Molly was sure that things would just work themselves out. The last thing she wanted was for her daughter to be unhappy. Still, no matter what Karma tried, she always seemed to struggle and find obstacles placed all about her like some horrible nightmaric test.

"What'd he do," Molly said, sensing things. "We saw the papers. We've heard gossip," she said.

"Mom," Karma stopped her. "We're divorcing," she said. Simple was best. Simple was good.

"Oh?" Molly asked.

How is it that she could go years without speaking to her baby during the most disastrous time in her life. Molly felt her voice escape her just like her strength. What kind of mother…

"He doesn't love me and he hasn't for a long time," Karma said, trying not to choke on the nastiness of it all.

"Sweetie.. Why didn't you-" She stopped herself. "I wish you-" She stopped again.

"I'm seeing Amy," Karma said, surprising them all. She couldn't stand to see her mother's sadness. She had to fix it immediately.

"O-ah-oh," Molly said, turning to look at Amy and then back at her daughter. Amy and Karma both noticed the smile that Molly then showed. "Really?"

It wasn't a negative thing as far as Amy could tell. Karma seemed happy.

"It hasn't been long," Karma smiled, taking Amy's hand in hers. "But I haven't felt like this in a long time." And this was all certainly true. She'd never felt she could be strong enough to come back home on her own until now.

"I-I'm just so glad you girls decided to come over today," Molly's eyes began to rapidly fill with water as her smile grew huge.

"Mom," Karma groaned, like an embarrassed teen.

"Come 'ere, you," her mother said, standing up and making her hug her again.

It was the most fulfilled they'd both felt in a long time. Meanwhile Amy was watching and wondering why things were so strange. What had taken Karma so long? Everything seemed fine to an outsider coming in.

Then there was that mention of living out of a truck. And that talk before about Molly not being happy with what Karma chose to do.

Things were complicated for sure but right now all that Amy could feel was that she couldn't wait to get Karma alone and kiss her. She felt how stressed she was and how nervous from before.

They didn't talk much about Liam or why things were going the way that they were. Karma allowed her mom to ask a few questions but mostly she shut that convo down and turned everything inward and began to ask about her father and zen and the farm.

The soil was more than fixed after Karma's dad, Lucas, took his green-thumb to the once hopeless dirt.

It was weird for Karma to wonder if maybe she shouldn't have bought the farm from that family at all but more driven her father out to meet them and see what he could do to help. These were things that haunted her, little things that made her think of herself as this horrible human being.

At the time she thought she'd been doing everyone favors. But that family had to lose their home for no reason and Karma could see that now and she felt like an ass.

She made a mental note to try and check-up on that father and son.

When 4 o'clock hit Molly remembered that she had to drive out to meet her husband at the weekly farmer's market. Due to the success of their gifted farm, the Ashcroft's were selling more than usual and becoming a bit of an Austin favorite for many.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Molly asked. She hated to leave Karma. She hated it but she knew it'd be wrong to leave Lucas without help.

"It's fine, mom, we can't stay anyway. Amy has to see her sister soon." It was a lie, almost.

Karma had helped her mom pack up signature dips from her garage fridge and carry them out to her car.

In the driveway though Molly was sure that she shouldn't go.

"I can't," she said. "I can't leave. I've been wanting to talk to you since you left that day. I never should've said-"

"Mom," Karma pushed.

"I feel like I won't see you again," Molly said, realizing it. Her daughter was abusive without meaning to be. She knew it was wrong for the parent to feel like a child but Karma always had Molly feeling that way.

"I was stupid to stay away," Karma said. "I missed you and I was scared to come home."

Molly took two steps forward and held Karma's forearms in her own.

"You can always come home. I'd rather you be home," Molly said.

"I know," Karma said, trying not to cry. "But you always wanted me to chase my dreams and I killed them. And then things with Liam were always-" Karma let her voice trail off after her throat just choked close at the very start of her attempt to explain.

"Sweetie," Molly said, brushing a hand to Karma's cheek and trying to calm her. She suddenly felt like the parent again. "All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. No matter what you did or where you went." Molly pulled her in and held her.

"You knew I wasn't happy," Karma cried, feeling at home in her mother's arms. "You knew and you wouldn't let me forget."

Amy watched on, tears biting at her. So much made sense all of a sudden.

"Can you blame me?" Her mother asked, guilt ridden and trying not to feel shame. It would've been easy to pretend everything was alright. But Molly knew that money couldn't buy her daughter a marriage that worked or a career she actually felt in love with. That little guitar on the wall represented Karma in every way. So small and delicate, so old now that it had been placed a bit away. Playing the strings was dangerous but lovely. Molly was scared to tug at Karma's strings again. She'd made a royal mess of things before and pushed her daughter away when she needed love the most.

"No," Karma laughed, tears still falling. "But I needed you to pretend," Karma said.

"I know that now," Molly said.

Perhaps they were both stubborn and strong.

"Just promise me you'll come see me again this month."

"I promise," Karma said.

"And bring your friend."

"I will," Karma said, shutting her eyes into her mother's long-overdue hug.

Nothing could change the distance or the reasons. But love had been at the core of it all just as always with the Ashcroft lot.

"I'm gonna stay home a little while longer," Karma said. "Show Amy the house."

"Okay," Molly said, pulling away from her again and looking over at Amy. "You take care of her, okay?" Molly asked, pulling Amy in for a hug and feeling as Amy's body shook with Amy's tearful, "okay."

For once in a long time, Karma actually felt welcome again and happy to be in her driveway at home.

Her mom got into her car and drove it away. As her car pulled out Karma wandered the two steps to Amy's body and fell into her with both hands. Amy caught her and felt how much she was needed.

"Thank you," Karma barely breathed, letting all of her weight fall. She felt all of her strength leaving her and she didn't need it anymore. For once, she had someone there who'd carry her.