*this chapter deals a little more with amy's past and her relationship with her family*

*I can't remember if I named amy's boyfriend already, chose Ash like Ashton*

Chapter 29

Stormy Weather

After The Holiday, Amy started up Twister. Karma was asleep so it didn't much matter now what they watched. And Amy was feeling restless now. All the information from the day was swirling around in her mind now that she had time to digest it. She was thinking back on everything and trying to add it up. A lot had happened in one day. What concerned her the most though was the thing that had happened, or more like, hadn't happened, back in Karma's room at her Mom's house. That little incident was sort of eating her up now that she had time to look back on it and wonder why.

It was perfect. Everything about their day had been perfect. And they were alone again, finally alone. And Karma sang for her after telling her mom they were together. There was just so much about the day that seemed surreal. And then Amy reeeeally wanted to kiss her, she remembered that and felt it alight in her chest. And the kiss was…

It was perfect. Amy touched two fingers to her lips and closed her eyes to ruminate on how perfect it had felt.

Amy remembered it and wondered why she'd freaked.

As soon as Karma's shirt came off back there it was like a panic button got hit or something. And when she grabbed her? It was just like a flashback or something. Amy just felt a sort of familiar feeling she had forgotten about. A feeling she hadn't dealt with.

Amy tried not to think about it all but it was all she could think now with Karma sleeping still with her head right on her lap.

As soon as The Holiday ended there was silence. Amy needed something to get her mind off of what happened. Tornados would do the trick. Tornados and memorable quotes and cows and underdogs and other women, and Aunt Meg, can't forget Aunt Meg.

Soon as the intro began on her movie she felt better. She had this habit of watching certain films over and over and Twister was one of those films for her though not many people really knew.

As soon as it started up she felt a part of it. All those thoughts about her issues sort of disappeared because Twister was like a ritual to her, it could calm her and take her away. It was like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It just did that for her. It soothed her. Distracted her. Calmed her. And she needed all that.

Before the plot was even set in motion, Amy's phone buzzed in her pocket and she reached down to grab it. She only had relief for a small second.

"Amy?"

It was Lauren.

"Hi, yeah," Amy whispered. Karma's head was in her lap and Amy was stroking her side absentmindedly just like she'd been doing on and off. She tried to keep her voice low. The clock below the tv said 11:11pm.

Her current state with Karma was domestic bliss. The last thing Amy wished to do was wake her.

"Mom said you're staying with Karma tonight."

"I am," Amy confirmed.

"Okay…" There was an edge to Lauren's voice that meant she didn't think it was a good idea.

"What," Amy softly sighed. She kept her body from moving too. It was obvious to her that Lauren wasn't approving of things.

"You said you'd tell me about it when you have time. So talk." Amy could picture Lauren at home feeling all restless and worried.

"Okay," Amy sighed, relenting because she knew that no matter how it came off Lauren's call was strictly about concern more than anything else. "Where should I start?" Amy asked.

"Where is she right now?"

"She's in my lap," Amy said. The score to Twister was racing loud in the background and nearly drowning their words out and that was a good thing.

"What?!"

"She's sleeping," Amy smiled. "She's tired. She works too hard."

"Well, duh," Lauren said, agreeing for once. "Come on, tell me. How'd it all happen?"

"I don't even know," Amy realized. "It was just that first day after you left. She was so sad and I just wanted to make sure she was okay and now it feels like she's the one doing that for me and-"

"Amy…"

"What?" Amy asked, almost desperately.

"Be careful, okay? It's only been a few days."

"I know," Amy said, swallowing hard and sobering up. Lauren knew how hard Amy could fall. Up until last week Amy was broken from that one night stand with Reagan. Here she was, again, lost in someone else.

There were so many things that could be said about the two of them though. What about everything? What about all their secrets and the way they stared? What about the visit home and that kiss right before her panic and all that stuff with Liam and Shane and what about American Idol and Karma's dreams and Amy's past and on and on.

Amy thought it all and felt dizzy with indecision. She hated when things were uncertain.

"Well… Have you…"

"What?" Amy didn't know what Lauren was asking.

"Have you slept with her?"

"What?! No." Amy said, faster than she'd like to admit. "I mean, we could've but I didn't."

"Why not?" Lauren was far more keen than Amy imagined. She always listened and tried to place puzzle pieces together and understand the bigger picture. Farrah and Lauren talked about Amy's first love all the time. Lauren was the one who talked to Farrah about what it could mean. They both knew that Amy and Ashton had been sleeping together before the break but something was obvious in Amy's behavior toward him, there was something off there but it was nothing they could help or advise or chance because Amy never talked to them and that sucked. So neither Lauren or Farrah could even jump to a conclusion before Reagan happened. From the look of things, Amy practically just threw herself at Reagan, it was so different for her but Lauren knew that could just be Amy trying to force herself to come into her adulthood and her sexual life. Like maybe she was scared? Some people were just odd with sex and with love and with relationships. But Amy was so great with Lauren. Their friendship was so solid so it all sort of burned.

"Um… What do you mean?"

"Well, you had opportunities right? What happened."

"Oh," Amy said, feeling that panic again and wishing that Karma wasn't right there while they were talking about this. "It just wasn't right. But we slept together. Like sleep sleep and that was nice."

"Are you asexual?"

"What?"

"Do you even like the idea of sex? Is sex something you want?"

"Lauren…" These were very personal questions but Amy knew it'd been a long time coming. Beside herself, Amy let out an awkward laugh. Sobering up, she looked down on Karma and stared at her face, pulling her hair back and noticing where her head was. Something within her stirred. She felt that she wanted her. And not just in a super platonic I WANNA HUG THE SHIT OUT OF YOU FOREVER type of way. She wanted more. She did want sex. With her. "I'm really not." She said concretely. "I do.. I do want her, okay? Like… Want, want."

"Okay," Lauren sighed. She was still confused. She understood that some people liked to give things time. But usually those people were playing games or feeling out their partner or super sure that they didn't want to give it up for someone who was less than perfect…

"What?"

"I'm just trying to figure you out," Lauren said. On the other end of the line she was shaking her head and concentrating real hard on the voice that she missed. "It's like you always have a hard time with this stuff and I don't know what's happening with you and you won't tell me and it just makes me frustrated."

Amy tried to process what was said. How could Lauren know what was going on if she didn't even know herself?

"Sorry," Amy said. There wasn't anything else she could say. She had been keeping things inside.

"Don't be sorry," Lauren said. "I don't want you to talk to me if you're not comfortable." The sad truth came out.

"I'm not even comfortable with my own thoughts," Amy laughed. Tears sprung to her eyes. Lauren was suddenly too far away.

Karma stirred and realized that she had fallen to sleep.

"Yeah, who is?!" Lauren lightly laughed. It was obvious by her voice that she had gotten teary as well.

"I want to talk to you, I really do," Amy said, watching Karma all the while and seeing her rise with apologetic eyes and fluffy bed hair. "But Karma just woke up so I should probably go."

Karma stared at her with questioning worried eyes. She noticed that Amy seemed teary like before.

"K," Lauren said simply, wishing she could steal her away for just a little while. They rarely spent this much time apart and never without warning. "I love you."

"I love you too," Amy said, feeling it in her chest. Lauren rarely said those words and when she did Amy always felt them.

"Night Amy."

"Night," Amy sighed. She looked down at her phone with a heavy heart and pressed the button to hang up the call.

"You okay?" Karma asked, touching a hand to Amy's shoulder.

"I just… Can't stop thinking," Amy confessed, tears slowly falling. She used a shaky hand to wipe her tears away. She hated them there on her face all obvious like that.

She never talked about this stuff. Why did she never talk about this stuff?!

She felt so frustrated all of a sudden and she knew it was all her own damn fault.

She cried and couldn't stop it. It all made her shake.

"I dunno why I'm so upset right now," Amy confessed as the tears began to come faster. She was so frustrated with herself all of a sudden.

"Hey, come here," Karma said, pulling her into her while she kneeled up on the couch to take her into her arms. Why the hell had she dozed?! Karma was pissed at herself. "It's okay," Karma said softly, holding her tight. "I've got you," she said, feeling mad at herself for resting when Amy was obviously going through something emotionally that she couldn't see.

Amy let herself fall as Karma took her into her arms. Her arms rest on Karma's body as she let herself try and calm. There was no explaining why she kept things in. The more she thought about that the more upset she became.

But Karma held her.