*jacnessa: thank you :D you are lovely! also, i do sell books but i write under a different penname for reasons*

*There is no BILLY. Sorry for any confusion! Amy's ex from High School is named ASHTON.*

Chapter 30

I Will Try...

When Amy cried Karma felt lost in Amy's grief. Amy could be crying for any number of reasons but obviously there was something wrong and Karma couldn't do a thing to change that and that hurt her a lot.

"Come on, let's sleep," Karma urged.

Amy was crying so silently but they'd had a long day and Karma knew that sleep could help a wounded soul.

She moved and Amy followed. She stood and offered Amy her hand which Amy took.

Once they were in bed it felt normal.

It was like the night before. Words were no longer necessary. The only difference now was that Amy was the one wrapped up around Karma. She felt comfortable with her. Comfortable enough to be physical in this way she wasn't prone to.

All those thoughts about Ashton were sort of damaging. He never meant to hurt her. Amy knew that wasn't what he meant. But he did hurt her.

Mostly it hurt Amy because she didn't know what was wrong with her for so long. Now, it was becoming quite obvious that nothing was wrong with her at all, she just wasn't attracted to him and she thought that she was. All of that was crushingly sad to digest no matter how much time had passed.

At a loss for what to do, they'd both fallen asleep together in bed, wrapped up in each other's arms. When Karma woke the next day it was because of her first annoying alarm.

"Shit," she breathed, moving to the right under Amy's body to reach and stop the sound. As a precaution she turned off her extra alarm too. This was no way to wake after a night like that.

"I'm up," Amy said, sitting up all groggy and rubbing her face with closed eyes.

"Shhhh," Karma said, coming back to her and pulling her back down into her arms, rubbing her back and arms. It felt good to have someone to hold. It felt even better to have Amy.

"No really," Amy muttered. "We went to sleep early. I'll be fine."

"We don't have to go. I told Shane I probably wouldn't."

"You did?" Amy asked, waking up.

"Yeah."

"Awwww," Amy crooned sweetly, a smile coming to her.

Then she remembered last night and her convo with Lauren and how she'd cried and fallen asleep.

"Shit," she said, remembering it all.

"Hmm?" Karma asked.

"Sorry about…"

"Amy…" Karma had already warned her about apologizing. There was nothing to be sorry about. That was clear.

"Okay…" Amy settled, letting Karma hold her and feeling that difference, that thing she had lacked with Ash but found, somehow now, years later.

"What do you think about swinging by the office?" Karma asked.

"I'd be happy to work," Amy said. She already felt guilty about being paid for no reason. Not that she'd used any of the money anyway but still.

"I just think it'd be decent to meet with Shane."

"Okay," Amy agreed.

They didn't rush through getting ready. Instead, they took their time.

Karma pulled her tablet out of her side drawer and brought up an app she often uses when staying away from Liam at the hotel.

"What're you doing now?" Amy asked, watching as pages and pages of clothes were passed up at the swipe of Karma's finger.

"I'm getting you some clothes," Karma said.

"What?" Amy scoffed, looking.

"You're awfully obsessed with dressing me," Amy smiled, moving her lips into Karma's neck and feeling as Karma stiffened in her touch, loving her.

"Yeah well, you're cute," Karma teased. She found a few items and picked them out. Amy corrected her on one of her sizes but other than that she couldn't care less.

They showered separately. Amy spent an extra long time with her head under the hot hot water. Things were coming together somehow. It was weird how little she really needed to adjust. It was almost like she fit with Karma. Like it was meant to be. Karma wasn't like anyone else she'd ever spent time with.

When Amy got out of the shower Karma was in the bathroom silently fixing her hair.

"Oh," Amy said, not realizing. She was happy she hadn't been talking to herself or singing or doing anything strange.

"Sorry," Karma smiled, looking back at her through the mirror and only seeing a little of her form through the curtain. "Didn't think you'd mind."

"I don't," Amy said, her eyes dropping as she reached for the towel on the hook and pulled it quickly around her.

There was a brief moment where Amy was naked. Karma saw but out of respect she dropped her eyes and kept on curling her hair.

Amy looked up in time to see Karma avoiding her form and she smiled.

She's so sweet, Amy thought. She made a mental note to tell Lauren about this.

A knock came at the door. Karma cleared her throat and put the curling iron down.

"I'll get it," she reassured. It was most likely Amy's clothes.

Amy stared at her face in the mirror and noticed how much she'd changed over the years. It wasn't anything drastic but it made her smile. She felt herself wearing thin sometimes but today she felt healthy and that had all to do with Karma.

The next minute Karma came in with a garment bag on a fancy hanger. She hung it up on the backside of the door.

"It should all be there," she said, leaving a shoe box on the toilet seat and removing herself from the room.

Amy closed the door and took the zipper down on the bag. Karma had picked out the perfect outfit for her, it was like she knew her already. It wasn't a dress. Tight black pants, a dressy green sleeveless top and an optional soft grey chunky cardigan. Amy put them all on an bunched the cardi up to her elbows loving the way it felt on her skin. In the box she found some very simple sleek black heels and she loved them.

Her hair was still wet but she didn't care. She stared at herself and noticed how the shirt brought out the green in her eyes and the light in her hair as she thumbed the necklace Karma had given her and thought about what it all meant. Right now she was Karma's girl.

"You ready?" Karma asked.

"Yeah," Amy lied.

"Here," Karma said, walking to her and pulling her in to look.

Amy watched as Karma used her fingers to feel her cardigan. She felt Karma's eyes hit her skin and then her shirt and travel down before coming back up.

"Lemme dry your hair," Karma said, leading Amy to sit and just doing it. Amy felt nervous somehow, in a good way though. Her heart was beating steadily and she could feel it but she tried to stay calm.

Every now and then she would catch Karma staring at her through the mirror. It was hard to keep herself from smiling, hard to calm.

Once they left they'd already realized how quiet they'd been together all morning. It was a nice change to all the talking they'd done. They both liked knowing that they could be silent with one another. There wasn't a stigma surrounding it or anything like that. It was pleasant somehow, a gift.

"Shane was begging me to at least stop by," Karma said. "This isn't like me to just not come in." Amy noticed she seemed nervous.

"I don't mind if we work today," Amy said. She'd been secretly hoping to work. She wanted to know more about the firm actually. But time with Karma was more than nice.

"No," Karma said. "Make sure I leave." Amy looked over at her and noticed how serious she was. "I'm really bad at staying away."

"Should we not go?" Amy asked, a bit confused.

"We should go," Karma said. "But make sure we leave."

"Okay," Amy said, sitting back and trying to understand her.

They drove along the familiar streets and Amy liked the feel of being taken. The past few days felt like a vacation. Amy didn't work much as is but she hadn't felt that vacation feel since High School. It was like she had summer again if only for two days. Her last few High School summers mostly consisted of dodging Ashton to hang out with Lauren. She remembered that now.

"What are you thinking?" Karma asked.

"High School… Summer…" Amy confessed without thought.

"Ahhh, those were the days," Karma smiled. Her summers were filled with Liam and road trips. Sex was brand new to her then and she loved learning about all of that. The times when she was alone with just him, those were her favorite.

"Guess so," Amy concurred. She'd been leaning on her hand and trying not to be too thinky. To help with that she sat up and pulled out her phone. She had a mixed text from Lauren.

Lauren: Are you ever going to have to work?

She was probably depressed and worried. Lauren cared about her an awful lot.

"Anything good?" Karma asked, looking over at her.

"Just Lauren being nosey," Amy smiled. "It's good we're going in. I need to see her today."

"Do you want to work?" The thought hadn't crossed her mind much. She was technically Amy's boss and when she said she didn't have to work she took that as giving her days off. It never really crossed her mind that Amy would want to work.

"I don't have to," Amy said, seeming bashful.

She really wanted to see Lauren though. She wanted to put Lauren's mind to rest.

"I don't usually stay out all night," Amy said. "Lauren's not used to this side of me."

"What side?" Karma smiled, staring over at her openly.

"The side that rebels," Amy teased, raising her eyebrows with a know-it-all glace.

"Well, we'll make sure to get you alone with her then," Karma appeased. "Just don't let me work, okay? We need to get in and get out. If I start getting caught up in courtroom drama I'll never leave." She was sure of it. "You can stay if you want. Do you want to stay?"

"No," Amy said. She wanted to come and go just like Karma wanted.

"Okay," Karma noted. It was a good thing. "Sure you don't want to go home?"

"No," Amy said. "Really, it's fine." All she wanted to do was enjoy this vacation and feel more, she wanted to do that since it was so very new.

They swung onto the clean street and Karma made an illegal U-turn landing her perfectly in her VIP spot.

Up on the top floor Lauren, Shane, and Liam were all standing in Karma's office and staring down at the street while they talked. Truth of the matter was, they were all waiting for her.

The clients hadn't been too demanding but the firm wasn't usually run without Karma. Meetings had to be held through Shane and Lauren now and Liam was actually wooing clients for once which was a rare thing.

When they noticed Karma's car they perked up. Lauren hit Liam's arm several times and walked off to the elevator, throwing herself inside.

Shane followed but Liam didn't.

On the ground floor Karma and Amy waited for the doors to open but they were both feeling lovesick and wondering why they weren't touching.

"It'll be quick I promise," Karma said.

Then the doors open and they were met with Lauren. Two hands pulled at Amy's sweater and yanked her into the lift. Karma followed but she stepped out of their way.

"Oh good! You're alive!" Lauren teased sarcastically. She looked her sister up and down to make sure there was nothing wrong.

"Hi Lauren," Karma said from nearby.

"Hi Karma," Lauren said, not even offering her a glance.

Karma sighed and stared at Amy with a soft smile.

"I'm fine, okay."

"Alright," Lauren conceded. "I guess there's nothing wrong with you." She was being dramatic for sure.

"We just went to Karma's house, went out to eat, and then slept."

"Amy, you've been out for two straight nights and your mother is worried sick."

"She isn't," Amy urged, her eyes begging Lauren not to make it hard.

"We can go see your mom today," Karma said. "Does she like breakfast?"

"She has work," Amy shrugged.

"Go see her at work," Lauren pushed.

"Why? That's ridiculous," Amy laughed.

"You didn't see her last night," Lauren said. "She was just waiting up for you and literally watching the door."

"Yeah but I talked to her," Amy said.

"Still," Lauren pushed. "You should've called her first. That was really mean."

"I'm an adult," Amy reminded.

"An adult who is used to being at home with her mother every night since she was born."

"That's not fair," Amy said.

"No." Lauren bit. "It is."

"Fine," Amy shrugged. "I'll go see her."

"Good," Lauren said.

The elevator doors opened and the office was busy and looked to be running just fine.

As soon as Karma exited the lift though Petra noticed her and ran to steal her.

"Where have you been?" She asked, almost angry. "You left me with the idiot twins."

"I'm taking time off," Karma said. "And I'm not staying, I just came to grab something." Amy overheard but Lauren was leading her away because she needed to talk to her.

Lauren pulled her into her office and then slammed the door.

"Okay, spill. What's she like?"

"What do you mean? We just talked about this last night."

"Barely," Lauren pushed.

"Okay," Amy sighed. But then she began to think about Karma and all she felt was happiness inside. "You know how everyone tells you about love?" Amy asked.

"Yeah," Lauren nodded, looking at her closely and happy to have her back.

"They always say these crazy things like they get butterflies or their head swims or you know all that flowery bullshit," Amy pushed.

"Yes," Lauren was waiting for her sister to say something of substance. Amy had a habit of building things up but then getting pulled away before finishing her sentences.

"It's different," Amy smiled and looked away. It was weird to talk about. "Like, I feel all those things but there's more, ya know?"

"Oh," Lauren sighed. She pulled Amy over to her office chairs and had her sit next to her.

"I felt a little of this for Reagan but there's just already so much more with Karma and I don't know where that's coming from or why that is. Like.. I think about that first day and seeing her all mad at Liam.. I think about going out to that place where we drank too much. I think about sleeping over that first night and how she pretty much asked me to have sex with her but I wouldn't."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Amy sighed, noticing Lauren for the very first time in the morning. "And that's what I mean. There just already seems to be so much that has happened between us and so much of it has just felt normal or more… right, I guess. Does that make any sense?"

"Kind of," Lauren sighed. She was getting the Cliff's Notes version. Worse than that though, she was actually getting the twitter version. Just three or four sentences to explain 3 days that changed Amy's life for good. That could never be enough.

Amy realized she had been holding onto both of Lauren's arms as if scared to lose her. She looked down and let her arms slide away

"Okay, yeah, I need to know everything that's happened," Lauren said.

"Okay," Amy said. Absentmindedly she touched a hand to Lauren's cheek and saw vulnerability and cherished the sight of it there.

Lauren took her hand down and held it, she had tears in her eyes and a huge smile on her face but she was trying to be happy about the fact that Amy had finally found that thing she'd been missing. The only thing that really stopped Lauren inside from being glad was that thought of how easy it would be to bruise her. That thought kept her up last night. But she wouldn't tell Amy that, no, no.

The hour went by nicely. Amy started where Lauren left her and pretty much told her everything she felt and thought from the time Lauren left that very first day up until now.

The whole story was way more than Lauren expected. From the very first moment when Amy told Lauren she helped Karma off with her shoes Lauren knew it wasn't going to be a normal Amy day or a normal Amy week or a normal Amy year. All the stuff with Reagan had been small until it was like BAM and they slept together.

Things with Karma had been gentle from day one. Lauren could see right away what Karma must see in Amy. She could see it because she worked with Karma and she knew exactly what Karma's life was like and how much it differed from what she had wanted. Amy was like a goddamn knight, swooping in out of nowhere and treating her with kindness and patience.

When Amy got to the part where Karma took her to the hotel that first night Lauren grew instantly nervous.

First off, she couldn't believe that Amy had just kissed Karma like that. That was such a bold thing for Amy to do. Amy wasn't bold like that. And every time Lauren thought about Amy's hook-up with Reagan, Lauren was sure that Reagan was the one controlling pretty much everything most of the time.

So when Amy kept on talking about that dinner she had with Karma and how off it was but then how drunk they both got, and when she started talking about the elevator, Lauren grew insanely nervous for what was to come.

Karma pressing her body up against Amy's at the top of the world? That wasn't something she was really expecting. Lauren didn't know really how these things were supposed to happen between two women but from the sound of it all it was pretty freaking hot. Lauren would never have even imagined Karma doing that to anyone, let alone her dear sweet and clueless sister Amy.

Lauren decided to ask as little as possible, she knew it was the best way to get the most from her in what was sure to be a short burst of time. Amy had prefaced everything by saying that they weren't staying to work today because she had promised Karma they wouldn't.

There was a lot that Lauren kept her mouth shut for. Just thinking about that hotel room and that situation made her throat itch, there was so much she could and wanted to say. Karma was so different alone and in that sort of single-lover capacity. It just wasn't something Lauren ever thought about before, bachelorette Karma and how she might be.

"Why did you say that?" Lauren asked.

They'd gotten to the part where Karma asked her to come close in the bath and Amy wouldn't let her.

"I dunno," Amy sighed.

"I mean, you said, you told me you knew you wanted her."

"I know," Amy fought. "But it wasn't. It wasn't right."

"You were scared," Lauren said, realizing.

"I've been scared," Amy confessed. They'd still only gone over one day and half a night but there it was.

"Amy…" Lauren found so many things to love about her. She loved her so much. The more she knew the more she worried. It was thinking about her this way though that really made Lauren feel vulnerable. If anyone wanted to hurt her, hurting Amy was the sure way to do it. They were so close now as sisters and Lauren was just beginning to notice that after avoiding those thoughts for so long.

"It's not something I can control," Amy countered. She knew what Lauren must be thinking. Most people didn't have these hesitations like she did. At first Amy was sure that the only reason she had pushed off the thought of sex was because of her fling with Reagan and how brief it was. Now though, Amy knew that it was more than that. It wasn't possible for her NOT to know after all they'd been through. "If anything things are more normal with Karma than they've ever been with anyone else." Amy meant this in a relationship way but Lauren took it wrong.

"What?"

"I mean. Sex." Amy reminded. "We haven't done much but I feel comfortable with her. I never felt that with Ash."

"What? Amy, why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know," Amy said. "And I didn't know how, either. I couldn't have told you if I tried."

"Seems like you tried not to tell me," Lauren realized. She sat back in her chair and let it all sink in. Amy and Ashton had been together for a long time. They'd almost been married, that's how serious that had been. "If you never felt comfortable, why did you-"

"I didn't know," Amy sighed. "I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know what I was feeling." Explaining this now felt so necessary to her. Lauren had always been that person who helped her to feel normal but Lauren didn't know about any of this because Amy felt stupid and this was just one of those things that people couldn't guess at.

"Oh, Amy…" Lauren felt her entire heart sink in her chest.

It was all starting to make sense.

A knock came on the door, it was Shane.

"Hey, Amy? Can I talk to you?"

Karma must've still been with Petra.

"Yeah, sure," Amy said. Shane came inside Lauren's office and sat down across from them. It wasn't lost on him that Lauren seemed a bit broken.

"You okay?" He asked, looking over at her. But she wasn't okay.

Amy looking over at her and took her hand again and held it.

"It wasn't your fault," Amy said.

But Lauren sure felt responsible. Amy had no other close friends. It was just her and Ashton. All of a sudden, it felt really really wrong.

Amy noticed that Lauren was holding back tears. In strength she turned to Shane.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Okay, this is going to sound odd but. What did you do to her?" He asked.

Lauren scoffed and wiped a tear from her eye. It was just like Shane to be selfish enough to make it all about work.

"Back off," Lauren threatened.

"No, it's fine," Amy said, still holding her hand and this time smiling over at her. "I think Karma is having an epiphany about her life," she stated plainly staring across at the new friend who'd never treated her unkind before in his life.

"Okay," Shane sighed.

"All this stuff with Liam," Amy said. "She obviously needs some time off. Does she even get time off?"

"Well, it's her firm," Shane said.

"No. It's YOUR firm," Amy teased defiantly. From day one she and Shane had acted more like friends than coworkers. Amy had started out with that unique, I could honestly give a fuck, type of attitude and Shane had adored her for it.

"Yeah but Karma wins everything. I know you're new to the firm and there's a lot you don't know but she's sort of crucial."

"Okay, so, start treating her that way."

It was pretty badass. Lauren sat behind Amy and shot an impressed face over to Shane.

"Maybe you're right," Shane took it in.

Anyone who ever met Karma would know that she works too hard. Convincing Shane of that wasn't difficult in any way.

"Besides, how crappy would it be if clients started quitting because Karma quit or something like that. You and Liam are excellent lawyers. At least, Karma thinks so."

"Did Karma say something like that?" Shane was suddenly nervous.

"Like what?" Amy didn't realize what she had just done.

"Did she say she was quitting? Is she thinking of quitting? We almost folded the firm yesterday. Did she tell you about that?"

"Shane," Amy exhaled. He was too tense all of a sudden. "Nothing's changing she just needs to relax."

Shane grumbled.

"And I think that's normal," Amy added.

"Still," Shane eyed her suspiciously. He couldn't wait for Amy to leave. He needed to talk to Lauren about this. He'd get more real information out of that.

"I think you should go talk to her," Amy added. "She only came today to see you."

"And why did you come?" Lauren asked nervously.

"Why do you think?" Amy sighed. Lauren's hand had been inside of hers for minutes now, it was almost insulting that she would doubt.

They talked a little more but mostly Amy just explained how Karma sort of had a meltdown. She left out all the good stuff of course. But after she left the office she felt confident that she'd told them enough.

Finding Karma was hard after that. Shane needed to talk to her and Amy wanted that to happen.

Awkward enough Amy found herself hanging out by the large windows outside of Liam's office.

"Not too bad, huh?" He asked, after watching her without her knowing it for some time.

"What? Ah-no," Amy caught herself nervously. "Not too bad at all," she confessed.

Liam had gotten up from his desk and walked close to her.

"You're good for her, I can tell," he said, staring out at the town.

"How?" Amy asked, looking over at him.

"I know her," he said, looking down at her slow and seeing this person he instantly knew he could trust with his whole entire life somehow. Amy was magic like that.

"Oh, right," Amy sighed. She looked down at her hands and then dropped them to her sides to try and act more normal.

Liam was making her nervous all of a sudden. It was almost like she had questions for him. She felt like she should be cold to him or something. But it was obvious he knew he'd done wrong.

"I'm glad you're making her happy," he said truthfully.

"Hey, can we not?" Amy asked, looking up at him kind of desperate for him to NOT bring it up.

"Yeah," Liam said. "Sorry. I just. I'm happy," he said. "I knew I was hurting her."

"Okay," Amy sighed, ready to be done with it. "Why didn't you get a divorce then instead of…"

"I'm an idiot," Liam said. "Some part of me kept on thinking it could get better. And I did love her. I do. I always will but. I wasn't good to her. I hurt her. I was always hurting her." "Anyway," he said. "Thank you."

Amy hated it. He was confessing that he knew. She preferred he didn't know. She preferred him oblivious. And what was this bullshit?! Why was he thanking her?!

"Okay, Liam, look," Amy said turning to him and stopping herself from touching him. She suddenly felt oddly violent. "I don't want you to thank me, okay? I don't want for this to be something that alleviates your guilt, 'cause that's bullshit." She wasn't sure why it had rubbed her so wrong but it did. "I'm not here for you. This isn't about you. I don't even know why you're talking to me right now like we're friends when we're not."

"Wow," Liam smiled at the burn. He wasn't mad though. It was refreshing. This was the kind of thing he'd been expecting from Karma since she first found out he'd been cheating but that rarely came. Instead Karma was somewhat docile and just sort of broken until recently.

"Karma's not mad at you but I am," Amy said. It was simple. It was short.

She gave him a direct stare and then turned and walked away.

When she got close to the elevator she realized right away that she needed to be outside again, now.