I'm so sorry I haven't updated, but remember my friend I told you about who was cutting and tried to kill herself? Well, this time she succeeded. She was turning 15 tomorrow... Please before you bully someone, just remember you don't know what they're going through at home, you don't know their family issues. You may never know who negative your words can be on people. So this chapter is dedicated to Lauren, RIP beautiful angle. So I'm sorry if the next few chapters are sort of depressing for you. And thank you to everyone for reviewing, I don't always respond to them, but I read each and every one of them.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games.
Katniss' POV
Finnick offered that Peeta, Briar and I could be included in his wedding. I don't think I've ever met Annie, his future wife, before. But Peeta told me that she won the Games about five or six years ago. Once he described the arena she was in, I remember it, it was my last Games before my dad died. I remember seeing her in the interviews with Ceaser how innocent and beautiful she looked. But Peeta said when she hit her head on the rocks when the arena exploded, she went mad. She zones in and out many times, even worse than me, and that says a lot. Because when I zone out, I exclude the world, even the ones closest to me.
"Katniss." Annie sequels as I walk in the dressing room. She runs up and gives Briar and I hug. Briar has learned to like me, even though she still prefers Peeta over me, at least I'm in her life. And I wouldn't miss it for the world. Annie seems so excited about her wedding, she completely forgot to introduce herself to me. But it doesn't matter because I already know who she is. From the outside, she seems normal, caramel colored hair and the trademark green sea eyes of District 4, but you can tell something isn't quite right with her. The way she gets overly excited and how she thinks people are going to kill her when they really are only trying to help her...that sounds like me.
The bridesmaids dresses were beautiful. I was the Maid of Honor, my dress was a sky blue, and so was Briar's. Annie's dress was a green. It made sense on incorporating blue and green into their District colors into their wedding. But it makes me wonder how that District 13 can be so plain, but how their wedding is going to be so colorful.
Briar, crawled down the aisle, she tried to stand and walk, but only made it a few steps before she fell and landed on her butt. Peeta escorted me down the aisle, I don't ask, but I'm pretty sure Annie's family and Finnick's family died because they're no where to be seen. Haymitch escorted Annie down the aisle, I guess Annie is family to him as well. But victors are a family, they all escaped death, and for some, we escaped the death through multiple arenas. The wedding ceremony is beautiful, there were flowers everywhere. It makes me wonder again how District 13 is so white and dull, but have a beautiful colorful wedding. The whole population attended except for those who are needed in the medical center. Plutarch filmed their wedding to use it as a 'propo' to show the capitol that we're still thriving despite our current living situation.
At the after party, Peeta and I dance sometimes with Briar. I sit down by the refreshment table with Briar and Peeta. I rest my head on Peeta's shoulder and look at Briar who is staring right back at me. "Catnip." I look up and see Gale, I haven't had a conversation with him in a while, but it's nice to know that maybe he can forgive me about Peeta and I for marrying. And maybe even for Briar, even though we didn't actually know about her until I was in labor. "My family wants to see you and Briar." He gives me a hand up and I accept it. I look over at Peeta to make sure he is okay for me going with Gale, he nods his head and I follow Gale.
His family is across the reception area, Gale's family? Didn't they want to kill me too? No, maybe it's something from the capitol like how they convinced me that Peeta, Gale, my family, and several over people were going to try and kill me. I'm not sure what's true, but I've learned to trust Gale, and if he thinks that his family is safe, then maybe they are safe.
"Katniss!" Posy screams, well at least I think her name is Posy, she comes over to hug me. I return her hug. She says hello to Briar and so does Gale's two other younger brothers. Posy seems to have grown since I saw her all those months ago, was it six? Seven? I can't remember, but she is beautiful looking.
"Katniss, you look amazing." Hazel said to me. She pulled me into a hug, she also hugged Briar. "Briar cannot look anymore like you." She says.
"Thank you." I say, still smiling.
Hazel sees that Posy has wondered off somewhere and is quick to find her. "Well, I got to go now Katniss, Posy ran off. Be sure to enjoy them when they are younger, it's truly amazing." She says and leaves.
I'm holding Briar in my arms when I realized what she had said, Enjoy them while they are younger, it's truly amazing. Well, I've done a terrible job at that, I've missed Briar's first half year of her life basically, I wasn't there for her when she needed me. In the hospital I was told that a baby stays calm in their mother's womb by listening to their heartbeat, and then know their mother when they hear her heartbeat. And that thing that Hazel said couldn't make me feel any more guiltier. "Want to go see Daddy?" I ask Briar, Briar was staring off into the distance, but when she heard 'daddy', she immanently looked up at me.
"Dada?" She said. She said her first word. Briar said her very first word. And it's 'dada'. I'm a little sad that her first word wasn't 'mama', but Briar hasn't known me for that long, she probably even trusts Peeta more than me. Peeta has practically raised her her entire life currently.
I carry her back over to Peeta, he's still sitting on the same chair he was when I left. "Hey." Peeta says and walks over to Briar and me.
"She said her first word." I blurted out loudly, but soft enough only he could hear it.
"What was it?" He asks, his blue eyes are practically shining.
"Dada." I say.
Peeta's eyes are filled with amazement and joy and pride. "Wow, her very first word was 'dada'." He repeats to himself.
"Don't be bragging, she'll say 'mama' soon enough." I say with a chuckle. My mother and Prim offered to watch Briar while we enjoy ourselves at the wedding party. We both graciously agree because that means we will have some peace and quiet.
We're dancing in silence to a slow song, I rest my head on Peeta's shoulder while he holds his hands on my back making sure I'm as close as possible to him. "Peeta." I say.
"Yes Katniss?" He replies in a soft and soothing voice that gives sends shivers down my back.
"What do your parents think about Briar?" I ask him. I know Peeta's family survived the bombing, I remember Haymitch telling me about it. But Peeta never brought it up. What did Peeta's family think about Briar? I know his dad and two older brothers Rye and Will would love Briar, but it's Peeta's mom that would hate her, because "I'm not good enough for Peeta" "I'm a rat from the seam", in a way, she's right, Peeta deserves so much better than me, but I hope he never leaves me because I don't know what I could ever do without Peeta by my side.'
"Oh, um, they don't know about her yet." Peeta says uncomfortably.
Peeta's POV
I knew Katniss would wander what my family thought of Briar one day. I'm sure my dad and two older brothers Rye and Will would love being uncles and a grandpa to Briar, it's my mom who I have to worry about. My mom never liked Katniss, or anyone from the seam really. When my dad would trade with Katniss or her dad, he always made sure my mom wasn't around. I know if my mom ever Katniss trading wild game, she would have reported her immanently.
"Why haven't you told them?" Katniss asks. Well because my mom hates you. That's a good way to tell her.
"How about after the party ends, we go and tell them with Briar." I promise her, she nods and we continue dancing for another several hours, enjoying ourselves like a normal teenage couple should.
"Come on Peeta." Katniss says dragging Briar and me down the white hallways down to their apartment. I'm not ready to tell my family about Briar, well mainly my mom about Briar, but they need to find out about her eventually.
"This is it." I say stopping Katniss from going any further down the hallway. I take a deep breath and knock on the door. I mentally prepare myself for the worse on what they have to say about Katniss and Briar, who just said her very first word hours ago.
The door opens and my luck it's my dad, "Peeta, I haven't seen you in months. Everyone always told us you were busy." He says, busy taking care of Briar and then Katniss. And having mental breakdowns about never seeing Katniss again..
"Yeah, Dad, it's a long story and I don't know how I can explain this so can I talk to you and the rest of the family inside?" I say. I can tell he's staring at Briar who is now in Katniss' arms. He probably doesn't suspect a thing, considering how much Briar looks like Katniss and almost nothing like me.
"Who was that at the door?" I hear my mom yell from the living room.
"It's Peeta and Katniss. And they both want to tell all of us something." He replies. I silently thank him for not mentioning Briar yet. As we walk a little farther into their apartment, I notice that their's is a lot smaller than mine and Briar's and soon Katniss'. I wonder if it's because of our 'position'.
"Who does that thing belong to?" My mom asks pointing over to Briar who is staring around at the four unfamiliar figures surrounding us. I look at my mother's eyes. Harsh and cruel. Then over to my dad's, warm and loving. I wonder how the hell he ever ended up agreeing to marry her. "I'm waiting." She snaps again. Katniss and I both try to find the words to try to explain to them about who Briar is. "If that thing has anything to do with that seam rat, you need to leave."
"She's not a seam rat, her name is Katniss Mellark." I snap back, I emphasize the name Mellark and hope to get a reaction from her. "And the baby isn't a thing, her name is Briar Evangeline Mellark, and she is Katniss' and I's daughter, the one that surprised us both in the arena." I say.
"We were told Briar died in the arena." My older brother Rye says. "Coin told us that, to try and get us to stop worrying." I can't believe what Coin said, I knew I didn't like her for some reason and I think I just found one my reasons not to like her.
"Well, she's here now. And the doctor said she's very healthy considering she was born in the arena." I say stroking my daughter's head full of brown hair.
"She seems pretty healthy considering who's daughter that is." I stare at my mom trying to figure out what she means, "I mean, she has that seem rat as a mother, I'm surprised she isn't dead. Who knows what that rat carries. I still want that DNA test, I hear that some people will pay young women with food or money for them to sleep with him and some to have sex." My mom continues. I can't believe she just said that about Katniss.
I look over at Katniss who has the tears streaming down her face, Briar looks at her in confusion not sure what to make out on this situation. Katniss looks back over at my dad and brothers who are staring right back at her. Katniss hands Briar over to me who is still confused. Katniss walks over to the door, but before she leaves she says, "I'm sorry I ruined your son's life. I'm sorry that I love him. I'm sorry I was held hostage by the capitol. I'm sorry for being from the seam. I'm sorry for not dying in the Games. I'm sorry I held out the berries instead of killing myself. I'm sorry I didn't die of starvation when I was younger. I'm sorry I volunteered for Prim. I'm sorry for having that dumb wristband in the hospital saying I am 'mentally disoriented " I can't stand seeing Katniss like this, pouring out her heart without my arms comforting her, but what she says next is what shattered my heart, "And I'm sorry for existing and for being born. I should be dead by now right? I think I should be too." And leaves.
My dad's and brother's faces have guilt all over them, and my mom looks like she doesn't even care. "That baby may not be your's Peeta, I still want a DNA testing, but for now, can I see my granddaughter before that rat returns?" My mom asks.
I can't believe she just insulted my wife, makes her run away crying, and now expects to hold her granddaughter. "No." I say, "No." I confirm. "You just insulted my wife, she may be your granddaughter, but I will not have my daughter around this type of discrimination." I say and walk out.
I want to look for Katniss and hope that she doesn't take the things my mom said about her too personally. I walk out of the door looking to my left and right. I'm not sure which was or where Katniss went. If I want to find Katniss, I have to think like Katniss. Well, she would go up in a tree or in the woods, but we're underground, so that won't workout. I don't know where Katniss would go. "Where would your Mommy go?" I ask Briar.
I look at Briar, she looks like she is in mid thought before talks, "Mama?" She asks. I chuckle at this, her second word is 'mama' if only Katniss could have heard it, she would be delighted. I could imagine the smile Katniss would plaster on her face when she heard Briar talk.
"Yes, Mama." I laugh a little and kiss her forehead. Briar grins and then hides her face into my neck. I stroke her brown hair, I can tell it's starting to turn into soft curls, something else she inherited from Katniss. I remember Prim telling me a while ago that when Katniss needed to get away from something and she couldn't use the woods, she would hide in closets. Well, there are tons of closets her in 13.
Briar and I spent hours looking in closets, even the supply closet, and Gale told me that was her favorite one too. I still haven't checked the one in our room yet, Katniss was released from the hospital a few days ago and has been living with Briar and I since. I used the key to open the door, I put Briar down in her crib before I look for Katniss.
Katniss' POV
I sort of cant' believe what Peeta's mom said to me. What she said took me back to looking at the bracelet I had on in the hospital which labeled me as 'mentally disoriented'. If we were back home, I would be heading to the woods for a few hours to escape, but I can't since we're underground. Gale got to convince them to let him hunt, but I'm not allowed to, which ties back to the whole mentally disoriented thing. Instead of the woods, I make do with a closet in our apartment. When I walk past the bathroom, I see something that takes my eye. It's a razor, maybe just one time. I think to myself. Just one time to relieve all of this pain. I haven't cut in months, but the temptation is huge now and especially because I'm alone with a razor and my thoughts.
I take the razor and hold it up to my wrist. I press down hard and slice my skin. I feel the blood ooze out, which stings at first, but still leaves me unsatisfied. Just one more. One more turned into three more. I put down the razor, not bothering to clean up any blood on the floor. And I walk into the closet. I look at my wrists and see how ugly they are. I look at my hips and thighs and see all of the scars from the blade I used to relieve pain. It soon hits me that one day, I'll have to tell Briar about these scars. And why I have them and I why I did this to myself.
I continue crying my eyes out for another hour before falling asleep. I'm awaken by a light, I notice that Peeta is hovering above me. "Katniss, I was so worried." He says. And I remember the reason why I left him with his family. I start to cry again, I hate that I have been crying, it makes me feel so vulnerable and weak. When I need to be strong. "Katniss, I'm so sorry what happened with my mom. Don't listen to her. I'm so happy that you're alive and living right now." Peeta hugs me tight and it makes me feel terrible what I did earlier in the bathroom.
"I'll be right back, I need to go pee." Peeta says and walks towards the bathroom.
"Wait, no Peeta." I say and chase after him not wanting him to see the blood from me cutting.
But I'm too late, "Katniss, why?" Peeta asks, and for the first time, he's speechless, and so am I. "You were doing so good."
I start to cry harder, "I know, but words slice my skin like a knife. I just wanted to ease the pain." I say, "I'm so sorry I disappointing you. I'm ashamed of myself too."
"Katniss, I'm not disappointed in you, I'm just worried, this isn't healthy." He holds out my wrists and see the four cuts I made. "Let's get you cleaned up so no one but me and you see this. Not even Briar." He says. He grabs some bandages and wraps my arms.
Later that night, we're sitting on the couch with Briar, she's asleep in my arms. I watch her belly move up and down, she just finished nursing.
"I'm coming in." I hear a voice say, it's Haymitch's voice. He actually sounds sober, even though there is no drinking here in 13, but I'm sure he has found a way to get some alcohol in his system to escape this world.
"You three are wanted by Coin in the control center now." He says. I look at Peeta wondering what the hell that lady wants from us. But if she wants to take Briar and use her in the war, it would only happen over my dead body.