It was no secret that Aaron Hotchner hated politics. With his potential, there was no other reason why he'd go through something as tiring as law school and not end up being a politician. Then taking over as a prosecutor just to discover that justice is too complicated, too polluted by the government, and too late. He was starting to hate the life he fought so hard to have.
The problem wasn't putting criminals in prison, it was the part he played in the whole process. Eventually, joining the FBI became the logical next step in his career. The logic behind it didn't make it less fitting. For the first time in years, he was feeling that he was making a difference.
He went to the academy to rediscover his passion in every class, book, and new assignment. During his first year, he earned enough respect to be approved to take the profiler exam. He was on his way to become one of the best. So imagine his surprise that after all of his efforts to avoid it, the FBI assigned him to be part of an ambassador's security detail. Great.
His job wasn't exactly as a bodyguard, just reviewing the whole staff and doing background checks. It seemed unfair to be doing security clearance as if the universe was playing some sick joke. Nonetheless, he could do this if it meant gaining enough respect and trust so then maybe, in the near future, be the leader of his own team. The ultimate goal.
Aaron Hotchner was at what many would call his prime. He was getting closer to the person he wanted to become and he just got married to his high school sweetheart. Everything was going the way it was supposed to be going. He felt in control of his destiny, a luxury he gave blood, sweat, and tears to have.
Except for the fact that to get there, he was stuck at a politician's dinner party. He was supposed to never hear of the family ever again after he was done, but Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss went a little over the top with the guest list. The house was full of very important people that should be doing their jobs, not attending a social event that lacked any gain at all, not even financial. It was just luxurious even for the sake of being a pretentious party. When the list was delivered to the ambassador's security, it made sense to involve the government. Then the night before another list was made and the bureau was put in charge.
Someone decided he was the perfect fit to lead a staff he already knew and studied. He took the compliment, but it didn't make it less annoying. He hated that he had to quickly rush into the assignment. He had one night to do the rest of the background checks, study the Prentiss household and make what felt like thousands of phone calls introducing himself to different private security companies. It wasn't a difficult assignment, but required a lot of bureaucratic stuff he hated so that meant that it was time-consuming. His new bride wasn't happy with it, but she was supportive, she looked excited for his future and he couldn't be more grateful.
He managed to get everything ready in sixteen hours. He was too exhausted to also deal with the actual event. He didn't assign himself to a specific position to be able to do rounds around the house and stay in the places where most of the guests would be.
Terrible idea.
He was stuck in the obscenely big dining room. The chat around the table wasn't helping with his tiredness, it even was making him nauseous. There's nothing worse than listening to so many people talk about important subjects, but being completely blind to the reality because of their privileges. At least he was getting paid for it.
"The Ambassador has demanded that someone look for her daughter, she says she hasn't seen her since the Secretary of Justice arrived." One of his agents says to him. Even though he thinks that who this woman thinks she is to be requesting favors from the FBI? He didn't work for her. He worked with her. However, this was the perfect excuse to stop this torture.
"I'll do it myself, stay in position." Hotch realizes that he was too focused on everything else that he doesn't even know the ambassador's daughter's name or what she looks like. At the meeting before the event, he was told she was twenty-one, she goes to Yale and she wouldn't be attending this dinner. Still, he should've prepared better, it doesn't matter that he had little to no time to do it. He won't make that mistake again.
Aaron starts looking inside the house for her. As he walks around, he tells the others to let him know as soon as they see her. After no sign of what he guessed would be a spoiled young woman with dark hair, he decides that he needs to check the back garden, and yes, this house has a front and a back full garden. As if they need more than one plant they wouldn't take care of.
As he reaches the back garden, he's left in awe. He knew the house because he had access to the floor plan, but it lacked the actual beauty of the place. This is his favorite part of the mansion. In the center of the garden, there's a fountain that is surrounded by multiple rose bushes and lights making it look like it's something out of Alice in Wonderland or any other fairytale. Funny enough, he finds the one he was looking for sitting at the fountain, looking at the stars, enjoying the cold of a silent night. He guessed this was also her favorite place.
She appeared to be wearing a black dress with her wavy hair falling naturally on her back. She indeed has dark hair, but he marveled at how black her hair actually is. She looks mysterious, although he can tell she's not that intricate. He can clearly tell she's smoking by the cloud of smoke surrounding her. "Miss Prentiss." He was about to say more, but he was interrupted by the woman in front of him.
"Please, tell my mother that if she needs me, to at least have the decency to be the one that chases me around the house." Emily spats at him, but she never turns her head, refusing to look at anything that wasn't the moon.
He finds it funny how she was aware that he was looking for her. He isn't surprised by her comment expecting a reaction like that. She must be an expert at the socialite life, so she knows how to hide from it. "I would, but I like my job." Well, not this one, Aaron thinks.
Emily laughs sarcastically at that. "You won't in a couple more days." Aaron can listen to how she deeply inhales the smoke of her cigarette. He's not sure if she's smoking to calm her anger or sadness.
"I actually don't work here, so I think I'll be fine." He doesn't know why he's playing her game. He can sense so many emotions coming from her, he almost pitties her. The least he could do is have a conversation with her.
Who does this guy think he is? Emily mentally wonders. "So tell me, why do you think my mother is looking for me?" She is too used to this, too tired of it. If everything goes right, she will probably end up at some friend's house licking her wounds with a lot of alcohol. If this goes as she planned, she will probably end up at a bar and her night will finish with her in the arms of some stranger looking for that affection that she couldn't find at home.
He doesn't even get a chance to answer before she's speaking. "And no, she doesn't want to see me."
Aaron doesn't even know her name, but he feels he understands her. "She wants you to help her perfect family narrative." She exhales very slowly, he can tell by the way her shoulders move up and take their sweet time to come down. He senses that there's more than she won't confess to a stranger, but he wants her to open up with him. He's not the son of a politician, but he was the son of a parent that didn't know how to be a parent, he gets the pain.
Emily dramatically nods so he can see it and takes the cigarette back to her lips. He does notice she's nodding, but he takes the new cloud of smoke as his answer.
Time to be more aggressive with the little not spoiled Prentiss. "Why did you come?" Too direct. "Why do you keep giving her opportunities?" Again, too direct. "Miss, I'm-" He feels like he crossed a line, but this woman loves interrupting him.
She doesn't care that he asks the same thing she asks herself every time she needs to come back home. "Because it's her birthday." He's taken back by that. Prepare better, Hotchner. "No one knows, every year she throws a huge party, invites people who should be doing their jobs instead of attending" As she pauses he lets out a small smile, they thought the same thing. "Plays the perfect host, the perfect mother, even the perfect wife to a husband who didn't show up."
He's caught with his guard down at so much honesty. However, what he never thought was that he could empathize with the ambassador. He understands what it feels like to have to be perfect in every aspect of his life. He tries to, but he knows that the battle is just getting started.
"She does it every year, but the fun starts after everyone leaves. She goes to her room and drinks herself to sleep." Emily's words are full of venom, she hates her mother's ritual. She hates how normal it is to her. "She's not an alcoholic, I think she just hates that she wasted another year." She hates that she feels the need to defend her. A new cloud of smoke appears. "That's why I always come, to remind myself that she's flawed." It keeps getting harder to speak, her words almost drowning in the sob she tries to keep inside. She promised herself a long time ago to not shed another tear because of her mother. "The one thing she never allowed me to be." She whispers, but by then he's standing right behind her.
Aaron doesn't know why he's at her back, but he also doesn't remember at which moment he started putting one foot in front of the other. He puts his hand on her shoulder surprised at how electric her skin feels. He's more surprised at how she grabs his hand.
"You're better than any of them." You're perfect. He was crossing so many lines by just touching her, but she needed a friend more than he needed a job. She rewards him by bringing her hand to his and squeezing his fingers. She keeps their hands on her shoulder enjoying his weight as a reassurance that she's not alone.
Except that she is, Aaron thinks. He doesn't know her, he can't console her, so everything he wants to do for her must stay in his head. "Stay here, I will tell her that you've already left. She doesn't deserve to have you here." You deserve more. He leaves as soon as the last word exits his mouth, not wanting to be more unprofessional. Nonetheless, he feels good after showing the ambassador's daughter some mercy. Although, he feels like showed her what being human is. He wishes that at least he had seen her face, she just became a new ghost in his life. Her voice would have to be enough.
Emily turns to look at him, but he was already getting inside the house. She can only catch a glimpse of his back. She just told him her deepest secrets and he didn't judge her. He allowed her to leave. No one has ever taken into consideration her feelings to the point of ignoring her mother's, his boss, orders. It was a new sensation, but not unwelcome. She wonders when she will find someone like that again. When she will find him again. She will look for him in strangers because when she grabbed his hand, she could feel the wedding ring. Of course, a man like that wasn't available. Of course that he would never want her.
They're completely unaware of how their paths are going to cross in a couple of years.
It's sad that after years of keeping that conversation as a deep good memory, when they finally see their faces, neither of them mentions it. They tell each other that they don't know them, even though Aaron knew he had a conversation with Ambassador Prentiss' only daughter and Emily remembered his voice. She could never forget that voice. She thinks the universe brought him back to her life for a reason, but she finds it harder to hold on to that reason every day. It was hard to find out that the man she set as the standard for the right guy, was completely different from the person she met.
The first time she realized things were never going to go the way she dreamed was after noticing that his ring was still there. She was happy to find out that he now had a kid. He deserved to be a parent, to pass down some wisdom, and to show that men should care. Actually, it was good to see that his life was going well. It was enough to put an end to her crush on him. It took her a couple of years to fall out of attraction, but she was glad it happened. It'd make things too awkward now. As if joining the team wasn't a challenge on its own.
The second time wasn't a moment in specific, it was every moment he was rude to her, she never thought he could be that mean while being professional, when she met him he was sweet and empathic. This was not the guy that helped her escape her mother's party. However, it made sense not to trust her considering the mess with her transfer.
The third time was the last and that was it, no more holding on to the idea she had of him in her mind. No more excuses. The time he accused her of having a political agenda. She thought he listened to her that night many years ago, but it's not like he has given her any sign that he remembers their brief encounter. She was sure that he knew that she was talking to her, but did she really want to confront him for losing his kind heart?
The thing is… she doesn't think he's changed. He grew up, he became more mature, but he stopped crossing the line between professionalism and humanism. Emily can see it in how his team trusts him and never doubts his leadership. He's their lifeline, they rely on him and he's strong enough to take it. She has grown fond of this group of very different, but wonderful people. They have big minds and hearts, they wouldn't follow him like they do if he wasn't a reflection of their values. She can see how he understands each one of them, even he and Gideon had a good friendship going on. So why was he so cold with her? She almost convinced herself it was because she was the new one, but after a while, it seemed like she was the problem.
Emily even got to see him with his wife. She noticed how he couldn't take his eyes off of her, how relaxed he looked in her presence, and how beautiful she was. She's pure and sweet, with a contagious energy, just the right fit for him. They looked really nice together. For a second in that bar, she remembered what she noticed in him years ago. She could see it right in front of her eyes. The man she imagined was real, his name is Aaron, but he would vanish every time Hotch talked with her.
It was very confusing, it was a very special type of torture trying to understand why couldn't they be friends, but it was fine. They were getting better at working together, that was more than enough for her.
The case wasn't easy, none of them are, but those that live in the gray areas are especially difficult. A veteran with PTSD killing people, because he was stuck inside his mind, was the definition of difficult. The fact that they got so close, they could've helped him, but he was too far gone to be saved. Everyone is handling it as well as they can. Roy deserved a better ending and the whole team knew it.
Hotch is in the kitchenette preparing a coffee, admiring his team. From Houston to DC there was an almost five-hour distance so it was understandable why they were all sleeping, well, except Emily. They haven't had much time to speak anything non-work related so someone could say they were on good terms. As good as they could be after he basically accused her of turning into her mother. He wasn't a fool, he knew he overreacted and he knew he hurt her.
He realized that after pouring his coffee there was some left in the pot so he grabs another mug from the cabinet and decides this could be the olive branch they needed. He adds some milk to her coffee remembering how excited she got over the homemade cookies. She probably likes sweet things, he thinks as he adds two spoons of sugar.
He walks to her seat with one mug on each hand praying for thirty seconds free of turbulence. Thankfully, he makes it to her side and puts the mug in front of her face.
"Ouh?" Emily is taken aback by the gesture, but she accepts it. "Thank you." She smiles to hide her curiosity as he sits in the seat right in front of her.
Is he going to fire me? What did I do this time? He wasn't nice the last time he got mad at me.
Aaron feels uncomfortable looking at her, even though the gesture disturbed her, she's trying to be nice about it. "I saw that you were awake." He reads her mind with no effort. "Also, I don't know how you drink it so I hope it's not horrible." He says nervously. He really should pay more attention to those details about his team.
Emily takes a sip from her coffee and she is completely taken back by the taste. "Mhm." She enjoys how the hot beverage travels through her body leaving a sweet feeling. He prepared her coffee exactly the way she likes it. "Excellent profiling skills." She says as she grabs the mug with both hands and holds it over her lap.
"I'm good at my job." They laugh at the irony.
Emily jumps a little in her seat when she gets an idea. "My turn," She pretends that she's trying to read his mind and he can help but smile at that. "You're drinking black," He was about to correct her when she raised a hand. "But you added half a spoon of sugar so it doesn't taste so bitter."
"Impressive." He means it.
"I'm good at my job too." It was meant to be an innocent comeback, but it comes out full of power.
It gets to him how she ignores that he never doubted that. "Listen, Prentiss," Her whole face changed as his tone went back to the normal Hotch voice. He's so going to fire me. "About the other day when I implied you had a political agenda-"
Well, this man was full of surprises. "It's okay, water under the bridge." She still is a little mad about it. Considering he met her ten years ago, she thought he would know better than to question her morals, but he did and he was apologizing for it. It was all that mattered. Just as they say, never meet your heroes.
"It wasn't okay, I overstepped." She nods in agreement, she doesn't comment on it because he deserves it. "You're part of this team, I need to trust you as much as I need you to trust me." He says softly. It was hard for him to admit that he was wrong, but it was even harder to be this honest with her. The way her eyes lit up was definitely making it easier. "I guess this case just made me realize how important it is to help each other."
Emily felt something warm in her chest when he mentioned that she was part of the team. She has worked for months for that moment and it finally felt right to someone to say it. Of course, it had to be him who said it first. She is part of the team, but that also means that she is a part of his life. "Thank you."
They enjoy their coffees in silence while his last words resonate in Emily's head. Another team member needed the help more than her. "Sir, I want to talk about Reid." She says whispering, afraid of someone listening to their conversation. She would never want them to think that she was questioning his abilities. She would never doubt the great mind of Spencer Reid.
Aaron leans into his seat preparing himself for the conversation he never planned on having about his youngest team member. "I know, I've noticed it too, but I need to talk with Gideon." He briefly glances at the rest of the plane to confirm Reid is asleep. "I know it started after Hankle, but it keeps getting worse." Emily leaves her mug on the table, she felt this strange need to wrap her arms around herself. If it was empathy or concern, she doesn't know. "He being rude to you is the most noticeable sign."
"It's okay, I can take it." She says lightly. "But he needs help and he won't ask for it." She hates that she has been mentally creating a profile on this new version of Spencer during this case. It feels wrong to treat her friend as a victim, or worse, as a suspect.
He nods in agreement. "He's too afraid of losing his job so he won't come to me, but he will eventually come to Gideon. He's the nearest thing Reid has to a father figure." Aaron feels wrong too, but as the team leader, he needs to be prepared for the two different outcomes. Either Reid gets better or he doesn't, no matter what happens, it will affect all of them.
Emily wants to break the way how this talk feels like a discussion around their round table. "I can't blame him, this job changes people, and after what he went through…" She lowers her head feeling the weight of her words. "It's hard to recover from a trauma like that." She whispers.
Aaron studies her body language and he hates what he sees. Too much pain to not have a personal connection. "Who?" He just hopes she doesn't answer with how many years she's been sober.
She understood the assumption right away. "Not me, a friend." He nods, not expecting more. "Back when I lived in Italy, it was hard to see him go through that, but he's okay now. Well, I like to think he's okay, we haven't talked in years." But she gives it to him because she feels like she could trust this with this small fragment of her past. The tip of a very intricate iceberg.
He doesn't mention how he didn't know she lived in Italy or makes more questions. "I'm sorry." He just says that and he means it. Emily is grateful for that, she won't open that Pandora box any time soon.
"Me too." Their eyes find each other and Emily wonders if he looked at her like that night, with those eyes full of compassion. She should've turned, but she was scared of being too vulnerable to someone she didn't know. Turns out that some things never change.
She almost wants to use this moment to thank him for what he did for her years ago, but he stands up eliminating any thought of that from her mind. "Goodnight, Prentiss."
"Goodnight, Sir." He feels a tingle on his skin. After what they just shared, it feels wrong to keep things so impersonal.
"When you're ready, you can call me Hotch." He's aware their relationship is not there yet, but they just took a step in the right direction.
"I will." He leaves her to take a seat on the other side of the plane putting distance between them. Even though as soon as he sits, he can feel her eyes on him.
This is why he didn't allow himself to be friendly with her, he was too afraid of how close they could become.
i should warn you all that english isn't my first language.