I've tried for a while now to have this story follow the lines of Mockingjay sort of, but I could never get it right, it either sounded too boring or just plain awful so I'm gFoing to fast forward some, so here's what has happened: Prim dies from a bomb that was possibly Gale's, Annie is pregnant with Finnick's baby, Peeta's whole family is dead, Mrs. Everdeen was watching Briar, Katniss Peeta and Haymitch have returned back District 12, Mrs. Everdeen went to District 4 along with Johanna. Katniss also shot Coin and Snow, Paylor became president, it was also shown Katniss an unfit mother and Peeta is grieving too much to look after Briar, so Haymitch has sole custody over her. If you have any more questions or want me to clearify something, feel free to leave it in a review or pm me. Anyways after a long wait, here is the next chapter of 'What If'.
Katniss' POV
I stare out the window, watching the fall leaves slowly start to change from their bright green color to their darker shade and fall from the trees. I see Haymitch outside raking leaves with Briar jumping into the pile and laughing, she may only be a year and a half old, but no one shines brighter than she does. Briar's looks may favor me more than Peeta, but she deffinantly has Peeta's personality. A few more minutes pass of me envying Haymitch of the time he is spending with my daughter, but what I see next sort of surprises me, Peeta comes outside to join Haymitch and Briar.
It still hurts that Haymitch has full custody over Briar, but it's better than some random person from the capitol.
"Daddy!" Briar screams and runs as fast as her toddler legs can carry her to Peeta.
"Hi Pumpkin." He replies back and picks her up. He smiles and looks up at Haymitch. "How has she been?" Peeta asks Haymitch.
Haymitch puts down his rake and stands up straight, "At first she was having a hard time without you and Katniss, she would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and want either you or Katniss, but I had to tell her that they were busy and I needed to watch her, but she's starting to get better about it."
She's starting to get better. That one phrase hits me hard, the very real possibility that Briar doesn't need us in her life, that she's doing fine without Peeta or me. I can't take it anymore, the tears start to cascade down my face, I quickly run upstairs to the room that used to be occupied by Prim, and lock myself in the tiny confined closet. I'm not sure what I'm crying about, am I crying about Briar not needing me? About Prim's death? About having no one left to talk to? I'm not sure. I pull some blankets off of hangers and wrap myself tightly inside of them.
I wake up the next morning, I'm guessing I feel asleep, that's all I really do anyways. Sleep and occasionally hunt. I'm not sure on what I want to do for the day yet, if I want to sleep the day away like I have been for the past month and a half or if I want to actually do something with my life. I decide on going hunting, I haven't been out in the woods since last week and I've been missing their comfort lately. I find my dad's old hunting jacket and boots and slide them on, I look at the clock, 10:30, I have all day to hunt and relax some.
I slip outside my house and close the front door, I walk out of the Victor's Village into town, I've heard the rumors of Peeta rebuilding his family's bakery, it turns out the rumors are right because I see Peeta and several other men rebuilding the bakery, Peeta and I make eye contact but we both quickly look away, What the hell happened to us? What really happened to us? I wonder if we'll ever get back together, legally we're still married, but for some dumb reason, we're not together together.
I keep walking, I see several you families with kids walking to the pumpkin patch, jumping up and down excited to pick their first pumpkin. I decided to follow a family to the pumpkin patch to see what all the excitement was all about, but as the patch becomes more clearer, I see Haymitch and Briar walking out, Briar, being stubborn, carried a pumpkin probably more than she weighs, Haymitch is right behind her. We make eye contact and neither of us look away, I regret following the family I followed now because Haymitch pointed me out to Briar, Haymitch coaches Briar to give him the pumpkin so she can say hi to me.
"Look Briar, there's Mommy." Haymitch points out, of all people, I'm surprised that two years ago, Haymitch was a guy who was almost always drunk, and now he's made an effort to stay sober for Briar's sake even though Briar isn't even his daughter. Briar looks up at me with her sparkling gray eyes, that resemble mine.
"No that's Katniss." She says with her young high pitch voice. No one says anything else. Haymitch looks up at me with sympathy in his eyes. I'm not mad at Briar, or even disapointed in her. If you really think about it, she never really has had a mom, for the majority of her life I have been absent, weather it was because of the capitol when I was captured from the arena, or now where I'm in control of myself. And I hate myself for missing out on so much of her life. It's not until this moment where I forgive my mother a little, I realize how hard it is to recover from a death of someone who you loved so much, how much it hurts to lose someone who was so close to you. I shut myself out of everyday life and it effected everyone, especially my eighteen month daughter who isn't a 100% sure on what her relationship is to me.
Haymitch, Briar and I say our goodbye's and I kiss Briar on top of her head before I head off into the woods today. I still keep my bow and arrow in the same hollowed out log I did before my first Games even though I don't have to keep it a secret that I hunt anymore. Though it's not illegal to hunt now, I'm really the only who does it. I'm sure Gale would too if he was living here, instead of having some fancy job in District 2. His family lives here now, Rory, Vick, Posy and Hazel.
The leaves crunch underneath my feet, this time of year, right before winter sets in, is when the woods are the prettiest because of all the trees' leaves changing colors, it doesn't take long for me to find a squirrel, I quickly pull out a bow from my arrow bag, I aim for it's eye, I release the bow and miss. I missed. I can count on both hands the times I have missed my target since I was eleven. By the time I reach for another arrow, the squirrel was gone. The next time I see game, it's a rabbit. And I missed again. I can't seem to focus today, I can't get Briar calling me 'Katniss' off of my mind. Even though I'm said not to be a 'fit' parent right now, I still want her to know who I am. To have some type of relationship with me if I can't get custody over her again.
I decide to cancel my hunting plans for the day and head out to the meadow, sometimes if it was Christmas, Prim's birthday, Prim was feeling down, or any holiday and I couldn't afford to get Prim anything, I would make her a flower headband, it would always make her feel better, so that's what I'm doing today, making a flowered headband for Briar. I have no clue if she will like this, but I can at least try it and see.
I gather many small twigs that will easily bend and find some orange and red flowers, to weave into the headband, it takes me all afternoon to finish the headband, but once it's finished, I admire it. This is simply the prettiest thing I've ever made, but I'm not very artistic like Peeta is. That's when I wonder if Briar likes to bake and paint like Peeta does, or if she likes to go out into the woods and hunt like I do.
I put the headband in my game bag and walk back into District 12. Some people smile and wave at me, I try to smile back at them, but sometimes I don't. I'm not sure if Haymitch and Briar will be in town or back home in the Victor's Village. I walk up the porch steps to Haymitch's house, I don't ring the doorbell, I just let myself in. Knowing Haymitch, he still doesn't lock the door. I was right, the door isn't locked.
"Haymitch." I call out.
"In the kitchen sweetheart." He calls back.
I walk down the hallways and into the kitchen, I see Briar in a highchair and Haymitch feeding her. I actually feel sorry that Haymitch never found his special women, he would have made a great father now that I see how good he is with Briar.
"Mommy!" Briar shouts, I smile knowing that at least she knows I'm 'Mommy' now. I walk over and kiss her forehead. I take a seat on the other side of the highchair where Briar is.
"I brought you something." I say breaking the silence. I see Briar smile so big it makes my heart beat faster and making me realize more and more on how much I love her.
"Yay Mommy." She screams, I guess she doesn't have an indoor voice yet.
I pull out the flower crown from my bag, "I used to make these for my sister when she was younger." I say and place the crown on top of her head. She touches it carefully and lightly. I look at her in awe.
"I like the color choice you made." Haymitch points out, "Red and orange, Girl on Fire's daughter."
I stay and carry on an interesting conversation with Briar about how she meet a new friend before I make a point to leave. Once I get home, I eat a full meal, something I haven't done for a while and took a shower, something else I haven't done in a while. I make a promise to myself and Briar, that one day, maybe I can get custody over Briar again and prove I am a fit parent. But now, I have to start to take care of myself first.
Peeta's POV
My first few weeks back in District 12 were rough, Katniss and I are taking a break on our marriage, we both lost custody over Briar, so Haymitch volunteered to have sole custody over her. I'm really thankful that Haymitch stepped up and offered to take custody over her rather than someone we don't know. I've been trying to stop grieving the loss of my family, but it's hard knowing the only other blood family member I have left is my daughter, and in a way, I don't even have her. But I'm also trying to improve myself so hopefully soon I regain custody over Briar and maybe even Katniss and I can resume our marriage.
The leaves are beginning to turn colors signalling that fall is quickly approaching. I can hear high pitched laughter coming from outside followed by Haymitch's laughter. I walk outside and see Haymitch chasing Briar around his front yard, I envy Haymitch right now, what I would do to be able to have my daughter beside me right now, to be able to watch her grow up. I also feel bad for Haymitch, he has had to completely stay 100% sober so he can raise Briar. But I don't feel near as bad for Haymitch as I do for Briar. Briar who has born in the Arena, grew up in District 13, hardly knows her parents, especially her mom, know once the war is over, she isn't even living with her mom or dad, her grandpa is raising her. I hope that when she is older, she won't remember how horrible parents Katniss and I were to her.
My feet drag me outside to the front yard of Haymitch's house, Briar spotted me first and went to hide behind Haymitch's legs. Haymitch looks up and smiles at me, I can count on one hand how many times that I've seen Haymitch completely sober and that includes dating back to when I was a kid.
"Briar, that's you daddy. Say 'hi' to him." Haymitch suggests. I saw her a few days ago, but I guess I'm not around enough for her to make out that I'm her 'daddy'.
"Hi." Briar mumbles. I can tell right now she's shy, sort of like Katniss.
"I'm your daddy. Do you remember me?" I ask her kneeling down on one knee so I'm almost as tall as her.
"Yes." She says quietly. I smile and kiss her cheek.
"Do you want to take her into town for a few hours?" Haymitch asks me, "I have some things I need to do." I stand back up and hug Haymitch tight.
"Yes, I'll have her back in a few hours." I tell him.
Haymitch nods and goes inside.
"Do you want to go to the fair in town?" I ask her and she nods her head. "Do you want to see if your mommy wants to go with us?"
"Yeah." Briar talks louder now.
I grab her tiny hand and we walk to Katniss' house and ring the doorbell. Katniss opens the door. Briar looks up at me wanting me to do the talking.
"Go ahead and ask her." I whisper to Briar.
"Do you wanna come to the fair wit us?" Briar asks in an innocent voice.
"Of course I do honey." Katniss responds. "Let me put on some warmer clothes."
Katniss and I each hold one of Briar's hands as we walk into town. Now that I think about it, this is the first normal family time that Katniss and I have had with Briar since she was born, not that we have had time to actually do stuff as a family.
"Can we do dat?" Briar asks Katniss and I pointing at the Ferris Wheel.
"Of course we can." Katniss says back to her. Katniss looks over to me and I smile back at her, I'm not really sure why we decided to take a break off of our marriage, but whatever the reason why we did, we need to start reparring it, for sake, but also for Briar's sake as well.
The person who works the Ferris Wheel opens a cart for us, Katniss and I sit on the same side and Briar sits in between us. I put my arm around casually around Katniss, Briar leans into me.
"Why don't I live with you?" Briar asks Katniss and I. I'm not sure how to answer this question, what do I tell her? How can I tell her to understand why. I love Briar with all of my heart, and I'm sure Katniss can agree as well, but I'm also sure we both can agree she came at a bad time, a very bad time. Not only because we were both so young, but also because of the rebellion.
Katniss must realize that I would prefer her to answer the question so she starts to respond to Briar's question, "Something hurt your father and I a lot, so while we need our time to heel, we thought it would be best for you to live with your grandpa for a while." Briar nods her head, maybe she understands what Katniss said, maybe she didn't.
What Katniss said isn't all a lie, I mean we were hurt mentally and somewhat physically and needed time to heel, but the capitol took Briar away from us, like how the capitol took away my parents and how they took away Prim from Katniss. Even if it is the last thing I do, I will not let the capitol take Briar away from us.
After the Ferris Wheel, Katniss, Briar and I ride on several more rides and even find some food to eat. Katniss and I wasted at least $50 for Briar to win a stuffed horse. Some people waved and smiled at us, Briar even waved back at some of them which made the people giggle. We dropped Briar back to Haymitch's house. I walked Katniss home.
Katniss opened the front door with her keys, "Do you want to come in for some hot chocolate?" She asks me.
"Sure." I casually reply back to her following her inside.
Katniss starts to boil water when I decide to speak up. "Katniss, we need to get back together and get full custody over her. She deserves that at least." I say.
Katniss stops what she is doing and turns around to look at me in the eyes, "I know, we're horrible parents, we made the mistake for having sex when we were too young to deal with the potential consequences of having sex. Now she's here and all of her friends parents, if she's made any, live together, but she doesn't even live with one parent, she lives with her Grandpa, not even her biological one." Katniss starts to cry, I watch her as she starts to slump down against a wall, I walk over to her and sit down next to her. "I always said I would never turn out like my mother did if I ever had children, but I did. I was too harsh on my mother on something she couldn't help. I guess when something major happens to you and you're not equipped to deal with it, it hurts you inside."
"We were too young to have her, but we've done good. I mean look at how happy she was today that was because of us. The capitol took everything that we both cared so much about, but I am not going to let them take custody of our daughter even if it is Haymitch who does have custody. We have both been through more in our eighteen years of life than most people in their eighties. But we just have to keep going, I mean we've survived not one, but two Hunger Games from the same arena, lead a rebellion while raising a baby. I think we've earned our stripes."
Katniss giggles a little, before pulling away, "You know, you can move in if you would want."
"Always." I reply, our little line to each other, our reassuring line, always.
Katniss wanted to move into my house, so early the next morning, we started to move her few possessions to my house. When I'm going through a box, I notice a picture of Prim and Katniss, it looks like it was taken days before we left for the Quell.
I flip it over and notice a note written to Katniss from Prim,
Katniss,
I love you so much, you're seriously the bestest older sister anyone could ever ask for, you're also my best friend. You listen to all of my problems and always give me the best advice, all of my friends always told me how much they wished they had an older sister who cared about them half of how you care about me. Although you're technically note my mom, you still act like it. I remember how determine you always were to make sure I had some type of food on my plate for dinner or received a present for my birthday or a holiday. Remember last month when I first got my period and I was freaking out? And how you were there for me and helped me through it. I'm really going to miss those moments.
I know you're trying to save Peeta, it's obvious. But he's also trying to save you as well. Is it selfish of me wanting Peeta to get reaped so Haymitch might volunteer for him? I know that is a horrible thing to wish upon anyone, but I really don't want to lose you Katniss. Mom can't handle another death in the family, that would really send her into a deeper depression. I really hope you win, and maybe Peeta will be alive too and you could live happily ever after. Sounds far fetch right? But you never know. I want to be an aunt and get to see all the mini Peeta's and Katniss' run around the house.
But I never properly thanked you for volunteering for me at the Reaping last year, I remember being so worried about you when you first got the burn on your leg, how weak you looked, I've never seen you in that much pain before. I'm sorry about your nightmares and not knowing how to comfort you like how you always knew to comfort me, but I'm glad you have Peeta. I knew Peeta had a crush on you, that's why I always wanted to go look at the cakes in the bakery window because I saw how happy it made Peeta.
If you don't live through the Games, do you think Peeta will let me live with him? I love Mom, I really do, but she can't handle your death too. I guess I could have summed this all up in a few sentences, but I really love you Katniss, I love you so much. I'm so glad you're my older sister. I wish I could have spent more time with you, but I guess everyone always says that. Here's another Mockingjay pin Greasy Sae gave me, it's to give you good luck.
-Prim
Prim and Katniss really did have a strong bond, stronger than most mother-child bonds. By the time I'm finished reading this, I feel the tears streaming down my cheeks, it's horrible how such a young, innocent, and beautiful person was killed. I turn around and find that Katniss was staring at me the whole time.
"I really do miss her." She simply states, but I also notice she's crying. I walk over to her and hug her tight, I'm not sure how long we hug, but it's a while. It's not until we hear a knock on the door we pull away.
Hi, so like I said earlier, I couldn't really write how I wanted it to turn out so I skipped over that part and hopefully you're filled in now and if you have any questions, feel free to ask. High school soccer season has officially started so I only have club practice once a week so I should have more time to write now. (: