Coyote wasn't next to me when I woke up. The room was dark and I really didn't remember falling asleep, I didn't think I'd been all that tired. I rolled over and saw her sitting next to the window. She was holding back the curtain just enough so she could stare outside. Her legs were curled up in the chair, chin resting on her left arm which was propped up on her right knee while her right hand held the curtain. She was pretty deep in thought, especially for two in the morning. She wasn't crying but something was bothering her.

"What's wrong?"

"Cas is all right, at least he's alive."

I sat up, "What?"

She kept looking out the window, "I heard him, or felt him, or something. in my sleep. I can't explain how or why, but I felt him running, hiding. He must have sensed me somehow, he said to tell you he's alive and should be back soon. Then he was gone. He was nervous, but seemed pretty confident he'd make it out."

"That's good to know, I guess."

"Yeah.."

"And?"

She let the curtain drop and turned her head. It was almost too dark to make out much on her face, but I didn't really need to because she slid back into bed and wrapped her arms around me, her face felt cold and damp. She'd been crying. Not good, not good at all.

"Honey?"

"I've never seen him before, Brother Wolf. He never comes to me, not like this. We were walking through the woods and came to a place where the road split into several paths. We sat down and he told me to tell you that what will happen is not the same as what has happened, and to wait before you truly begin to fight back. You have to wait."

Not liking the sound of that, "Okay? What else?" She didn't answer, I started to panic. "Do not keep me in the dark right now, please."

"That this may be one of the last times I can speak to him, to any of them. If I stay on this path I may no longer be who I was. Then he left."

That stopped me cold. "You're not coming, that's final." I basically ordered, I knew it would piss her off but I didn't care. "No way in hell. We're going up against werewolves, not having you get turned."

"He didn't.."

I clicked on the light next to the bed. Both of us winced, then I rolled away from her and stood up. I was way too unstable right then to be next to her, "No. I will not put a silver bullet in you. Not when we've been warned. It was bad enough watching Sam have to do that to someone he'd gotten close to. Not happening."

She sat up and stared me down. Damn it! "You just fought to save Rick from getting taken out by hunters," she snapped. "You don't think we could work around it if that's even what he's talking about?"

"We don't have enough problems fitting in with your people as it is?" I couldn't let her take the risk.

"So we move. Live in the Bunker, we'd figure it out. Dean, for fuck's sake he could have been saying that they wouldn't watch over me anymore because I left the tribe. He could be referring to the fact that I'll learn some earthshaking thing and it will change what I want to do with my skills. I turned them off before, remember? It was the usual cryptic warning. Yes, it upset me, but I'm not backing away from this fight. Who knows, maybe you get turned and I have to decide whether to end you or not. Ever think about that? You're not immortal anymore, so stop acting like I'm the only one that can get hurt or die. Maybe you die and I have to deal with that? Maybe that's why I'm crying jackass. Ever think about that? You don't know, neither do I. All we know is that something will happen, like I already said. Are we going to fight about this? Is this how you want to spend tonight? Fighting about shit that we already knew could happen. We're hunting, people get hurt, people change. This is no different."

"Oh really? You never cried before any of our hunts in the past. Don't think you can just blow this off!" That's when she stood up and she didn't flinch or limp, her ankle wasn't hurting her. I'd have even less leverage now. Great.

"Don't be an idiot. I'm coming with you. I supported you helping Jacob even though I didn't agree with it, I didn't say shit when you got into that fight with Badger or when you decided to help Sam with this. Did I once tell you no? Did I? You had the worst nightmare you've had in months, yet I still backed you. Do you or do you not owe me the same respect? You think you're the only one scared about losing someone here? I know this is how you are, I know why and I understand it, but I made my choice. If you didn't want to risk losing me we should have just stayed home!"

We stood there. My brain was running through all the various awful ways she could get killed out there, what could happen. She was less than two feet away from me, pissed off but calm as could be. Why the hell had I let myself get into this? There wasn't a single thing I could say to contradict her, not a one. I don't know why I was surprised, it's not like Sam had ever listened to me much over the years. I'd always had this stupid idea that at some point I'd been in control of things. Who the fuck was I kidding? I'd gotten used to Sam just deferring to me, even if half the time he'd end up doing what he thought was right anyway. Coyote didn't defer to anyone, as much as I loved that about her, right then it was pissing me off. I just wanted to keep her safe. There was no point yelling about it though, she wouldn't change her mind.

I turned away and grabbed some clothes, "I'll be back later." I didn't want to sit there and be pissed off or fight about it, but I needed to move. There was too much going on in my head to lay back down or get past it.

She put her hand on my shoulder, "Dean...I'm...that came out a lot harsher than..."

"Don't." I stopped her, "Can't argue with a thing you said, not going to try. I won't tell you what to do, you wouldn't listen anyway." I shrugged her hand off my shoulder, threw my shirt on, picked up my boots, wallet and keys and left. Sam was probably asleep, I didn't need to talk, I needed a drink.

I put my shoes on in the hall and walked towards the lobby. I doubted the bar or lounge would still be open but it was, I'd forgotten this hotel was close to an airport, guess they had to cater to late night travelers. I know if I'd just gotten off a plane at two in the morning, I'd need to get wasted. I'd need to be wasted to get on a plane too come to think about it, wasted or knocked out by one of Oliver's darts.

The lounge/bar area had two levels, there was a step up to get to the bar, glass topped tables with low chairs were clustered around the bar itself. Only the far corner of the bar had bar stools. On the lower level about ten or fifteen groups of cushioned chairs were scattered around. It looked more like a large living room than a restaurant or bar. There was a group of Japanese businessmen working on their laptops on the top of level, a single white guy at the far back table on the lower section looking at his phone, and a group of twenty somethings looking like they'd just got off a fifteen hour flight. They had that too exhausted to sleep look about them. The chairs had these geometric patterns done in various shades of red and white, the floor was tile and there were several modern art looking chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. It was obvious they were going for late night/early morning mood lighting, all the lights were dimmed to nocturnal people levels.

I made my way up to the bar and caught a reflection in the windows that faced the pool, Oliver. He was sitting in a corner table and had shifted the chair so the back of it was facing the entrance into the lounge, with the lighting and the reflections in the windows he could see everything that was going on but most people wouldn't see him right off. Which is really the perfect set up for paranoid people. He looked like he was gazing out at the pool but I saw the instant he spotted me. His right hand lifted up, he was holding a beer. He didn't get up or do anything else, probably figuring if I wanted company I'd go join him. If I didn't he wasn't going to push it. People like us are never up at two am for a good reason.

I contemplated just sitting by myself, which felt pretty silly. What was I going to do, sit in a corner and sulk? The bartender looked at me, "What can I get you?" he asked with a smile on his face. He must like working nights.

"Double, best whiskey you have, and a Newcastle Red." That was what Oliver had in his hand, if I was going to join him I may as well bring him a beer.

He poured my double and slid it to me. I downed it and slid the glass right back. "Get me two more of those, going to join my friend over there." I pointed in Oliver's general direction.

"Sure thing." The bartender seemed pretty impressed that I was hitting it that hard at this time of night, but he poured the shots, put the glasses and the beer on a tray and brought it to me. "Here you go."

I tossed some money on the bar and picked up the tray, "Thanks. Keep the change."

I took the chair across from Oliver and set the beer on the table next to him. "Guess two in the morning is like noon for you, what with your job and all."

The right side of his mouth twitched into a quick smile then faded, "Pretty much. I tend to not sleep more than four or five hours a night anyway, even when I'm not on call."

"They still that bad?" I knew he had nightmares like the rest of us, but I thought he'd be sleeping better after all these years.

He shook his head, "No. They still wake me up at times, it's just the sleep schedule I got used to over the years. It started when I was still doing the playboy thing, just never stopped. Thanks for the fresh beer."

"Oh. No problem." I drank this shot a little slower.

He studied me over the top of his beer bottle as he took another drink. "Anything I need to know?"

"Cas is okay. Somehow he and Coyote connected while she was sleeping. He's working on getting back."

He nodded. "That's good to know. I was worried about him." Then he pointed at the shot glasses, "Celebrating?"

I debated on getting more into it, I knew he'd already picked up on the fact that something was off but since Bobby died I hadn't really opened up to anyone other than Sam or Cas until Coyote and I had gotten together. Oliver and I had shared stories over the years but anything deeper tended to be spur of the moment. He'd pick up on me being edgy or I'd tell him was he was being stubborn but we'd never really had a heart to heart since the night in his penthouse after taking out all those demons. We were similar enough we pretty much knew what the other one was thinking anyway. I downed the rest of the second shot and set the glass back down. He was here, so was I and I didn't think driving around with bullet holes Baby's side would be a such a great idea. If anyone other than Sam would understand this shit, it'd be him. "Coyote also got a memo from the higher ups saying if she keeps going the way she is that they might not be talking to her much anymore." There weren't people within earshot of us but I felt better being vague, he'd understand what I was really saying.

His hand froze on the way to set his beer bottle down, "Any specifics?"

"No. Could be that she wouldn't be in a position to talk to them, or that she chose to close things off or who knows what. She was pretty upset about it though."

"You told her to stay?"

"I tried."

"And?"

"And it was like talking to myself. She won't back down, told me I had no right to tell her no when she'd been backing me this whole time. I just...I want her to be safe, man. That's all."

He finally set his beer down and a wry understanding grin livened up his face, "I am very familiar with that feeling and conversation."

"Figured you might be," That wasn't what was eating at me though. "Are we selfish?"

That caught him a bit off guard, "Come again?"

"I mean, we always think about how fucked up it would be if we lost them, not how it'd hurt them to lose us. Felicity made a comment back at your place before we fixed me that it's so much easier to just hurl ourselves into these things than think about how it affects them. She compared my choice years ago to save Sam with taking the Mark, that I only thought of me, not him. She was right. Coyote threw that at me tonight too. That I'm not the only one scared shitless about losing someone. So, do we do what we do because we're selfish somehow?" I've seen Oliver enraged, deadly, happy, plotting someone's death and a lot of variations of that in between, but I'd never seen him caught somewhere between confused and pensive. I must have hit a nerve somewhere.

"I'm not sure if selfish is the right word," he replied after a minute or two, "Maybe overly focused is a better term."

"Focused? On what? Getting killed again? I've died so many times it feels more like an inconvenience then an actual permanent condition."

That earned me a flat stare, "Not everyone is as well connected as you are. Perhaps that is part of the problem, at least for you. Others stay dead, you don't seem to."

Blunt, but accurate. "That's me, what about you?"

He started getting defensive but for some reason he stopped himself, "Years ago, someone told me emotional attachments are a weakness. I've since come to see that differently, but, the fact remains that when you're about to do the things we do, if you consider what others are thinking it gets in the way."

"Ever think that maybe they had some important things to contribute? Not saying that to be a dick, just trying to see things differently. Roy told us about how you were acting when you pulled the martyr bit. I'm not criticizing, got no room to speak. Look, we've both decided to get involved with someone and I really don't like arguing with her, I'm sure you don't like fighting with Felicity. I guess I'm trying to figure out how to pull this off without losing my damn mind or her."

He leaned back in his chair, his eyes were focused on the pool on the other side of the glass."We're both dating women who are fearless, we knew that from the moment we saw them. Unfortunately, you and I are both control freaks, it's the nature of who we've had to become to survive. There's very little in our lives we can actually control so we fight tooth and nail to control those few variables we can, or think we can. For the most part our friends let us think that we are in charge when we all know damn well we're not. When something comes along that ruins that illusion, it sets us back on our heels, makes us panic. We don't think of how they'd feel if they lost us because all we really can control is ourselves. If you were to stop and think about how devastated Coyote would be if you died, you would have to relinquish your ability to control your own fate. You'd be paralyzed and unable to act when you need to in order to save others because you don't want to put her through that.

Back before the shipwreck, I had friends that got engaged or married and they all joked about how they were giving up their freedom, the old ball and chain saying. It's not wrong, when you let someone into your life you're agreeing to take their wishes and needs into account. For normal people, that's not such a big deal. For people like us, it can be fatal. When I am out there with Roy, Dig and now Laurel and my sister, if I were to face up to the reality of how losing me again would affect them, I'd never be able to draw that bowstring back, never suit up. Does that propel us to make bad decisions at times? Yes, there's no denying that." He pulled his eyes away from the pool and back to me. It was almost as intense of a gaze as Cas does sometimes. "But, if you were to sit here and imagine exactly what would happen to Coyote if she lost you, would you be able to go out there tomorrow? Can you even bring yourself to think about it?"

I tried for about thirty seconds. Imagining her watching my body burn on a pyre almost made me puke up my drinks. "See your point."

He finished off his beer and opened the one I'd bought. "On some level yes it's entirely selfish, but on another level it's the only way we can keep them safe when they're determined to fight along side us whether we want them to or not."

I started on my last glass of whiskey, "Think about this a lot over the years?"

"Felicity isn't the first fearless woman I've loved, remember Shado?"

"Yeah."

"Then there was Sara." I could tell that one still hurt him. His voice had softened when he said her name. "What it comes down to is this. When we're suited up, on a job and out in the field, I force myself to see them as tools, as extensions of me. They're weapons, just as I am. Emotions can't come into play. Afterwards, when we're back, that's when we feel things again. You're not used to working with anyone other than Sam and you two have been together so long you can shift in and out of feeling or not feeling things with him in a heartbeat. I've seen you do it. From what I can tell this is your first job with a woman you're in love with, right?"

"Yeah."

"Take it from me, it's a million times harder. That's why I fought getting too close to Felicity." He took a long drink, then set the beer on his knee instead of the table. "The only way you get through this without losing your mind is seeing Coyote as another hunter and making damn sure you're on your game. After it's over, then you can find somewhere to fall apart."

"Where do you go to fall apart?"

He finished off his beer, there was an edge to him that hadn't been there seconds before, "It depends on if anyone I love got hurt or not."

I got the drift. The edge that he'd taken on somehow got my head back on straight, "Think you'll be up for a walk in the park in the morning?"

Heart to heart Oliver faded completely, Arrow Oliver took over, "Don't see why not."

"Ever track huge wolves in the woods?"

The only emotion showing on his face was in his eyes, he wanted a piece of these things as much as I did. "I'm sure I can find them. Roy said Coyote knows her way around tracking too."

I felt a sliver of fear for her worm through me, but I dismissed it, "Yeah. Let's meet here around nine? Maybe we spot them before they spot us?"

"I'll need to use some of your tools," he said, "Mine are a bit obvious in daylight."

"Sure, we've got spares."

He picked up his empty bottles and stood up, "Sounds like a plan. See you then."

"Yup, thanks for the talk."

"Of course." He walked off. I finished my drink then headed back to my room. I had monsters to kill and had to be on my game, too many people were depending on me.

The light was off in the room, I made out the outline of her body on the bed as my eyes adjusted. She rolled over as I let the door close behind me.

"Babe? I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"Let's get something straight okay?"

She sat up. "Okay."

"I will never, ever stop wanting to keep you safe. I wish to Hell that you would stay here, not because I think you can't handle the hunt or want to control you in some way, it's because I don't want to worry about you. I know that sounds selfish because it seems like I don't get how scared you are. That's not it, I do, but I can't worry about how you're feeling on top of how freaked this whole things makes me. If I did that, I wouldn't walk out that door tomorrow because I never, ever want to hurt you like that. I can't even picture you at my funeral, it hurts too damn much." I sat down next to her, and her arms went around me just as fast as mine did around her. "So I'm going to do this. I'm going to pretend like Brother Wolf never talked to you. We go in, kill these fucking things, go home, book a cruise and move on with life. If you get any more hints and they're not specific, don't tell me. I don't want to know. I ran into Oliver in the lounge. We thought it might be worth it to go out in the morning and try to track these things down. No point sitting around here staring at the walls. I'll need you to help track. You up for it?"

She leaned her head on my shoulder,"Wolves that size? Should be easy to spot. I'm there. Sam and Roy going to be in on this too?"

"Course. More eyes the better."

"Guess we should get some more sleep then."

There was no hesitation or fear in her voice, she was game for anything. All my stupid jitters left at that point. We were hunters again, just like we had been years ago. We hunt things and take whatever comes our way.

"I told Oliver to meet at nine," I said as I ran my hand down her side and across her stomach. "That gives us seven hours and I'm not tired. You?"

In half a second she was straddling me while yanking my shirt off. "Not one bit."

Fuck the last night on earth crap, I had a cruise to go on with the hottest woman I've ever known. This wolf bitch had no idea what the hell was coming for her, none at all.