My hand erupted into pain, "Holy mother fucking hell!" I swore I'd just lost all my fingers and had to yank my hand back out to check. Fingers were all accounted for but my heart rate wasn't convinced, it was still sky high. "Jesus Christ! No way...there's no damn way." I was not up to reliving pain like that, not again. Barely five seconds of it was already ranking pretty damn high on the memories of being tortured list.
"It's not physical pain..." Fenris' voice drifted through my head.
"Neither was the thirty years in Hell, doesn't fucking matter. There has to be another way through this." I started thinking while I walked up and down the wall of color. No gaps, no alternate paths, nothing, just an endless black plain and the wall. "God I hate this alternate reality crap." I said to no one in particular. "Course now with the whole furry form thing...wait..." that triggered a thought. Coyote had managed to pull on something here to make Fenris back down, his comment about it being harder for her back on the physical plane stuck out to me. Would me being in a different form change how going through all this felt? Sure my Warrior Spirit is still me but it'd kind of been made clear that it and what Cas and the rest viewed as a soul were slightly different. I think. What if this was based off Western beliefs? Maybe my furry self wouldn't set off whatever it was that caused the pain. I mean, when Natives die I don't think they go to my version of Heaven, at least not according to Coyote. And I sure as hell hadn't seen ghosts do what Rising Dove's spirit had pulled off helping Coyote heal from the spirit sickness. Sure, I wasn't Native but maybe being linked with Coyote somehow would make a difference. Problem was I had no idea how to change form. Maybe figuring it out here would make it easier once I made it back.
"Clever.." Fenris murmured.
"Thanks. Any idea how I go about this?"
"Call it to you. Internally. Reach out...the wolf that arises once you return is not the same as this wolf but it will be good practice."
"Wait. It's not the same?"
"No. It is part of me..."
"That would have been handy to know. My head's going to be pretty damn crowded if that's the case."
"Indeed. Time is running out Dean. Do it or not. Make your choice."
"Got it." I took a deep breath, "Hey wolf, uh, inner me?" It took barely a second before I felt him. "How do I change to look like you, or become you, or..."
"Just focus on how you felt when we were walking to meet Fenris. Then sink into that memory and let me take over."
"Uh, okay." I put all other thoughts out of my head, as much as I could anyway, and remembered how much stronger the smells were, the feel of having four legs, the strength in my muscles, the way it felt like I could run for days, the feel of wind through fur...the...
"Good job," he said as I felt myself get shorter, my limbs change and shift. My eyes opened, I hadn't really told them to. I was a passenger in my own body, spirit, whatever.
"Dean," Fenris' said. "Well done, it will hurt immensely more in the physical world but you have an idea of what to expect now. Hurry."
I didn't order my legs to move, my wolf did. We jumped through the wall of color. I felt our skin shudder and he whimpered but I didn't feel any pain. "What the..."
"Discuss later..." the wolf told me, his voice tight. "I'm protecting us. Not easy. Shut up and give me free rein. I'll get us through this."
"Fenris...tell...others.." I managed to say before whatever the wolf was blocking started to bleed through to my awareness. Shit! How the hell was he even moving?
"Dean! FREE REIN! I NEED IT!" He ordered.
"Done!" I let go, surrendered. He snarled in defiance of the pain. I felt our paws shift, felt the retractable claws extend out, our shoulders shifted and I knew, just knew, that if I saw a reflection I would look like Mairyn and Fenris. I didn't fight it.
We were struggling through sheets of color. It was how you'd imagine being inside a rainbow would. Of course you'd have to add razor sharp knives inside the beams of light. Rainbow of Death, fun. My wolf didn't bother to try to dodge or protect himself. Once I let go and let him take over he threw our head back, howled and took off running. Hunger, the need to hunt, kill and protect surged through us, blotting out any other thought I might have. We were running on pure, basic instinct. We'd survive because there was no other option. We didn't care about saving others, all we cared about was making it through and destroying anything that stood in our way.
God damn it felt good. Easy, simple...I lost myself in him, in me, in...
Another slice, who the fuck cared. We couldn't be hurt...it was just pain...it was nothing. It was fuel...
We ran, it was so easy, so fluid. Four legs made so much more sense then two. Who needs hands when claws work just as well?
There was no path to follow, no roads, just layers of light. We'd made it through the red, the orange and yellow. Only a few more shades to go. We were about ready to burst into the green when the ground between us became fluid. We jumped, we should have cleared it but we somehow landed in the middle of a quick sand bog.
Our legs started churning faster and faster but the only direction we went was down...wait...quick sand...
"Hey slow down!" I told him and tried to wrench back control, fight against the instinctual panic, "Let go wolf! Let me handle this!"
It was so damn hard, the panic surged through us even more. That was not my wolf, he was smarter than this, I had to sort it out. I rooted around inside my head and pulled up memories, memories of people, of being human. "Wolf! Come on man, calm down." I shoved back against the panic, we were sinking way too fast. The sand was up to our neck and the rate we were churning we'd be muzzle deep in it within a few minutes. The green wall of light seemed to have gotten farther away. Something was screwing with me. I had to get control over something, so I went for something easier, something basic, breathing. I managed to wrestle control from the wolf and make our heart rate slow down, which will naturally calm something down. The fog of panic started to clear.
"Dean?" The wolf asked.
"Yeah. We got a little carried away. I think I need..." There was a shimmering at the edge of the bog, "Now what?"
And the last person I ever expected to see materialized out of thin air. Bobby. Baseball cap, plaid shirt, beat up jeans, beard. The whole nine yards. I was so shocked I forgot I was sinking to my death or whatever for a second.
He stared at me and frowned, "That's a new look for ya Dean."
What the hell? Do I shift back or what? He couldn't be real. There was a large stick laying next to him, that could probably help me get my ass out of this sand. I could probably reach it with my teeth if he slid it towards me. I wasn't sure if I shifted back to human form if I'd be able to stand the pain. Then it dawned on me that I was in between the color fields, which hopefully meant that if I shifted I wouldn't be cut to shreds.
"Well? You gonna to stand there panting or are we gonna talk?"
"Can I talk like this?" I asked my wolf. He didn't answer. On the bright side, if I shifted back I'd probably be taller which meant I'd have some more time before I sank to my death, or whatever the hell I had coming if I failed to get back. I repeated the process, except this time I focused on human me, not wolf me. Jesus Christ this was getting confusing. When I was finally on two legs, not four and thankfully clothed, perks of alternate realities I guess, I looked up at Bobby, "Yeah, not thinking you're really Bobby but we'll go with it. Care to help me out of this crap?"
He shrugged, "Not sure I should."
"Uh what?" Yeah, not the real Bobby.
"Remember when I was a ghost? What did I tell you?"
"Not really, been a bit crazy these last few years."
That all too familiar scowl appeared on his face, "Don't lie to me boy. I know damn well you know what I'm talking about."
I did, but I wasn't all that keen on the point he was trying to make. "That when it's our time to go, go."
"Exactly," he sat on the ground and stared at me. "Look at you. You go back, then what? You won't even be human anymore. How is that a good plan?"
"You know that whole line between human being good and monster being bad has sort of blurred over the years. I get back, kill the thing that's trying to kill off the hunters and figure out the rest. Same plan as always, nothing all that new."
He sat down and got way too serious, "Dean, think about it. You can end this on a good note, you've had a good run, had a great last year. Why risk that? What if no one else makes it back, you'll be this bitch's bitch."
I couldn't really argue that point, really. I mean, this last year had been better than I could ever hope to have. Sure if Coyote made it back and I didn't she'd be torn up but she was tough, she could handle it. I deserved a break, right? Someone else...
An entire ocean of survival instinct slammed into me, along with this urge to rip Bobby to shreds...
What the fuck?
"It is trying to stop you. Trick you into quitting." Fenris whispered. "You must push through. Survive..."
The thing that I thought was Bobby started to flicker. "Dean? Come on now son, you know I'm right. Don't do this..."
I pushed my right leg forward nice and slow so I wouldn't sink. The sand sucked and shifted around me but I didn't drop down any further. "You are not Bobby and whatever mojo you're trying to pull, it won't work. I've got plans, gave my word to someone and I won't let them down."
Bobby flickered again and disappeared, then the green wall of light came right at me. Fuck.
"MOVE FASTER!" My wolf shouted at me from inside my head.
"Shut up! I know!"
The wall of light tilted on it's axis and looked a whole lot like a blade stretching all the way across the sky. Not good. The damn sand was still pulling at me, I was running out of options here. "To hell with it!" I just started moving my legs as fast as I could, "Not getting stuck in this freakshow!" My stomach was fully covered with sand and it was hitting midway up my rib cage as the green blade of death thing flew at me. I managed to get close enough to lunge the last bit to the edge and duck down while throwing my arms out onto the shore.
"CHANGE!"
More advice from the wolf. I did as he said because I sure as fuck didn't want to feel my head get lopped off, plus he had claws. I shifted again and our claws dug deep into the ground. The green light hit and he howled in pained, I felt it too and my screams, although all internal, nearly deafened me. Inch by inch, we strained against the pain and the quicksand. We were not giving up. Not now, not ever. The more it hurt, the less I could think...
Survive! We must survive!...
Instincts overrode pain, overrode fear, overrode the smell of blood that rose around us. This had actually cut into our skin. It didn't matter. All that did was getting back...
The pain ended, our back legs were clear of the quicksand. We limped a few feet away and swayed, trying to catch our breath.
"Babe?" Coyote's voice, but how. "I love you..."
Her scent filled our nose, soothing the pain, calming us. My mate, she would be waiting for me. So would my brother. Keep moving...keep moving.
Step by step, we drew closer to the next curtain of light. Two more left, blue and purple. Images clouded my mind, images of Felicity crying, laughing, of Thea telling me to give her her purse back, of fights in jungles, Amelia as I woke up next to her, Coyote's view from her cave. Places I had never been, things I had never seen.
"What's going on?"
"Pack..." Fenris' voice answered. "You are joining with your pack. I've never seen this happen, not this many at once. Do not falter now Dean."
I heard his voice echo to the others, addressing them in the same way. Then the visions of icy wastelands, of glowing beings, gods, ancient cities started to drown the rest out.
"Please tell me that's you Fenris, not her."
An ancient, alien strength flowed through me, conversations where I was speaking to Odin and Loki rushed through my mind, "Indeed. Pool your strength."
Four distant howls joined mine. The burning, biting pain vanished and my pack ran head on into the blue wall of color, unstoppable and forever bound together.