Author's note: As my regular readers know, I have long made it a hobby to take passages I find on Harry Potter stories that have one crucial word misspelled or misused, and then write stories in which these malapropisms are taken literally. Now, we all know that such passages are not confined to the Harry Potter subcategory; hence, the present collection of Star Wars tales. As in the original "Minuets", the attributions may or may not be verifiable when you read this, since the authors in question may choose to correct their syntax, change their pen names, and/or delete their stories; still, you have my word that these passages have all really appeared in this subcategory.

A word about technique. Obviously, none of these vignettes actually reflect the intentions of the authors quoted, and in many cases the whole context of the passage has been radically altered. However, I have made it an ironclad rule that any pronoun will refer, if at all possible, to the same person or thing in the Minuet as in the original story, and any direct quote will be attributed to the same character. (And of course this applies to OCs and historical figures as well as to canon characters.) Also, you should perhaps be aware that, when you see an ellipsis like this . . . in a quote, it means that some part of the sentence, passage, or direct speech has been cut for the sake of brevity, whereas an ellipsis like this… represents an actual ellipsis included by the original writer; the distinction may, on occasion, be a crucial one.

Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to George Lucas; the stories quoted belong to the authors named; the cover image is by Filippo Baratti; various other allusions to works and persons not my own abound. (And, of course, the title shouldn't be taken to imply that John Williams is in any way responsible for the content of this fic.) The Minuets themselves, however, are strictly my own work.

Other Minuets collections: If you enjoy these vignettes, please be advised that I have also published Minuet collections for the Animorphs, Avengers, Batman, Harry Potter (of course), Lord of the Rings, Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir, NCIS, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and X-Overs subcategories. All are currently available on my profile.

"It was a man, with Jedi Ropes and he had Luke's eyes. It was Anakin Skywalker." –DecryptWriter, "Leia's Second Chance"

"Howdy, li'l missy," he said, tilting back his glowing blue Stetson jauntily. "So you're my boy's new apprentice, hey? Good to see him gettin' out of the funk he's been in since Little Ben went desperado.* Once you've got yourself trained in the ways of the Force, maybe the two of us can go out and wrangle some of these here First Order mavericks with our trusty Jedi Lassos. Here's yours, catch."

Rey caught the luminous rope in a sort of daze, and turned to stare in bewilderment at Master Luke. The latter chuckled. "It's all right, Rey," he said. "My father's just been a bit eccentric since he visited this one remote system on the edge of the Galaxy. Texas, they call it."

"This way gets the least of my troops killed." –Prince Pondincherry, "The SI Awakens"

"I see," said Hux. "Well, that's an imperfection in the plan, of course…"

"Not to me," said Phasma. "The least of my troops is FN-2187, and I hate the sniveling little worm. We'll be all the stronger for losing a weakling like him."

Hux considered this. "But, if he dies, there will still be a least among your troops," he pointed out. "Won't there?"

Phasma shrugged. "I suppose so."

"And then you'll grow to hate him just as much," said Hux, "and approve a plan to get him killed. At which point, someone else will become the least of your troops – and so it will go, until you end up with just one stormtrooper left in your whole brigade. He, of course, will be both the greatest and the least of your troops, so you'll half hate him and half love him; probably you'll approve a plan to get him half killed – down to the waist, maybe…"

"Hux?" said Phasma.

"Yes, Phas?"

Phasma raised her blaster. "Shut. Up."

"'Look out,' his master, Obi-Wan Kenobi, said into his comm unit. 'Four druids, inbound.'" –Stellarsong, "The Limit"†

Anakin glanced up toward the western margin of the sacred plain; sure enough, there came a quartet of Gaulish sages, stroking their beards and murmuring to each other as they approached the circle of standing stones. "Four of them," he remarked, impressed. "They must be pretty worried about this upcoming battle, then. That's rather gratifying, anyway, isn't it, Master?"

"I daresay," Obi-Wan replied tartly. "But I doubt it will much gratify Ahsoka while she's being burned alive inside a wickerwork effigy to appease the immortal gods. So why don't you get busy rescuing her?"

Anakin rolled his eyes, but duly ignited his lightsaber; then, as Obi-Wan's X-wing began strafing the edge of the plain, he rushed out from behind the menhir to the stone altar where his Padawan lay bound. "Easy, Snips," he whispered as he slashed at her bonds. "We'll have you out of here before those four druids know what hit them."

"'Arrest of traitors, sir,' the captain said immediately. 'Dangerous rouges.'" –Glory Alchemist, "Saber"

"Are you so gullible?" Governor Tarkin snapped, snatching the confiscated makeup containers out of the men's hands. "These rouges aren't dangerous. Look!" He flipped up one of the lids, and began swabbing the contents onto his cheeks. "Tum-te-tum-tum… you see, nothing wrong with me… hmm-hmm-hmm… never better… da-da-da-da… I feel pretty, oh so… aawwk! Aaagghh! Eee-eee-eeeuuurrrgghhh…"

As the two men impassively watched their superior's cheeks melt off his face, the captain turned to his sergeant and remarked, "Do you ever just despair of our commanders, sometimes?"

*In case anyone's wondering: yes, this was written before The Last Jedi came out.

†Crossover with Animorphs.