I don't think anyone, ever, had just listened to Cas. I know I never had, which was pretty fucked up now that I think about it. I'd prayed to him, yelled at him, begged him for help, joked with him but I never did the one thing that he'd always done for me, listen. We'd both always been more the screw talking, solve the problem and move on type of people, or angels and it was pretty obvious to me now that we'd talked past and around each other for years. He started out talking about things I knew about, things that had happened since we'd known each other, but it didn't take all that long for him to start referring to things he'd done years and years ago.

Stories of his garrison, Balthazar and the rest. What they'd been like in what passed for happier times in Heaven. When they all still thought God actually cared about them, that they knew the plan, knew their roles, or did until Sam and I came along and threw a wrench into things. How many times they'd protected each other in battle against demons, the orders that they'd carried out without ever really knowing why. What they'd understood as love, but what he'd since realized was just fear. Fear of Father, fear of falling, fear of being cast out. How he'd always felt that something was off, even before Sam and I, but that he never felt that he questioned out of a need to rebel, but a need to understand, see the larger picture. Then when he did, well, truth very rarely sets anyone free. That's a line of bullshit to make all of us who've gotten burned by the truth feel like we've gained something. We haven't, but at least we can sound all wise and deep.

The more he talked, the clearer it got how desperate he'd been over the last few years. It's not like the whole sucking up all the Leviathans in Purgatory was a move someone who had hope in a positive outcome would make. It was kind of his version of the Mark of Cain. I'd been at pretty much rock bottom when I went right past the user agreement on that. I just checked that "I accept" box, gave Cain my arm and powered right on through.

Cas in a lot of ways has it so much worse than I ever did though. He'd been crammed in a physical body that wasn't even his true form for years now. He'd gone from being one of the most powerful things out there, to a mere human, to stealing Grace from his fellow angels, then getting most of his mojo back, then losing one of the main things that made him who and what he was, his wings, and through it all he'd been on the run from the only beings that could really understand him. Sam and I will never be able to relate to him like another angel could, and now he couldn't even talk to them much less go back to Heaven.

And what had he gotten for all his troubles? Sam and I will die at some point, well maybe not as soon now, but still, it's bound to happen. Once we do, who would he have left? What would be his mission? His reason for still roaming the earth. What bugged the crap out of me was I had no answers for him, nothing I could say that wouldn't sound totally lame. Was he supposed to spend eternity hunting monsters? Sure, he'd be saving people but for him that wasn't exactly a challenging or rewarding career. I mean, he can just walk up and kill the damn things with the touch of his hand.

About an hour into our talk the garage door opened. Sam walked in with a couple of carry out bags in his hands, "Here you go. I doubled up on the usual order." I'd shifted positions so that I was leaning against Baby watching Cas talk, which meant my back was to the door so Sam couldn't really see Cas or I. I turned to look at Sam and as soon as he saw Cas and I he slowed down. "Uh, everything okay?"

Cas wasn't exactly in tears but he wasn't hiding how upset he was, "I am not sure. Dean insisted I sit down and start talking,and well, for some reason I haven't been able to stop."

"It's called venting Cas," I said, "You're way overdo for it. Remember when I asked about depressed angels?" I asked Sam.

"Yeah? Oh."

He set the bags on Baby's hood, sat down on the stool that I'd vacated and looked at Cas. "Why didn't you tell me you'd been exiled? You've spent weeks at a time here. I knew something was up."

"I didn't want to burden you."

Sam's eyebrows crinkled, "Whoa, what? Since when have you been a burden on us? It's kind of usually been the other way around hasn't it? I mean, with all the times we've asked you for help, sort of seems like it's long past our turn to help you out."

Cas sort of shrugged, "Yes, but that was what I was created to do. Help humans, not trouble them with my problems."

Sam frowned, then gave me this intent stare and I felt something shift in the pack bond, "Can you hear me?"

"Yeah, which is not at all freaky or anything."

"Shut up. How bad is he?"

"Bad. It's not just recent stuff, goes way back. He's lost Sam, way lost." I kind of crammed all my thoughts about what Cas had been saying together and basically threw them at him.

"Damn. Okay."

The bond started to quiver or whatever again, like Sam was disentangling himself from my brain, "Wait, why'd you think of this whole telepathy thing?"

"Mairyn got inside Rick's head, she was more dominant than he was, Fenris got into your head and said it was for the same reason. We talked mind to mind in wolf form and since I'm technically higher ranking than you I thought it'd be worth a try."

"Yeah, well don't get all egotistical about that. I'm still the older brother here."

His face didn't show it but I heard the smugness, "The older brother that needs his fiance's help to pull rank on me now."

"I hate this. I really, really do."

"What are you two doing?" Cas asked. "You're staring rather intently at each other and I can see something in your energies changing."

"Dean was catching me up on your conversation. Turns out the werewolf thing comes with telepathy."

"Which is also not normal," Cas chose to point out.

"Yeah we know," I said, "Wolf talk later." I knew that Cas wouldn't want to keep going, not that he had issues with Sam, but the tone of the conversation had shifted. Sam knew it too.

"Cas, listen," Sam said, "You will never be a burden on either of us. I'll go and let you guys keep talking. I didn't mean to interrupt anything but if Dean's not around and you need to vent, I'll always be here for you. All right?"

Cas doesn't usually start hugs, but this time he did. It was awkward, but then it's Cas. He pulled Sam close for a second, let him go and a hint of a smile finally showed up on his face, "Thank you Sam."

Sam returned the smile, "Sure thing." Then he got up and walked past me. The bond did it's weird quivery thing again, "Tell me everything else that he says. I'm worried."

"Got it, right there with you. Anything on the hunt front?"

"Maybe. Let me handle that, keep Cas talking for as long as you can. This is more important than him reading through lore right now."

"All right." Then that sense of Sam in my head was gone again. Just when I thought it couldn't get more weird.

Cas watched Sam leave the turned his gaze back to me. "You two are handling this "complication" much better than I would expect."

I shrugged and started digging into the bags, "It's not that big of a deal in the overall scheme of shit that could go wrong. Well that and we're more focused on helping the rest of them deal with it. To be honest, it's not really bothering me. When we talked to the other wolves and Fenris I got the impression that as long as we keep our heads on straight we should be all right. The sharper senses are kind of cool and knowing that nothing can really hurt us now will make hunting a lot less stressful for Sam, I won't have to worry so much about him."

"And Coyote?"

"She's holding it together. We talked about it already. Thing is Cas, if this is what we're going to be, I'll take it over all the other options for being a monster that I've ever seen." I took a bite of one of the burritos Sam had gotten for me, he'd made a good choice. The Bunker was coincidentally five miles away from the best Mexican food in Kansas, not that that's saying a lot but still. After I got that bite down I figured I may as well ask again, "So, since you haven't offered a solution to the whole wolf thing I'm figuring you don't have one."

"It's not that I don't, I'm just not sure it would end well." He looked way too uncertain about it for my liking.

"Why?"

"Fenris said he gave you part of himself, and that all of you and he are connected somehow correct?"

"That's how I understood it."

"I think the wolf side you keep referring to is actually a separate entity created by the merging of Fenris' energy and yours. The walls of color you described, the trials of pain and attempts to force you to turn back was a test set up by Fenris to see if those he chose to give his gift to were worthy of it. Once you burst through the last wall and awoke that was the birth of the new entity, that conflict was it's attempt to be fully formed into a separate being. All of you proved that you were strong enough to retain control of this new creation and so the wolf side was relegated to a support role within you. It seems that it's main desire is to protect it's and therefore your life."

"All right, so?" As soon as I asked I had a sinking feeling about what the answer was going to be.

"It's the wolf side that restored you to life, it's energy is what healed you. I fear that if I were to attempt to remove it, you may not survive."

"Are you saying we're walking corpses?"

"Not entirely no. What I am saying is that without Fenris' gift, the damage you received from the wolves in the cave may come back. It's similar to when a demon or an angel possess a vessel. We absorb and heal any damage to the vessel. It doesn't mean that the vessel is not still harmed. When angels vacate a vessel voluntarily we always make sure that the body is fully restored, but I am not sure that Fenris' gift works that way. Even if it did, me going in and trying to remove it forcefully would hardly be a voluntary surrender on it's part. It may fight me and I have no idea what that would do to you. It may be more like what happens with demons. The gift is filling in the gaps to keep you moving and breathing. You are not possessed the way we usually speak about possession. Fenris is not lurking somewhere in your mind able to take over at any moment, however, his gift is what absorbed the wounds and healed you. Without it..."

"We could die."

"Yes."

"But you could heal us right?"

The corners of his eyes wrinkled, never a good sign, that usually meant he was calculating odds and they weren't good. "The amount of Grace I would have to expend to separate just one of you out may be beyond even me. Fenris may not be a god per se but he's very powerful, at least from what I can see. That and for all I know you could die instantly, remember I am no longer able to just go to Heaven and retrieve your souls, if that is even where you would go. You may end up in Purgatory and then..."

"Yeah, because giving Leviathans another crack at us is such a great idea. We barely made it out last time. Damn."

"I'm sorry Dean."

"Don't worry about it, at least we have some kind of answer now." I took another bite, Cas looked away and stared off into space. If I was to guess I'd say he was feeling pretty weird about having opened up so much. I used to do the same thing when Coyote and I had our hours long talks when I first moved in with her. "Hey, how about you do your angel mechanic thing and pull those bullets out of Baby's side. Then we can start getting rid of holes."

"You know I can make the holes go away too."

"Yeah, and you know I don't like that whole concept. I want to make sure it's done right."

He gave me a slightly offended look, "I have never repaired anything incorrectly in my life. I'm an angel, not an amateur. I'd be fixing her on a molecular level, which, to be perfectly honest, is a much more correct and lasting repair than that bonding substance you use."

"That's only temporary, I'll get a whole new panel for her later. Then her molecules will be perfectly aligned again."

"Wouldn't it just be easier..."

"Cas, it's simple, rules are, when Baby gets broken I fix her. That's it."

"You realize how completely inconsistent you're being. You have no problem allowing me to do something as complicated as restore you and Sam to full health, or even bring your souls back from another realm, yet you won't let me do something as insignificant as fixing a few holes in the side of your car."

"Exactly, you have your thing, I have mine. Now are you helping or not?"

He sighed, ran his hand alongside Baby and handed me the bullets. "Here."

"Thanks, that'll save me some time."

Apparently he didn't think that was worthy of an actual reply, he just got up, dug around in some cabinets till he found all the supplies I'd need to fix her, brought them back, set them on the ground and pulled off his coat, "You eat. Since you won't let me help out doing "my thing", at least allow me to help out doing it your way. Just tell me what I need to do."

Funny how working on a car can make even an angel feel better.