CHAPTER FOUR

I arrived at the gym early the next day, spent some time working out and then took a shower before heading for my office to deal with anything that needed my attention. The new rowing machines would be arriving in the afternoon and I planned not to go anywhere until they were installed. A space had already been made for them on the main floor and I looked forward to seeing what the public thought of them. I knew I was going to enjoy using them myself too and Edward was also eager to try them out. However, the afternoon passed and there was no delivery and no phone call either to explain the failure. I assumed the truck had simply been delayed and called Leah to say I would be staying late that day, but when staff and public had all left and I locked up for the night, the machines still hadn't arrived and I knew I was going to have to call FitWorx in the morning to find out what happened.

I spent a restless night, knowing I would probably end up speaking to Paul again and as I stood in the shower in the morning, scrubbing myself briskly, I tried to tell myself that the flutter of nerves I felt was discomfort rather than excitement. I finished in the shower and dressed, then went to join Leah and Sarah for breakfast. The small TV in the kitchen was on and Leah was watching the news while Sarah spooned Cheerios into her mouth.

"Jacob, look at this," Leah said, indicating the screen. "Mack truck jack-knifed on I-95 yesterday. Took out eight cars and closed the westbound highway for most of the day. They say there are six casualties so far and several more critical."

"Shi...hmm..." I turned the curse into a cough quickly and grimaced over Sarah's head. "I wonder if that's my delivery truck." It would certainly explain why the machines never showed up and if it hadn't been that truck, with the highway closed they wouldn't have been able to get through anyway. "I'll call and find out when I get to the gym," I said.

It took me thirty minutes to call when I reached my office. I almost keyed in the number a dozen times, my palms damp and pulse racing, telling myself to stop being such a jerk and get on with it. I might not even speak to Paul and this was about my business, nothing else, but I realised I was eager to hear his voice and almost hoping that he would want to talk to me too.

"Damnit, Jacob!" I hissed under my breath. My door opened and Edward looked in.

"Did you call FitWorx yet?"

"Uh...no...just sorting a few things out first," I mumbled. "I'll do it now."

"I can do it if you're busy."

"I said I'll do it!" I snapped.

Edward flushed and then shrugged. "Sure, I was just trying to help."

"I'm sorry, Edward. Shitty night, I didn't sleep well," I excused.

"Long day yesterday, you should finish up early today," he said and backed out of the room, closing the door behind him.

I picked up the phone and punched in the number quickly, hoping that the receptionist might put me through to Andrew instead. She didn't; in a few seconds I was listening to Paul's husky voice in my ear and my heart rate had increased even more.

"Jacob, I was gonna call you this morning."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I was just figuring out how to not come over like some kind of stalker," he chuckled.

"I wouldn't have thought that," I said, surprised. I couldn't believe he would have any qualms about calling me; he oozed self-assurance. "You're calling about the rowers, right? Would have been...I mean...if I hadn't called first," I finished, feeling like a fool.

Paul laughed softly. "Yes, I guess you saw the news? I have six clients to talk to this morning - the first two seem to think closed roads are no excuse for failure to deliver."

"It wasn't that truck, then?" I asked.

"No, our guy was about twenty minutes behind it. He was stuck in the jam for four hours until the cops got themselves together and diverted the traffic off of the highway. By then it would have been too late to get all the deliveries in before some of the gyms closed, so his company recalled him. He's on his way now - I think you're the second drop."

"Ok, thanks."

There was an awkward silence for a moment and I tried to think of something else to say. Really, what more was there to say? I should say goodbye and let that be an end to it, but I wanted to keep him on the phone for just another minute.

"If that's all, I guess I better get on with calling these other companies and do some more grovelling," he said.

"Paul..."

"Yeah."

I want to see you. I need to see you.

The phone slipped in my sweaty palm and I wondered if I'd actually said that or only thought it. I switched hands and wiped the dampness on my sweats. What was I doing? Contemplating making things worse for myself? The guilt from last time had only just begun to lessen and here I was considering...what? Meeting him again when he came to New York? I shuddered and gulped.

"Jake?"

"Sorry...my manager needs me for something," I lied. "Thanks for letting me know about the machines."

"Call me if you get any problems...or anything," he said. I could almost hear the smirk in his voice and wondered if I was as transparent as I felt. I said goodbye quickly and hung up, then sat back in the chair with a sigh and closed my eyes. What was it about him? Why couldn't I leave this alone? Why couldn't I stop thinking about him...wanting him?

I tried to compare it to how I'd felt after Emmett. I'd longed to call him, to see him again, but it had only been about sex. Up to that point, Emmett had been the best guy in bed - he was huge, muscular, well-endowed and seemed to have endless stamina. I'd barely been able to sit down the next day, but I'd been desperate to go back for more. I'd resisted and I'd gotten over it soon enough, but Paul...there was something else that I couldn't explain and yet I barely knew anything about him.

I pictured him now, on the dancefloor in that club, his tank-top tucked into the back of his pants, sweat trickling down his chest, the top button of his jeans undone and his erection obvious beneath the fabric. He was without doubt the sexiest guy I knew, but aside from that I'd liked being with him, at least during the very brief time we spent together before I fell asleep. I'd actually told him some things about myself and I never did that - I hadn't even admitted to the others that I was married. I leaned forward again and rested my elbows on the desk, dropping my head into my hands and trying to put him out of my mind again. I thought about Leah and Sarah and reminded myself for the hundredth time that I wasn't going to do this any more.

The machines arrived at two-thirty, the delivery guy seeming surprised when I didn't complain about the no-show the day before. Apparently the first company he delivered to had been less than understanding, despite the failure being neither the fault of FitWorx nor the sub-contracted delivered company. I directed him into the building along the coned-off walkway Edward had put in place to keep the public out of the way and each machine was slowly wheeled in on a trolley type device and placed in the position indicated. Forty minutes later the truck had gone on its way and all that was left for me to do was plug in the three machines and test them.

Immediately there was an audience, some gym members stopping what they were doing and heading over to look at what had arrived, while others watched from their cycling machines and treadmills as I plugged in power cords and switched on. Edward appeared a minute later, having changed into shorts and a t-shirt, his astonishingly long legs as white as his shirt.

"Hell, Edward, you need to get some sun on those things," I teased. I always made fun of his paleness and each time he responded seriously as if he didn't realise I was just joking.

"I don't tan well," he grimaced. "I just burn, you know that. You gonna let me test one of these?"

"Sure, take that one," I indicated. "They're ready to go, you just have to choose which programme you want to use. When you sit down and put your feet in the stirrups, it calculates your weight and adjusts accordingly. It'll ask you to key in your age as well."

I sat down on the seat of my machine and started it up, choosing a simple training workout and setting it for five minutes. After I finished the short test, I got up and moved to the third machine. All three were just as they should be and I announced loudly that the new rowers were now open to the public and stepped back to watch the stampede as a dozen people headed over. I watched for a few minutes and Edward hung around to help out in case anyone had a problem setting one of the programmes, but when I checked back later, it seemed all three machines had been in constant use since their arrival, the shark programme in particular prompting some laughs and even a competition between two friends. So far they seemed like money well spent and suddenly the invoice I had received didn't seem quite so intimidating. I made out a cheque to settle the balance and left it on Edward's desk with the invoice to send out.

That weekend I decided to take Leah and Sarah out for the day, to concentrate on them and remind myself what I knew I was guilty of taking for granted. I hadn't stopped thinking about Paul - far from it. He had accompanied me into the shower in my head on more than one occasion when Leah had taken Sarah to school and I'd stood there with my eyes closed, visualising him as I jerked off, telling myself that even though I was only prolonging things, I wasn't actually doing any harm. It was only in my head and I had no intention of seeing him again. The fact that he would be in this very city in one more week was constantly on my mind, but I wasn't going to do anything about it. What was the point? I would only hate myself even more afterwards for betraying Leah once again and it was too close to home. I needed to think about what was important and put it behind me once and for all.

I took my girls to Coney Island on the train. It wasn't a place I would take just Leah, but Sarah had loved it since the first time we went when she was about four years old and we had tried to get there once a year since. In the earlier years a day at Coney Island was all we could afford, although last year I'd finally been able to take them on a vacation. We had spent two weeks in Florida, visiting Disney World, Sea World and Universal Studios and Sarah had begged to go back this year although so far Leah and I hadn't decided on a vacation. I just hoped Coney Island would at least appease Sarah for a while.

It was May, the attractions were all open and the beach crowded, even though the temperature wasn't really high enough to tan or swim. We took Sarah on the Ferris Wheel and the bumper cars, looked around the aquarium and ate hotdogs loaded with mustard, sauerkraut and onions. We finished with an hour on the beach, collecting shells and burying our feet, Leah repeatedly pulling out her cellphone to take photographs. Sarah was clearly having a fantastic time, which had been the general idea, and as we travelled home on the train later, I felt much better about things. I wasn't going to think about him any more; I was over it.

I had almost convinced myself that was true, although I couldn't help wondering when he would be in New York. Another week passed and he had said two weeks, so he may be here now, or already have been and gone.

"I'm back!" Edward's head appeared around my door as he returned from his lunch break. "Are you going out?"

"Yeah, I have to pick up a book Sarah needs for school," I remembered. "Shouldn't take me long." I grabbed my wallet and phone and set out for the book store three blocks down from the gym. It was one-thirty and the sidewalks were busy with people on their breaks, trying to get things done and the book store was equally crowded, but I managed to find what I wanted quickly and was out of there ten minutes later. I began to walk back the way I had come, staying close to the buildings at the edge of the sidewalk to avoid running into people.

A crowd of irritated New Yorkers ahead of me were fighting their way past some kind of obstacle and I slowed down, noticing a line snaking out of the door of the new Thai restaurant and blocking the path into the next store. I'd managed to avoid this on the way to the book store by walking on the other side of the street and crossing at the last minute. I stood still and waited for a space to clear, peering into the restaurant window as I hovered. Leah liked Thai - maybe I would take her there someday soon. It looked like a decent place - tables covered in red cloths, a small lamp in the middle of each, ornate decorations and waiting staff dressed in black and white. I froze as my eyes landed on three people - two men and a woman - seated at a table not far from the window. The woman had her back to me, the two men sitting on the opposite side of the table facing. One picked up a glass of wine and sipped, his eyes lifting and suddenly meeting mine over the rim of the glass.

Paul.

He was wearing a dark suit and white shirt with no tie, the neck open a few inches. I watched his throat move as he swallowed the wine and then he put the glass down on the table, his eyes still holding mine, one eyebrow arching slightly.

Fuck. Walk away.

I couldn't move. He looked hotter than he had in jeans and a tank-top and as I stared his lips stretched into a slow smile. I licked my lips nervously and sank my teeth into the lower one, realising it probably looked more like an invitation to him, when his grin broadened. Then he broke the eye contact and turned to look at the man beside him, speaking for a moment before he pushed his chair back and got to his feet. I saw him walk in the direction of the door and then a moment later he appeared outside and strode towards me.

"I didn't expect to see you," he said.

"Well, I wasn't looking for you."

"I'm with a new client," he informed me. "I was intended to be here just to see one of your competitors - Global Fitness - but I guess I'm killing two birds with one stone. That guy has to be the most boring individual I've ever met, but I'm supposed to sell him some of those rowers you bought and hopefully a few other things, so..." He shrugged. "Andrew told me to wine and dine them and come back with an order."

"Good luck," I said.

"Thanks. What are you doing? Lunch break?"

"I was just picking up a..." I indicated the bag. "...a book for...my daughter."

"Ok."

I glanced away from him and through the window, noticing both the man and woman Paul had been sitting with were watching us curiously.

"Your client's looking for you."

"Yeah, I better get back in there; I said you were an acquaintance and I'd lost your number. I'll...see you, I guess." He turned away and my heart sank. He hadn't asked to see me, but he was hardly likely to, I reasoned. I'd told him 'no', hadn't I? I had thought I was getting things back on track, but seeing him now, I knew that wasn't really true. I was longing to feel his hands on me again, his mouth on mine, his cock in me...

"Fuck," I hissed under my breath. I was standing there in the street outside a fancy restaurant, my heart racing, my mouth dry and my blood rapidly heading south, watching him walk away from me, his broad shoulders filling out the jacket of the expensive suit, the well-fitted pants only emphasising his muscular thighs. I told myself to get moving, to get back to the gym and concentrate on work and I almost did it. I took two steps, clenching my fists and grinding my teeth, then paused again.

"Paul!"

He halted and looked over his shoulder. A couple waiting to get into the restaurant glanced at us and then turned their attention back to each other.

"What do you want, Jake?"

"Maybe you could call me when you finish with your clients," I heard myself say.

"You sure?" He raised an eyebrow again.

"Well...um...it's up to you...obviously."

"No, it's up to you, Jacob. I'm free to do anything I want," he said meaningfully.

"Call me, then," I blurted quickly.

"Sure. Couple of hours or so." He gave me a slight nod and turned to go back into the restaurant and I walked away on shaky legs, cursing myself just as I'd known I would. I couldn't seem to stop myself. Everything that had happened that night was running through my head like a scene from a movie; the dancing, the way he teased and touched me, urging me to go back to his place, the way he looked on his knees in front of me with his mouth around me, how he felt, pushing me into the mattress. I shoved my hands into the pockets of my sweats, uncomfortably aware that the loose garment would be doing nothing to hide my aroused state. I slowed my stride as I drew closer to the gym, dreading walking in there and Edward making some comment about my appearance. My face felt hot and sweaty and I was breathing heavily, my t-shirt sticking to my spine. I was going to need to take a shower.

I had my own small bathroom attached to my office and I was grateful for that now as I locked the door and stripped off, my erection quivering in front of me. When I looked in the mirror my face was as red and sweaty as it felt. My cock ached and my balls were tight against my body, making me consider getting myself off there and then. I had never masturbated at my place of work - never had any inclination to - but at this rate I was likely to sit at my desk with a permanent hard-on all afternoon. I stepped into the shower stall and turned on the water, closing my eyes and leaning back against the wall, giving up the battle after a few seconds and letting myself imagine Paul in front of me, shrugging the suit jacket off of his shoulders, unbuttoning his shirt. I grasped myself, giving my swollen cock a few firm tugs as I pictured him unfastening his pants, leaving the shirt on but undone, releasing his own erection and stroking it in front of me.

"Oh, God," I moaned. Everything else went out of my head. I wanted him; I couldn't help myself. My heart raced and I panted loudly, pumping myself faster, desperate for release and wishing it wasn't my own hand giving it to me. I finished quickly, painting the glass door in front of me and then angling the shower head to wash away the mess, my hands shaking. I was going to regret it, even more than the first time. Seeing him again would be more wrong because it was planned, I asked for it, to see him. I knew I was being a complete asshole to Leah and Sarah and I had no excuse; I was going to suffer for it later and I was putting everything at risk for what? Another quick fuck in a hotel room that I would hate myself for later and wish I hadn't done?

I turned the water off and towelled dry quickly, pulling on shorts and a t-shirt, realising I didn't have clean underwear and grimacing at the thought of going commando at work. I would have to stay behind my desk or someone was bound to notice. Edward was always particularly observant and knowing him, he would say something.

I spent the next couple of hours trying to look busy although I really didn't have much to do except for dealing with a few phone calls. Each time my line rang I snatched it up, expecting it to be Paul and each time it was a potential new member or a sales person. I hung up from the second utilities provider trying to get me to sign up for their latest deal and immediately Edward buzzed me from his office next door.

"There's a Paul Lahote calling for you. Isn't he from FitWorx?"

"Uh...yeah...put him through, thanks," I said, hoping I didn't sound as breathless to him as I did to myself. The line clicked and I swallowed nervously. "Hey, Paul."

"Hey. You busy?"

"Not really."

"So I finished with the clients. Managed to get them to place an order too; almost thirty grand, Andrew's going to be over the moon."

"Hope he gives you a bonus."

"Sadly I'm not on commission, but we get good benefits. I'll probably get an upgrade on my car at the end of the year."

"What do you drive?" I asked.

"A BMW. Do you want to go on making smalltalk on the phone, or are you going to come meet me?"

"Uh..."

"I'm in the Park Central Hotel," he added. "It's on Seventh Avenue."

"Yeah, I know where it is."

"I'll wait in the bar."

"I'm not sure they'd want me in their bar right now, I only have gym gear with me," I said.

"No one will care, it's the middle of the afternoon. You decide, ok? I'm gonna sit down there, have a couple of beers and see what happens."

"Sure...ok."

"See you." He hung up before I could say anything else and I put the phone down, chewing my lip. I'd more or less made up my mind that I was going to see him and now my excitement began to outweigh my guilt. It was three-forty and Leah wouldn't be expecting me until late. It was Friday and I often stayed to close up so that Edward could leave early and get ready to go out. I got up and pulled my jog pants on over my shorts, grabbed my bag, wallet, phone and keys and opened my door.

"Edward?" I found him in his office poring over the computer.

"Are you going?" he asked, eyeing the bag.

"Yeah, I have some stuff to do. Is that ok? I know it's short notice, I don't want to leave you in the lurch."

"No, it's fine, I can stay," he said with a sigh. "My date for tonight stood me up."

"Oh! Sorry about that." Edward rarely talked about his personal life, only to occasionally say he had a date, but I had no idea if he was straight or gay, in a relationship or not. He kept himself to himself in that regard and the one time I had asked who he was seeing, he had turned red and changed the subject. It gave me the idea he was perhaps gay and didn't want to admit it for fear of an unfavourable reaction.

He shrugged now. "It wasn't that important. What did the FitWorx guy want?"

"Just to check the machines are ok."

"Ok. See you Sunday." I usually took Saturdays off and Edward was quite happy to spend his whole day at the gym. He preferred to have time off during the week when he said he could do things without there being hordes of kids everywhere.

I left the gym and headed to the nearby subway station, only having to wait a minute or two before a train arrived. The journey was short and didn't give me much time to worry or change my mind and when I emerged at street level, I found myself within sight of the Park Central. My heart was banging against my ribs as I jogged across the street and I slowed my steps as I approached the entrance, hoping to God I wasn't going to see somebody I knew. That was something I hadn't considered in my hasty agreement to come here and I slunk into the lobby with my head down. Glancing around quickly, I saw the bar through a glass door to my left and walked in, spotting Paul at the far end nursing a beer. He was still wearing the suit and didn't notice me initially.

I looked around and was relieved to see only one elderly couple in the room, sharing a bottle of wine and talking quietly, their voices covered by the background music coming from the speakers either side of the bar. Paul took a gulp of the beer and replaced the bottle on the counter, then looked around, his eyes landing on me. It was too late now - here we both were. I'd made the decision to go on with this and I was going to have to live with the consequences.