A/N - First, thanks a million to everyone who voted for "The Chains That Bind Us" at Twifanfictionrecs. I was delighted that the story won third place!

Secondly *blush* "Eternally United" has now been nominated for August's Top 10 at Twifanfictionrecs so if you enjoyed the final part of the trilogy, please vote for me. Thanks so much. xx

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

I rode up in the elevator with my heart pounding and for the first time ever, I knocked on my own door. Leah opened it almost immediately and glanced up at me with a defiant look on her face.

"Come in, Sarah's in the bathroom."

I stepped in and closed the door. I felt oddly like a stranger in my own home, even though it had only been a week and I hovered on the spot.

"What do you want me to tell her? She's bound to ask questions," I said.

"Well, on this occasion, I don't think the truth is appropriate," she replied through her teeth. "I told her we have differences and that we can't live together any more. We love her, but not each other."

I sighed heavily. "I do love you, Leah."

"Don't complicate things."

I didn't have the chance to respond before Sarah came out of the bathroom and launched herself at me and I scooped her up, hugging her until she shoved at me and said she couldn't breathe.

"Eight o'clock," Leah reminded me and then we were out of the door and heading for the elevator again, Sarah tugging excitedly at my hand.

"Where are we going? Mommy said you're taking me to dinner."

"Well, what would you like to eat?"

"Fried chicken and ice cream," Sarah said at once.

"Mom won't be pleased if you eat things like that before bed," I grinned.

"I won't tell her. Please, Daddy? I haven't seen you for a week!" she exclaimed, as if I needed to make up for my absence with treats.

"Alright, we'll go to that diner where we have brunch sometimes." I would have been willing to give her anything she wanted at that point. I'd missed her terribly and things weren't going to get any better, even with her back in New York. I doubted I would have the opportunity to see her during the week which only left Saturdays. I would probably end up being a weekend Dad, like so many kids had these days and I didn't like the idea one bit.

It wasn't until we were in the diner wiping our fingers on the napkins after the fried chicken and waiting for the ice cream sundae we ordered that Sarah mentioned the situation. Up until then she had kept up an almost constant stream of chatter about what she had been doing with her grandparents, but now suddenly she stared at me with a slight frown on her face.

"Daddy, are you gonna come home tonight?"

"Well, I'm taking you home."

"I know, but are you staying? Mommy said you're living somewhere else now."

"I am," I said. "I don't think I'll be coming home to stay."

"Why not? Don't you love us any more?" Her bottom lip stuck out and she dropped her eyes to the table and I cursed silently.

"Sweetheart, I love you more than anything," I said earnestly. "That is never going to change and I'm always going to be here for you, any time you want to talk to me or see me."

"Then why can't you come home? Did you and Mommy fight? I keep wanting to ask her things, but she looks upset all the time; I don't like to."

"We just want different things. I still care about your Mom and I always will, but...we don't want to be together any more." I swallowed the lump in my throat with difficulty. I had no idea if I was saying the right thing, but at least I was telling her more or less the same thing that Leah had.

"Will I get to see you every Saturday?" Sarah asked.

"Of course you will, as long as you're not doing anything else with Mommy."

"She'll have me all week; I'll tell her Saturday is your day," she said firmly and then turned her attention away from me as a huge strawberry ice cream sundae appeared in front of her. "Wow, is all that for me? Aren't you having one?"

"I'm going to have just a few tastes of yours. If you eat all that yourself you'll get sick and Mom won't be happy."

Sarah giggled and stuck one of the long-handled spoons into the middle of the sundae and crammed a huge scoop of it into her mouth. We shared the creation and then I paid the check. Sarah had already decided she wanted to go to the park for the rest of the evening and I took her on a horse and carriage ride before we walked slowly back to the apartments. At one point she asked where I was living and if she could visit and it made me realise I needed to look for something more permanent than a motel room. There would be no going back now and I might as well stop waiting in limbo and move forward. The only problem I had was that the penthouse came at a price and to find another place for me in Manhattan was going to stretch me if I wanted something more than a studio. I would never ask Leah to move out of there to a cheaper place. I would think about it over the next few days, I decided.

When we reached the apartment, I waited awkwardly in the kitchen while Sarah got ready for bed and came to kiss me goodnight. Then Leah came in and closed the door so that Sarah wouldn't hear us talking.

"You want coffee?"

"No, thank you."

She nodded briefly and sat down at the breakfast bar and after a short hesitation I sat too.

"Did she ask about us?" Leah said.

"Yes, I told her the same thing you did."

"I've been trying to make sense of what you told me," she went on. "Why did you stay with me if you kept wanting to be with guys?"

"Because I love you and Sarah. I never wanted to hurt you. You never did a thing wrong, Leah, I was just trying to pretend I wasn't...what I am."

"All these years...why didn't you just tell me at the beginning?"

"Because I never thought it would be a problem back then. When I met you, you were all I wanted; all I could think about. It was all new and exciting and we did everything together. Then you got pregnant and..."

"You felt obligated to stay with me? To marry me because of our parents?"

"No!" I exclaimed and then hushed myself quickly. "I wanted to do the right thing and I wanted a life with you and Sarah. I didn't even think about...anything else for another couple of years. Then when I did I kept on fighting it. I don't know if you even want to hear this..."

"I don't particularly, but I need to understand. Do you feel like you wasted the last ten years of your life when you could have been with a...?"

"No," I interrupted at once. "Don't ever think that. I was happy, most of the time and we have Sarah. I would never wish myself back in time; not having her would just be unthinkable. But I guess I wasn't being true to myself and eventually it started to bother me more and more. I was confused about what I wanted and I hated myself for my thoughts and what I...did."

"I've been thinking about it all week," Leah said. "Trying to make sense of it all. I felt like the Jake I know just didn't exist any more. I was shocked and I felt like you kicked the stuffing out of me. I want to tell you to go to hell and if it were just me, I'd do that; but it wouldn't be fair on Sarah. I don't want her growing up without a father like so many kids do these days. Assuming you want to go on being part of her life?"

"How can you even ask that?" I gasped.

"Well, how am I supposed to know what's going on in your head, Jacob? I had to find out that you like cock by prying into your phone!" she spat suddenly. "I saw the picture too. I'm sure there was more, but I was too busy vomiting to check!"

"God," I groaned, sinking my head into my hands. "I'm so sorry."

"How long would you have gone on with things the way they were if I hadn't found out?"

"I told you, I meant to tell you when you got home from your parents'. That was the truth; I realised I couldn't go on the way I was."

"It took you ten years to realise it. I think you'd have just carried on indefinitely if it hadn't been for that Paul. I guess I'll never know, though." She sighed heavily and got up to pour herself a glass of water. "You said you love him."

"Yes."

"So, is he here?"

"No, I haven't seen him since I was in Boston."

"Not playing happy families, then."

"No, I'm not living with him and I don't plan to. We haven't even talked about whether we have a future."

"I don't want Sarah knowing anything about this. If he does come here to be with you, I don't want her going to your place and I don't want him with you when you take her out. She wouldn't understand and I'd say the same thing if it was a woman."

"I'd never do that," I said at once. "Sarah is the most important thing to me in all of this. Whatever else happens, I'll always put her first."

"Were you putting her first when you decided to break up our family?"

I was silent for a moment. I felt worse as the conversation continued and I knew I deserved to. There wasn't anything I could say or do to make things any better.

"Don't bother to answer that," Leah sighed. "Where will you be living?"

"I'm still at the motel; I'm gonna look for somewhere else. Don't worry about the bills or the rent here; I'll continue to take care of everything and send you some extra for Sarah and for yourself."

"Can you afford it with another place as well?"

"Let me worry about that."

"Thanks," she muttered and nodded.

"Are you ok?" I asked. "I know that's a stupid question..."

"Yeah, it is. How do you expect me to answer something like that? Am I ok? No, Jake, I'm not ok, but I will be. I spent the last week wondering what the hell I did wrong, even though you're the one that fucked up. I suppose I've accepted the idea that we are finished; getting over it's another matter."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I hate what I've done to you."

"So you keep saying. I'm more concerned about Sarah."

"Will you let me see her regularly?"

"Of course. Seeing you when we got back has been all she's talked about for the past few days. You can have her Saturdays, if that's still going to be your day off."

"Yeah, it is. I might have more time soon as well. I interviewed some people for an assistant for Edward; whichever one we choose will start in two or three weeks."

"Ok. You better go now, I have some things I want to do."

"Sure." I got to my feet quickly.

"Sarah will probably want to call you in between Saturdays..."

"She can call me any time she wants on my cell, whether I'm at work or not," I said at once. "You too, if you need anything."

She gave me another curt nod. "Goodbye, Jacob."

"Goodbye." I let myself out of the apartment quietly and made my way slowly back to the motel on foot. I'd known for a week that it was over, but saying 'goodbye' this time had been so final. Suddenly after eleven years I was alone and I felt a wrenching pain in my heart that my own selfish wants had been the cause of it all.

I stripped out of my clothes, took a shower and stretched out on the bed, leaving the TV off and the room dark. I felt a sense of emptiness, but at the same time relief that at least Sarah was going to continue to be part of my life. A few tears slipped from the corners of my eyes as I thought about what I had lost, but later, I slept better than I had done all week and I woke feeling refreshed and ready to get on with things.

The next few days were busy enough to keep me from thinking too much. The three candidates for the assistant manager's job came in for second interviews which Edward was a part of and between us we selected a young guy named Collin, who although only twenty-four years old, was already managing a small establishment in Queens. The owners were facing bankruptcy and he would shortly be out of a job, so it was agreed that he would start work in a month's time. He had an easygoing personality and immediately hit it off with Edward, so he was easily the best choice.

I spent some time looking for a suitable apartment to rent, but currently there was nothing available. There were tiny studios with barely room to turn around, large apartments that I didn't need and couldn't afford, or ideal premises which were way to far out of Manhattan to be feasible. I was still in the motel room and it seemed that I was destined to stay there for the time being, until Edward suggested the upper floor of the gym. I rented the entire building and the top floor was used only for storage, but it had once, years before, served as accommodation and was already fitted with a bathroom and kitchen. These were badly in need of updating and the whole place would need cleaning and decorating, but it was the best option I had and if the owners didn't mind and I could get permission from the authorities to live there, it wouldn't cost me anything.

I immediately set about looking into the option and the owner, who was a retired guy enjoying my monthly rental by taking cruises and idling his time away, stated that he didn't care what I did with the place as long as I kept paying the rent. I spent the whole of the next day speaking to an endless string of useless shirts until I finally obtained instructions on how to apply to turn the upper floor back into accommodation and in the meantime, feeling certain of success, I hired a cleaning company and then some decorators to at least freshen the place up. The floor space was huge and would make an amazing place to live, as well as the convenience of me only having to run down the stairs to work each morning.

I didn't hear from Paul until almost the end of the week, but I guessed he was busy on the trip to Chicago that he had mentioned and he probably wanted to give me some space at the same time. I found that I was thinking more about him than anything else by the weekend and I had to firmly push him to the back of my mind when I spent Saturday taking Sarah shopping and buying her all manner of treats - a pair of shoes, fancy little things to put in her hair, a book and a stuffed animal. I returned her to Leah at six o'clock after dinner, but this time I didn't go into the apartment, even though Sarah begged for me to go in and watch a television programme with her.

"Dad has things to do," Leah said firmly, sending me a look which said I wouldn't argue if I knew what was good for me.

"But I want him to stay!" Sarah suddenly threw the bags she held onto the floor and ran to me, wrapping her arms around my waist and beginning to sob loudly. It was the first time she had really gotten upset about the situation and now she wailed and snuffled while Leah's face became slightly pained and then resigned.

"You better come in for a while."

I stayed an hour and watched the programme and when I got up to leave again, this time Sarah let me go, although she had slipped into a sulky silence and watched sadly as I headed for the door, not even opening her mouth to say goodbye. I hated that the situation was beginning to affect her so badly; that I couldn't be there for her all the time, and I could only hope that she would grow to accept that Leah and I wouldn't be getting back together.

As I walked back to the motel, I pulled out my cellphone and realised I'd received a text message perhaps an hour earlier, although I hadn't heard the phone beep. It was from Paul and my pulse quickened as I opened it. With everything else that had been going on, I had even asked myself whether what I felt for him was real, but suddenly I longed to see him.

'Back home now. Call me any time if you want to. P.'

It was short and to the point and I imagined he was unsure if I would still want to see him. I called him right away and impatiently counted five rings before he answered.

"Hey, Jake."

"Hey. How was Chicago?"

"Yeah, it was good. Got a decent amount of new orders in. How are you?"

"I'm ok."

"I wasn't sure if you'd call."

"I want to see you!" I blurted immediately. "Things have been...difficult...but I'm ok. I've been thinking about you."

"It's definitely over...with your wife?"

"Yes. I'm still in a motel right now, but I'm turning the upper floor of the gym into a place to live. I'm hoping to be in there in a couple of weeks."

"Oh! Cool." He sounded surprised and I wondered if he had worried that I might have gone back to Leah and tried to fix things. "So...you want to see me."

"Yes, if that's what you want." I reached the motel and let myself into my room.

"Yeah. I can get down to New York next weekend..."

"I...um...I can't do anything Saturday," I said quickly. "I'm sorry. It's the only day I get to see my daughter right now."

"Ok."

"What about Friday night? Or Sunday?"

"Sure. I'm not working Friday, I'll come down in the morning and then we can figure something out."

Suddenly things seemed awkward and I was disappointed when I couldn't think of anything else to say to him and he seemed keen to get off the phone. He said he'd be in touch with me during the week to let me know what time he'd be arriving in the city and then said goodbye. I sat down with a sigh, my heart sinking, hoping that things would be different when I saw him.

The following day at work, both Edward and I were fidgety and impatient. He had spent the night with Emmett and was both excited and nervous about his lover starting to work with us the following day. In turn, I was anxious and excited about seeing Paul in just a few more days and hoping that we would be able to put any awkwardness aside and simply enjoy being with each other. Strangely I wasn't thinking about sex, but I guessed that was understandable given the amount of stress I had been under and this wasn't helped when Leah and Sarah arrived at the gym just after lunch, Sarah still upset about my absence and having refused to do anything Leah told her until she got to see me. They stayed an hour and she seemed better by the end of it, but again I was left feeling guilty and sad that through all of this, my daughter was suffering.

It was a long week. Emmett's first day went well on the whole. He proved to be an excellent trainer and amused both me and Edward by the amount of female attention he got. He was huge and bulging with muscles, and clad in shorts and a tank-top, he showed himself off to the best of his ability. He had a constant stream of requests for training sessions from women ranging from young to old, while Edward watched smugly, obviously secure in the knowledge that Emmett only had eyes for him.

I received the go-ahead from the authorities to turn the upper floor back into accommodation, much quicker than I'd anticipated. I only submitted the form early Monday morning, but by Wednesday I'd received approval, which I learned had been helped by the owner putting in a word for me. All that was required, was an inspection once the place was ready for me to move in. The decorators were well on the way to finishing the main open-plan area and I took the opportunity to send for kitchen and bathroom fitters to give their recommendations on improving the facilities without actually ripping everything out and starting from the beginning.

Sarah called me every afternoon when school finished and I was relieved to hear her sounding positive and excited again as she told me about a planned school trip to Coney Island, although she wished Leah and I could go with her instead. I promised I would take her on a day out one Saturday soon and added that she would soon be able to come and see my new home above the gym.

By the time Friday arrived, my excitement over seeing Paul had begun to take over everything else and I waited impatiently to hear from him. He had sent me a text the day before to let me know he would be arriving by train around eleven-thirty and intended to check himself into the same hotel he stayed in before. Edward and Emmett both agreed to work Friday night and instead take Sunday off to do something together, which meant that I could potentially leave at whatever time I wanted.

Paul called me at noon from the hotel and asked if I could get away to have lunch with him and after a brief few words with Edward, I agreed. I had come to work in jeans and a shirt that morning in anticipation of this and now I hurried out of the gym and made my way to the hotel, my heart pounding in my chest and my palms sweating. It almost felt like the first time of seeing him again and when I arrived and went to look for him in the hotel lounge, my mouth was dry and I was thinking about all the things that could go wrong, even though there was no reason why anything should. I wanted him and he clearly still wanted me. The last time we had spent together in Boston had been amazing and I told myself I was just being stupid.

Paul was sitting by the window, looking at something on his phone, but he raised his head as I approached, then quickly put the device into his pocket and got up. My mouth almost watered as I looked at him. He was wearing his customary painted-on jeans, a half-unfastened shirt hanging loose over them, his hair cropped shorter than the last time I'd seen him. He shot me a broad grin and when I reached him, it was instinctive for us to just hug each other, regardless of who might be watching.

"I missed you," I whispered.

"Me too." He gave me a brief, tighter hug and then backed up and let me go. "I reserved us a table in the dining room."

"Ok."

We headed into the other large room set with many tables, Paul indicating one in the corner by the bar. We made small talk about his trip to Chicago and my efforts to get the upper floor of the gym ready to live in while we waited for the beers we ordered and chose from the menu, both of us opting for steak. I felt a little nervous and awkward, my heart racing and my hand shaking slightly whenever I picked up my glass. Nothing had changed; the air between us seemed to sizzle with energy and after a couple of weeks of not even thinking about it, I felt my pants tightening as I looked across the table at him, my gaze flicking from his brown eyes to the caramel skin visible in the open part of his shirt.

We ate only a main course and then ordered coffee, neither of us interested in dessert. I imagined us leaving the table, heading up to his room, tearing at each other's clothes in our eagerness to get naked; his hands and mouth on me; falling onto the bed together. I almost groaned aloud and I slid my hand beneath the table to surreptitiously adjust my jeans which were almost crushing my cock and Paul grinned, eyes twinkling as he obviously knew what I was doing. Much to my irritation my phone rang in my pocket and I dropped my eyes from his with a frown.

"I'm sorry, Paul."

"It's ok, go on and get it." He leaned back in his chair and finished his coffee while I pulled the phone out, noting Leah's name on the screen. Why did she have to call now?

"Hey, is everything ok?" I answered.

Paul looked at me over the rim of his coffee cup, one eyebrow raised slightly.

"Jacob!" Leah cried. "You need to come now; Sarah's been hurt!"