Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter posted. Things have been hectic to say the least these last few weeks. I'm so glad readers enjoyed the first part, even if it was a little tugging of the heartstrings. I think this chapter will tug those same heartstrings ;-)
I hope readers enjoy Olivia's POV, and please let me know what you think :-)
Shifting my reading glasses from being perched on my nose to the top of my head, I rub my eyes in an attempt to stave off another wave of drowsiness. Last night was... last night was not a good night by any stretch of the imagination.
It was the first night in quite a long time that Alex wasn't sharing our bed and being my little spoon. Yes, I've spent nights in the crib while working a tough case, but I think that I was more on working autopilot and knew Alex was either at my apartment or hers before we made it permanent and I moved in with her. However, since I became Sergeant and she became EADA for SVU, we have made a conscious effort to spend every single night together. Even moreso since Noah came into our lives when we began fostering him.
Noah clung to me like his life depended on it when Alex went to board her flight. I guess in his way of thinking with everything that's happened in his short life, his life did depend on it. I had intended to watch Alex's plane taxi away and let Noah watch to try in an attempt to wow him, but Noah was at the beginning of a full blown meltdown. I picked up his diaper bag and fluffy teddy bear, and left immediately while trying to soothe and reassure our son that his Mama would be back before he knew it. The side eye looks, eye rolls and snide comments from various coming and going passengers of 'shut that kid up', 'damn crying brat' and 'she should spank that kid and give him something to really cry about' didn't help any. If they only knew his history.
Trying to put Noah in his car seat was an ordeal in itself seeing he wouldn't let go of me. At one point I was considering crawling over the console to get to the drivers seat because each time I tried to move away and close the door, Noah got even more distressed. I'm sure he thought I was going to abandon him too. Even his go-to Elmo DVD that had been playing on the journey to the airport couldn't distract him. The only thing that seemed to calm him somewhat was that 'Riptide' song that Alex's been singing and listen to recently. I remember coming back from the bathroom just a few nights ago and seeing Alex dancing and singing in the kitchen with Noah on her hip while she checked on dinner. Noah, for his part, was cooing and bouncing with delight as Alex spun around, waving her left hand in the air when the lyrics mentioned the same. The whole journey from JFK airport back to our apartment had that ukulele song on repeat even after Noah finally exhausted himself and succumbed to sleep.
He was much calmer when I removed him from his car seat after arriving back at the apartment, yet he wasn't his bubbly self that I've become used to since Noah's been in mine and Alex's lives. Forlorn would be a more appropriate description. I kept up our normal routine of preparing and having dinner together as a family. He kept looking over at Alex's place at the table while he ate his chicken strip and vegetables, and I could see the little cogs in his head turning, trying to understand why Alex wasn't there. I kept reassuring him that Mama would be back... she always comes back now. No matter how many times she has left in the past, I know Alex will always return.
After dinner I gave Noah a bath and dressed him in his purple and green striped pyjamas, then took him to the couch to read. It was here I took a selfie of Noah and myself to send to Alex and told her the truth... we were missing her... before settling down to read Dr Suess's 'Oh, the Places You'll Go!'. Noah only stayed in his bed for around half a minute after I tucked him in and kissed him good night. As I went to turn the light off, the tears began and no amount of soothing would calm him. Each time I thought he was asleep and had placed him back in his bed after walking around the apartment, he would wake up and the tears would flow again. In the end, I ended up dozing on the couch all night with Noah fast asleep on my chest while clutching his fluffy teddy bear. Alex and I aren't ones to advocate co-sleeping, however sometimes you have to do what you have to do... this was one of those rare times. Although I will admit Noah has fallen asleep on mine or Alex's chest on more than one occasion while snuggling on the couch on the weekends. I was jolted awake just as I was beginning to fall asleep when I received Alex's text a little before ten saying she had landed in Los Angeles. Thankfully, Noah didn't stir from his slumber. As much as I wanted to hear Alex's voice, I kept the conversation to just texting. I reassured her that Noah was fast asleep, that we both loved her and that everything was fine. I didn't want to worry her any more than I knew she would be... I saw that look of heartbreak on her face when Noah started wailing at the airport. What Alex doesn't know is my heart hurt right along with hers, and Noah's too.
A gentle tug on arm draws my attention to Noah holding his nearly empty straw cup beside my desk chair in the Captain's office.
Even thought I'm up to my eyeballs with paperwork being the interim commanding officer at SVU, I made the choice to take Noah to work with me today. I just didn't have the heart to leave him at day care after everything he went through yesterday afternoon and evening. Who knows how Noah will react when he does go to day care on Monday? At least Alex and I will have the weekend to reestablish the routine we set when we first fostered our son.
Right now Alex is on her way over to the 16th Precinct, having landed back in New York over an hour ago. If I'd had my way, Noah and I would've met Alex as she disembarked the plane to show and reassure our son that his Mama hasn't left or abandoned him... except that Fin and Officer Preston would have our perp in their custody for transporting to Rikers and I will not knowingly expose Noah to someone like that.
I hoist Noah up and sit him down onto the desk, ignoring the toys scattered all over the floor.
"Are you hungry, Noah?"
Receiving a nod in response, I grab a snack box filled with Cheerios, tip some of the them onto my hand, then offer them to Noah. His small index finger raises to his mouth in deep though as to which of the half a dozen or so round cereals to opt for before he picks one up between his finger and thumb and pops it in his mouth. He picks up another one and offers it to me with a look of expectation. I open my mouth and lean forward, allowing Noah to place the little cereal inside before quickly closing my mouth on his thumb while making a loud 'chomping' noise, earning me a squeal from Noah, then that beautiful giggling laugh when I let his fingers go.
A flash from the telephone alerts me to an incoming call and I answer it before it rings, "Sergeant Benson, SVU."
"Sergeant Benson, this is Sergeant Chen down at the front desk. Just letting you know EADA Cabot has arrived and is on her way up, as per your request."
"Thanks, Jason." As Noah takes another Cheerio from my hand, I ask the one question I'm wanting to know, "How did she look to you?"
"Olivia, I'm happily married to my wife for the last six years. I'm not going to answer such a loaded question about your fiancée."
I roll my eyes, "I just wanted to know if she looked tired or not."
Alex sounded tired when she called to inform me the extradition had been granted, and even moreso when she told me they'd landed.
"Still a loaded question, Olivia."
"You're no help!"
"Then my job as desk clerk is done!" Jason chuckles. "Look, you'll find out soon enough."
I thank Jason once again then place the receiver back down on its cradle as Noah takes another Cheerio from my hand and offers it to me with a cheeky smile. I can only imagine how Noah will react when Alex walks through the door but I guess I'll find out soon enough. Remaining as calm as I can, I allow Noah to feed me his snack, when in truth I'm a mixture of various and conflicting emotions. Of course I can't wait to see Alex again, but I have a niggling worry of how Noah will react... or not.
A minute has passed when we hear a tap at the door. I look over and see that Alex looks as tired as I feel, yet she's still as breathtaking as ever.
"Noah? Who's this?" I ask, gesturing to Alex to come in. "Who's at the door?"
Noah turns his head and sees Alex smiling at him, rapidly blinking away her tears from behind her glasses as she closes the door behind her.
"Hi, Noah!" she says, giving a small wave to our son and lets go of the extended handle of her carry on.
The look on his face is one of confusion. I can see the cogs turning in his head: Mama went away, but Mama's here now?! Noah looks back at me, then over at Alex once more. Noah goes to stand up on the desk, so I pick him up and place him down on the floor. At first he doesn't move from his standing position beside my chair, and I can see the look of concern on Alex's face.
"Noah? Who's that over there?" I prompt once again as I get out of the chair and crouch down to Noah's level. "Who is that?"
Noah looks over... then takes off towards Alex as fast as his little legs will take him, "Mama!"
With a beaming smile at hearing her name, Alex scoops our son up in her arms before he crashes into her shins and showers his face with kisses while he clings to her tightly.
"Noah?" Alex points to me as I approach, "Who's this?"
"Mom-mee!" Noah coos, snuggling against Alex's body.
I can't help but grin proudly at hearing Noah say those very recently spoken names.
Weaving my hand to the back of Alex's head, I pull her closer and share a soft, lingering kiss to let her know just how much we've... I've... missed her.
"You look as good as I feel," Alex murmurs after ending our kiss.
"I could say the same about you," I retort playfully, my hand trailing down Alex's back.
Alex kisses the top of Noah's head, "How long until you finish, Liv?"
"A couple of hours yet... all paperwork. If you want to take Noah home and have a nap-"
"No," Alex shakes her head. "We leave for home, together, as a family."
"Then you're going to have a nap here," I lead Alex to the leather couch in the office, hastily picking up toys strewn all over the floor to make a clear path.
"I won't object to that," Alex toes off her heels and settles on the couch with Noah still in her arms as I hand over his fluffy teddy bear.
I give Alex and Noah each a kiss on their forehead and move back to the desk and observe them from across the room. Over the top of my reading glasses, I can see Alex's eyelids are drooping rapidly. I gather the paperwork I'm reviewing and join them on the couch.
"Sweetheart, lay your head down for me," I indicate my lap and Alex doesn't need any further prompting.
What surprises me the most is that Noah is now resting peacefully on Alex's chest as she lays her head on my lap. It's just like he did with me last night as he slept in my arms. It's the most beautiful sight in the world and I feel so honoured to be the one seeing our son and his Mama sharing such an intimate bonding moment together.
The question remains though: Will Noah be alright? Will he always think he's going to be abandoned like he has in the past if one of us has to go away for a night? To be honest, I think he'll be fine... I think we'll be fine.