CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
The next week passed surprisingly quickly, with work and spending time with Sarah every day, taking her to a hospital appointment on Friday. I worked the afternoon so that Edward and Emmett could leave early and go out; Saturday I took Sarah and Leah shopping for some new clothes and later went to a ballgame with Embry. We hadn't done that for weeks and it gave us a proper chance to catch up. I learned that I was still public enemy number one with Marie, which wasn't that much of a surprise to me. Marie was very like Leah and if someone close to her was hurt, she was ferocious.
"So you're getting a divorce?" he asked eventually.
"Yeah."
"I kind of thought you were working things out with Leah. You're over there practically every day..."
"She didn't talk to Marie about that part then," I said.
"I don't know, Marie hasn't said anything to me."
"We're not getting back together; we're just learning how to move on from what I did and be some kind of friends," I said. "I'm gay, Embry."
"Yeah, you said that, but you still have ten years of marriage with Leah and you ended it with that guy. Are you sure you're doing the right thing?"
"Positive. Leah will eventually find someone who deserves her, who gives her much more than I could. Paul wasn't just a phase, Embry, I love him," I blurted.
Embry flushed uncomfortably and rubbed a hand over his face. "So you're...seeing him again then?"
"Yeah. Leah knows about it; in fact it was she who told me to try to fix things with him. She was sick of seeing me miserable."
His eyebrows rose.
"I know, she's amazing. I doubt I would have been able to do that if our positions were reversed," I added.
"Has she met him?"
"Once, but it was before all of this came out. I don't think that will happen again and Sarah's not going to know anything about this, at least not for the time being. We'll see when she's older."
"You're talking like this...thing is going to be long term," Embry said doubtfully.
"I'm hoping it is. It's early days. Look, I won't talk about it if it makes you uncomfortable. I just wanted you to know what I'm doing, that's all."
"It's ok, it's just gonna take me a while to get used to. I suppose I didn't really take it that seriously before, when you told me. One minute you were telling me you were gay and the next it's over and you're spending all your time with Leah, so I thought it was just some kind of...I don't know, a mid-life crisis come early or something like that."
I laughed now. "I don't know of many guys whose mid-life crises turn them gay!"
He grinned at last. "Well, I guess you know what you're doing. It's good to see you looking better. Last couple of times I've seen you, you've looked like the world was going to end."
"It hasn't been good," I admitted. "So, how's things with you and Marie? Any prospect of the patter of little feet yet?"
"No, it'll probably take a while. She was on the pill; the doc said it could be at least a few months."
We spent the rest of the afternoon talking about other things than my own recent dramas and after grabbing some burgers at a food stand at the ballpark, I returned to my apartment and put my feet up for the evening. I felt better than I had done in a long time, even though I hadn't actually talked to Paul that week. We had exchanged a couple of text messages on Wednesday, him contacting me initially. I had been reluctant to make the first move in case he thought I was pushing him, still worried that he might need time. His first message had simply asked how I was and added that he was returning to Chicago that afternoon to see one of the new clients he had signed up there. There was nothing intimate in the brief conversation and he had told me he would be back in Boston Saturday, which meant he was probably home by now. I toyed with my phone, wondering whether to send him a message and then on impulse, I called instead.
"Hey, Jacob." His answer came so quickly that I was startled by it and momentarily couldn't think of anything to say.
"Jake?"
"Hey. I'm sorry, I wasn't sure you'd answer."
"Almost didn't; I just got off the elevator; I'm back home now," he said.
"How was Chicago?"
"Yeah, good. Should be getting a bonus for it this time."
"Awesome."
"How's things with you?"
"Pretty good. I'm...looking forward to seeing you." I held my breath while I waited for him to answer.
"Yeah, me too. I was thinking I'd come to New York, weekend after next. Any good to you?"
"I'll make sure of it," I said at once. Two more weeks. Two more weeks and I would see him, for more than just a few minutes. I had no idea how things would go or how fast they would move, but if all we did was have dinner and sit talking, I would love every second.
The call ended fairly quickly; he was just home and wanted to shower and get an early night, but rather than be disappointed, I went to bed with a smile on my face and for the first time in some weeks, I jerked off, imagining that it was Paul's hands on me, stroking my cock, tugging on my balls, pushing his fingers into me. I ached for him and it was going to seem like an eternity before I saw him.
Monday I told Edward about Paul's impending visit and asked his opinion on a possible club we could go to if Paul wanted to do that. I had been in one a few years before, where I'd met Garrett, but it had since closed down.
"The Stonewall Inn," he said at once. "I've been there a few times with Emmett; in fact it's where I met him. It's like one huge party most of the time."
"I've heard of it. You know, I can't imagine you partying," I grinned.
"Well, you haven't seen me on a night out, have you?"
I immediately tried to think of Edward in a club, dressed up, maybe dancing with Emmett, but it was difficult to see him out of his sports gear or shirt and slacks, flushing awkwardly if he was teased. However, I decided to look up the Stonewall Inn on the net later and remember it in case we wanted to go.
By the time the next two weeks had passed, several things had happened. I had received divorce papers from Leah's lawyer, which she had warned me about in advance. I knew exactly what they would say and I signed each page and gave them back to her, both saddened and relieved that we were moving forward with things. We didn't talk about it much and I could see that it had made her sad too, to bring our union to an end.
Sarah was rapidly getting better and was desperate to go back to school. She could get around swiftly and with great agility on her crutches and her doctor had said there was no reason why she shouldn't go to school so long as Leah or I could escort her there and back, which we had always done anyway, since it involved a ride on the subway. I promised to take her and collect her each day, which then enabled me to get back to the gym for at least a good part of the day in between.
I talked to Paul several times on the phone, but as yet our conversations were short and a little awkward. I didn't really know what to say to him and he seemed to have the same difficulty. We would ask each other what we'd been doing, talk about work and when he planned to arrive in New York, but each time we dried up after a few minutes and agreed to talk again in a few days. I began to grow anxious that things wouldn't improve when we saw each other and I looked forward to his visit with mixed feelings; excited to see him, but at the same time dreading that it would be impossible to move past what had happened.
When the Saturday of his intended trip came, I rose early, showered and put on fresh jeans and a shirt, forcing myself to eat breakfast even though I almost felt sick with nerves. I had told Leah what I would be doing that weekend and she had decided to invite some of Sarah's friends around for the day, let them play computer games, watch movies and make them party food and Sarah was so delighted by the idea that she was happy to wait until Monday to see me, when I would take her to school for the first time.
Paul had told me he would arrive on the express that got into New York at eleven-thirty. We hadn't discussed whether he would stay with me or not although I hoped that would be the case, assuming we could get through the whole day without having absolutely nothing to say to each other. Despite my longing to see him, my heart was slowly sinking as I waited at the station for his train, hoping that it wasn't all going to go wrong. Had we simply been through too much to make it work? Had I put us through too much? I had never been the best conversationalist on the phone, but the last few efforts with Paul had almost been painful. We seemed like strangers and I found myself trying to think up a list of topics to talk about while I paced up and down.
At last the train appeared in the distance and crawled slowly into the station, seeming to take its time as if the one passenger on it that I waited for was controlling its speed, his anxiety mirroring my own. I stood still, hands in my pockets, scanning the crowds of people as they climbed down to the platform, scurrying this way and that and merging into the clusters of other passengers waiting to take their places. Where was he? Had he not come after all? The crowd dispersed and I didn't see him, but then suddenly a hand touched my shoulder from behind and I jumped and turned quickly.
"Paul!"
"I was first off, but you were looking that way," he said, pointing. "Did you think I wasn't going to show up?"
"I...I did wonder," I admitted.
"I almost didn't."
I met his eyes and noted both confusion and longing in them - exactly what I was feeling. Just be honest, I told myself. He probably felt the same about the damned phone calls.
"I don't know why I couldn't talk to you on the phone," I blurted. "I'm not the best on the phone anyway, but our situation...I guess I kept thinking I'd say something that would make you change your mind, or push you too much or...it just ended up with me not being able to say anything."
"Same here." He grinned suddenly. "I'm still wary of getting into this again. I kept trying to come up with excuses to tell you I didn't want to do this after all, but I'd have been lying; I just don't want it to get fucked up again."
"It was my fault all of that happened before," I said firmly. "I'm not gonna let you down again, I promise. I'm glad you came."
"Yeah, me too." He stepped closer suddenly, giving me a one-armed hug, an overnight bag held in his free hand. I wrapped both arms around him immediately and pressed my face into his neck. He felt so good and we just stood there as people hurried this way and that around us, holding onto each other, neither of us speaking. Eventually Paul drew back and I loosened my hold on him, although I left one hand resting on his chest, feeling his heart hammering as frantically as my own.
"I missed you so much," I told him and he smiled again.
"So are you gonna show me this new place of yours?"
"Sure, we'll need to get the subway," I said as we began to walk side by side.
"I know where it is," Paul smirked. "Or have you forgotten my visit to your gym?"
An image of myself on my knees in my office with his cock in my mouth flashed into my mind and I snorted and felt my face warming. He was laughing quietly and I immediately knew it was going to be alright. Perhaps we would have to tread carefully for a little while, but we wanted each other, cared for each other; we would get there.
When we arrived at the gym, we headed up the stairs from the foyer, avoiding going into the gym itself. I unlocked the door and Paul followed me in, dumping his bag beside the sofa and looking around.
"This is a huge space; I'm envious," he said. "It was just used for storage?"
"Yes, it was lived in at one time years ago," I said. "There was a kind of old-fashioned bathroom and some kitchen units, but other than that, just a lot of dust. Doesn't cost me anything either; the owner's happy with the rent I already pay for the building."
"Awesome."
"You want some coffee or something?" I offered.
"I could probably eat some lunch soon; I skipped breakfast," Paul said. I wondered if nerves had played a part in this; I had almost choked on the small amount I'd forced myself to eat.
"We can get some downstairs if you want," I suggested. "Or go out somewhere else?"
"Here's fine," Paul agreed and within minutes, we were back on the first floor ordering soup and sandwiches in the cafeteria. I could see Edward and Emmett some distance away, gawking at us and pretending not to and Paul followed my gaze.
"Who's the big guy?"
"That's my new trainer, Emmett. He and Edward are together."
"Love and work? You might have your work cut out there," he grinned.
"Well, I thought I'd give it a chance. So far it's working out well." I wondered whether I should tell him about Emmett. It was unlikely either he or Edward would ever say anything, but it was still a small fact about me that I'd be hiding otherwise. "It was kind of awkward at first when he came to talk to me about the job," I said slowly. "Him and me had a...um...a one night thing a few years ago."
"Should I be jealous?" Paul raised an eyebrow and smirked.
"Nah. Look at them; he's besotted with Edward. And I'm...uh...I only have eyes for you," I said in a whisper.
He grinned wider. "So, you didn't ask me where I'm staying yet."
"Did you arrange something?" I asked, hoping that wasn't the case. I had hoped he would stay with me and he had left his bag up there in my apartment, but I wasn't sure we would achieve that point over the weekend.
"What do you think?"
"I don't know, Paul. I want you to stay with me, I just...wasn't sure if you'd want to...yet."
"I want to."
I let out the breath I'd been holding and turned my attention back to my food. My pulse was racing and I was longing to reach across the table and touch him; hold his hand; something just to be in contact with him, but I wasn't quite up to that point yet, where I would let the rest of my staff and some of my clients know about me. We finished the meal without speaking again, although I felt a little more comfortable with the silence now. I thought about what we could do for the rest of the day and as much as I wanted to just head back upstairs to the apartment, I felt it would be better to spend some time together doing other things and try to get back to the way we had been the last time I was in Boston.
"What do you want to do today?" I asked. "There's a ballgame on if you're interested. Or we could do lame tourist-type stuff, paint the town red later..."
"You don't like being a tourist?"
"I was kidding. I'm the first one to explore a new place with a camera around my neck," I joked.
"Let's do that then. I've been to New York several times, but it's always been about work; it'd be cool to see some of it."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Ok; Empire State Building here we come."
We spent the afternoon and early evening riding to the top of the tower, visiting the Rockefeller Centre and taking the carriage ride around Central Park. I wasn't so sure about that, thinking it might seem too much like a romantic activity, but it was Paul's idea. The driver looked at us somewhat strangely as we climbed into the carriage and I doubted he saw many male couples doing this, but he didn't say anything. Gradually as the hours had passed things had grown easier between us and now we sat back in the well worn seats, fingers laced together between us as we watched the activities of other people in the park, playing ball games, jogging, having picnics.
I mentioned the possibility of going to the club that evening and we discussed options for dinner, deciding on a sushi bar that I'd never tried before. We went straight there from the park and ate an assortment of Japanese dishes which Paul said were his favourites and I discovered a new type of cuisine that I could enjoy. Afterwards we returned to the apartment to get ready to go to the Stonewall Inn and I made myself a coffee while Paul used my shower and changed in my room. I thought about the hours we had spent together, how things had gradually become more comfortable. We hadn't talked much at first, but by the time we had been up and down the Empire State Building, I found myself much more relaxed and we had spent most of the carriage ride chatting. I felt that at last we were starting to get back to the way we were before I ended it; it felt so good being in his company, just doing normal things and as excited as I was about what would happen later, I wanted to continue savouring every moment.
"I'm done." Paul's voice startled me out of my thoughts and I found him standing in front of me, wearing dark pants and a blue shirt, unfastened to a point mid-way down his chest, his hair damp from the shower.
"You look hot," I said before I could stop myself and he chuckled and inched closer.
My heart pounded unevenly and suddenly it was difficult to breathe properly. It had been a long time since we had kissed; far too long and I wanted it so much. I licked my lips and raised my hand slowly to his chest, my fingers brushing the warm skin in the open part of his shirt. He leaned in and paused an inch away from me, his eyelids lowered and his breath fanning my face. I could hear my blood thundering in my ears and each second seemed to tick past much slower than was normal. Our lips touched, the slightest brush and then parted again. He changed the angle of his head slightly and his lips teased the corner of my mouth, then returned to their former position and pressed more firmly against mine. I was unable to stop the soft moan that escaped me as I responded to the kiss, our lips parting and fitting together, caressing and tasting each other. It didn't deepen; there was no thrusting of tongues, grabbing and clutching at each other, bodies pressing together. Instead it was warm and sensual and intimate and it made goosebumps break out along my spine. My cock twitched in my pants and then Paul was stepping away from me, running a hand over his damp hair.
"I'll...um...get ready," I muttered and headed for my bedroom quickly, almost panting. God, I wanted him so much. That kiss had almost melted me and now all I could think about was us returning from the club later, stripping naked, falling onto my bed. I imagined his hands and mouth on me, fingers preparing me, his thick cock driving into me and it was an effort not to take a few extra minutes in the shower to jerk off. I was so hard now that I ached, my erection bumping my stomach and begging for release. I remembered us showering together that time, Paul on his knees spreading me with his fingers, poking his tongue into me before he stood again and fucked me while the water poured down onto us. I groaned softly and shuddered as I scrubbed myself quickly and rinsed off. I tried to think of other things as I dried and dressed, but I was still half hard when I left my room and joined Paul in the kitchen and his smirk indicated he had noticed immediately.
"You didn't jerk off in the shower then?"
"No, I didn't want to..."
"...waste it?"
"Uh...yeah." I knew my face was red and I laughed a little uncomfortably. It was the first time we had referred to sex between us and Paul's continued amusement was obvious. I shoved my feet into my shoes, grabbed wallet and keys and moved towards the door. Before I had opened it, Paul's hands appeared either side of me and rested on the door, his body leaning lightly against my back. I felt his hardness against my butt and I shivered at the knowledge that he wanted it as much as I did.
"Want me?" he murmured in my ear.
"God, yes."
"I've been thinking about fucking you all day."
I groaned and gyrated my hips slightly, rubbing myself against him. His breath hissed out through his teeth and he took one hand off of the door and placed it on my belly, slowly sliding it lower until he cupped me through my jeans. My groan became a whimper and his palm stroked firmly up and down my length for a moment and then released me.
"We better get out of here while we're still capable."
"Damnit, now it's all I'm going to be able to think about," I grimaced.
"Makes two of us." He grinned wickedly and shoved his hands into his pockets as I opened the door. I was forced to do the same as we set off, relieved when my erection subsided after a few minutes of walking uncomfortably and trying to adjust myself without anyone noticing although I knew it was going to be a frustrating few hours in the club.
The Stonewall Inn was already jumping when we arrived. I paid the cover charge and got us some beers and we fought our way through the crowds of people to stand near the dancefloor, which wasn't so packed as the area around the bar.
"Gonna dance with me?" Paul asked.
"Yeah, let me finish my beer first."
We made the drinks last a little while and then discarded the bottles. I was debating getting more, but it would take some time to get served and we could always do that later.
"Hey, isn't that your trainer guy from the gym?" Paul asked suddenly, pointing. I immediately spotted Emmett at the opposite side of the dancefloor, shirtless, glistening and kissing someone; a someone wearing a tight purple silk shirt, their arms wrapped around his neck. I couldn't see much of the other guy, since Emmett stood mostly with his back to us, but my heart began to sink as I thought about Edward.
Then much to my surprise the pair came up for air, the purple-shirted guy stepping back and grabbing Emmett's hand to tug him onto the dancefloor. "Come on, I want to dance!" he shouted, audible even above the music. My mouth fell open. Edward - prim, shy, Edward was wearing purple silk, leather pants and enough hair gel to make his already crazy hair retain its electrocuted look without him having to constantly tug at it.
"Damn it, Edward," Emmett grumbled, but followed obligingly. Paul and I continued to watch as Edward began to dance vigorously and Emmett shuffled from side to side, looking the very picture of discomfort. They hadn't seen us yet, but I imagined it would only be a matter of time before they did. I smirked to myself, guessing that the colour of Edward's face would quickly mirror his shirt when he saw me.
"Let's dance," I said.
The music was identical to that in Quentin's - a hard, pumping beat that more and more people were beginning to grind to, some in pairs, a few in threes or groups. Paul's arms snaked around me and tugged me against his body, one thigh quickly wedging between mine. I held onto him as we began to move together, both of us quickly growing hard again as our crotches rubbed against each other's thighs. I remembered the last time we had danced together, thrusting against each other, my shorts damp from pre-cum, desperate to touch each other. Paul had led me away from the dancefloor and sucked my cock outside the restrooms. I groaned, the sound drowned out by the music, gyrating my hips in an effort to gain more friction. His hand slid down to my butt, squeezing firmly, his own erection thrusting eagerly against my leg through two frustratingly restraining layers of pants.
"I can't wait to fuck you," he growled into my ear.
"Christ," I muttered.
"I'm so fucking hard it hurts."
I moved my leg away from him and slid my hand between us, not usually this daring in front of a crowd of people, but unable to help myself. Everyone else was probably doing the same thing anyway. I cupped his erection, rubbing it lightly and dipping my hand lower to squeeze his balls.
"Holy shit, Jacob!" he hissed.
"Like that?"
"You're a fucking tease." He thrust against my hand for a moment and then grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand away, placing it on his chest. "You're gonna make me come in my pants."
I was alarmingly close to doing the same thing myself and I backed up a little, putting a small space between us. I could wait, I told myself. It had been weeks and I didn't want our first time together again to be a hasty fumble in a dark corner; I wanted him in my bed.