The Organization's Problems
Chapter 3
Hey guys, before you start reading, just want to let you know, this is still the same day that Roxas and Lexeaus had the milk, it's just a little later in the day. I.E. only about 6 days until they start missions. That'll be fun.
"You're such a jackass sometimes."
"Likewise, Crackwhore."
"I'm a dude now. I can't be a whore."
"Haven't you ever seen Deuce Bigalow? He was a male whore. You're like him, except he was awesome and took his customers to baseball games and that crap."
"Shut up already. If anyone's a crackwhore, it'd have to be you, Marluxia. And have you noticed that you the EXACT same as before you were a girl?
"Yeah, I was a lot better looking than you then, too."
"Shut up, Asshole."
What's going on here, guys? Asked a small, blonde kitten.
"Crackwhore over there," Marluxia stuck a thumb over her shoulder towards the now male Larxene. "was trying to kill me for no reason."
"Feh, yeah right. I saw you giving me the eye. No one gives me the eye and lives to tell about it."
"I was asleep. My eyes," she stopped and pointed to her seeing balls. "were closed. How could I have given you the eye when I was napping?"
Marluxia! Why'd you give Larxene the eye? That's like flipping off John Cena, or stealing a penny from Barack Obama!
"I was sleeping! How am I supposed to give someone the eye while I'm taking a nap!"
"Ignorance of the law is no excuse, Asshole." Larxene said, flipping off Marluxia.
"You stole that line from COPS!"
Larxene summoned his Foudre and Marluxia brought out her Scythe, each ready to kick some ass.
In the Bathroom That Most Wish Wasn't…
I'm supposed to piss in this? Lexeaus asked himself, obviously not impressed with the bathroom accommodations set up.
"Really? I thought you'd think of it as a new experience. You really don't like it?" Asked Namine, who had set up the small box of sand and other absorbent materials.
Nope, it makes me feel like I'm about to take a dump in a diaper full of sand.
"This is what I could get you right now, but if you want, I can go get you a real diaper that I can fill with some sand. Would you rather me get you that?"
… No. That would make me even more quiet than I already am. I don't know how to deal with that.
Namine exited the bathroom, Lexeaus at her heels.
In The Living Room With A Slightly Used And Uncomfortable Sofa That Possibly Is…
"Alright, I've got twelve hundred bucks, all in ones, and I'm ready to win back everything I lost, you little ankle-biter." Xigbar was back from the bank, and he was ready. He may have lost over three hundred dollars two hours ago, but he was ready to have it back.
"Rightyo, Loser." Luxord said, ready to swindle this chump AGAIN. Sure, he might be good at a game of chance, and he might be able to count cards here and there, but his abilities all lied in time. Though he was only seven, he knew a wide range of things he could do with his time powers. For instance, he could stop time for thirty seconds at a time.
This ability may or may not have helped him choose the right cards to lay down for him, or his opponent. It also may or may not be the reason for his vast collection of Xigbar's items, like his eye-patch, his shoes, and one of his semi-auto arrow sniper pistols. (YES, I MEANT PISTOLS.)
Hey guys! Are you playing a game? Mind if I join in?
"Sure, have you got a bet?"
Roxas thought for a moment, then, the perfect thought erupted into his head.
Alright, one with the lowest score, or busts the highest, has to eat my dinner.
"Sounds good." Luxord threw a few dollar bills in the center of the three, as did Xigbar. Luxord dealt out the cards, and the three of them got their poker-faces on (This wasn't really very hard for Roxas, seeing as how a cat can only give away so many emotions.)
"Hit me." Xigbar said. He peeked at his face-down card once more. Luxord blinked twice. He blinked twice again. He seemed to have shifted positions in the blink of an eye. And Xigbar's face-down card had moved ever so slightly to the left.
"Stay" said Xigbar, looking down at his cards.
Stay said Roxas who was really hoping that he wouldn't have to eat the dinner. (No, in case you're wondering, I don't know how a kitten is supposed to be playing a card game like twenty-one.)
"Stay." said Luxord, though he was dealer.
They all flipped over their down-faced cards, and the results were as follows:
Roxas- Two Face Cards- Twenty Points
Luxord- One Face Card and one Ace- Twenty-One Points
Xigbar- Two Face Cards and one Seven- Twenty-Seven Points
Alright guys, I was just playing until I got my dinner out of my possession. Lux, could you put my money on my bed.
"Sure thing. You played a nice hand." Roxas walked around after the hand, Luxord counted his money, and Xigbar… he just sat staring at his cards, mouth agape.
He had just lost in Twenty-One to a seven year old, and a freaking cat! And back when the cat was human, it was a moron, so that made things even worse. "I'm going to eat cat food tonight. DAMN ITTTTTTTTTTTTT!"
In Xaldins Room…
"I can't believe… I got stuck as a Moogle. *Kupa*"
"Hey, don't be sad." Said a light, girl voice.
"Why… is that, Namine?" asked Xaldin.
"It's just that… you look really pathetic when your little head ball droops down."
"… Thanks for the pep talk, I think I'll go have a drink… Something strong. *Kupa* And not mine."
"Glad I could help you feel better!" Namine yelled, fist-pumping, basking in her accomplishment.
Meanwhile, two feet in front of her, someone was trying to see if a Moogle had the ability to Flip-Off people. They could.
In The Library That Never Was…
Lexeaus had just entered the room, and not to his astonishment, in one of the many black, leather chairs, sat a wild Zexion, quietly flipping through a thin book.
So what're you reading, Zexion?
He quickly glanced over to the orange-haired tom-cat. "This book is trying to describe the adventures of a clumsy bear that's gathered acquaintances, such as a jack rabbit with severe Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder, A tiger that has amazing strength in only his tail, a small pig that will never stop stuttering due to its insecurities, a depressing Mule, most likely to commit suicide within the next few pages, and an orphaned human boy that reads, like myself, but he is constantly trying to teach these animal useless lessons."
So… What's it called?
"The name of this book of fables is, 'Winnie The Pooh'. Though why would have chosen such a last name for a bear, I have no idea."
I think I'll go check something out.
Lexeaus scampered around the white and grey floors of the library, sometimes turning his head to read the spin of a book here and there. Eventually he started down a row of shelves that was filled with the same author. And it was all one series of books called "Things to do if…" and, on the bottom shelf, sat a book that Lexeaus thought no one but him and Roxas would EVER need: Things to Do If You Are Turned into a Cat, by Sheelby A. Moron.
He gripped the spine of the book with his cat teeth, and, after a few minutes of prying it out of the tightly packed shelves, the book was in his possession. Now, he needed to find Roxas.
Back To Luxord And Xigbar…
Current Winnings:
Luxord- Won- $1198, a pair of shoes, and a Nintendo© 3DS Loss- $0
Xigbar- Won- Absolutely Nothing Loss- $1200, his last pair of shoes, and his Cosmos Black Nintendo© 3DS
"Damn it." Xigbar said weakly. So far, he had yelled out that every time he had lost anything.
In The Kitchen That Isn't…
"And then you add in the flour, baking soda, and salt. Then you stir, put them in the oven, and let them cool. And that's where babies come from."
In The Living Room With A Slightly Used And Uncomfortable Sofa That Possibly Is…
Saix had already, swept, vacuumed, mopped, scrubbed, polished, and now, everything in the livingroom was successfully spotless.
"Finally done. Thanks for the help, Axel."
"No problem, man. But I have to say, ever since you became a girl, you've been cleaning a lot. That a little weird to you?"
"Yeah, but hey, wanna hear a sexist joke?"
"Lay it on me, broseph."
"Okay, if tree falls on a woman… why was there a tree in the kitchen?" They both cracked up laughing.
"Okay, okay, I've got one. Why did the woman cross the road?"
"Why" asked Saix, already starting to show signs of laughter.
"The question you should be asking is 'why wasn't she in the kitchen'."
"That's terrible, Axel!"
"But you just said almost the exact same thing!"
"Yeah, but it's different when a girl says it!"
"… You were a dude two days ago! You honestly think it makes a difference now!"
"Uh, ya-doy!... Oh, Axel, I'm so sorry for being mean to you!"
"… What is this?"
"What? Axel, I thought you knew! You jerk! How could you have forgotten?" Saix slapped Axels face as hard as she could.
"What the hell, Saix?... Oh God, don't tell me!"
"Don't tell you what, Axel?" Saix's voice had taken a soft turn, one so sudden that it kinda creeped Axel out.
"Dude! You're acting like a girl!"
"*gasp* Take that back you son of a bitch!"
"There it is again! That reaction! I remember it from most of the girls from middle school! My other went through hell trying to get a lady friend, and that's how every single one of them reacted a week after the first date!"
"Dear God… Axel, you're right. I'm sorry bro. If I ever star PMSing again, I want you to pimp-slap me as hard as you can. Okay?"
"You know it. And by the way… OUCH! THAT HURT LIKE HELL!"
Hey! Hope you enjoyed that chapter! Make sure you read and review. I'd love to know what made you laugh or what made you unhappy. By the way: Anyone who gets the Anime/Manga Reference in this chapter, send me a PM of which series you think it is, and what the Reference was, and if you're correct by the time I get done writing chapter 4,5, or 6, I'll give you a Radically Forbidden Shout-out.
Oh, and as for Saix's emotional instability, I've had that happen to me. I've been slapped around by most of the girls at my school. And I'm being Serious here, EVERY GIRL called me a SON OF A BITCH, because I didn't celebrate the fact that we had a date a week ago.