CHAPTER TWENTY

I felt ridiculously alone when Paul had gone. I had plenty to occupy me, first collecting Sarah and taking her to school and then going to the gym for a few hours before I would need to pick her up again and take her home, but he was constantly on my mind. The weekend had been amazing - better than I could possibly have hoped for, but it only made the time in between more difficult.

Edward didn't waste time in coming to my office when I arrived at work and somehow things had changed between us as well - we were suddenly more like friends than colleagues as we talked about our respective weekends before the conversation shifted to the gym itself. Collin came in to join us then and I raised the subject of the new members I had spotted when working out with Paul.

"A few of them are from Global," Edward admitted. "Their memberships were coming to an end and they weren't happy that Emmett lost his job, so they followed him here."

"He's certainly popular," Collin added.

"Well, it's not difficult to see why," I said, winking at Edward. "He has a certain way with the ladies; not to mention the guys."

"Am I missing something?" asked Collin.

"You do know I'm with Emmett, right?" Edward put in, seemingly more confident in coming out now that he knew he had my support.

"Um...you mean like...dating? No." Collin shook his head vigorously. "It's not obvious."

"Maybe not to a straight guy," I grinned and Collin's eyes widened.

"I'm seeing a guy from Boston who works for the suppliers of some of our gym equipment," I said, realising he was the first person aside from Leah and Edward that I had told and in turn, it was Edward's support that made me just say so without thinking twice about it.

"Oh! Well...that's cool."

"Ok, back to business..."

When the meeting was over I made my presence known in the gym for a while, wandering around and chatting to a few of the people working out, the way I used to before suddenly everything else in my life had become more important. Things had changed so much in the past few months and I wondered where I would go from here. It was early days, but if Paul felt anything like I did, and he certainly seemed to, we wouldn't want to continue a long distance relationship indefinitely. I knew I was getting ahead of myself, but I couldn't help wondering - would he ever want to move to New York? It wasn't feasible for me to leave, particularly in the case of Sarah and also the gym, but I couldn't just expect him to pack up and leave his home and his job. There was plenty of time to think about it of course; we had only had one weekend together really, and our whole lives stretched ahead of us.

I left the gym early and collected Sarah, finding her waiting for me on her crutches, accompanied by one of her friends, a pale-skinned girl with masses of strawberry blonde curls held back from her face by an Alice band. I'd seen her once before that I could remember, when Sarah had a party.

"Mom said Jeannie can come back for dinner," she said. "Is that ok?"

"Of course it's ok, if Mom says," I answered at once.

"My Dad will come get me later," the other girl added.

I escorted the pair to the subway station closest to the school and in twenty minutes we were back at Leah's apartment, riding up in the elevator. The two girls chattered constantly about their day and I merely listened until we got indoors. Leah got up from the table where she had been poring over her books and came to greet us.

"Hey, Jacob. Sorry, I should have let you know you would have two charges this afternoon."

"It's ok."

"How was your first day back, sweetie?"

"Awesome!" Sarah exclaimed and began to recite a description of each class again.

"I'll leave you to it," I said.

"You can stay, if you want," Leah said. "For dinner? It's just pie..."

"If you're sure you don't mind..."

"It's fine, there's plenty of it." She headed for the kitchen and I followed, unwanted by my daughter as she switched on the TV and searched for a show that she and her friend wanted to watch.

"How was the party on Saturday?" I asked.

"Loud." Leah actually laughed. "You know what they're like when there are a bunch of them. Jeannie is Sarah's new best friend in case you wondered. She's been over here before, but they weren't that close."

"I can vaguely remember her," I said. "Who are her parents?"

"Her Dad's Jasper Whitlock; he works in the hospital. He's a single father."

"Where's her Mom?"

"Died in childbirth. Jasper brought Jeannie up on his own."

"Wow; that's rough," I frowned. "Sounds like a good guy."

"Yeah."

I didn't miss the way Leah's cheeks coloured slightly at this point, but I didn't comment. Maybe she liked the guy and if that was the case, she was certainly entitled.

I stayed for a good part of the evening, enjoying a large slice of meat pie with mashed potatoes and vegetables, then playing a computer game with first Sarah and then Jeannie, both of them beating me easily before they played each other. It was seven o'clock when the intercom buzzed and Leah got up to answer it, telling the caller to come straight up.

"Jeannie, your Dad's here," she said then. "You need to go to the bathroom before you leave?"

"Yes, Ma'am." Jeannie disappeared and I glanced at Leah.

"Polite," I commented.

"Yes, she's been brought up well." Again, that faint colouring to her cheeks as she turned away to get the door and I couldn't help listening. "Hey, Jasper."

"Hello, Leah, how are you?"

"Good, thank you. Jeannie will just be a minute, she's in the bathroom. Please, come in."

"Thanks."

"My...um...my ex-husband is here."

"Oh...uh..."

I got up quickly as Leah came back into the room. The guy sounded as awkward as she did and as strange as it seemed to be faced with someone who could potentially become part of Leah's life, I didn't want to make things difficult for him. Leah had been a hell of a lot more understanding than I deserved over my situation. I watched as the man stepped into the room, noting a slim form, light brown collar length curls shot through with blond, blue eyes like his daughter's and a slightly nervous expression.

"Hey, you must be...Jasper Whitlock, right?" I said, sticking my hand out in his direction. "Jacob Black."

"Good to meet you." He shook hands at once, appearing relieved. "We might have seen each other briefly at school last semester."

"Probably." I pulled my hand free and thrust it into my pocket. "So you work at the hospital?"

"Yes, mostly admin and advice." He looked a touch uncomfortable for some reason and didn't elaborate. "Leah tells me you have your own gym."

"Yeah, started up when we were kids."

"Daddy!" Jeannie emerged from the bathroom and I gave Jasper a brief nod and turned away to go back to Sarah as he spoke to Leah and waited for Jeannie to put her shoes on. Then the pair of them were gone and Leah sat down at the opposite end of the sofa.

"Seems like a decent guy," I said.

"Yes."

"Well, I guess I better go. Same time tomorrow, Sarah?"

"Don't be late!" she exclaimed cheekily and I gave her a hug and a kiss before I got up to leave.

Jasper Whitlock, I mused, as I headed back to the subway. Would he be the one to take my place perhaps? It was early days; I had noticed him glancing at Leah repeatedly, even while he spoke to me, and her uncharacteristic blushing indicated she liked him, but would there be more to it? Was she ready to move on? I had no right to think anything negative or make any comment, but still, I couldn't help the smallest pang of jealousy at the idea that my wife - my ex-wife - might fall into the other man's arms one day, even though I hoped for her sake that she would find someone more deserving of her than I had been.

I spent another hour in the gym before I called it a day and went upstairs to relax for the rest of the evening. Paul was still at the forefront of my mind and I wondered what he was doing right then; was he sitting in his apartment alone thinking about me? I snatched up my phone and called him without hesitation. Perhaps things would be easier for us on the phone now.

"Hey, Jacob," he answered almost immediately.

"Hey, are you busy?

"No, I was thinking about texting you to see if you finished work yet."

"I'm done," I said. "I miss you."

"Miss you too. You have a laptop, right?"

"Yes..."

"Skype?"

I grinned and got up to grab the laptop, then changed my mind about returning to the couch and went to my bed instead. I fired up the laptop and placed it on the mattress, answering Paul's questions about what I'd been doing that day while I set it up and logged on.

"Almost ready," I told him. "What's your ID?"

"I should probably have changed it before I suggested this," he said with a short laugh. "Hornycock21."

I snorted with laughter. "I'm guessing you're not new to this, then."

"What can I say? I used to meet guys online sometimes."

"Well, I never talked to a guy online," I said as I entered his ID and made the connection, waiting for him to comment.

"DaddyBlack? Shit, Jake, the 'come to Daddy' comments are going to start now, right?" he chuckled.

"I was thinking more of 'come for Daddy.' No, maybe not; too weird." I hung up the phone and sprawled on the bed so the webcam could capture me and immediately saw Paul on the screen, his face laughing and his chest bare. I adjusted the volume and immediately heard his rumbling laugh issuing from the speakers.

"Maybe we both need to change our names," he said. "So, is this going to be as awkward as when we tried talking on the phone the last few weeks?"

"I don't think so," I said at once. "I wasn't so confident about where we were going before the weekend."

"Me neither. Hey, it's good to see you."

"You too. Even though it was only this morning, it's been a fucking long day."

"Gonna let me see a little more? You're pretty over-dressed there."

"What do you want? A strip-tease?" I joked.

"Just get 'em off, Jacob!" he exclaimed. "My name isn't Hornycock for nothing."

Grinning, I moved away from the laptop and slid off the bed, quickly removing my shirt, jeans and socks, hesitating for a moment before my underwear joined the pile of clothes on the floor. When I lay down again, positioning myself in such a way that everything from my head to my knees would be visible to Paul, I immediately saw a close up of his erection as he gripped it around the base and waved it in front of the camera. He was so hard I could see the veins under the dark caramel skin, the spongy mushroom head swollen and purple and a bead of pre-cum just visible as it began to ooze from his slit. I licked my lips, imagining I could taste him, my own cock stiffening rapidly.

"See this? Been fucking hard all afternoon thinking about you," he said. "Hell knows how we're gonna do this long distance thing. I need to fuck you again." He backed up and sat down, adjusting the laptop so that I could see him sitting on his couch, thighs spread apart, his cock curving up against his belly.

"God, Paul," I groaned. I palmed myself for a moment while I watched him do the same. My heart was pounding, stomach fluttering with excitement and a touch of nerves over doing this on camera.

"Turn around," he said. "Put one leg either side of the computer so I can see everything."

I did as he instructed, propping myself up against the pillows on my back and moving the laptop between my legs, feeling foolishly self-conscious as I spread them wider, exposing myself completely to him.

"Fuck, that's hot," he groaned. "Have you got lube handy?"

I glanced over at the bed table. "Yes."

"Touch yourself for me...inside...tell me what it feels like."

I hardened more and my breathing hitched as I grabbed the bottle of lube and uncapped it. Any feeling of shyness left me and I simply ached for release, hands shaking slightly as I squeezed lube onto my fingers and coated them before adding more to the other hand. I wrapped the one hand around my cock, gasping at the feel of the cool fluid, and stroked up and down a few times, then reached down with my other hand and felt for my hole, circling it with one finger. I kept my eyes on the screen in front of me, watching Paul's tongue emerge and lick his lower lip, then his teeth biting into it, his hand gripping his erection more firmly and sliding up and down as he watched me.

Slowly I pushed the tip of my finger into myself, withdrew it and then pushed it back in deeper. Paul's groan came loudly from the computer's speakers and he cupped his balls with his free hand, massaging them and pulling on them gently. I remembered his request and let myself go with it, trying to be as verbal as possible.

"God, it's so hot inside me...so tight..." I carefully added a second finger and slid them deeper, flinching slightly at the residual soreness from our activities over the weekend. "I'm imagining it's your fingers in me, getting me ready for your cock." I moaned and sighed as I pulled both fingers out almost to the tips and then thrust them back in. "Feels so good when you fuck me, Paul...love your cock...so big and hard..."

"Fucking Christ," he muttered, his hand movements quickening. "I'm gonna come so hard."

I stroked myself more firmly, quickening the pace the same way he was and thrusting my fingers in and out of myself rhythmically.

"Imagine you're inside me right now," I said. "Tight heat squeezing you...making you want to come...God, Paul, I want to feel you come in me..."

"Fuck...Jesus...I'm so close already, damn you..."

"I'm almost there," I reported, pumping myself faster. "Hell, when you fucked me up against the door...that was amazing..."

"You felt so good..."

"Thought you were gonna push me through the door," I panted. "Slamming into me so hard, your big cock filling me, balls bumping me, sweat dripping onto my back..."

"Holy fucking hell!" he growled and I watched as strings of thick white cum spurted from the purple head of his cock, coating his hand and shooting towards the camera. My own orgasm was upon me and I let my eyes close as I shot my load, feeling the warm fluid spatter onto my chest. I continued stroking myself more slowly for a moment after I was done, then withdrew my fingers quickly and wiped both hands on the bedding before I grabbed my discarded shorts to clean myself up properly.

"Christ, Jake," Paul was panting. "At least we can do this to relieve the pressure when we can't see each other."

I rolled over and moved the computer again, then lay on my stomach facing the camera. "Same time tomorrow, then?"

"You bet. So...what you said when you were doing that...was that in the heat of the moment or do you want to try bareback some time?"

"Um..." I felt my face redden. "Yeah, I've been thinking about it. A lot, actually. I want to feel you properly."

His face became serious and I met his eyes as well as I could through the cameras. "I have too. Look, you won't have anything to worry about with me. I've never fucked anyone without a condom except Riley and I was the only one he ever slept with. I've always gotten tested about every six months since then. The last time was a little while after I met you and it was all good. I haven't been with anyone else since around two or three months before that first night in Boston."

I nodded slowly. He was certainly a lot more prepared than I was and it was something that hadn't crossed my mind up until recently.

"I should get tested," I said. "I've only ever been with Leah without protection, but..."

"Well, look, if anything comes back with a red alert, you know you're gonna have to tell Emmett as well," Paul said suddenly, his serious expression dissolving into a smirk as he lightened the mood.

"Fuck off! Can you imagine that conversation?" I pulled a face, but then smiled. I wanted him without that barrier between us, so much, and now I couldn't wait. At least I wouldn't have to wait for a test - it was two and a half years since I'd been with anyone other than Paul and Leah.

I spent another half hour or so talking to Paul and there were no awkward silences while we struggled to think of things to say. We just talked, the same way we did when we were together and it was easy and relaxed and wonderful. When it came time to say goodnight, I told him I loved him and watched his eyes warm and his lips curve up as he repeated the words to me.

Tuesday I went straight to the hospital after I took Sarah to school and enquired about getting tested. I needed to make an appointment for the STI clinic which I did for the next day and then returned Wednesday lunch time, sheepishly walking into the hospital wing where the clinic was held and presenting myself at the desk. I was given a numbered ticket and invited to take a seat in the waiting room. I went to join the three other guys already waiting there, keeping my eyes fixed on the ground and trying not to look at any of them. I noticed briefly that one was dressed in casual sports clothing, similar to my own, the second wore a suit and the last one was greasy-haired, scruffily dressed and he constantly fidgeted and scratched at his arms. I sank down further in my seat, praying that none of these people - at least the first two - were guys who knew me somehow.

A few minutes later another man scurried out of the door in the corner of the room and exited quickly and then a few minutes after that the suit was called in. I picked up a magazine about health and fitness and hid my head in it as another newcomer entered and sat down in a corner. I knew I shouldn't be ashamed of doing the right thing, but I knew each of the other people would be glancing at me and pretending not to while they wondered if I might have caught something, the same way I had done with them.

The suit left ten minutes later and then there was a short pause before the next victim was called. The guy in the sports outfit got up and went in and I checked the number on my ticket again and turned my attention back to the magazine. A little more time passed and the sports guy left; then ticket number three-oh-one was called. Quickly I put the magazine down, got to my feet and strode through the door, closing it behind me, my heart hammering. It was only a blood test, but I was nervous as hell suddenly. Then I saw the doctor or whatever he was and everything got considerably worse.

Fuck.

"Hello...uh...Jacob. Take a seat please."

I sank, cringing, onto the chair beside the desk, feeling heat creeping up from my neck and suffusing my whole face.

"Don't worry, this is all completely confidential," Jasper Whitlock said.

"God," I groaned. Should I say anything to him, I wondered? How close was he with Leah? Had she told him about me?

"I just need to take a small blood sample," Jasper said. "The test results will come back in about five days."

"I didn't know you worked...in here," I grunted, rolling my sleeve up.

"Well, I don't generally broadcast it. It's a bit of a conversation killer and try explaining something like this to a ten-year-old," he said lightly.

"Does Leah know?"

"Yes."

"Did she tell you about me?" I blurted.

"She said you had someone else, that's all."

"I'm seeing a guy," I admitted.

"Ok. So you know I'm going to make this a whole lot more embarrassing for you by asking a few questions."

"Go for it." I stared at the floor as he fastened a strap around my arm and pulled it tight, then opened up a packet containing a syringe.

"Are you having unprotected sex?"

"No."

"Ever had it?"

"Only with my wife."

"Sleep around?"

"No. And the guy...he's had regular tests."

"Good. Do any drugs?"

"No, not even steroids," I joked.

"Excellent. You'll feel a little scratch..."

I felt the needle go in and glanced up, watching the small vial fill with my blood. "Thanks for being so professional," I said, feeling the colour leave my face at last.

"It's my job," he said with a smile.

"So...um...this is probably the worst time in the world to ask this..."

"Go on." He withdrew the needle, unfastened the strap and capped the vial, removing a small label from his desk and sticking it on.

"You...uh...like Leah?"

"Yes. Are you going to warn me off?"

"Hell, no. Leah makes her own decisions - always has done - and believe me, I have no right telling her anything. I left her for a guy, for God's sake."

"Look...I really like her and I've been alone a long time. Few failed dates in ten years; nothing more. But I don't think she's ready for dating. If that changes and she decides to give it a shot with me...well, I wouldn't mess with her."

I nodded. "And you're not gonna...tell her about this?"

"Jacob, I don't really see that much of her and you're my patient, which means nobody knows you came to see me unless you tell them."

"Thanks."

"You'll receive a letter next week with the results," he added.

"Yeah, thanks, Jasper."

I made my escape then, exiting the hospital quickly and making my way to the subway to return to the gym. As embarrassing as it had been to have my little girl's friend's father and potential suitor for Leah test me for sexual diseases, he had at least made it as painless as possible. I had to admire the guy and as much as he said it was 'his job', if he liked Leah it couldn't have been easy for him dealing with me either. I shook it off and heaved a sigh of relief that it was over. I wasn't really worried about receiving the results, knowing that I had never done anything to put me at risk and as soon as I had that letter in my hand, there would be nothing to stop Paul and me taking that last step together.