Disclaimer:- In this chapter Sarah is heard reading an excerpt from "A Series of Unfortunate Events" by Lemony Snicket; I didn't write this part myself.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
I could hear muffled voices in the distance, the words not quite distinguishable as if I were under water, the sounds distorted. I struggled to open my eyes, to say something, but my body seemed incapable of movement. Everything was black and oppressive, making me feel trapped and helpless, unable to call for assistance, raise a hand, let anyone know I was in trouble. The only thing I was aware of clearly was a beeping sound, slow and regular, but irritating in its persistence. I wanted to ask someone to stop it, but I couldn't; I couldn't do anything. Then it began to speed up, stuttering and racing until it became one long, shrill sound.
Suddenly I could see myself, as if I were looking through the eyes of someone else. I was lying on an operating table in a bright, white room, surrounded by surgeons and nurses in blue gowns and masks. A breathing tube was in my mouth, taped in place, various other tubes and wires attached, the top half of my head covered by a blue sheet.
"Stand clear!" a deep voice instructed and the people around the table backed away, except for one who held two large paddles in his hands. I watched in horror from the corner of the room as the body on the table - my body - jerked with the electrical pulse and then the beeping sound resumed, fast and erratic, but no longer unbroken. In an instant I was out of the room and encased in blackness again, aware of nothing except muffled sounds and then again, silence.
Some time later, I woke from the silence, or at least I became aware of sound again. I still couldn't open my eyes, or speak, or move, but I could hear again. Mostly it was just voices; one in particular going on and on as if talking to itself. I struggled to focus and recognised a young girl's voice, reading something.
"Sure enough, in the distance along the misty shore of Briny Beach there could be seen a tall figure striding toward the Baudelaire children. Sunny had already been staring and shrieking at the figure for some time when Klaus looked up from the spiny crab he was examining, and saw it too. He reached over and touched Violet's arm, bringing her out of her inventing thoughts.
"Look at that," Klaus said, and pointed toward the figure. It was drawing closer, and the children could see a few details. It was about the size of an adult, except its head was tall, and rather square.
"What do you think it is?" Violet asked.
"I don't know," Klaus said, squinting at it, "but it seems to be moving right toward us."
"We're alone on the beach," Violet said, a little nervously. "There's nobody else it could be moving toward." She felt the slender, smooth stone in her left hand, which she had been about to try to skip as far as she could. She had a sudden thought to throw it at the figure, because it seemed so frightening.
"It only seems scary," Klaus said, as if reading his sister's thoughts, "because of all the mist."
"Mom, are you sure he likes this story? Maybe I should read something else..."
"It's fine, sweetheart, the story doesn't matter. Just let him hear your voice."
"Can he hear me, though?"
"The doctor said people in comas are often aware of the voices of their loved ones; it can help them come back to us. Just finish that chapter, baby, ok? I'm going to fetch some coffee, I'll only be a minute."
The story continued and I listened determinedly, holding onto the voice reading it. Sarah - my daughter, Sarah was with me, but I wasn't able to let her know I could hear her. It was almost like I was asleep, but still aware of what was going on around me. One word repeatedly interrupted the story until it was at the forefront of my mind, even making Sarah's voice fade into the background - coma.
I didn't know how much time had passed. Sometimes I was aware of Sarah or Leah's voices, sometimes there were others that I vaguely recognised but couldn't place and other times, there was nothing, only blackness and silence. I felt trapped, unable to let anyone know I was still there and when I could hear the most clearly, I became aware of the sounds of despair - crying, begging, even cursing in Leah's case.
"Where the hell are you, Jacob? Sarah needs you; we all need you. You know you deserve a kick in the balls for getting into this, you stupid..." She broke off and I heard her weeping.
I was desperate to let them know I hadn't gone anywhere; I couldn't understand why I couldn't open my eyes or move something; make some sign that I was ok. The more time that went by, the more aware of things I became, but still I was unable to communicate.
"How is he?"
It was a different voice from the ones I'd grown used to; familiar and yet one I hadn't heard in a while.
"I don't know, Billy, the doc says he should have woken up by now," Leah said.
"You should have called me sooner."
"And when was the last time you called? You haven't spoken to Jacob in a year. You shouldn't have turned your back on your son just because you and I had a difference of opinion!"
"I'm sorry..."
My Dad; why couldn't I remember the last time I saw him? Wasn't he a part of our lives any more?
I drifted away. I didn't want to hear them arguing, but I was still aware of it dimly in the distance before it faded away and left me in peace.
"Hey, buddy. Still out of it? That guy really did a number on you." It was my manager's voice. I could imagine Edward sitting close by, tugging a hand through his crazy hair, blushing and making Sarah laugh. "I can't believe this happened to you and Paul..."
Paul! Where was he? I realised suddenly that I hadn't heard his voice in a long time. Was he like me? Hurt, in a...coma? Dead? Fuck!
The irritating perpetual bleep that I had somehow managed to tune out, came back with full force, speeding up and then I was gagging, unable to breathe, fighting against the thing in my throat which was choking me.
"Alright, move away from the bed, please. Doctor Richards! Some help here...now, Jacob, try to relax, this'll be over in just a minute, try to stay calm..."
I was anything but calm; my throat was killing me and I felt as if I were trying to vomit, but was incapable of it. I coughed and heaved, eyes watering, panicking and grunting, trying to suck in air which only made me cough harder.
"Oh, God, Edward, what's happening? Is he waking up?" Leah's voice cried.
"He just started choking when I was talking to him."
Finally the obstruction was gone from my throat and I could breathe although I continued to gasp and splutter, clenching my fists at my sides until one of them was pried open and I felt a slender, but firm hand gripping mine.
"You're ok, Jake, relax," Edward's voice said.
I forced my eyelids up slowly, wanting to see. They felt glued together, but at last a narrow slit of the room became visible and then more until I was looking back at Edward's anxious face, his teeth gnawing at his lip, Leah behind him biting her nails.
"Thank God," she said tearfully.
"Where's...?" I heard the word in my head, but it didn't come out of my mouth that way; the only sound was a croak.
"Nurse, please get some ice chips," the doctor requested. Then he was looking at my eyes, checking various things on the damned incessant beeping monitor next to me. Edward was still holding my hand and I clung to it determinedly as if holding onto him would stop me slipping away again.
"I should go; let you and Sarah sit with him," Edward said, but I dug my nails into his hand, doing my best to shake my head, but it sent a searing pain through my skull and I squeezed my eyes shut, uttering a moan of agony through dry lips.
"It's alright, Edward, just stay a bit longer," Leah said softly. "I'll go tell Sarah and Billy."
Soon I felt cold wetness on my lips and I opened my eyes slowly again and parted my lips to accept the ice chip the nurse was running along them. The ice melted on my tongue and dribbled down my throat, feeling like a tiny droplet of heaven. I tried again.
"Where's...Paul?" My voice still didn't sound like my own, but at least it was coherent.
"He's fine, Jake, don't worry about him," Edward answered at once. "Couple of cracked ribs and skinned knuckles; that was the worst of it. Can you remember what happened?"
"Three guys...outside the...Stonewall..." I closed my eyes again as I tried to remember everything.
"Fucking fags!"
"What the fuck is your problem, asshole?" Paul had responded.
"You're my problem."
"Go fuck yourself. You want to hang around outside a gay club, what else do you expect to see?"
"You people are fucking sick," the guy spat back. "Fucking scourge of humanity, fucking each other up the shit-hole; shame they abolished hanging, there'd be a lot less of it."
"I hit my head," I remembered. "On the ground."
"Yeah, almost brained yourself," Edward told me. He picked up another ice chip in his free hand and popped it into my mouth. I sucked on it and swallowed gratefully before I tried to speak again.
"I was in a coma?"
"Yes, just over two weeks now. You had a pretty nasty head injury. They had to operate to remove a...um...a clot. You don't have any other injuries except bruising."
"Where's Paul?" I asked again. "Is he here?"
"Uh...no, he's...he had things to do." Edward's eyes dropped away from mine and he released my hand, leaning back in his chair.
"What things? He's been here, though, right?"
"Jake...right after this happened he was..."
"Edward, could you let Sarah sit with her Dad for a while, now?" Leah interrupted and Sarah rushed to my side, grabbing for my hand. I noticed she looked tired, her face pale and drawn, eyes huge, her black hair loose and rumpled.
"Daddy, are you alright?"
"I'm ok, sweetheart." What Edward had been about to tell me slipped from my mind and instead I concentrated on my daughter. Edward stepped out of the room and left me with Sarah and Leah, but it wasn't long before I again thought of Paul. I longed to ask for him, but I couldn't with Sarah in the room. Instead, I asked about the unfamiliar, but familiar voice I had heard.
"Leah, is my Dad here?"
"Well, he's at the apartment right now, but yes, he's been here."
"You called him?"
"Yes, the day after you were brought in. They didn't know if you'd..." She glanced at Sarah. "...you know."
"I'm surprised he came." I hadn't seen Dad in a year. He'd had some stupid fight with Leah, criticising her leniency with Sarah over something that I couldn't even recall now. Leah had exploded, the way she often did when questioned about something she thought was right and I had sided with my wife. Of course I had; it wouldn't have mattered if I'd agreed with her or not, although I had on that occasion. Dad had taken umbrage and told us we wouldn't see him again unless Leah apologised, which was never going to happen although for a while she considered it for my sake. Then Dad had decided to move across the country to Forks, Washington, where his parents had been born and I hadn't seen him or spoken to him since.
"He wants to make amends," Leah said. "He's not been well himself; he regrets what happened."
"Does he know about us?" I asked.
"Yes."
"How's the...?" I meant to ask how the gym was doing, but suddenly I found myself unable to form the rest of the sentence and my eyelids drooped. "I...how's...?" I mumbled.
"Nurse?" Leah's voice said anxiously.
"It's alright, Mrs Black, he just needs to sleep. Don't worry, his vitals are all good now. He'll be on half-hourly obs, but he's going to need a good few hours. Perhaps you'd like to go home and get some rest yourself?"
"Yes, I might do that. Will you call..?"
I didn't hear any more. I was gone.
The next time I opened my eyes, Dad was sitting beside the bed watching me. I blinked, trying to focus properly and licked dry lips.
"Jacob!"
A moment later a nurse was in the room, carefully raising the top part of my bed to prop me up so that I could drink from a cup with a straw in it. I tried to lift my hand to hold it, but felt ridiculously weak and the nurse held it while I drank. Dad didn't speak again until she left the room.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice still raspy with lack of use and my throat sore, no doubt from the tube that had been down it until a few hours before.
"Leah called me. She said she told you."
"It's been a long time."
"Yes." He sighed heavily. "I'm sorry for that, son. I shouldn't have let a stupid argument with Leah cause such a problem for us."
"Leah knows what she's doing with Sarah," I said firmly. "Always has; she's an amazing mother."
"I know that. What I don't understand is why you're not together any more."
"She didn't tell you then."
"No. She obviously still cares a lot for you though."
"We care for each other, but we want different things."
"Like what?"
"Dad...you wouldn't understand, ok? Don't ask me. We know what we're doing."
He muttered something under his breath and changed the subject. "The police want to talk to you, when you're up to it; about what happened the night you got hurt."
"Fine, I can do that."
"How did you get into a fight, is what I want to know? You always avoided violence..."
"Well, sometimes you can't avoid it. We got attacked.."
"We? Leah didn't mention someone else was with you."
"I was with a friend. Three guys jumped us. I was knocked down and I hit my head on the kerb; that's all I can remember." I drew my brows together and frowned as I remembered the scene as if it had just happened. Paul had been doing ok and Edward told me he wasn't badly hurt, so where was he? I hadn't heard his voice once amongst the jumble of others while I'd been out of it and Edward hadn't seemed to want to tell me much. I let my eyes close again, grimacing against the bright light of the room and I heard Dad get up from his chair.
"Maybe you shouldn't be talking so much. I'll get the nurse again."
I lay alone for a few minutes until the nurse returned, checking me over, asking how I was feeling.
"I'm alright. I want to know what happened to my friend; Paul Lahote," I told her. "He might have been brought in with me, I'm not sure."
"I'm sorry, I don't know," she answered. "I wasn't on duty that night. I'm sure one of the other nurses will be able to tell you, or perhaps one of your family or friends."
It was several more hours before I was able to find out anything about Paul. Two police officers came to see me to request a statement, going over the evening in minute detail. Some of my memory was a little sketchy, I realised, but I was able to tell them Paul and I had been in the Stonewall Inn and when we left, we had been attacked, beginning with one guy taunting us before two others stepped out and began fighting us.
"Are you saying these guys attacked you?" I was asked.
"Yes. The first one called out some insults..."
"And did you respond?"
"We both told them to go to hell. Then the guy called for his two friends who were standing out of sight up to then. One of them rushed at me and after that I was defending myself, but I knew the other two went for Paul."
"You're sure this is how it happened?"
"Certain. Why? Are these guys saying something different?"
"Their story does differ from yours somewhat. One of them was brought into the hospital here the same night, with a broken nose, four broken ribs, one of which punctured a lung, numerous bruises and lacerations...he and his friends are saying that they merely teased you and your friend as you walked by and that you and Paul were the ones to start the fight. Due to the severity of the man's injuries, I have to wonder exactly how much of that would have been sustained with defensive moves."
My heart was pounding wildly again by then, the monitor mirroring its beat with rapid and uneven beeps. My palms sweated and I felt weak and helpless. Why hadn't Paul come to see me?
"Officers..." The senior nurse who appeared in the doorway at that moment made me heave a sigh of relief. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Mr Black's condition isn't yet completely stable; you are aware he's had major surgery following a head trauma."
"We still need to ask some more questions."
"Well, I'm sorry, it'll have to wait. Now, please, leave the room."
I closed my eyes again as they left, trembling slightly. Where the hell was Paul? Surely he would want to see me? I couldn't imagine he would stay away just to keep out of Leah and Sarah and Dad's way if he cared about me as much as he said he did. I didn't want to ask Leah; most of the time she had Sarah with her anyway.
"Nurse...is Edward Cullen still here?" I asked.
"I'll find out. You just relax for a few minutes."
"Thanks."
Ten minutes later, Edward appeared. "Are you ok? The nurse said you asked for me."
"I want to talk to you, Edward; close the door."
He did so and came to sit beside the bed. "They said the cops came to question you."
"Yeah, I need to know exactly what happened to Paul. Apparently the guys who attacked us are claiming it's our fault."
"I don't know the details," Edward said. "I do know Paul was arrested, though. He was brought here with you that night and after they treated him, the cops took him away."
"Is he locked up?" I gasped.
"No, he's out on bail."
"Who posted bail?"
"I did. I used some of the gym money. I'm sorry, Jake, I didn't know what else to do."
"Never mind that, I would have done the same thing. So where is he? I thought he would have come to see me."
"He did once." Edward sighed and dragged a hand through his hair. "He was pretty upset; he blames himself for the whole thing."
"It wasn't his fault; those guys were hanging around like they were waiting for someone to leave the Stonewall."
"Paul said you wanted to walk away and he wouldn't back down. He thinks you would have been fine if he hadn't let his temper get the better of him."
"Then I need to talk to him," I said at once. "Where is he?"
"He went back to Boston. His bail allowed him to go home, but he has to stay there until..."
"Fuck," I muttered, struggling to sit up. "Where's my phone? I need to call him. This is just...stupid..."
"Jake, shit, calm down." Edward's hands were on my shoulders, pressing me back against the pillows. "You're gonna make yourself worse; you look terrible..."
"How do you expect me to look, Edward? I need to see Paul!" I exclaimed, just as the door opened and Leah and Sarah walked in.
"Who's Paul, Daddy?"
I groaned and let my eyes close again as Edward adjusted the pillow behind my head.
"He's alright," he told Leah. "Just upset."
"Damnit," she muttered. "Edward, get Paul here, will you? If you have to go to Boston and drag the asshole back here..."
"Mommy! You swore!" Sarah cried.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm a little upset. Edward, don't just stand there, get going."
"Yes, sorry, Leah, I'm onto it." Red-faced, Edward almost bolted out of the room and despite my fear and misery, I couldn't help a small smile.
"Let's sit down." Leah took the seat Edward had vacated and drew Sarah down into the spare one beside her. "So, you want to know who Paul is..."
"Leah?" My eyes widened.
"It's alright, she might as well know."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. If you're sure."
I nodded.
"Sarah, Paul is a friend of your Dad's, that he met through work."
"Ok..."
"You remember when Dad and I separated and we said we didn't love each other the same way any more?"
Shit, Leah really was going to tell her and suddenly I was more afraid than when Edward told me Paul had been arrested and had then abandoned me and gone back to Boston. How would my daughter react to this news? Would she condemn me the same way those men who attacked us had done? I doubted she would understand completely, but the fact that I was in love with someone else other than Leah might upset her.
"Yes." Sarah looked puzzled as she waited for Leah to continue.
"Well, just because Dad and I aren't together any more, doesn't mean we'll always be on our own. Eventually, I'll most likely meet somebody else to share my life with and Dad will too."
Sarah chewed her lip, her big eyes watching Leah's face.
"How would you feel if each of us had someone else to care for? We would still be good friends the way we are now and we'd still always love you and put you first."
"I guess...it makes sense...or you'd be lonely, right?" Sarah said.
"Yeah, we would. Especially when you're not around; like when you get older and go away to college and start your own life."
Sarah just nodded.
"The reason I'm telling you this now is that Dad met somebody he wants to be with..."
"Who?" My daughter's eyes switched to my face, her eyes even wider if that were possible.
"My friend, Paul, that Mom just mentioned."
"Isn't Paul a man?"
"Yes, he's a man," Leah said. "Men and women don't always only love each other, Sarah. Sometimes a man might love another man and a woman might..."
"Oh, you mean like Clarice's family?" she interrupted suddenly. "She has two dads."
"Yes, like that." Leah glanced at me. "Clarice is a new girl at Sarah's school. Her mother died and she's under the guardianship of her uncle and his male partner."
My racing heart steadied a little as I looked back at Sarah, surprised that so far she didn't seem upset.
"How do you feel about this?" I asked her.
"I'm not sure. Is Paul nice?"
"Yes, he's nice."
"Does he love you?"
"I think so."
"Ok, then. So long as he's nice to you."
I looked up again at Leah and she shrugged and gave me a small smile. Children could be pretty surprising, but Sarah's reaction truly amazed me. I had imagined her being shocked or upset or disappointed - more in the fact that I had someone else perhaps, than the fact that it was a guy, but her only concern seemed to be that I was happy. I unclenched my fists and relaxed a little.
"So, where is Paul anyway?" Sarah continued. "Shouldn't he be here like us?"
"Edward's gone to get him," Leah told her. "He got hurt as well at the same time as Dad."
"Thanks, Leah," I said softy. She pursed up her lips slightly and then just nodded.
"We'll leave you to it for a while. Your Dad's still outside; he wants to see you again before we head home."
It was the following day before I saw Paul. Leah had found my phone and brought the power cable for me, but after checking I found no messages or texts from Paul and I considered calling him, until I heard from Edward instead, telling me that Paul was on his way back to New York and should be at the hospital by lunch time. I didn't ask what had happened when Edward spoke to him; I would ask Paul himself when he was in front of me.
Despite my anxiety over everything, I was still weak and sleepy from the pain relief I was being given for my head and I slept for most of the morning. I only woke when I was disturbed by someone taking my hand and gripping it tightly. Blinking, I looked at Paul's bent head, both of his hands gripping mine, his forehead almost touching his knuckles as tears tracked down his face, dripping onto the bed.
"I'm so sorry," he was whispering. "I'm so sorry, Jake, it was all my fault."