.13.

"Jane," Thor breathed, coming to a halt and staring at her, wide-eyed. Even in the dim interior of the cave his armor shone, glinting from the smallest rays of light that managed to make their intrusion into the cavern's depths. In one hand he held Mjollnir, the weapon as much a part of him as any of his limbs. He looked tired, Jane noted with a certain kind of shocked detachment. Tired and travel-stained, as though he'd been a long time away from Asgard.

"I did not think … I was certain I would not see you again," he said after a long moment.

Jane found that she still could not reply. Thor went on, "You have escaped him then? Word came to me that the two of you had been located on Nidavellir, but by the time I arrived there was no trace. I have been looking—have had my people looking—ever since he took you from Earth …"

He trailed off awkwardly. It was obvious that whatever reunion he'd had in mind, this was not it. Jane was struggling to find something—anything—to say. Thor ventured, "Has he hurt you, Jane?"

"No …" her voice was hoarse; this was the first time she'd spoken since Loki had left her alone in the cave some several days ago. "No. I'm not hurt." Not in any way you can see, at least.

Thor took several steps forward, treading cautiously as though Jane might bolt. She was feeling cornered, horribly unprepared for this encounter. "I am so very sorry you were caught up in this, Jane," he said. "I stripped Loki of his powers and sent him to Earth to render him less of a threat—"

"Still a threat to me, though," Jane interrupted coldly.

Thor looked utterly remorseful, "I know, Jane, and I am sorry. I had no other options, not after what he had done. It was the only choice open to me."

"You could have asked me!" Her voice was suddenly strident, echoing throughout the cave. "You could've come to me and asked me if I could do it. You could've warned me! But I heard nothing from you, had heard nothing from you, not since …"

And there it was, hanging in the air between them, that horrible unspoken thing that had completely destroyed Jane's life and dictated her chaotic, painful, arduous rebirth. She stared at Thor, caught completely in the grips of her anger, her righteousness, her anguish that she'd been harboring for far too long.

"You could have come for me," she said softly. "You knew what was happening to me. You had to know."

Thor's expression contorted, lines of grief and helplessness appearing between his brows and beneath his eyes, making him look suddenly haggard. "Jane, you do not understand. The one that took you, the one that hurt you so—I am forbidden from attacking him. To do so would be to ignite a war between our two worlds and that I could not allow. It is a part of the truce that was signed eons ago, a price for the peace—"

"So I became expendable."

There was a very grim, very strained silence. And then: "Please, Jane, I implore you to try to understand. The safety of all Asgard hung in the balance. For millennia the truce had been unbroken, for good reason—the last time we warred with him, it was very nearly our doom."

"I suppose," Jane said, her throat tight, wrenching the words from within with a painful, dogged determination, "that I should've known, back then, that loving you would put me in danger."

Another silence. Thor, she saw, could not hold her gaze any longer.

"Do you know," she whispered, "what Surtr did to me?"

And there it was, that name, uttered into the stillness of the cave. Thor shut his eyes, twisting his head to the side—wincing, she realized, because she'd dared said that name aloud. An ugly feeling began welling up inside of her, twisting her stomach, curling her fingers into fists.

"You don't want to hear his name," she said, spitting her words. Ever since that day her life had been uprooted, remade, twisted into a parody of the normal life she'd once had. The sick feeling within her grew, spreading, until her limbs were tingling yet numb, until it felt like her lungs were constricted, clamped in the iron vice of her anger. "You don't want to hear his name, but he hurt me because of you. I bled for you and Asgard, because you knew, you knew and you didn't come!"

"Jane—"

"You loved me! That's what you told me! Did you lie to me?"

"No, I meant—"

"You're a god. You could've done something—"

"I could not!" His shout overrode hers, booming around the confines of the cave with enough force to make her wince. Immediately he strode forward, dropping Mjollnir so that he could hold his hands out before him, his expression an amalgam of anguish, regret, and guilt. "Jane, please — I could not come for you. I wanted to, I cannot explain to you how much I wished I could. But I had to protect my people —it is my destiny, it is my birthright, it is who I am. I could not plunge them into another horrific war. It was a terrible choice I had to make. It was the worst choice I have ever had to make. And I have hated myself every day since then for making it."

Jane refused to meet his pleading gaze, her eyes instead focused on a point just over his shoulder. He took another step forward, almost timid in his movement, and reached for her. His hands on her shoulders, he continued in a softer voice, "I knew they—the Avengers—would do what they could to protect you."

Abruptly, her eyes slid sideways to meet his own. "Try to protect me," she said.

Thor swallowed hard. His own eyes, she saw, held the telltale shine of tears. "I am so sorry, Jane. I am sorry you had to suffer so much because of me, because of Asgard. I know I have no right to ask, but please, you must believe me. I did not want this. You are — you know what you are to me. You know of my love —"

"But it wasn't enough. It was never going to be." And as she said the words, she was struck by the recollection of what Loki had said to her once, the same night he'd kissed her for the second time, "… myopic in his loyalty to his father, to Asgard. Blind as always to the difference between duty and priority."

She understood now, finally, what he'd meant. She reached up with her hands and wrapped her fingers around his wrists, gently removing his hands from her shoulders. She couldn't help but look at his face to see his cheeks lined with tears, to see the sad, brutal truth haunting his eyes.

"And after?" Jane's voice was low as she let go of his wrists. His arms fell to his sides. "After, when it was over, when I needed you more than ever?"

"I —" Thor closed his eyes, bowed his head. He swallowed hard again, as though trying to force down the enormity of his emotions. Jane watched, motionless and silent as tears continued to dampen his cheeks, his beard, drip from his chin.

"I could not face you," he said raggedly, head still bowed. "I could not face you. I knew what he — what Surtr had done to you. Heimdall had shown me everything. I let it happen, I had to let it happen, and I could not overcome my shame."

Again, Jane found herself recalling words Loki had spoken to her one night, so long ago. Despite his avarice, despite his jealousy and resentment, the trickster brother had told her the truth. And now she stood before the brother she had once loved, watching as he wept silently because of all she'd had to endure. Despite her resolve, her anger, her confusion, she felt her heart ache at the strength of Thor's remorse. She understood now why he had done what he'd done. Understood that her life — a mortal's life — had been weighed against the fate of an entire race of people. Understood that whatever love she and Thor had shared had hadn't been enough — would never have been enough — for Thor to condemn his people to war unending.

She understood. But that didn't make it right. It didn't erase the suffering, the chaos, the ugly metamorphosis she'd had to undergo. Thor hadn't forseen this, years ago when he'd fallen for her. And she couldn't have predicted it, though she should have had some idea that to love a hero would mean that she would always court the villain. It hadn't been Thor's design. It had been the malicious, fickle machinations of fate and circumstance on a level she couldn't even begin to understand.

She laid a hand on Thor's shoulder. He lifted his head finally, eyes meeting hers.

"I don't hate you," she told him, surprising herself. And as his eyes widened just a little, she saw she'd surprised him too.

"You should," he said.

Her smile was both sweet and sad. "I know."

She let her hand fall away. They stood before each other for long, quiet moments. He stirred, lifting a hand to wipe at the moisture on his face. "Jane … is there any hope for a future? Between you and I? Or am I foolish to dare even dream it?"

"… you know there isn't, Thor."

He closed his eyes and nodded once. "Aye. But I cannot help but … it does not matter anymore, does it?"

She shook her head. "No."

He cleared his throat and took a step backward, reaching down to pick up his hammer. "I will dwell on it no longer, then. I will speak instead of returning you to Earth. I have spoken to Fury and explained the circumstances. He no longer seeks your imprisonment. You can return to live however you please. We can leave as soon as you are ready."

And Jane said, "No."

His eyes shot to hers. "No?"

"I don't want to return."

" … Jane? I thought, when Loki abducted you —"

"If you hadn't appeared," Jane said, mentally steeling herself for what was about to transpire, "I would've made the choice to go with him."

Thor's brows furrowed, his expression one of confounded astonishment. "What are you saying? You cannot possibly —"

She remained silent, her eyes on his unwavering. He stared at her uncomprehending until realization widened his eyes, slackened his jaw. "Jane, no. No!"

"You sent him to me," she said, striving for an even tone. The waver in her words betrayed her. "You sent him to me, for me to protect, to hide from the world. He lived with me for months. He was my only companion. You made it so."

"You cannot possibly mean to tell me," he said in a strangled voice, "that you have come to have feelings for my brother, that serpent, that liar, that —"

"Murderer," Jane calmly interjected. "Manipulator. Torturer. Villain. I know what he is, better than most. Perhaps, by now, even better than you."

"You love him."

"Maybe, on some level." The horrified disbelief in Thor's gaze made it impossible for her to continue looking at him. "I'm not the person you once knew. I've changed—I was forced to change."

"But not like this. Gods, not like this!"

"What did you expect?" Her voice had risen just as his had, her words and the torment in them amplified by the recesses of the cave. "That I would be the same as I was before? The same naive, stupid woman who stumbled blindly into a romance with you, a man — a god — from another world? That after Surtr had taken his pound of flesh that I'd be ready and willing to return to your loving embrace, whenever you could be bothered to come and see me again?"

"But Loki?"

"Are you really judging me, Thor?" The question was quiet, the words pointed as a blade and as he blanched, she knew she'd managed to wound.

"Do you know," he asked her then, "why I sent him to you?"

"Some of it. He'd imprisoned your father somewhere and took his place. Ruled Asgard in his stead."

"He strove to bring Asgard to war with anyone he possibly could. He broke truces, destroyed trade agreements, provoked formerly peaceful allies to a vengeful fury. And all because he could not overcome his need to do what his kind has done since their creation: conquer, regardless of the bloody cost. He meant to lead Asgard into war after war, and I was too late in realizing his deceit to prevent conflict. Once I discovered the truth I imprisoned him, but the impending war was of such a great magnitude that I lacked the resources to leave him under perpetual guard. I needed to exile him, remove him from Asgard so he could not engage in further treachery. In truth I would have gladly killed him, Jane, but for the fact that he still holds my father prisoner somewhere. The only other choice I had was to exile him as my father had once exiled me, render him mortal and send him to Earth so that he could no longer interfere in any way."

"So please, Jane," he continued in a voice gone deathly quiet, "tell me why, why, you would ever be able to say you care for someone who could so easily manipulate and cast aside the fate of an entire world?

Jane answered the only way she could. "I don't know." Before he could say anything else, she asked, "Why did you return his powers to him?"

She was astonished by how quickly his face twisted, how clearly the bitterness and hatred appeared in harsh lines across his face. "Because Asgard needed him. The threat he had created, the war he had ignited — it was nearly too much. As contemptible as Loki is, he has power and resources greater than most any other I know. I released him because I knew he would return. I knew he would fight for Asgard, even if his reasons for doing so were as twisted and false as his soul."

"Why didn't you recapture him, afterward? Exile him again?"

"I made every attempt to. He is still a war criminal. He still holds the Allfather. The battles had taken their toll, not only on me, but all of Asgard. And Loki … as always, he had plans layered upon plans. He took advantage of the chaos after our victory and slipped away, beyond my reach. I feared he was returning to your world, to attempt to settle his score with me through you. Heimdall located you at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters. The rest you already know."

And there it was, the last piece of this long, difficult puzzle that she'd been attempting to assemble since Loki had arrived in her backyard all those months ago. Jane said nothing, silently assimilating all he'd told her. She turned and walked toward the back of the cave, aware of Thor ghosting at her heels.

At her back, he made a sound of utter frustration. "You cannot mean to tell me you have come to trust him, Jane. You cannot believe he would not hurt you. Jane, he is vile, a snake, a traitor — you know this!"

"Yes, brother," Loki's voice slipped, knife-edged, into the conversation. "She does."

Thor whipped around, Mjollnir raised. Jane remained where she was, eyes fastened on Loki where he stood, acutely conscious of the fact that her heart had begun to race the instant she'd become aware of his presence.

"Loki," Thor said in a voice that was almost guttural, weighted as it was with emotion.

"Thor," said the other, lips curved in his familiar mocking smile. "I was beginning to think we had slipped your search parties entirely."

"Cease this. Cease." Thor let the arm holding Mjollnir fall. Jane, standing behind him, could not see his face but she could hear the sudden weariness in his tone, see the way his shoulders sagged as though the burden of a thousand kingdoms had just been piled upon his shoulders. She ached suddenly to go to him, to help ease the strains he carried and she hated it—where had he been, when she'd crumbled beneath the weight of her own disastrous life?

"Whatever could you possibly mean?" Loki was still standing near the mouth of the cave. His tone of voice was calm, conversational, but Jane heard the undercurrent of venom and realized that in all likelihood, Loki had overheard the entire conversation between herself and Thor.

"Your games," Thor said tiredly. He glanced back at Jane and then to his brother. "Cease your cursed games for once. Let this be over. Release Odin. Release Jane."

"Jane," Loki said, eyes flickering over Thor's shoulder to where she stood, then back again. "You misunderstand, brother. She is free to go wherever she chooses."

It was a partial truth. He had offered to take her wherever she wished to go.

Thor considered Loki for a long moment before half-turning. "Jane?"

"… he said he would take me anywhere I wanted," she told him.

"And you remained here. With him."

"No." She shook her head, hearing the disbelief that had crept back into his voice. "He left, to give me time to decide."

"Decide?"

"Where I would go next."

"You only just told me you wished to remain!"

"Because I don't know what I want!" Her shout startled them both, startled her. She was tired of arguments and discussions, tired of having every word uttered from her or to her somehow being able to emotionally wound. "I wanted time, time to think, time to figure things out!"

"Jane, let me return you to Earth. You can go home."

Jane made a helpless, frustrated sound at Thor's words. Home. Home had been the house in the Rockies, home had been her life there before Loki's arrival. But now, after all that had happened, was returning there to live and pretend that none of this had ever happened even possible?

Her hesitation was apparent, and Loki reacted exactly as she expected him to. "It is a gallant offer he makes, Jane. Return with him to your humble little home and try your best to resume living a humble little life. Try your best to forget what has transpired, what we have shared …"

His pause was perfectly calculated, his eyes as he spoke fixed firmly upon Thor. "But we both know that won't be possible. Because you will always, until the end of your days, remember me."

"Jane?" Thor had turned his head toward her, that one word carrying a forlorn hope that what Loki was saying consisted only of lies.

"It never went that far," she told him. "We aren't lovers."

He stared at her, clearly wanting to believe desperately what she had just said. And then Loki laughed, the familiar, biting laughter that had been directed at Jane so often in the past.

"Take her, Thor. Take her and return her to Earth or keep her to yourself. It no longer concerns me. She no longer concerns me. It was folly that led me here and folly to presume—"

There was a catch in his voice, and he stopped speaking suddenly, shaking his head violently as though he hadn't meant for those words to escape. He was breathing fast, eyes darting from Jane to Thor, struggling to keep his emotions from showing on his face. But it was there, in tightness of his jaw and the thin, clamped line of his lips. It was blatantly, perfectly evident that Loki was on the verge of losing control.

Thor was staring at his brother in stunned disbelief. He stirred as Jane began to move, reaching for her as she walked past him. She skirted his reach, placing one determined step in front of the other until she stood directly in front of Loki.

"Was it folly?" Her voice was soft, controlled. Once upon a time, in the face of his rage and distress, she would have been terrified of him. Things had changed so much, so thoroughly since then, and she knew that Loki's fits of emotion would never again affect her the way they once had. "We were happy, for a little while. Was that folly?"

"It was folly to presume that a mortal could—"

"Could what, Loki?"

But he didn't reply. It was as if he was cornered, trapped, but was unable to tear his eyes from her face. She stepped closer and it seemed as though he would give way before her. But she watched as breathed deep, as he squared his shoulders, and was unsurprised to see his mouth twist into a parody of a smile. He opened his mouth to speak, to spit something vitriolic at her, at Thor. But Jane was ready.

"You're a fool," she told him and watched as his eyes narrowed into slits. "You would assume in a heartbeat that everything I said to you, everything I did was only a lie because it's just easier for you. Until that day, until you put me through that illusion, it was good. You know it. And now you'd cast me aside, hurl insults at me, because you think there's no going back."

Eyes still narrowed, hands curled into fists at his side, he asked, "And is there?"

"There could be."

He studied her face for long seconds. She waited patiently as he did so. She felt nothing but a quiet, disjointed sense of calm and though it surprised her, she welcomed it. Abruptly Loki moved, stepping past Jane and walking toward Thor. She swiveled around to track his progress, her calm abandoning her somewhat at the sight of the two brothers, the two adversaries, standing within only a couple feet of each other.

"I will release Odin," Loki said.

Thor stared at him as though he'd gone insane. "It is not that simple with you, Loki. It never is. What do you demand in exchange?"

"Do not search for us. Do not attempt to apprehend us. Forget about us."

"You are mad! Jane, come with me away from here, away from him!"

"I am staying, Thor," she replied softly. "It's what I want."

Several expressions shifted across his bearded face in quick succession: anguish, rage, fear, frustration. Utterly distraught, he turned his attention back to Loki. "It cannot be that way. You know this. Father will want you found, executed for what you have done! You will be hunted for the rest of your days and Jane along with you!"

"You are his favorite son — his only son. You must convince him otherwise."

"It is impossible!"

Loki said nothing. The sound Thor made then was one of mingled defeat and disgust. "I will do what I can. That is all I can promise. But you know him, Loki. You know how this latest treachery of yours will affect him. You will never be safe and Jane —"

"—is no longer your concern, brother."

Loki said it gently, purposefully. And Thor, whose eyes had been fixed beseechingly on Jane, looked suddenly back to his brother. He'd heard, Jane knew, the same thing in Loki's voice that she had and it had astonished him.

Finally Thor asked, "How can I trust you to release him from wherever he's being imprisoned?"

Loki made no reply. Instead, he faded from view, shifting from this realm to another entirely, leaving Jane and Thor alone in the cave once more.

Thor said, his voice shaking, "Please, Jane."

She shook her head. "No."

He opened his mouth again to speak but stopped as suddenly Loki was there again, a corporeal figure once more. "It is done," he said.

"Where is he now?"

"Safe once again in Asgard."

"If he is not—"

"You will hunt me down. I know. Trust me in this, Thor, if ever you have trusted me before. Odin is free."

Thor stared hard at him before running a hand over his face, the gesture one of grim resignation. "Very well," he said, and then again, "Very well."

He brushed roughly past Loki, making his way to Jane. The look he gave her held so many things, regret and sorrow and guilt. He turned his head, spoke over his shoulder to his brother, "If you are capable of any decent thing, Loki, let it be that you keep her safe."

And Loki being Loki, replied with, "I will protect her better than you ever have."

Thor closed his eyes. Opened them again. He lifted his free hand and touched it to Jane's face, cupping her cheek. She regarded him steadily, though inwardly a sudden knot of loss and remorse knotted her stomach. He let fall his hand, then, and moved past her to the entrance of the cave.

And then he was gone.

.x.

What did I just do?

Jane stared after Thor and found that her hard-earned calm was threatening to abandon her completely. Thor had been her link to the admittedly questionable safety of her old life, but it had been a link. And now she was here, alone—by her own choice—with Loki, who was unpredictability and danger personified.

She desperately hoped that she'd read the situation correctly. As if sensing her unease, Loki began to move, approaching her slowly as though concerned she might flee. It was a thought she was considering.

"I confess to be clueless as to what should happen next," he said.

Jane, who had been planning for this moment, found herself facing the exact same dilemma.

"I suspect," Loki said, "that Vanaheim no longer appeals to you as it once did. The worlds are yours to choose from, Jane. Where do we go next?"

"We don't," she said, and watched confusion mar the space between his brows.

"We remain here, then. Hiding from the Allfather's wrath will require considerable—"

"No. I stay here. Alone."

Comprehension dawned on Loki, swift and brutal. In a heartbeat his expression had morphed from one of guarded curiosity to one of bitter rage. "You lied."

In the face of his anger, Jane felt only a peculiar sense of relief. This was familiar ground. "I didn't lie."

His laugh was a short, bitter expulsion of air. "You led me to believe you wished to be with me. You have grown to be a most convincing liar, Jane."

"Think about what you did to me days ago. You convinced me that I was dying just to make me submit to you in every decision. Manipulating me that way was easy for you. It didn't bother you to screw with my head that way. It bothered me. Terrified me. Hurt me. Infuriated me. And I will never be able to forget that."

"So why the charade?" Loki's demand was little more than a hiss. "For Thor's benefit?"

Jane shook her head. "It wasn't a charade. I meant what I said to you. I am drawn to you and I always will be. I'll always want you. I crave your touch. And I think …" here she paused, taking a deep breath, concentrating on keeping her own voice even. "I think that in some way, somehow, that maybe what I feel for you is more than simple lust. If someone like me could ever love someone like you …"

Those words hung in the air between them, weighted and combustible with meaning. His expression had become shuttered and she could read nothing now in his eyes, in the way he held himself. She went on, "But I won't give into it. I won't embrace it. Not until I'm ready. And not until you're ready. Because we're not, either of us. You know it as well as I do."

"And so you'll stay here on a foreign planet alone, without me. How will you survive without my guidance and my protection?"

"I don't know. What I do know is that there's nowhere else for me currently. And I'm — I am resilient. I can do this. I will do this."

"The men that I presented to you in the illusion — Jane, they are real. They inhabit the forests of this world. And they are just as hostile as I led you to believe. If they find you —"

"What could they possibly do to me that I haven't already gone through?"

They both knew the answer to that. She said, "This is what I want. To live here, alone. To learn to truly be alone. I need it, need the time to better understand … everything . To learn to appreciate the way things are and to accept them. And once I've done that, it can be our time."

"Our time," he echoed. His tight, guarded expression had eased somewhat. "I am a very impatient man, Jane."

She smiled faintly. "I think I know that better than anyone."

"I cannot just leave you here and hope that you live to see me again. As determined and intelligent as you are, the odds are stacked against you. I will be watching over you."

She nodded. "I know."

"I can aid you. I can make survival here easier. I know, you do not want my direct interference. But there are other ways, if you will allow."

"Yes," she said to him. "Please."

They regarded each other in silence, then, the seconds ticking past. Finally he spoke, his voice suddenly curt. "I dislike change. Particularly when I am the one undergoing it. I will wait for you, Jane, and I will leave you here alone, but I cannot say that I will wait indefinitely. It is not how I am."

He moved, striding toward the entrance of the cage. She stepped into his path, waylaying him with a hand on his arm. The other hand she lifted, laid gently against his cheek. He made no move to stop her, but did not lean into her touch either.

"It's only time," she told him softly.

He said nothing. But she saw it in his gaze, the lust and the attraction, the fears and the insecurities. He reached up and pulled her hand away, twining his fingers with hers and squeezing for only a brief moment before he stepped away from her, turned, and left the cave, following the exact footsteps of his brother.

Into the silence that was now only hers, she mouthed the words she couldn't say aloud.

.x.

Sol's Notes: I'm back from an unforgivably huge absence. I know I said it before, but the end really is near!