Episode 5: This Title Is A Little Fishy

"Ferb, turn around! There's a bear right behind you!" Phineas' frantic voice could be heard close by. "Quick, run!"

Nonplussed, Ferb pulled a vine that dangled beside him like a lever and a large cage built of sticks fell and trapped the bear just a few feet behind him. "Oh! Ferb, you are good!"

"This show is gonna be great!" Phineas exclaimed as he and Ferb watched the scene playing on their computer screen. There was a noisy sound effect that caused the two brothers to flinch. "Ouch, that's gonna leave a mark."

"Yes, on the bear." Ferb finished his thought for him.

Just then, the back gate opened. "Hi guys," Isabella greeted as she entered the yard. "What'cha doin'?"

"Oh, hey, Isabella," replied Phineas. "Ferb and I were just putting the finishing touches on a new TV show we created. It's called, 'Wild vs. Ferb'. In it, Ferb displays wilderness survival skills in various environments and situations." As he explained, they watched a slideshow on the computer screen which showed Ferb rubbing sticks together to start a fire, painting a picture of a platypus on a cave wall with some dye, constructing a water distillery, and fleeing from an angry pack of alpacas. Isabella raised a curious makeup-inserted eyebrow when an out of place photo of the floating baby head appeared next.

"What's with the baby head?" she asked.

"Whoops, how did that get in there?" Phineas blushed as he jumped to transition to a different slide.

"Wow, that looks like a lot of fun, you guys," Isabella said as she watched. "It reminds me of some of our troop activities." The next slide was a photograph of Ferb attempting to spear a fish in shallow water. "You know, I've never gone fishing before," she said thoughtfully. "It's something I've always wanted to try."

Phineas' inner light bulb flicked on. "That's it! I know what we're going to do today! We'll take a fishing trip! Ferb, you round up the others, and I'll go get—hey, where's Perry?"

Perry stood in the empty garage in mindless pet mode. A second or two passed and the garage door-opener light flicked off automatically, obscuring the scene behind a veil of darkness. In moments, the light flicked back on accompanied by the crank of the door, and the red family Stationwagon pulled in to the empty space into which he had mysteriously vanished.

Agent P put on his fedora the instant he landed in his lair. "Ah, good morning, Agent P," Major Monogram greeted from the screen above. "I have grave news. This photograph just appeared on the internet this morning."

The Major's face was digitally overlapped by a picture of Ducky Momo sitting in an outdoor café across from Agent D, Darius the Duck, one of Agent P's colleagues in the O.W.C.A.

"As you can see," Monogram continued in the background, "Agent D's cover has been blown. The headlines are already reporting, 'Ducky Momo spotted on a date with a duck in a fedora!' It's a disaster, clearly. We haven't been able to contact Agent D, and we need you to investigate. This takes priority over your regular mission. Doofenshmirtz is gonna have to wait."

Agent P saluted in acknowledgement before his red chair launched him out of his lair like a catapult into his Platypus-mobile, or Platmobile for short.

Linda walked in the front door to find her eldest daughter plastered to the TV screen. "Candace, Mrs. Johnson's neighbor's sister's doctor's manager's cousin's step-mother just broke her hip, and I'm off to take her a card with a microwaveable lasagna. Do you think you can hold down the fort until I get back?"

"Yeah, yeah, Mom, just be quiet! I'm trying to watch the news!" Candace shouted over her shoulder.

"And what has you so interested in the news this morning?" Her mother inquired.

"Ducky Momo—I mean, some wannabe in a Ducky Momo suit is trying to get attention," replied Candace, trying to remain nonchalant.

"Mm-hm. Well, hopefully I won't be gone too long," Linda said while she grabbed her things from the kitchen.

Just as she was on her way back out the door, Phineas and Ferb passed in the opposite direction in the hallway. "Mom, is it alright if we go fishing at the lake today?" Phineas asked.

"Sure thing, kids. In fact, I'm sure your father won't mind if you take his tackle box."

"No worries, Mom, we've already got it covered."

"Alright. Well, be safe and have fun. I gotta go." With that, she closed the door behind her and drove off.

Phineas turned around and saw Candace standing unnervingly close while blocking his path to the backdoor. "You better not be up to anything," she said with a leer.

"Like I told Mom, we're going fishing today," Phineas exclaimed with his usual zest. "You can come if you'd like."

"No thank you," Candace said, backing off. "I am plenty busy doing my own normal things in my own normal life."

"Fair enough," Phineas stated. "Ferb, did you grab the hyperbolic disapplicator? Ah, good. Well, see you later, Candace!"

Candace suspiciously watched through the window blinds as the two joined their friends and left. "They're up to something bust-worthy, I know it!"

As Agent P tracked the coordinates he'd received of Agent D's location, he was surprised to find that the duck was somewhere in the woods near the lake. The small GPS tracker Agent P held confirmed that he was close. He peeked around a large tree and saw his associate sitting a short distance away in a small meadow; with him sat Ducky Momo, they appeared to be enjoying a romantic picnic together.

Agent D and Ducky Momo were gazing into each other's eyes when Agent P landed in between them. Turning to his fellow secret agent, Perry chattered to see what was going on. "Grdrdrdrdrd."

"Quack," Agent D responded.

"Grdrdrdrdrd," replied Agent P.

"QUACK!" Agent D shoved Agent P hard out of the way, returning his focus to Ducky Momo. Perry suddenly could see pink heart-shapes that had cartoonishly manifested themselves in Agent D's pupils. The platypus stood and slapped his friend across the face. The hearts were replaced by purple hypnotic swirls, and the duck shook its head to clear them.

"Quack?" Agent D seemed suddenly confused. There was a beep, and he looked down at his wristwatch communicator to see Monogram's face staring back at him.

"Agent D! What are you doing?" The Major asked sternly. "Your cover's been blown, the news has been posting pics and videos of you all morning! Get back to HQ forthwith, so we can begin to deal with the situation."

Agent D saluted with a noticeable frown on his face.

Monogram turned to face Perry. "Sorry to have to get you involved in this, Agent P, but we need to ask one more thing of you. For today, you'll have to thwart Agent D's nemesis. I think we both know we can afford to give Doofenshmirtz one day off."

As Agent D arose to leave, Ducky Momo made a sad sounding "quack!" and held out its arms in an inviting fashion, not wanting him to go. Agent D gave a straight-armed "talk to the hand" gesture and walked off, bill pointed in the other direction.

Agent P gave an apologetic tip of the hat and followed his colleague, leaving Ducky Momo slumped over, moping all alone.

Phineas, Ferb, and the gang stood at the lake's edge, taking in the breathtaking forest scenery that surrounded them. Phineas inhaled deeply. "Ah, nature," he said.

"You are ruining my ability to smell nature," Baljeet whispered to Buford.

"What? That was natural!" The bully smirked in return.

"Alright, guys," Phineas winded up to reveal his and Ferb's new invention for the day. "To help us catch the fish, Ferb and I built the Fish-Catching Jumbotronic 2000!"

"Ooh!" The others said as they turned to see a tall robot standing just outside what the camera's field of view had been a second earlier.

"It has sonar capabilities to scan for where the fish are, superfine dexterity for untangling snared lines, an automatic worm-baiter, and a motorized casting launcher, all under remote control. Plus, it's sturdy enough to lift a 300-pound object, so even the 'big-one' won't be able to get away!" Phineas said proudly. "Oh, and it also has a chest cavity for a freezer-box, so that we can keep our drinks cool!"

"Wow, you guys think of everything," Isabella stated. "You know what would be fitting right now? A spontaneous musical number! Too bad we don't have one."

"Why not?" Baljeet asked.

"They're not as easy as they look," Phineas replied.

"Sure they are," Buford said. "All you have to do is start singing, like this: Ohhhhh—!" Just then, a fly flew in his mouth, causing him to cough and sputter.

"Are you alright, Buford?" Isabella asked as he tried not to gag.

"Happens all the time," he said once he caught his breath.

The corners of the screen went dark, indicating someone was watching them via a looking device. Candace hid behind a tree some distance away, with hands shaped like pretend binoculars pressed against her face. "I knew they would build something!" She said to herself. "They are so busted!"

"Candace?" A voice just behind caused her to jump.

"Stacy? What are you doing here?"

"Uh, making a cameo?" Stacy said, like she wasn't too sure about it herself. Both teenagers looked at where the camera would have been.

"What, too soon?" asked Stacy.

Candace groaned. "Nevermind. I'm trying to bust my brothers."

"Roger that, but how are you going to out in the middle of—."

"Shh!" Candace said, cutting her best friend off. "Did you hear something?" Both girls stopped and listened.

A bush behind them had begun to shake. The girls, eyes wide with fright, clutched each other for dear life. "W-who's there?" Suddenly, out jumped Ducky Momo!

"A wild Ducky Momo appeared!" Stacy shouted.

"Quack! Quack! Quack!"

"AHHHH!"

"Run!" Screamed Candace, and they took off sprinting through the woods.

"Did you guys hear something that sounded like teenage girls screaming?" Phineas asked.

"Yeah," Isabella answered, "I just figured a random laser flashed across the city sky again."

"Maybe they're filming a forest scene for a scary movie," Buford responded.

"I was going to pretend I did not hear anything, in case it was something dangerous," Baljeet said.

Ferb remained silent.

"Why are we running?" Stacy asked.

"It creates tension and a sense of urgency in this otherwise dry story!" puffed Candace.

Stacy chafed at that. "This coming from the girl who disapproved of my cameo line!"

"Less talking! More running for your life!"

"Candace!" Stacy shouted, skidding to a halt. "It's a character from a little kid's cartoon! What is there to be afraid of?"

That caused the red-head to coast to a stop. "I—don't know."

There was a crunch somewhere behind them. "Quick, let's hide behind this tree," Stacy whispered, bending over to pick up a branch from the ground. "And when Ducky Momo walks by, we'll knock him out with this stick!"

"Great idea, Stace!" Candace agreed, and they hid in wait for their prey to arrive. Within minutes, Ducky Momo waddled its way past them down the trail they had run. Stacy crept up behind and swung mightily. There was a distinct grunt as Ducky Momo fell face first onto the ground. The impact knocked off the head that had been attached to the remainder of the yellow costume, and both girls gasped when they saw who was inside.

"Garr! I feel like me brain be swimmin' circles round in Davy Jones' Locker!"

Agent P flew to the coordinates of his assigned nemesis-for-the-day's apartment and smashed in through the wall.

"Perry the Platypus!" Agent D's nemesis was the large evil scientist that always wore a monocle, whom Perry recognized from some of the LOVEMUFFIN conventions. This was the first time he'd heard the man's voice, which was surprisingly soft-spoken and quiet. "Not cool. I don't know how you and Heinz do things, but Darius the Duck never smashes through my wall like that; I'm just saying."

Agent P tried not to look too sorry as he scanned the room for whatever evil invention he'd have to destroy today. The evil scientist pulled a lever that was sticking out of the apartment floor, and Agent P fell through a trapdoor into a large fish tank aquarium which automatically appeared at ground level.

"Ohohohoho! Bet you didn't see that one coming, did you?"

Agent P stuck a harmonica-sized breathing device into his mouth.

"Good thing they sent a semi-aquatic mammal to sub for Darius the Duck, he prefers water-themed traps and I didn't have time to prepare anything else," the evil scientist who Agent P couldn't remember the name of mused. "Imagine if you had been Kerry the Cat instead! Mufufufu!

"Anywho, let me show you my latest invention. Witness, my Electromagnetic Hypnotifier!" A stage descended from the ceiling to reveal a large contraption resembling a revolving fan. "I created this machine to hypnotize anyone who watches when these blades light up and spin. They then do my bidding without question! Until something snaps them out of it, that is, like a blow to the head. I already used it on Darius the Duck earlier today after testing it out on a crazy peg-legged sailor."

Of course, thought Agent P. That explained why Agent D seemed so infatuated with Ducky Momo this morning, yet when Agent P smacked him, he instantly remembered his duty to the Agency. This Monocled Madman, or whatever his name was, must have done that to him. Then Perry chuckled in spite of himself. Monocled Madman, that's a good one.

"I bet you're not used to seeing a professional at work, stuck with Heinz as your nemesis," the Monocled Madman said. "That fool probably couldn't even tie his shoes alone."

Agent P thought he had a point. He suddenly wondered what Doofenshmirtz was up to right now.

"Where is he? Perry the Platypus should have been here like an hour ago!" Doofenshmirtz told Norm.

"Would you like me to call and reschedule?" The robot asked.

"No, we're not really on a schedule, it's—it's merely implied!"

"Hey Dad," Vanessa asked, emerging from her room in the back, "can I go see the new Vampire Sidekick movie with Lacey?"

"Is that the really scary one that is likely rated above your age recommendation, a fact which I may or may not have neglected to check in my obligation as a responsible parent?"

"That's the one."

"Why sure, honey, here's a twenty."

"Thanks, Dad," Vanessa said sweetly.

"You're welcome, daughter," Doofenshmirtz replied lovingly.

Suddenly Norm interjected. "What about us, Dad? Can we go to the park after your scheme and play pass-the-ball?"

"Norm, if I told you once, I told you a thousand times! I am not your father! Now stop asking me that and go back to your closet under the staircase!"

"But we're on the highest floor, sir. There is no staircase!"

"It's an expression!" Doofenshmirtz replied angrily.

Norm slumped over and trudged back to his room.

"That disgraceful little, ugh! Maybe I should get a dog, and name him 'Onlyson', so that he stops asking me that quest—" Doofenshmirtz stopped midsentence as realization hit about what he was saying. He sighed. "See, Perry the Platypus, this is what happens when you are late for our appointments. I end up bringing back old, painful memories. Here, in this very room, I have my latest evil Inator waiting all ready to be unleashed upon an unsuspecting Tri-State Area, and I can't even use it yet. Why? Because my flaky nemesis doesn't even bother to show up. Now I have no choice but to sit here and ramble to myself. That's right. I'll just sit here and ramble and be bored. Curse you, Perry the Platypus."

"I'll be honest with you; never thought I'd see the day I woke up in a chicken costume and couldn't remember how I got there," the peg-legged man said after Candace and Stacy helped him out. "Seems the winds be blowin' to say a storm's a'brewin'."

Candace remembered this man was the old sailor she and Stacy met on Harbor Day earlier this summer. He was captain of the petite vessel appropriately christened "Pea-quad;" and she somehow recalled he was referred to as Captain Squint despite having never heard his actual name.

"So you really can't remember why you were walking around Danville all morning in a Ducky Momo costume?" Stacy asked.

"Aye, me memory be awash like the tide on a sandy beach," he said. "But I get the feeling I hugged a lot of weird things in the last couple hours."

The looks each of the two girls wore betrayed that neither of them knew how to respond to that sentence.

"What? Are ye tired of this conversation?"

Candace shook her head. "I don't have time for this. I've got a couple of brothers who need to be busted," she said, about facing to march back to the lake.

Stacy hesitated. "But what about One-eyed Willie here? We can't just leave him. Shouldn't we, I dunno, at least bring him home or something?"

"Me only home be the open sea," said the Captain.

Candace sighed. "Alright. Well, we're going back to the lake, so, I guess you can come if you want."

"Argh! The lake be where I keep me inland dingy," the Captain replied as they began to walk. "It also be the home of the giant catfish that chewed on me arm," he said, lifting his sleeve as evidence.

"Um, that's your birthmark again," Stacy pointed out. "Besides, I thought catfish don't have teeth?"

The Captain paused. "And now I'm tired of this conversation, too."

"Just hurry up!" Candace yelled from ahead. "My brothers aren't gonna bust themselves!"

"Yeah, well, hold your seahorses!" The Captain yelled back. "It ain't the fastest shark that catches the fish; it be the one with the most teeth!"

"What does that even mean?"

"Arrr," thought the Captain, "beats me. It's just something me ole parrot used to say. Turned crazy 'e did, after 'e got the bends and swallowed me mum's lucky bezoar. 'E also used to say, 'A fisherman can catch any fish, ye just need to use the right bait."

"Candace, are you okay?" Stacy asked; for at that moment, Candace froze.

"You just need to use the right bait…" she softly pondered. "That's it! I've been going about this the wrong way all along! I can bust my brothers; I just need to use the right bait!" Suddenly she was bouncing with energy. "C'mon guys, we gotta hurry!" was all she said before vanishing in a cloud of dust.

"That one's got some wind in her sails," the Captain commented.

"Yeah, more like a hurricane," Stacy responded.

All was silent at the water's edge. Phineas thought he could hear the ticking intro to the classic "Watching and Waiting" song the gang had performed earlier that summer, it was so quiet. All the kids looked droopy-eyed and bored.

Buford yawned noisily. "How come nothin's happening, Dinnerbell?"

"I don't know," Phineas said. "Our fishing robot scanned for where the fish are, baited all our hooks, and cast out our lines for us. I guess the fish just aren't hungry right now."

"This is the lamest thing we've ever done," Buford reported.

"I'm kind of enjoying it," Isabella said, indicating the relaxing scenery they were surrounded by. "But I do wish something would happen."

"Having some trouble, kids?" An unfamiliar voice asked from behind the group.

Phineas and the others turned to see a kind looking old man with a thin frame, shaggy gray mustache, and angler's hat pulled low over his eyes. "Well," Phineas explained, "We've been waiting for like eleven minutes at least, and nothing's happened yet."

The old fisherman chuckled to himself. "What did you expect, trying to catch a fish with that there machine? It's one of those things you just have to learn to do with experience."

"What do you mean?" Isabella asked.

"Here," said the old fisherman, "let me show you." He reeled in one of the kid's lines and inspected the hook. "If something's not working, then you need to try a different bait. Let me take this worm off and attach one of my favorite lures. Okay, now, watch as I cast in the water, see how I flick my wrist once the lure sinks? That makes it more attractive to a hungry fish. Keep doing that every few seconds as you reel it in, and with a little patience—hey! I think you got something, miss!" He handed Isabella back her pole, and she instantly felt something tugging from the other end.

"Whoa! I got a fish!" She exclaimed with glee.

"Now," the man explained, "pull it in gently, not too hard now! Be gentle, but firm. There you go. Keep pulling it in, I'll pick it up with my net." A minute later, the kids were staring at an arm-length fish sloshing around in a water bucket beside them.

"How'd you do that, Mister?" Phineas asked, curiosity aglow in his eyes.

"Oh, just years of experience. Now come along, and I'll help the rest of you catch one too."

Leaving the robot abandoned, the kids enthusiastically listened as the old man taught them what to do.

With a great final smash, Agent P had reduced the Hypnotifier to rubble and a chair that had one broken leg. Only one final beam of light had escaped the device before its total demise, but the secret agent wasn't too worried since the ray had radiated harmlessly enough into outer space.

"Scourge you, Perry the Platypus!" The Monocled Madman shouted to the skies while Agent P jetpacked back to the agency. "I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling agents and that duck-billed monotreme!"

Agent P couldn't help but smile to himself, having saved the day. It had been an enjoyable enough diversion from the cycle he and Doofenshmirtz always seemed to go through; but he had to admit, this experience with a different nemesis was more than a little similar to the old routine….

Candace led the way into the forest clearing; the lake was within sight, and she could see her brothers from here. "Aha!" She exclaimed. "I told you they'd be here! I told you!" She looked back over her shoulder. Stacy and Captain Insanity weren't there, apparently she'd left them in the dust.

"Oh, no matter, I'll bust them by myself," she said, making a bee-line for her brothers.

"Oh man, you guys will be so busted when Mom finds out you've been—uh, fishing?" Candace asked, losing all the edge in her voice by the last word. "That's really all you've been doing?"

"Hi, Candace!" Phineas enthusiastically waved. "Yeah, look! Isabella caught the first one, and we've already caught two more!"

The obnoxious sister inspected the scene carefully, suddenly noticing the discarded robot. "What about this thing? Didn't you build this?"

"Well, yeah, but it didn't work very well. Turns out, fishing is something that takes experience. Our robot just didn't cut it."

Candace thought for a moment. "So what you're saying is, in an ironic turn of events, the machines you always use in your silly projects ended up actually holding you back from having fun the good old fashioned way?"

"I guess you could say that," Phineas said in return.

"Pft! Boring! Even if you're not using it, I can still show it to Mom as evidence!" Candace said, rubbing her hands together. "Now, I just need the right bait. Buford, can I have that blueberry pie, please?"

Buford's eyes went wide like a deer in the headlights. "What—I mean, what are you talking about? I don't have no pie!"

Candace gave him the stare.

With a heavy sigh, the bully gave in. "Alright," he said, extracting a freshly baked, still steaming pie from some inexplicable location behind his back. "But you owe me, bigtime."

Candace took it and set it on a rock next to the machine. Next, she whipped out her cell phone as her fingers flew entering the number they had achieved perfect muscle-memory for. "Oh, hi Mom! I just wanted to show you a little something the boys have built."

"Oh great," Linda said from the other end. "What are you planning on dragging me to this time?"

"Who said anything about dragging?" Candace asked with a disarmingly girly charm. "I know how much you love pie, so I thought I'd let you know I have one of the blueberry variety sitting next to me."

"Ooh! I do love pie," Linda informed her. "Alright, honey, you have my attention. Where are you?"

"At the lake with the boys."

"Tell you what," Linda said, "you hold tight with that pie, and I'll be over in a jiffy. See, when you're doing something nice for a change, it makes me feel like I actually want to hurry."

"I know, Mom, see you soon!" Candace said before flipping her phone shut and chuckling crazily. "Ehehehehe! The bait worked perfectly."

"I can't believe I'll never know if my Inator works perfectly!" Doofenshmirtz complained as he pushed his device back into his lab. "I waited all day, and Perry the Platypus never once showed up! Now I'll never get a chance to use it!"

"Does this mean we can spend time together?" Norm asked.

At that moment, the lone laser beam from the Hypnotifier bounced off a satellite orbiting overhead and rebounded back to earth. The blast hit Norm just as Doofenshmirtz turned his back on the poor robot.

"No way, Norm! I'd much rather you just found something to do on your own. You know what, why don't you take my old fishing pole down to the lake and teach yourself how to fish?"

Norm's mechanical eyes returned to focus. "Okay, I'll do whatever you say." He immediately stretched out one arm with an extendable cable and grabbed the pole as it leaned against the corner before transforming his feet into a dual-rocket system and blasting off through the ceiling.

"Try to have fun!" The evil scientist called as he returned to putting away his device.

Hardly any time had passed at all for Candace when the unthinkable happened. A large humanoid robot descended out of the sky to land right in front of the group.

"My name's Norm," exclaimed the robot congenially before walking over to inspect the fishing robot Phineas and Ferb had built. "You can teach me how to fish and I'll pretend you are my father!" Norm told his machine comrade. With that, he grabbed the other robot and lifted it off the ground before blasting into the sky once more.

Candace barely had time to process what had happened when the honk of a horn announced her mother's arrival.

"Hi Mom!" Phineas greeted with hardly any disappointment in his voice regarding the recent turn of events.

"Hi boys. Now where's this pie you spoke of, Candace?"

"Right here," Candace said in a dejected voice. "But it looks like the big one got away."

Linda ignored her. "Well, I see the pie, but did anyone remember to bring plates?"

Everyone looked at Buford.

"Really?" he asked.

"Ahoy!" Captain Squint called from his dingy just a ways offshore. Stacy was standing by his side, looking like she still wasn't sure how she got there. "There be plenty o' plates right here on my ship!"

"This was the best fishing day ever!" Phineas decided.

"But we still didn't do a song!" Buford mentioned. "We can't have a day without a song! Ohhhhh—!"

End scene

Hey everyone, thanks for reading! Isn't it great that we're finally getting some new episodes of P&F? I'm super excited! In light of said episodes, I think I'll kick back and take a break from Kicks! for a little while. Don't worry, I'll be back with more soon. In fact, the next episode will be a two-parter, and things are gonna get pretty crazy... In the meantime, I'm collaborating on an insanely big project at the moment, plus I'm planning a Fourth of July story that will probably be a little late, but I guarantee it's gonna be great! Oh, and thanks for the awesome reviews! I'll respond to all of them in a future chap and would definitely appreciate more - if it's not too much to ask! Summer Belongs To You!