I sucked on my teeth as I narrowed my eyes, glaring across the room.

"If you make that face any harder, you're going to get stuck," Mia drawled and I turned to look at her.

"He's such a dick," I said as I caught the grape she threw at me.

"You're one of the many people who think that," she said with a grin and popped another grape into her mouth.

I huffed and pulled my feet up to rest on the edge of the table. I thought drama ended at high school, but I discovered that it didn't always. Dimitri Belikov moved here from Russia when I was in the tenth grade, and I didn't get a chance to know him then, but now that we went to the same college, I want to punch him every time I saw his face. He was self-entitled, arrogant, and all-around a jackass. If he was a womanizer too I wouldn't have been surprised, but instead, he was just an ass to people. How he had the gaggle of friends he did, I never understood.

I had seen girl after girl go for him, and each one was turned down in an instant. There was one blonde girl that I would see approach him, and she seemed different than the other girls he was friends with. She seemed almost timid, and he'd shield her from the comments of his friends, but I could see that it wasn't a romantic relationship.

My best friend, Lissa Dragomir on the other hand, would disagree with me and say that he was misunderstood, but I wasn't sure what drugs she was smoking. He wasn't misunderstood, he was just a jerk.

"How can someone that pretty be such a jerk?" Mia mused. I made a face.

"In what world is he pretty?"

Mia rolled her eyes at me.

"Even you can't deny that he is panty-dropping hot!"

I grumbled under my breath as I ate the carrot stick on my plate, not particularly thrilled that Lissa all but threatened me if I didn't eat them. Lissa shook her head as she texted, not impressed with our conversation.

"He's not that bad," she said and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, he's nice to you because he went to school with Andre and you're the popularity queen," I said but bit my tongue shortly after. Adrian and Lissa's parents had only been dead for six months.

"I'm sorry," I whispered and Lissa nodded.

"It's fine," she said as she closed her textbooks that were on the table and shoved them in her bag.

"I think you forget sometimes, Rose, that people assume you're a bitch because they don't understand you," she said as she left the table, her irritation clear in her voice. I bit the corner of my lip and sighed. Mia looked at me and made a face.

"You pissed her off," Mia pointed out.

"Yeah, I touched a nerve," I said quietly, "I'll let her cool off and then I'll talk to her."

Mia nodded and got up, patting my shoulder as she left. I shoved the last of the carrot sticks in my mouth and gathered my things as headed out of the cafeteria, looking at my notepad to catch myself up on what today's lesson was about. I glanced up a few times as I walked, making sure I was in the right wing of the school. We had recently changed classrooms and I still wasn't used to where the new room was.

I glanced down at my notepad again and heard the squeak of shoes before I collided with someone.

"Shit!" I exclaimed the books I had in my arms scattering over the floor. My bag broke this morning and I didn't have time to stop to get a new one, so I had to carry everything today.

"You should pay attention to where you are going," a man said and I rolled my eyes. Of course, I ran into Dimitri Belikov. I brushed my hair out of my face and started to kneel to gather my books, but he had already collected them and was holding them out for me.

"You ran into me," I grumbled. He scoffed and shook his head.

"I rounded the corner, you weren't looking at where you were going," he retorted.

I scoffed and grabbed the books from him and stepped around him.

"Whatever," I grumbled and stomped towards my class.

My foot wagged as I lay on my bed, looking over my review questions when there was a knock on the door. I sighed and rolled off the bed, stumbling over my clothes as I walked to the door. I raised up on my toes to look through the peephole.

I groaned quietly and opened the door, raising my brows.

"What?" I asked.

Dimitri shook his head. "Hello to you too."

"What do you want? And how do you know what dorm is mine?"

"I asked the matron, I figured you might want this back," he said holding out a pale blue book. It was a pocket book and my blood felt cold as I looked at it.

"Did you read it?"

Dimitri blushed a little and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I skimmed to see if I could just hand it to Lissa, but when I saw what it was, I figured you didn't want anyone else seeing it," he admitted and I clutched the book to my chest. I didn't want to say I felt violated because he read it, simply because he wasn't doing it to be nosy, but it was still personal.

"What did you read?"

"Only the last entry and it was just the first line before I realized what it was," he said, "You know, there are support groups and such-"

"I don't need advice from someone who has no idea what I've been through," I said as I shut the door with a thud. I leaned against it and felt my face pinch, the agony I felt at someone knowing running through my chest. I cracked for a second, letting a few tears pour over before I got a grip on myself and wiped my face. I tossed the journal onto my desk and sat back on my bed, staring at the wall blankly. I was put off the mood of studying and instead curled up on my side, tucking my hand under my cheek.

Mia and Lissa both sat at the table with me, neither of them saying a word.

"She called you?" Mia asked.

I nodded and bit my nail. "Yep. I didn't take the call. I couldn't. I felt like I was going to puke as soon as I saw the number."

"Are you okay?" Lissa said quietly, tucking her hair behind her ears.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I just feel all kinds of messes up right now," I said tiredly and looked up as Dimitri approached the table. I groaned and Lissa turned and smiled at him.

"Dimitri?" she asked. Dimitri nodded and looked at me.

"Can I have a moment?" he asked. I looked at Mia and Lissa and stood up, walking a few feet away.

"What?"

"I wanted to apologize for the other night, I didn't mean to overstep," Dimitri said after a moment and I raised my brows. An apology? That's why he was here?"

"It's fine," I said slowly but he shook his head.

"I didn't mean to, but I just wanted you to know that there were places on campus you could go to for support. There's one at the Lynx at six every Wednesday."

I shrugged. "Thanks, but I think I'm doing fine on my own," I said but he held up his hand.

"I know. But, just in case," he said. I nodded and went back to the table, getting raised brows from the girls.

"What was that about?" Mia asked as soon as I sat down.

"I ran into him literally the other day and dropped my therapy book. I missed it when I picked up my stuff and he read a bit of it. He thought it was a school book and was going to give it to Lissa until he realized what it was," I explained. Lissa nodded but didn't look furious like Mia did.

"What did he say?" Lissa asked.

"Just some stuff about support groups," I scoffed but Lissa shook her head.

"He wasn't saying it because he didn't know what else to say, he was trying in his own way to be supportive," she said but I rolled my eyes.

"Why do you always defend him?" I asked and Lissa sat up straight.

"Because I actually know him. Like you stated, he was friends with Andre. The fact that he even told you about the groups is enough to be said," Lissa said, "Why is it so hard for you to understand that he isn't some bad guy in the story? He actually is a good guy."

I cocked my head at her.

"Why are you so upitty about him?"

"Because despite what you may think, it wasn't you guys that got me through the worst of it when my parents died, it was him. He was the one who was there when you two weren't, when Christian wasn't there. He was the one who would come and make sure that my fridge was stocked, meals precooked and in the freezer. Made sure that I took my meds and took care of myself. You guys weren't there at the late hours of the night when the thought of Andre made me sick to my stomach. So maybe, just maybe, I know him better than you do. And I'm tired of hearing the two of you talk smack about a man who truly has the kindest heart I've ever seen. And if you took the time to know him, you'd see that."

Mia and I watched Lissa collect her things and walk to the table that Dimitri had retreated to and dropped her things. He looked up as Lissa sat down, started but concerned. He said something to her and Lissa shook her head, flipping her text back open to where she was and continued to go through her homework. Dimitri pursed his lips slightly and glanced over at our table for a moment. His eyes met mine before he looked back at Lissa, speaking to her.

"I've never seen her snap like that," Mia whispered, looking as chastised as I felt.

I lingered in the doorway. It almost seemed like an AA meeting, but it wasn't. I noticed Dimitri sitting next to the little blonde woman. Once it seemed like everyone else was there I took a seat near the back. it was similar to an AA meeting, with everyone introducing themselves before saying their piece. When Dimitri stood up to speak, I knew that he saw me and nodded his head slightly in my direction.

"I saw my father today," Dimitri started and sighed, "And for the first time since I was a child, I didn't want to hit him."

I crossed my arms over my stomach as he spoke. Lissa was right; none of us really knew him. And now I understood why he returned the journal personally. Once he sat down there was a lull and I decided that it was now or never.

I stood at the front of the room and tapped the podium that stood there. I looked out at the dozen or so people in the room, and I wasn't sure what to do.

After a moment, the blonde woman I always saw around Dimitri whispered.

"Start with your name," she said as she leaned forward.

I nodded and cleared my throat. "Hi. My name is Rose," I said.

"Hi Rose," multiple people said back. I swallowed thickly and licked my lips.

"I'm clearly new here, um, but it's almost been a year since my mom was arrested for putting me in the hospital," I said and swallowed thickly. I hated bringing it up, I hated reliving that night. I knew deep down that it wasn't her fault, that she had a moment of severe PTSD and she wasn't where she thought she was.

"I never really thought about what being in a war zone would do to somebody, and I knew that my mom wasn't the same when she came back. I still dream about, walking up and she's over top of me," I explained, taking a moment to take a breath and ground myself.

"There's a part of me that wants to hate her, but I know that I can't. I can hate her for other things she's done, but not that," I said before rocking on my heels and stepping away from the podium, quickly making my way back to my seat. I sat silently for the rest of the meeting, listening to others speak but not really hearing what they were saying.

After a while someone sat in the vacant seat beside me, holding out a styrofoam cup.

"Thanks," I whispered and took the cup from Dimitri, looking down at the brown liquid.

"Hot chocolate," he stated and I nodded, blowing the steam off the top. I took a tentative sip so I didn't burn myself, licking my lips.

"It's good," I whispered.

"Double the packets. That's the secret," he said with a soft look. I nodded to myself again and slouched in the chair.

"I owe you an apology," I said but he shook his head.

"You don't owe me anything, Rose. Really," he said and I nodded again. Dimitri took a sip of his hot chocolate too.

"Do you want to talk about it, or do you want to sit here?"

I looked at him again and took a breath.

"I haven't really told anyone what happened," I said, "Well, aside from the therapist and the doctors and the lawyer."

Dimitri nodded in understanding as I fidgeted.

"My mom was a covert operative when she had me and went back to work really soon after. She mostly worked stateside after she had me until she was stationed in Syria for a while. When she came back, she was different. One of her unit guys told me that they had seen some really bad stuff over there, with kids, and it hit my mom hard. She's usually stone cold, but he said that she requested to be sent home and do work Stateside."

I paused for a minute and took another drink of my hot chocolate, mostly so I could keep myself together.

"I don't know what triggered it, the episode. She'd had them before, but usually, she could get herself back from them. But this one, Dimitri, I didn't even recognize her. She looked like my mom, but she didn't," I said quietly and sniffed.

Dimitri shifted in his chair so he was facing me.

"I didn't even see it coming. She'd taught me how to fight, how to defend myself, but she hit me so hard and so fast. She almost killed me before she snapped out of it and called for help. And even though I told the police I didn't want to press charges, they said it wasn't my choice."

"I'm sorry," Dimitri offered quietly. I nodded.

"Lissa knew that my mom was military, but not what kind. Nobody does aside from you. Lissa saw me in the hospital, and I was put in her parents' custody until I turned eighteen, but holding this all in has been hard. And then the Dragomirs died."

"You were alone again," he said, "You spent all that time alone when your mom was overseas, living with the Dragomirs and then everything fell apart."

I nodded and scoffed a laugh. "It seems so…plain when you say it out loud."

"There's nothing plan about it. Is your father not in the picture?"

"I've never met him. My mom made it almost impossible for him to have custody of me, so I never met him. I have a picture of him, but that's it. I don't even know his name," I said, "I don't know what happened between them. In the pictures I found, they looked happy, but I don't know."

"Where is your mom?"

"Some psychiatric clinic. I fought tooth and nail for her, and there was enough proof that it was a psychotic break. Because of her file with the military, we were able to get her sentencing reduce, but she has to carry it out where they would put criminally insane people. She's sane, but it was that for two years or prison for fifteen," I explained, toying with the cup between my hands.

"I hate that I'm terrified of her. I hate that every time she calls, I don't have the guts to answer it. Because even though I've forgiven her, I'm terrified."

"Being hurt by someone who is supposed to protect you by nature leaves a scar that others can't understand. But I do. I know what that fear feels like."

I nodded and blew out a deep breath.

"I feel horrible because she's asked to see me so many times, but I don't think I can do it."

Dimitri tsked quietly. "Do you think it would help if someone went with you, not someone that your mom knew? Someone outside the situation?"

I looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"Someone that will gently push, but take you home if it becomes too much to handle."

I bt my lip. "Is that an offer?"

"If you want it to be," he said, "I've done visits like this. Ecvept I was taking my mother to see my father in prison to bring him divorce papers."

I bit my lip again and nodded. I wasn't sure what the whole story was, but I knew it wasn't good.

"Did he hit you too?"

"Only at the end. My mother and my older sister, both of them tried to hide it from me, but by the time I turned thirteen, I figured it out. I noticed the bruises and the fear," Dimitri explained, "It wasn't until the night he almost killed my mother he hit me. I came home earlier and jumped on him. I was bigger than him, and I decided enough was enough."

I hated that I smiled at what he said. "You saved your mother's life?"

"You're the first person to see it that way," he said after a moment, "It took a long time for my father's side of the family to realize I was protecting my mother."

I lifted my hand and rested it on his, squeezing it softly.

"Us survivors see it that way," I said quietly.

I know that it's a heavy start, but this is a two part, maybe a three part.