There's No Happy Ending

He may have had a head wound that would've stopped a horse and been covered in his own and everyone else's blood, but he was not going to leave.

With gunships trying desperately to distract Harbinger, Shepard and Javik helped haul Kaidan into the Normandy, with James taking over for the Prothean on the ramp. Shepard caught his eye and nodded - wordlessly, James gave a single, slow nod in reply. Around them, other soldiers threw wounded comrades onto the ramp.

"Go!" Shepard barked, casting a glance over her shoulder at Harbinger.

"Shepard!"

"You've got to get out of here."

"That's not going to happen," Kaidan replied harshly, attempting to break away from the man supporting him.

"Don't argue with me, Kaidan." There was that tone of finality in Shepard's voice, the same one that had ordered him away three years before. Almost as soon as the words left her mouth the corners of her eyes softened. She knew full well what tone she'd just used.

"Marrakech. Don't leave me behind." The corners softened even further. "Not again."

She mounted the ramp in a single step, resting her gloved hand against his cheek. For the briefest second he considered giving the order for it to be closed, letting them run together. "No matter what happens," she breathed, thumb stroking his cheek. "I love you." Instead he wrapped his hand around her wrist, drinking in those green eyes he loved so much. Something exploded - Harbinger had taken out a gunship uncomfortably close to the Normandy, and the ship rocked.

::Commander, we need to get the hell out of here,:: Joker barked over her comm. ::You know, or we're all Reaper food?::

"I love you too," he whispered, holding onto her like a lifeline. She slid out of his grip, dropping back to the ground below the ship. "Be careful."

The smile she gave him was tense, belying the layers of stress that seemed to be the only thing holding her together. The Reaper behind her made a noise, and the stress was replaced by a strange sense of panic. "Go!" She barked, turning on her heel and sprinting back towards the beam.

Shepard didn't look back until she heard the roar of the Normandy's engines. Dodging around a burning mako, she looked up. Harbinger noticed the ship as well - she would've expected no less of the Reaper - lazily lifting one of its tentacles and firing a beam towards it.

For a second her heart nearly stopped as the red laser swung towards the ship, and before it impacted she could almost see the explosion in her head and closed her eyes, running all the harder for it. But the beam missed, swinging low as Joker barreled the ship around it and shot back off towards the battle above. She spared the smallest of glances after it before pressing herself even harder.

She was so close to the beam, close enough that her hair was beginning to stand on end and her implants crackle. Harbinger blasted the mako she was half using for cover, knocking her to the ground. Her ankle twisted under her, sending her crashing into what was once a bush but was currently a collection of burnt twigs. Forcing herself back up, Shepard took three more steps.

She smelled Harbinger's laser before she saw it, a strange mix of burning flesh and foliage mixed with acridity from the heat of the weapon itself. Shepard had broken back into a run by then, her eyes moving from the beam to the Reaper hovering next to it. It was only then she saw that his main laser was pointed almost directly at her.

She had two seconds to throw up a barrier that she knew would do nothing before the ground exploded around her, Harbinger's metallic screech ringing in her ears.

Seconds, perhaps minutes had passed. She blinked, light wreaking havoc on the little vision she'd managed to regain. Everything hurt as she struggled to push up on her hands, dazed. What happened? Explosion - that was the most likely explanation. She managed to blink at herself. The armor on her left arm had been blown completely off, some pieces melting into her skin. It didn't hurt, which she thought was probably a problem. Her gaze traveled to her right arm - no, only the armor on her forearm had been blasted off, looking in much the same state as her left. The rest of it looked like it'd done its job, though the gentle buzz of her shield generator was nonexistent indicating that it'd short-circuited, and she didn't feel sluggish like she would if the medigel injectors built into her armor were working.

Something rumbled nearby, and she numbly looked up to see a Reaper - no, Harbinger, she'd recognize it anywhere - pulling off the ground and returning to the space battle still raging overhead. She hadn't been hit by it, had she? No. She'd would've joined the soldiers lying dead around her.

Shepard pulled herself up to her hands and knees, wincing. The beam, ahead. She was supposed to get there. Someone - she recognize Coats, that major who'd been with Anderson - was chattering into her staticy, damaged comm, calling for a retreat. She couldn't retreat. Not when she was this close.

She crawled for ten or twenty feet, the asphalt and rubble hurting her burnt hands terribly. Her hand gripped a gun she found as she crawled, then slowly pushed herself to her feet. Breaking into a staggering hobble-run, she forced herself towards the beam, an unbearably far fifty or sixty feet in front of her.

Halfway there she crashed back to her knees, a ragged cry escaping her lips. Shepard drug herself another several feet before managing to stand again, gun still clenched like a lifeline.

A burning pain ripped through her shoulder, tearing another cry from her throat. She staggered but managed to stay on her feet, returning the marauder's fire and somehow managing to take the huskified turian down.

When she'd reached the ramp to the beam, she collapsed back to her knees as her legs gave back out. Force of will encouraged her to crawl the rest of the way once again, her teeth clenched and eyes blurry with pain.

As soon as she felt the beam's tug the darkness cutting into the edges of her vision finally took over, and she collapsed into the blue-white light.

#

Kaidan stumbled into the cockpit, finding Garrus already standing behind Joker with mandibles flared as the Crucible cruised past. Joker guided the Normandy into its protective convoy. "Good to see you on your feet."

Kaidan figured it was. Getting almost hit by the flipping mako had left him with a ringing headache and, according to Chakwas a major concussion, not to mention several bruised or broken bones. But he'd argued with her diagnosis and her demand for him to stay in med bay, instead taking command of the Normandy in Shepard's absence. "What're you doing here?" he asked Garrus, the turian shrugging in reply.

"Hierarchy wanted the Primarch off the ground," he explained. "Admirals wanted Tali withdrawn too. They're in the war room with Liara and EDI, coordinating with the Crucible fleet. The Normandy was the only ship that could get in."

"We need to go back," Kaidan said, looking down at Joker. "Shepard's still there. We-"

Joker and Garrus exchanged a solemn look. "We got a transmission from Coats," Garrus said quietly. "Hammer's push to the beam . . ."

The bottom of Kaidan's stomach crashed into his feet. "No."

"They were decimated," Garrus continued slowly. "No survivors reported."

Kaidan thought his knees might give out, but forced himself to remain standing as he tried to draw a deep breath. If that was the case, he was the only human Spectre - he needed to focus, to take Shepard's place until . . . until what? Without her, they had no chance. He had no chance.

::Normandy.:: Hackett's voice interrupted the conversation, cutting strongly through the cockpit. ::We need to be ready to move the Crucible into position. Would you be willing to distract any Reapers taking offense to it?::

"Sure, Admiral." Joker sighed, pressing a button on his console. "Not like it matters much anymore, if no one's there," he mumbled under his breath.

::Moreau,:: Hackett admonished. He tugged his hat down on his forehead. ::Shepard will have the Citadel open. We need to buy her time.::

The trio exchanged a silent look. "We received a report stating that Hammer was destroyed," Garrus said. "When Harbinger landed."

::Shepard and Anderson made it to the beam.:: Kaidan closed his eyes, digging his palms into them. ::We just need to buy them time.::

Kaidan looked at the huge, closed, cylindrical station ahead of them, surrounded by the remnants of the Reapers' and their own fleets still fighting and struggling for superiority.

::Fleet, protect the Crucible.::

Be careful, Kaidan thought, gaze unerringly stuck on the Citadel, wishing he could project his thoughts out to her. Joker glanced over his shoulder, then back at Garrus. The turian shook his head.

Better to just let him be.

#

Shepard lifted her head off Anderson's shoulder where it'd fallen, her eyes reopening with a groan.

::Shepard, can you hear me?::

Her breath left her in a drawn-out moan. "Admiral?" she managed to croak, forcing herself back upright against the platform behind her. "What do you need me to do?" Her voice was slurring unsatisfactorily, and she almost repeated herself.

::The Crucible's not firing. It's connected - it must be something on your end.::

She tried to stand and failed, her limbs simultaneously opting for mobile failure, forcing her to lug herself towards the console ahead of her.

::Commander? Marrakech!::

"I can't . . ." She breathed, arm unable to stretch the remaining foot to the console from her spot on the floor. "I . . ."

Her voice trailed off as her body lost the ability to move, sending her crashing limply to the floor. She drew a slow breath.

She'd failed. God damn it, she'd failed. She had to get up . . . it was just one more . . . one more foot . . .

When she awoke, Hackett's voice had fallen silent, and a mass effect field tingled at the back of her likely damaged implant and amp. She lifted her head, numbness flooding her. She certainly hadn't climbed on top of the Citadel by herself.

With a newfound, strange strength she pushed herself to her hands and knees. The ward arms were open, the Citadel spread out before her like a flower, the Crucible humming ahead of her.

Ahead of her? Above her. Around her. It seemed like it was everywhere, all over her, crawling over her skin; a sheer concentration of energy and power and -

"Get up."

She lifted her head again. Glowing, standing before her, was - "Kid," she said dumbly, jerking to her feet. "You're glowing."

"I am the Catalyst," the child-image said, a tone of disapproval in his voice.

"Isn't the Citadel -"

"I am the Citadel."

Shepard coughed, her comment about Aria lost in the copper taste that welled up in the back of her throat. "Okay," she murmured. "Then, I need to stop the Reapers."

"I could, possibly, help. They are my solution."

"Solution?"

"To chaos."

Shepard wasn't exhausted enough to not arch an eyebrow.

He explained, everything. A foolish argument about organics and synthetics, about chaos and cleansing the galaxy through fire. She could feel her exhaustion taking hold, her voice growing weaker as she tried to follow his circular arguments and tried to make her own only to be rebuffed at every turn. Though it was not as if she was in fine form or anything - her brain felt rattled, numbness seeping through every limb.

"The Crucible changed me," he finally said, turning to look at the contraption connected by a mere beam of light to the Citadel. "Created new possibilities. But I cannot make them happen. If there is to be a new solution, you must act."

Shepard could only respond with a tired nod.

"You may choose to destroy us. But others will be destroyed as well - the Crucible will not discriminate, but will focus on all synthetics. Even you are partly synthetic. But there is another way." Shepard grimaced, her legs staggering under her own weight. "You can harness the energy of the Crucible to seize control of the Reapers.

"You will die. You will control us, but you will lose what you have." He looked towards the handle-like device on the left of the connecting beam. "Your physical form will desist, but your memories will continue. You will no longer be organic. You will remain aware of the existence of your kind, but your connection to them will be lost. But there is one last solution - the one we have been seeking to achieve. A complete synthesis of organic and synthetic."

"A . . . what?"

"Add your energy to the Crucible's. Combine all synthetics and organics into a new framework - a new DNA."

"That's . . . not possible," Shepard argued.

"Your organic energy will be broke down and dispersed. Your . . . essence."

He seemed to be waiting for further questions, but Shepard shook her head to try and clear the fluff. She could refuse, she thought. Just, refuse. But . . . the decision tugged at her. Hackett had said that they were unable to defeat them conventionally, and their forces were so depleted that . . . only one decision remained.

"Then let's get this over with," she hissed through clenched teeth, stumbling towards the volatile-looking tube to her right.

"Wait." Was that desperation? She smirked through the pain as she turned back.

"What? Oh, I'm sorry, you wanted to tell me which one you thought was better?"

"Synthesis is the ultimate evolution! Your kind is-"

"No," she said flatly. "I don't need a lecture in morality from a fucking pint-sized crazy AI."

"This is not about-"

"If you take away our morality we're no better than you." She turned back, dragging her increasingly numbing body forward. "Welcome to evolution, bitch." Raising her gun, she opened fire, murmuring under her breath with each word punctuated by a round.

"I will see you in hell."

#

::The Crucible is firing. All units fall back!::

"Scan again!" Kaidan demanded, watching as Joker's hands flew across his boards.

"Alenko, we need to-"

Kaidan whirled on Garrus. "We are not leaving without her, Vakarian! I'm-"

"Emotionally compromised!" Garrus gripped Joker's shoulder, careful to not make it too tight. "We have to go, Joker."

Kaidan flared, almost unconsciously. "We-" His flare flickered slightly, and he wavered on his feet. Chakwas, currently standing behind him as she had been the past thirty minutes, tucked something into a pocket. "We can't just . . ." He blinked drowsily.

"Lieutenant," Chakwas said, motioning to Kaidan with a nod at Vega. "Help me get the major back to the medical bay, please?" Vega nodded, forcibly looping Kaidan's arm around his shoulders. Kaidan struggled weakly, but wavered on his feet as he was half-lead, half-pulled out of the cockpit. Garrus tightened his talons on Joker's shoulder.

"We need to leave," he reiterated.

Joker drew a long, shaky breath as his hands paused, then flew back over the boards. "God damn it," he murmured, reaching up to self-consciously tug the brim of his hat down. "EDI, I'm gonna need your help."

::I am helping, Jeff.::

After half-carrying Kaidan to the medical bay in an epic struggle that lasted approximately an hour with the other man beginning to stumble over his feet repeatedly and requiring at least one further sly dose of sedative, Vega managed to finally set him out on one of the few free medical bay cots and then catch him when he promptly tried to get back up. "You tranq'ed him?"'

"Shepard and I both knew it might be necessary." The ship rocked slightly. "I'll keep him here until Hackett calls everyone back. Shouldn't take us too long, I don't think."

Vega nodded, casting a dubious glance back at Kaidan as he tried to get back off the cot but only succeeded in moving his arm and part of his leg. "You sure you're gonna be okay with him? He tends to rip people apart if Shepard's involved."

Chakwas tsked, tapping a syringe as she started back towards the bed. "I'll be fine, Lieutenant."

Vega returned to the cockpit, now silent though almost completely packed. "Any news?" he asked quietly. Garrus shook his head.

"Nothing yet."

"Got an explosion coming up behind us," Joker said, as something flashed on his screen. "I'll try and outrun it. EDI, give me a hand?"

The AI nodded, sweeping her silver hands across her own board. "Calculating explosion velocity, vector and . . . and . . ."

"EDI?" Joker glanced over as EDI slumped in her chair, head slamming into the screen in front of her, and the cockpit exploded into alarms and activity as the ship lurched to the side with the sudden loss of its AI. "Shit!" Ignoring the commotion as Tali attempted to turn the synthetic back on and Garrus stormed out yelling for a full alert and the alarms chimed and things went to hell on the ship, he focused entirely on his boards as the ship rocked and systems began to fail.

They'd lost Shepard and, somehow, EDI.

They wouldn't lose the Normandy.

A/N: Oh, right, this would probably be a prudent time to note that I can't ship Joker/EDI. Tried, wanted to ... it's not as high a class as my Jack/Joker ship. Sorry. :( They're just too much ... siblings for me ...