You know what they say…. Better late than never! Here is the next chapter. WARNING: It is a little dark and a little boring and a little poorly written. Pleaaaaase review! I'm worried that I might be getting slightly off track with this story, so let me know if you all are still enjoying it! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! And let me know your thoughts on this chapter. You guys were completely amazing on the last chapter. I think there were at least 16 reviews. That is so great, so keep it up! REVIEW!
KarleeRay
The feelings churning around inside of me are indescribable, but I'll do my best. It feels kind of like drowning. Breathing is a no-no. It doesn't work, and if you try to take a big deep breath to calm yourself, you'll only end up spluttering and gagging, worse off than when you started. Flailing around and trying to surface is impossible. The only thing you can really do is stop, stop moving, stop breathing, stop trying, stop feeling.
That is what I've done this past week. I tried, I mean really tried, to open up, to keep Fang close, but that only ended up in more tears and heartache. I shut down, commanded myself to stop feeling so deeply before it killed me. I'd like to say that I've come a long way as a person over the years, but deep down, I am who I've always been. I'd love to say I am Max Martinez, but I'm not. I am Maximum Ride. Jeb's mantra does not stop ringing in my head. Emotion is weakness, and weak, I am not.
My family is worried. I know. They should be. I don't know how to resurface, how to bring down the mask that seems molded onto my face.
Fang reaches for my hand from the seat next to mine in the van, but I move it away at the last second. My eyes trail to the ground because I cannot bear to see his reaction again. I didn't mean to do it. There's nothing I would love more than to feel the comfort of the boy that I love as I ride to my best friend's funeral, but I know that having someone coddle me and tell me that everything will be okay will only break me. I can't have that. Not again.
My eyes close, and I take a moment to gather myself as we pull into the parking lot of the funeral home. When I open them again, I stare blankly out the window, eyes taking in the steady stream of black filtering in the front door. I see familiar faces everywhere, people from my school, Trent's family members. I don't want to see them, don't want to hear them say goodbye to Trent. After the next two hours are up, there will be no more pretending that nothing happened. We are gathered here today to face the cold truth of reality. Trent is gone, and he is not coming back.
With dry eyes and a stiff upper lip, I kick open the door to the van and step out, waiting for the rest of my family to pile out behind me. Carter spots me immediately from way across the parking lot, and she sets out on a steady jog over to me.
"Max!" She's crying already, and my chin wobbles just slightly. "Are you okay? I haven't talked to you in a week!"
I swallow, staring blankly at her. More tears pile into her eyes, and she attempts a sympathetic smile that wavers at the corners. "It's okay, babe." She reaches out, touches my arm. "I know."
"Let's just go in," I mutter, and she nods, turning to walk alongside me as we head in the front door. There are clusters of people everywhere, giving condolences, reminiscing, and crying for the boy who will never know what it's like to fall in love, to get married, to have kids…. For the boy who will never know what it's like to grow up.
Keep it together, Max. Deep breaths.
"Everyone! If you could please get seated in the main room, the family is ready to start!" I look up to see Pastor Lionel standing in the entree way to the main room, ushering people inside and into the pews. I swipe a hand across my mouth, really struggling to stay in check. Breathing suddenly becomes something I have to concentrate on.
I look down, startled when a tiny cold hand clasps around mine. Angel. I give her the tiniest of smiles, noticing the tears forming in her blue eyes. I know that the tears are for me, because she knows exactly what I feel.
Leaning down, I scoop her up and onto my hip, holding her like I did when she was just a tiny little thing. "Don't you cry too, Ange," I whisper softly.
My mom leads the way to a pew near the front, and our big ole family takes up the whole thing. I strategically sit next to Fang. I'm praying that I can keep myself in check, but if I can't then I know who I'll want by my side.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Trent Mathew Burks. May his soul rest in peace." The Pastor hangs his head for a moment, and I remember that he had a personal connection to Trent. He actually knew him, and his show of grief was genuine. I watch silently as he turns to the family, sitting tensely in a group of pews closest to the front. "One can only imagine what you all must be feeling. Trent was an exceptional person, touching many lives with his jokes and happiness. He is so very deserving of your grief. They say that time heals all and perhaps it does, but for now just take refuge in the fact that each and every one of us in here is praying for you and that Trent is in a better place. Now, a few words from Trent's mother."
My eyes travel along with everyone else's to Isabelle Burks, who is making her way up to the podium. She presses a tissue to her eyes, and takes a moment to gather herself before she speaks. "Thank you all for coming. I know Trent would have been delighted to see this big of a crowd. In fact, I bet he's cracking a joke about his own popularity right now." Hollow chuckles ring out through the crowd. Even Isabelle gives a tiny laugh, casting her eyes upwards as if expecting to see her son's face looking down from Heaven. "Trent struggled with his leukemia for his entire life. He was nothing if not a fighter, but even the best fall down sometimes. His smile could light up any room, and I don't know how I am going to manage the rest of my life without seeing one of those." She stops speaking for a moment and turns away, her body shaking with silent sobs. "He was such a genuinely good person, loved by so many, and I think that he left this world happy. Every day for the past six months, he came home talking about his new best friend." I swipe a hand through my hair, my mouth quivering as Isabelle's eyes laser in on me. "I have to thank you, Max. For being there when I couldn't. He really loved you, child." I nod my acknowledgment, and she gives me a tiny smile. "No mother should have to live without their baby. This is not the way it is supposed to be. Mother and father should go first. I guess God just could not wait to have such a good person up by his side. January 21, 2013 will go down in my book as the day that God called my boy home. I love you, babe." She walks stiffly past the open casket, past the body of her son, and back to her seat. Gritting my teeth, I lean forward in my chair and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to shut out everything around me.
After a few moments, I hear the clear sound of Victoria's voice and look up. "This is not easy. This is probably the hardest thing I will ever have to do. I never expected to have to say goodbye to my brother so quickly. I stand before you today, strong, because this is what Trent would have expected of me. I can't see you, but I can feel you, bro." She stops, looking around the room, eyes glistening. "More than ever, and I know that you may be gone in body, but you will forever remain in spirit. You once told me that you would never abandon me, and I know you will keep that promise. I miss you, little brother. I'll miss you every day for the rest of my life. You fought your whole life. Now you get to rest….. This is not goodbye." I know there is more to her speech. She rehearsed it in front of me a few days back. However, I watch as Victoria turns away from the podium, body quaking with emotion.
The pastor takes back over, says a quick prayer, and then turns on the projector. Dancing with the Angels plays softly in the background as a slideshow of Trent's life rolls across the screen. There are baby pictures, family pictures, sports pictures, pictures of Trent in the hospital as a child. But then the pictures get recent. There are tons of pictures of him and me, pictures of us wrestling, arguing, and laughing, pictures I didn't even know were taken. I keep my eyes mostly averted until the music fades out, and I hear my laugh ring out through the room. My head snaps up to see a video playing on the screen.
"It's loaded right?" I ask Victoria, who is videotaping in the video.
"Yeah. You just have to pull the trigger," Victoria says from behind the camera. A devilish smile lights my face as my hands roam over the paintball gun.
I turn and look directly into the camera. "This is what payback looks like."
The video follows me down the hallway in Trent's house, and I stop right in front of the bathroom. "Now?" I mouth, before swiftly kicking in the door. Trent is in the shower and has the curtain up, but that doesn't stop me. I rip it aside and open fire on Trent. In the video, Trent's, uhh, private parts are blurred out, but the ones who were there in person didn't get so lucky.
I actually laugh out loud along with the rest of the crowd at the look on Trent's face. He curses which is also bleeped out. "Max! God-dangit! Stop!" I hadn't stopped, but rather kept on shooting before he did something that really surprised me. He charged, coming at me fully naked. That was enough to make me turn and run but he had a head start and caught me easily, picking me up and twirling me around. "EWWWW! EWW!" I screech and struggle hard before he releases me. Victoria's shrill laugh rings out from behind the camera.
"That was priceless!" She yells, gasping for breath. The video stops as I get up and glare at her.
The chuckles in the room continue even after the video ends, and I find myself smiling slightly.
The funeral ends about an hour later, and we solemnly head home. There is no laughing now, not after seeing the open casket and watching them lower Trent into the ground. My heart aches. I miss my best friend.
I walk on dead legs into the house, not really paying attention to anything and make my way up to my room so I can finally let out the painful lump that has been in my throat for the last two hours. I didn't cry at Trent's funeral. I didn't break down, only a few tears escaped at the open casket when I realized that was the last time I would ever see him. The paleness of his skin, the lifelessness, will forever haunt me.
I change my mind and go into the bathroom instead, scorching my skin with hot water and letting it drown out the noises of my sobs. I just need to forget. I need one moment to forget. I'm drowning. I need to be revived…. And there's only one person who could possibly help me do that.
Before I can change my mind, I wrap myself in a towel and march purposefully down the hall to Fang's door. I enter without knocking, and Fang looks up in shock. He's standing in front of his closet, shedding his suit jacket.
I swallow hard and go over to his bed, lying down. He studies me for a moment before coming to sit down on the bed beside me.
"Max I-" He starts, but I cut him off, covering his mouth with my own. He reciprocates without thinking. We hadn't kissed in about two weeks, and I knew he missed this. My lips are hungry, my tongue sharply jabbing into his mouth, searching for an escape from my sorrow.
My hands move quickly to his shirt, unbuttoning it. Fang reluctantly pulls away, concern lacing his features. "Max… I don't understand…"
"You don't have to," I mutter before pouncing on him again. He can't resist me. His lips trail over my mouth, and I shiver as his tongue comes out and slowly traces my bottom lip.
I have him distracted, and I use that to my advantage, ripping his shirt off his body.
Again he pulls back, and I pout. "Just explain," He pleads with me.
I swallow. "I just need to forget… Please. Just make me forget. Just for a little while."
His expression flashes with sympathy, and I know I've got him. He can't say no to me.
I drop my towel, allowing Fang to see all of me. His mouth roams to dangerous places, making thoughts of Trent disappear. All I know is Fang.
After a few minutes, my hands reach for his belt loops, and he immediately complies, shedding his jeans and boxers.
His eyes ask me a question, and I immediately answer with a yes as Fang does what I asked him to.
He made me forget.