The next day's visit to the hospital was cancelled, Pepper was rushed off her feet yet again and the visits were just making it worse, the less time she spent near him the less she thought about it. It was almost as if she could pretend that none of it had ever happened, that he was just hiding in his lab and she was going about her daily business. Since the day Tony left them, neither her nor Bruce had set foot in his private laboratory, it had never been her favourite place and without him in it the stairs had all seemed pointless.

Her thoughts were brought back to earth suddenly as the meeting she had been attending ended, technically she'd been running it but nobody had really expected very much of her, nobody seemed to anymore, Pepper couldn't work out if they were just being sympathetic and thought they were doing the right thing being so gentle with her, or if Tony really had been the only one that had ever needed her. Forcing herself to her feet she smiled at the attendees, shaking their hands and talking about the meeting as if she knew what had just happened.

Just like everyone else the last thing they left her with was another sympathetic look as the door swung shut behind them. Usually she just ignored them, but for some reason this particular one hurt, maybe because the clients that had just been in there were the very first ones that she had ever been completely allowed to deal with on her own on behalf of Stark Industries, Or maybe, finally Pepper Potts had had enough of everyone acting like he was already dead.

Was she the only one still holding out some hope for her partner?

Grabbing her bag and the freshly signed paperwork she marched out of the meeting room, headed directly for Anthony Stark's office and ignoring everything else that got in her way, including three of the newest interns that obviously needed something and whoever had arrived early for the meeting she was supposed to be holding in an hour. Usually her temper was perfectly controlled, tucked away behind her ear just the same as every strand of flyway ginger. But her pain was overwhelming her and she'd had enough of crying, it made no difference and reduced her to nothing.

Almost as if it knew, the thing inside her started to hurt, white fever filling her mind as she forced her body to keep moving, head down to avoid anyone noticing the pain in her eyes. Finally reaching his office she tapped the code into the panel, ignoring JARVIS's voice around her and slamming the door closed.

There was a part of him growing inside her, a part of the man she was still madly in love with and holding out all hope for that he'd be coming back to her, but all it did was cause her pain. It was almost as if it was on purpose, the torture of losing him was pure pain and burning her from the inside out. Every book told her it was wrong, every single thing she read insisted she should get some help, the pain shouldn't be so real, but somehow it suited her feelings. Summing up her determination she found her way to the desk, collapsing into the chair as she tried to calm her breathing.

She was fighting to calm the only living part of Anthony Stark she had left, the only thing with a beating heart that was anything like the man she loved. How could this even be possible? He was alive inside her but he wasn't there. Everything she'd tried didn't work. Every way she knew how to wake him up did nothing but make her heart ache more. Closing her eyes tightly she leant back in the leather, resting her head against it as her hands fell to her stomach again, letting her mind wonder from the feelings and back onto the past.

Pepper could have sworn he'd mentioned his father to her more than once, always insisting that he'd make a better job of it that he did, laughing about the masses of children he wanted so he could build a miniature Iron Man army to defend the earth from all the villains and finally give the world a dose of billionaire genius.

"How can you do that if you're not even here?!" The strawberry blonde had yelled her last thought by mistake, eyes suddenly opening as she finally let the anger and frustration of it all out and getting to her feet, without really registering what she was doing as she grabbed for the only photograph frame that he kept on his desk, of course a photograph of himself as she glared down at it, his smirk looking straight back up at her: "How am I supposed to do this?!" Pepper asked the image, still unable to quite control herself as she spoke, accusing the photograph: "How am I supposed to be a mother and run the company and everything else?! Didn't you think about me? Didn't you think about what this would do to me? Or was the whole world revolving around Anthony Howard Stark again? It does what you want it to do when you want it to do it?"

Pepper paused, her breathing sharp and painful as she readied herself to carry on, knowing nobody could hear her pain: "You've left me here to be a mother without even thinking about it, but I bet you think I can do it, you always thought I could do everything. Well sorry to inform you Mr Stark but I'm not one of your superhero friends."

Her hands were shaking as she kept talking; never taking her gaze from the image that was offending her so deeply: "I'm not a miracle worker, I'm just a woman. Just a 36 year old woman that's had her entire life fucked up by you from the moment she walked out of college and started working for you, Stark. I just had to fall for you like everyone else and now I'm screwed! And it's all your fault." Pepper paused for the final time as she gazed into his eyes, trying to remember where this photograph came from.

"You got me pregnant and threw me away like any other piece of trash."

She took a deep breath before letting the last words go, loathing herself for her own feelings:

"I hate you!"

With her last words she lost her grip on the frame, letting it slip through her fingers and crash to the floor, landing on the edge and shattering the glass in one drawn out movement. The shards spilt across the wooden floor as she made a grab to rescue it, the logical part of her brain kicking back in when she realised what she'd just done, she remembered that photo. She'd taken in on their first real date, despite the fact it had been a complete disaster and rained all over every plan they'd made and both back-ups.

The glass dug into her fingers the moment they met, splattering her blood into the mess of wood and paper she'd already made. Reeling away Pepper backed up, leaning on the wall for a moment as the hormones calmed down, watching in horror as the blood trickled down her fingers, landing on the destruction as her contribution to it. She'd grabbed for the door and left before she could think about it, leaving the red to streak across the photograph buried in the shards, staining the smile.