AN: Glad you guys like Jake. I picked him instead of Edward because most people are gonna hate Edward no matter what. My friend and I always talked about using Emmett for the role, but Jake seemed to make more sense fanfiction-wise.

—

Chapter 6:

—

In the weeks and months to follow there was nothing to do but simply get on with her life as best she could. Christmas came and went. No snow but lots of rain. Season of sadness and heartcrushed loneliness. Foolhardy dreams of chasing the girl to Paris. Impossible.

She moved back into her husband's bed in a final attempt to salvage her marriage but that didn't last long. Alice was gone but nothing had changed. She was still unattracted to men. Still unattracted to her husband.

By February the separation was no longer temporary. The exercise equipment was moved out of the spare room. A proper doublebed was moved in. More furniture. Nightstand. Lamp. Some prettier curtains for the window. They spoke of divorce but money was an issue. Their priority was the kids and they were both willing to put their lives on hold for a while until the kids had finished school or until some other opportunity came up.

For a long time she was resigned to being alone for the rest of her life. Alice was gone and there seemed to be no hope, no chance, no possibility, of ever falling in love the same way she had fell in love with Alice. Alice had been special. A literal dream. But like all dreams it was only a matter of time till you woke up into reality and by warm weather she found herself giving thought to moving on. Meeting someone. Alice was something she would never ever forget but Bella needed more than a memory. She had turned thirty-nine years old last month and thirty-eight of those years had been squandered under the wrong orientation, wrong marriage, wrong family. She had precious little time to put things right and she owed it to herself to at least try.

It was a daunting prospect but she had her endlessly supportive husband to help her through it. The first time she went to a gay bar he was right there with her. The bar was mixed, a dim dancefloor with all kinds of creatures awash in the neon, and Jake with his broad physique and chiselled smile seemed to have more luck with the boys than Bella had with any of the girls. She went home early and quite jealous and the next week she signed up on a website instead.

Not long after she met a woman named Esme. They traded messages for a while before finally deciding to meet up for drinks. The date went extremely well and they had sex that same night. It had been a very long time for Bella and the release of repression was almost as intense as her first time with Alice. Almost.

They dated for months, just casually. No secrets. Bella provided full disclosure about her husband and kids and her living arrangements. Esme herself was divorced from a man and formerly straight—it had been on her dating profile—and she was quite sympathetic. She was a school teacher and a voluptuous one at that. Caramel colored hair. Large breasts. Heavy hips. She owned a vibrator that Bella was more than happy to experiment with and she was exactly what Bella needed at that point in her life.

Jake had met someone as well. A trashy biker chick named Leah who had rolled up at his autoshop on a Harley. Exactly the thing to help a man through a mid-life crisis after his wife comes out as gay.

By the time the weather turned cold again Bella was…content. She was taking care of her family, she had an understanding girlfriend, and there seemed to be actual hope for happiness in the future. Yet even after all this time she couldn't forget Alice. It had been almost a full year since she had left and her internship would be over soon. She thought about that a lot and wondered if she would ever see her again. If she would return to the city and they would perhaps bump into each other at the gym. The way they had first met. She doubted it but it was nice to dream. Perhaps that's all the girl had ever been. Just a dream.

Regardless she still went to the gym every day and every day she would scan the interior just in case. Emerging from the locker rooms with her gym bag over her shoulder and glancing over toward the treadmills. One time she saw a girl with a short black pixiecut and her heart skipped a beat. But it wasn't Alice. Just some other girl.

At night she would go on dates with Esme. Simple dates to the movies or to dinner. Esme was a wonderfully uncomplicated woman and the two of them were a perfect fit. Perhaps it wasn't exactly love but it was certainly respect and companionship.

And the sex was fantastic. Exploring each other's bodies with passion and communication, maturity. Flirting, touching, licking, explaining what they wanted and setting about it with little shame or shyness.

One night they did something kinky with a can of whipped cream, giggling like girls as they licked large dollops of white foam from each other's nipples, and afterwards they threw on some clothes and heated up some apple pie in the kitchen for a late dessert. They squirted cream over their slices of pie and then sat on the floor with forks and traded bites and giggled some more. Esme was wearing nothing but a loosely buttoned blouse and panties and Bella was wearing the dress she had worn on the date only unzipped and rumpled. They left the refrigerator door open for light and somehow or other the conversation turned toward their husbands.

"My only regret is that it took me so long to leave him," Esme was saying. "When I think about all the years that I wasted…"

Bella nodded, fork in her mouth. She could relate to that. "I guess it was a blessing in disguise you never had kids."

"Well, the clock isn't up yet. Still plenty of time to have a family."

Esme patted her tummy. Bella smiled.

"One family is more than enough for me," she said. "I don't think I'd have the energy for another one. If I went through labour again it would probably kill me."

"Tell you what, if we ever end up married, I'll do the child bearing."

"Deal."

They shared a laugh and finished up their pie, relaxing on the kitchen in the glow of the open refrigerator, half naked, unshowered and sticky under their clothes from all the cream.

"So do you have to get home?" Esme asked, using a finger to mop up the last bit of cream on her plate.

"Yeah, I'd better. The kids are probably waiting for me."

"I wish you could stay over sometimes."

"Me too."

"Do you ever picture yourself divorced? Leaving him properly?"

"One day, I guess."

Esme had taken Bella's plate and now she rose and put them in the sink. Bella rose as well. Esme turned to her for her kiss goodnight and Bella cupped the nape of her neck. They were almost equal height, equal build, equal age. Esme still wearing earrings. Her hair messy. Faint hint of perfume about her. Bella smiled and sometimes she still thought it was so awesome to be a lesbian.

"Thanks for the amazing night," she said, and then she pressed a kiss onto Esme's lips.

It was just past midnight when she got home and she found the kids in the living room playing videogames with Jake. They were bouncing up and down on the sofa with controllers in their hands as explosions boomed on the screen and none of them looked even remotely ready for bed. Bella put her hands on her hips.

"What are you kids still doing up?"

Jake answered with his eyes fixed on the screen and his thumb tapping at the controller frantically. "We didn't think you were coming home."

"That's not a reason."

He opened his mouth again but only a groan came out. The boys cheered and pumped their fists. It seemed the boys were teamed up against Nessie and Jake and now Nessie pouted and handed the controller toward Bella.

"Mommy, you play," she said. "I suck."

Bella took the controller with one hand and patted Nessie's head with the other. She sat next to Jake and used the controller to set up another game.

"If daddy and I win, everyone goes to bed, got that?"

The boys looked at each other in alarm and whispered together.

"Don't let them win."

"You don't either."

The match was underway, Bella and Jake side by side on the couch, Nessie on Jake's lap. The boys on the floor, silent now with such high stakes at play. One of the boys was coming at Jake with a rocketlauncher but Bella drove him off with a machinegun.

"Thanks, babe," Jake said.

"Don't mention it."

"Have fun with Esme?"

"Oh, the usual. Dinner. Movie."

"Think you can watch the kids tomorrow night so I can see Leah?"

"Sure."

"You know, Leah's bi."

Bella looked at him dryly. Jake grinned and held up his hands.

"Just saying."

The boys tried to take advantage of this distraction but they were no match for the seasoned husband and wife team and minutes later they groaned in defeat. Nessie clapped excitedly.

"Yay! Go mommy!"

Bella stood up and dropped the controller onto the sofa.

"Okay, bedtime," she said. "Let's go. Have you boys brushed your teeth?"

"Yes," they said together.

Bella glanced at Jake to verify this. Jake shook his head. Bella snorted at her lying little boys and clapped her hands to get them moving.

"Into the bathroom," she said. "Let's go, hurry up."

The boys dumped their controllers and trooped away. Jake was taking the disc out of the console and switching everything off.

"I'm gonna have to have a shower," Bella said, tugging at the front of her dress. "My boobs are sticky."

"Why your boobs sticky?"

"Whipped cream."

"What were you—oh. Yum."

Bella smirked and turned and followed the boys into the bathroom.

She got their teeth brushed and then told them to go get changed for bed while she took a quick shower. She emerged from the bathroom wearing a robe and a towel around her head—she had to wash her hair as well because it was clumpy from whipped cream—and the boys still weren't ready. One of them was kicking a soccer ball at the wall, just practicing, until she intercepted and tackled the ball away and told them to get in bed. They climbed under the covers and one of them fell asleep right away but the other required her to sit with him for a while. She stroked his hair and apologized for coming home so late.

"Where were you?" he asked in a voice that was finally beginning to get sleepy.

"Just out, baby."

"Where?"

"At Esme's house. You remember Esme, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"Do you like her?"

"I guess so."

"That's good. She and mommy are very special friends."

"Mommy, why do you and dad sleep in different beds?"

Bella cringed at the abrupt subject change but adapted before he could notice. "I already told you, baby. Mommy snores."

"I've never heard you snore."

"Well, sometimes mommies and daddies just need a little space."

"Why?"

"Well. Lots of reasons. But it doesn't mean they don't love each other. Sometimes it's because they love each other that they give each other space."

"Dad said he does it for you."

"Your dad is a very good man."

Bella leaned down and placed a kiss on his brow. Blonde boy, very delicate. Large blue eyes. She smiled at him and stroked his hair a little more.

"Now go to sleep," she whispered. "Night, baby."

"Night, mom."

Bella rose and checked on the other boy who was laying on his side in the lamplight. He was asleep and she gave him a kiss before switching off the lamp and blowing another kiss to her other son who was watching to make sure she left the door open a little bit.

Bella yawned deeply as she made her way back to her room. What a night. Inside her room she shed her robe and put on her sleepwear and sat at the dresser to do her skin creams. She was almost finished when her husband came in and tapped at the door softly with his knuckles.

"Hey," he said. "Before you go to sleep, I was wondering if we could talk."

"Sure. What is it?"

"Things are getting a bit serious with Leah. I figure the next step is letting her get to know the kids."

"I guess that makes sense. Replace the old mother with the new one."

Jake chuckled. "Nobody's replacing you, babe."

"I know, I know," she said with a smile. "But sometimes there's just nothing to say except snide remarks, right?"

"Well, you know what they say. Marriage is hard. Divorce is harder."

"Do they actually say that?"

"I don't know, I made it up. Besides, I don't think things are gonna get too serious with Leah. She's too young for an old man like me."

"I know how that feels. But don't be too sure. Girls dig a dilf these days," she said, giving him a wink in the mirror with skincream all over her face.

Jake smiled and turned to leave.

Days passed but Jake never did introduce Leah to the kids. He offered but she wasn't interested. Bella herself had only spoke to her a couple times and then one night, at about two in the morning while having a drink of water in the kitchen, Jake and Leah came tiptoeing down the corridor. Jake was wearing only shorts and Leah was wearing a leather miniskirt, leather boots, and a leather jacket. She had a metal ring through a pierced lip and a stud in her eyebrow and part of a tribal tattoo snaked up her neck. Bella was standing there in the dark of the kitchen, glass to the lips, wearing nothing but panties and a t-shirt. Leah saw her and smirked and let her sexy dark eyes rake over Bella's body before tossing her chin to say goodnight. Bella gulped the water and nodded back. Jake showed her out through the front door and came back into the kitchen with a cocky grin. Bella had a weakness for trashy looking tough chicks and she couldn't help smiling.

"So she's bi, huh?" she asked in a whisper.

"Yep."

"And down for threeways?"

"Totally."

"Maybe I should invite her out with me and Esme."

"Exactly what I was—hey, wait."

Bella giggled and set her empty glass on the sink and flipped off the light.

"Night, Jake."

"Night, Bells."

The next day was Sunday and Sundays were always melancholy for her. Even now, a year later, she still thought of it as gym day. That one day of the week where she was guaranteed to see Alice. Back before they had met and coordinated their schedules. Sunday morning was the only day she could be absolutely sure Alice would be there.

While driving to the gym she still felt those same old butterflies. Alice would be back from Paris any time now. There was probably no chance at all the girl would resume going to the gym, especially knowing who would be there, but Bella couldn't help wondering. A thin hope, a frail one, trembling deep in her tummy with the butterflies circling it like moths around a flame. She would give anything to see her again. Anything. For a chance to explain. To apologize. That's all she wanted. Just one more meeting. No matter how much she tried to move on there was just nothing she craved more.

During her workout she looked up occasionally but of course the girl was not there. The playlist on her iPod had changed a lot since those days. Less upbeat. More somber. She looked down again and closed her eyes and cycled and sweated with sad music in her ears and wondered if Alice ever thought about her. If Alice even remembered her. Was it possible the girl could even miss her? Bella doubted it. What was there to miss? Secrecy. Lies. Bella shook her head with sweat dripping from her face like tears. She never did deserve a girl like Alice.

After finishing her workout she drove to the coffeeshop where Alice used to work. Usually she would just drive by slowly while checking through the plateglass window but this time she pulled up and went in.

Inside was lively with that familiar smell of cinnamon and roasted coffeebeans. Waitresses in their aprons went back and forth with coffeepots or trays of mugs. Bella scanned them all quickly but none of them were Alice. She turned to the counter and there she did recognize someone. Zafrina. The tall black woman seemed to recognize her as well but this time she didn't glare. This time she seemed cautiously surprised. Bella smiled at her and went over.

"Hey," she said. "Long time no see. Could I get a latte to go, please?"

Zafrina nodded slowly. "Coming up."

Bella waited while the other woman made the latte. Pulling a lever on the coffeemachine for white foam to spit into a cup. Glancing at Bella. A minute later she came back and placed the latte on the counter. Bella took a ten dollar bill out of her purse and handed it over.

"Hey, um, I was just wondering," she said. "Is Alice back from Europe?"

Zafrina shook her head as she rung up the register.

"Any idea when?" Bella asked.

Zafrina looked at her for a minute and then handed over the change. "Who knows," she said. "I doubt she'd come back to work here, anyway."

Bella nodded. She could tell the black woman probably knew a lot more than that and just didn't want to tell her. Protecting her friend. Bella's eyes prickled but she could understand.

"Okay," she said. "Well…see you."

Zafrina nodded and watched the woman walk away. Head down. Shrouded up in a long black coat. She watched until she was outside and watched her go by the window and then she let out a sigh and shook her head.

—

Alice in Paris was one of the happiest times in her life and one of the saddest. She never did forget Bella or how badly Bella had hurt her but the City of Love was the perfect place to put it all behind her.

The internship was everything she thought it would be and she had little time for depression. The offices of the magazine were populated with women of power who strode the cubicles in high heels and high fashion and gave orders in French until they got to Alice who received her orders in heavily accented, and sexy, English. With her camera she was dispatched to various photoshoots all over the city, in rain or shine, photographing the models in their gowns and outlandish hats as they posed on the Pont des Arts bridge that spanned the River Seine, or at the Arc de Triomphe, or in the courtyards surrounding the glass pyramid of the Louvre.

Her hard work and enthusiasm and cute but fumbling attempts at speaking French soon won her much favor around the office and she became something of an American pet. They referred to her as The Alice and patted her on her head and said she was fille chez les filles, a girl among girls.

She had a very cheap apartment that she loved very much on the corner of Lacroix. Only two rooms and a bathroom but a view through the only window of the Seine with the Eiffel Tower in the background against the clouds. The furnishings were shabby but she felt that only lent to its charm. The floor was covered in discarded clothes and the wall was covered in photographs she'd taken at work. Her nights were spent at a small desk with a scrap book where she would doodle and color designs of her own, things inspired by things she'd seen on photoshoots.

She didn't expect to fall in love again so soon after everything that had happened but she did fall into quite a bit of lust. Within her first month abroad she had become bestfriends with a fabulous French girl who was blonde and a total snob to everyone but Alice. With the small American girl she was affectionate and flirty and upon discovering they were both lesbians the French girl instantly declared they were soulmates and must have sex.

The months that followed were incredible. Photoshoots by day and dates by night. Dining at fine French restaurants, snails and frogs legs followed by Crème Brulee for dessert. Walks along the river in the rose hued lamplight. Making out in public and giggling at the stares, pawing at each other in the backs of busses. Prowling the gay clubs in slutty dresses and even sluttier heels. A drunken threeway one night with a German brunette named Bridget. Festivals for the arts on the weekend or afternoon dates at cafes. Coffee and roses in vases and tiny slices of cake on white table cloths while a man in a beret played an accordion with the Eiffel Tower in the misty distance.

Yet though all these months she never forgot Bella. Lying in bed with Adele she would sometimes tell her about it while sharing a French cigarette. About the woman in America named Bella. Who she had met at the gym and fell in love with. Who turned out to be married with two young boys. Adele was aghast at such a betrayal and she hissed such vile insults in French about Bella that Alice smiled and giggled and stubbed out the cigarette before lowering her mouth to the French girl's lips.

It was only a casual relationship, however, and as the internship drew to a close there wasn't any talk of long distance or staying together. Part of Alice wanted to stay in Paris forever but she knew it was time to move on once more.

The day before Alice had to return to America they had one last afternoon out. The weather was cold and they were each clad in berets and stylish coats and they made a circuit of the city with their arms linked before deciding on a whim to climb the Eiffel Tower.

They rode the elevator to the top and emerged onto the observatory. The sky was covered in clouds and the city of Paris stretched away for miles in all directions. Alice stood at the rail and smiled at the landmarks she recognized. The Palace of Versailles. The Seine. Adele had been troubled all day and it was her way of dealing with it to be as theatrical as possible.

"Oh, Aleece," she said in her thick French accent. "Mon Cherie. I love you so much. I cannot bare to be separated."

"You'll be alright, Adele."

"Non, I will never be. I must follow you to America, that is what I must do."

Alice laughed. "Oh god, no. This is my only chance to get rid of you."

Adele gasped with a hand to her mouth. "Get rid of Adele? How could you be so mean? Adele will be devastated without you. I will throw myself off of ze Tower!"

She made this pronouncement while flinging herself at the rail. Alice giggled and grabbed her arm. Tourists were glancing at them.

"No, Adele," Alice said in a playfully pleading voice. "Not over me."

"I will do it!"

"No, please."

"But I cannot bare to be without you!"

Alice laughed and pulled the other girl into a hug. The sudden warmth took them both by surprise and she hugged her for a long time there on top of the tower with the wind stirring their hair under their berets and then finally she released her and smiled.

"Thank you, Adele," she said.

"For what, mon amour?"

"For being so amazing this last year. After everything that happened back home with Bella…"

"Ack! Do not mention the American witch! You are here with Adele now. Together we are happy all ze time. You will stay in Paris and we will have babies together."

"Babies?"

"Oui, babies. Many babies. We will have a petite Aleece and a petite Adele and they will wear only the finest of Paris fashion. Designer diapers! It is a must."

Alice smiled and looked at her for a long moment. Cheap yet aristocratic blonde girl with florid red lipstick on her lips. Alice cupped her face.

"I'm gonna miss you a lot, Adele," she said.

Adele smiled and allowed herself to sober for a moment. "As will I."

Alice pressed a kiss onto her mouth and held it there.

By the time she got back to her apartment that night there were some messages from Zafrina on her laptop. Most of her apartment was already packed up. Everything in boxes. Ready to be shipped out tomorrow morning. An overnight bag for her to carry on the plane. She checked the messages and sent some back and soon she was sitting crosslegged on her bed with a bowl of cereal and video chatting with Zafrina. Mostly they talked about how excited they were to see each other again and when Zafrina was supposed to pick her up at the airport but after a while Zafrina drifted onto a different topic.

"Hey, um…something happened today," she said. "I'm not sure if I should tell you."

"What is it?"

"That woman came into the coffeeshop the other day. Bella."

Alice froze with the spoon halfway to her mouth. The face of her friend was watching her intently from the laptop screen. Alice lowered the spoon back into the bowl.

"What did she want?" she asked.

"Nothing," Zafrina said. "Just asked about you and left again."

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her you were still in Europe. She asked when you were coming back, but I told her I didn't know."

"You didn't tell her I'd be back tomorrow?"

"No. I didn't know if I should."

Alice nodded and sat there with the bowl in her lap. Bella hadn't forgotten her. Even after all this time. She didn't know how she should feel about that.

"Alice? You alright?"

"Yeah," Alice said. "Just thinking."

"I hope you're not thinking about what I think you're thinking about."

"I was thinking maybe I should see her again."

"That's what I was afraid of. What for?"

"I don't know. To apologize."

"Apologize? Why the hell should you apologize?"

"I don't know. I mean, it couldn't have been easy for her. What she was going through. I shouldn't have left the way I did. I should've at least let her explain and told her it was alright. Said goodbye as friends. I don't want her to think she's a bad person."

"But she is, Alice. There's no excuse for lying to you the way she did. Or cheating on her husband. If she cheated on him, she could cheat on anyone. Bottom line, she's not trustworthy."

"I know, but…"

"No buts, Alice. You did the right thing."

Alice sighed and stirred her bowl of cereal. "Yeah, I guess. The sad thing is, she could've just told me. I would've understood. I would've even helped her through it. I wonder if she's still married by now? She was definitely gay. It wasn't just me."

"Who knows. Listen, what time you need me at the airport again?"

"Subtle subject change there, Zaf."

"Sorry."

"It's alright. The plane lands at about ten in the morning. You sure you don't mind me crashing at your place for a while?"

"Of course not. It'll be fun."

"Thanks, Zaf. You've always been so dependable. So together. How come I never tried dating you? You're so much better than the average chick I date."

"You ain't hot enough for me, babe."

Alice stuck her tongue out at the screen. The image of Zafrina chuckled.

"Look," she said. "Just forget about that Bella chick, okay? You don't owe her anything."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

"Of course I am. I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"

"Alright. Thanks, Zaf."

Alice closed the laptop and spooned up some soggy cereal. She glanced across the room and looked out the window. It was dark out there and she could see the shape of the Eiffel Tower. Centred in the middle of the frame and illuminated in the blackness like a pillar of light. She looked at it for a long time and dabbed her chin with her sleeve and inside, deep down, it felt like the only reason she was even going home again was to see Bella.

—

AN: I didn't want to dwell on them being apart too long, but I felt the separation was necessary in order to demonstrate how serious their feelings are. It takes a special kind of woman to keep you preoccupied for an entire year after she's gone. Trust me, I'd know. Or else I wouldn't even be writing this. Anyway, hope you liked it. New chapter soon.