Disclaimer: Don't own anything!
I remember the night I told Santana to get her things and go. It was four months ago and Santana had came home drunk. Instead of calling me for a ride, she had taken a cab home and stuck with me with the bill. I can still remember the bored look on the cab drivers face as he held out his hand, waiting for his money. After paying the man I had turned around to yell at Santana but she was already laid out across the couch, passed out.
I was pissed.
This was the third time this week she had came home pissy drunk, smelling of cigarette smoke and alcohol, only to pass out seconds after getting in the house. So…
I went to the kitchen and filled a glass of water and threw it on her. She had jumped up and once realization set in she started yelling at me. We screamed over each other until it became too much for me. I couldn't keep going through the same thing every night. So with tears on my cheek and a heavy heart I told her to leave.
Santana had stood there silent for a few minutes. We just stared at each other. After five minutes Santana told me she would be gone in the morning.
I was crushed.
That's not what I had wanted.
I had thought she would have argued more with me.
Fought more for us.
But she didn't.
In the morning I watched as she grabbed her duffle bag, kissed me on the cheek and told me she would be at Matt's.
When the door closed behind her I felt like I could die.
Apart of me knew that it wasn't the end. That we were just going through the motions.
We just needed time apart.
But a bigger part of me worried about what if things didn't change and one day I would be telling her to find a permanent place to go.
That would hurt.
It would be the hardest thing I would have to go through.
How can you through away thirteen years of friendship and love.
You can't.
And now as I sit curled up in the corner of the couch, blanket tucked around my legs, waiting on my wife to come home, I think about that night. I think about how I don't ever want to go through that again. And how I wish that tonight she doesn't come home smelling of cigarettes and cheap beer.
But I know she will.
And I hate it.
I jump out of my thoughts when I hear the door. I listen as Santana curses as she bumps into something. It takes her a few minutes to walk into the room and see me on the couch.
"Hey," Santana says with wide eyes. "Why aren't you in bed?"
I can tell she's been drinking. She's not drunk right now but she's not sober either.
"It's two in the morning." I release my legs so that I'm sitting properly on the couch.
"I know," Santana flops down on the love seat. She bends down to take off her shoes. "You should be asleep."
"You shouldn't be out at two in the morning." I snap. "You're a married woman."
Santana head snaps up at that. "What the hell does that mean?" She growls.
I sigh. "Nothing." I shake my head and look away from her.
"Don't ever fucking say some shit like that again." I can feel her eyes burning into the back of my head. "Don't even think it."
I whip the tears from my face before getting up and gathering my blanket and pillow. I don't want her to see me cry. I've been crying too much lately over her.
"Goodnight." I don't look at Santana as I walk passed her.
I feel bad for making that comment, especially because I never really thought what the comment implied. I haven't felt this insecure and lost in our relationship since the beginning of it.
When we first got together both of us had our own insecurities. I was always worried about being cheated on because I had been before. It took me awhile to learn that Santana wasn't like that, that I shouldn't push my past experience onto my current relationship.
The next morning is awkward between us. More so than usual. I'm sitting at the Kitchen Island reading the news paper when Santana comes in with her nurse's uniform on and her gym bag. She moves about the kitchen quietly as I just sit there and stare.
"I'm going to the gym after work." Santana says after taking a sip of coffee. "I'll be home around eleven."
"San…"
"Save it."
"...Please turn in all papers by 3pm, Thursday afternoon. Everyone knows what happens if your paper is turned in after 3." I lean against my classroom desk as I address my class. "Have a great day guys!"
After dismissing the class, I stick around to answer questions and to close up the room I'm using this semester for this noon class.
I pack up my belongings when all the students have left the class, stop by my office to pick up whatever mail I might have and drop off papers. My next class doesn't start for another hour, so I'm going to meet Quinn for lunch.
"Have you guys told anyone about the baby yet?" Quinn inquires while we wait on our food.
"No. We decided to wait until after the first trimester." I inform her.
Before last night, Santana and I spent two whole days together. Just hanging around the house and being happy about our baby.
Santana and I had discussed when we wanted to tell others and when we wanted to start planning for when the baby arrived. We both agreed that we didn't want to just rush into anything. We want to just make sure the baby and I stay nice and healthy and take things a step at a time. Santana wasn't upset like I thought she would be when I told her that Quinn already knew about the baby because she was there when I took the home pregnancy test. She said she understood but from now on she wanted to be included in anything and everything involving our baby. Of course I was all down for that. I never even considered nothing else. This is our baby. If we stay together or if she can't get her shit together and we break up….this is still our baby.
"That's cool. I'll keep my mouth shut than."
"Thanks." I laugh. "So how are things with Puck?"
We spend the rest of lunch catching up with each other lives. Quinn tells me about her on again off again boyfriend Puck. In return I tell her about that latest project I have my classes working on. I thought about telling her about what happened with Santana and me this morning, but I barely want to think about it let alone talk about it for a long period of time.
Hopefully Santana will come home with a better attitude and we can discuss what happened like adults without arguing.