As I pull up to the house, I can see the light from the living room is on, letting me know that Rachel is still up. After parking and grabbing my gym bag I let myself into the house. I drop my bag next to the door, put my keys on the table, and take off my shoes before entering the house fully.

Rachel is sitting on the couch with a stack of papers on her lap, glasses on, and a red ink pen in hand. I can hear some Jazz music playing low in the back ground.

"Hi," I say quietly walking over to her and kissing her forehead.

"Hey," Rachel looks up at me, giving me a weak smile. "How was the gym?"

I shrug, "Good." I move some of her papers to the table and sit down at the end of the couch. "How was your day?"

"Fine. Classes were good and I had lunch with Quinn."She informs me.

I've always gotten along with Quinn. She's a real good friend to Rachel. She doesn't mind telling me off when I'm being a jerk to Rachel or stupid about a situation. I haven't seen her in a few weeks but I'm sure next time I see her she's going to have a mouthful to say to me about the latest happening between Rachel and me.

"How is, Q? We should have her over for dinner soon."

"She's fine." Rachel completely ignores my dinner suggestion and pushes her glasses up her face before moving the papers she was grading to the table. "I didn't make anything for dinner. I've been trying to catch up on all my school stuff all evening."

Rachel and I haven't sat down and had dinner together since the first couple of days following the conformation of Rachel's pregnancy. But Rachel or I always try to make dinner if we are home, even if we don't eat together. Rachel usually beats me home so she'll cook and put me a plate away for when I do make it home.

"But you ate right?" I ask glancing from her face down to her stomach.

Rachel rolls her eyes. "Of course."

We sit in silence for a couple of minutes. I can feel Rachel's eyes on me. "I have a AA meeting tomorrow." Rachel hums for me to continue. "I know I've been fucking up and I'm going to continue to fuck up." I look over to Rachel. "I've been drinking and being an ass to you and I'm sorry. I know sorry isn't what you want to hear, but I'm serious. I'm going to get better for you and our baby."

I sigh and reach over to lay my hand on Rachel's thigh. I release a breath when Rachel doesn't pull away. "Rach? I need you to say something." I plead when minutes go by and Rachel hasn't said anything.

"I don't…" Rachel starts then stops. "Last night was so hard and stressful." Rachel finally gets out. "You didn't call to tell me what was going on, you didn't answer your phone and when you did come home you completely dismissed my feelings."

"You accused me of cheating on you!" I yell out in frustration. Rachel jumps. "Fuck sorry, but really Rach? You just thinking I would do that to you hurt."

"Yea but you know I was just talking, Santana. I was upset and…" Rachel shakes her head and I see the tears. "These last few months have been hell. I thought you were getting better and we were slowly getting back together and then BOOM…you're drinking and staying out all night again."

"Right…I know but…"

"I mean…gosh this hurts so much Santana." Rachel puts her right hand over her heart. "Even when I think our marriage is falling apart and your being a jerk I can't find it in me to hate you."I look away from her when she says that. "And sometimes I get so upset with myself because I want to hate you so much right now but I can't. I can't because I love you too much." Rachel pats my hand to get me to look at her again. "I love you and I will support you though this but I have to know that you still want us. That you still want to be my wife and you want to live the rest of your life with me and fight for us."

"Yes." I grab her hand and squeeze. "Yes I want us. I want you. I want this baby. I'd fucking die if you left me." I move over to pull her into my arms. "I'm going to fight, baby. I need you. I can't…you have to believe me Rachel." Rachel nods against my shoulder.

"I love you."Rachel whispers.

"I love you more."

We spend the rest of the night holding each other on the couch. I followed Rachel into our bedroom when we decided to leave the couch.

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"HI, my name is Santana Lopez and I am an alcoholic." I still feel like I'm going to fall apart every time I say those words.

"Um…" Once everyone greets me back I just stand up there, looking around the room, trying to figure out what I want to share today. "My dad left my mom and me when I was ten." I take a second to gather my thoughts. I hate talking about my dad but I have to. "He was a drunken mess that didn't even have the heart to say goodbye." I find a spot on the back wall to stare at. I can feel the tears trying to escape. "And the older I got and started to learn and understand more about alcoholism, I promised myself that I would never be like that man. My father."

"But…here I am." I knock my hands against the podium I'm standing behind. "I have pregnant wife and I'm…I'm know good for her. No good for them." My vision starts to get blurry and I quickly wipe at the silent tears. "I'm not good for them right now. But with your help I soon hope to be."

a/n: Ooooh Santana's road to recovery. Hmmm will it be bumpy one. We shall see

Thanks for reading :)