AN: I´m uploading two chapters today just because you guys make me feel awesome!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto
Chapter Six
I sat on my bed with tears streaming down my face, lost in horrible memories.
I was walking home from my krav maga training, it was dark already and fall was clearly here. I took my usual shortcut through a back alley when somebody blocked my way forward. I looked up to see dark menacing eyes in a pale face, it belonged to a man surely at least ten years older than me. I spun around, but the way back was blocked by two other guys. Dread filled me and just as I was about to open my mouth and scream, a hand was placed over my face, stopping me. I then tried to use my krav maga to knock them unconscious but they were so much stronger than me… Everything went in a haze as I felt my clothes being ripped off of me and then everything was pain…
When I finally had managed to drag myself home that night my father was waiting up for me, greeting me with a hard punch and demanding to know why I was late. I sobbed, telling him that I was raped. He only laughed at me and then grabbed me around the throat, whispering in my ear. "To bad I didn´t come up with that idea". Then he disappeared up the stairs and I was once again left alone.
I was pulled from my memories by someone knocking so hard on my door that it almost came off its hinges. "I swear to Jashin I will break down the door if you´re not answering me this time!" I heard Hidan yell from the other side. But for once I wasn´t scared, this time I got angry. I yelled at him. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" He went silent and for a moment I thought he had actually left but then he spoke again, this time in his normal voice. "Please open the door Sakura".
I noticed he didn´t call me by his nickname for me, Cherry. He must really be serious. I didn´t answer him and he soon started banging on the door again. I ignored him and locked myself in our bathroom instead. I was so very tired. Tired of being scared, of being hurt. Tired of trying to be strong. Tired of life. I just wanted to give up but knew I couldn´t do that to Sasori, it would destroy him. I stripped of my pants and hoodie and stepped into the shower only dressed in my black boy short panties and a navy tank top. I turned the water on cold, as cold as it would get, before gently stroking the blade I had hidden in here just for this purpose. I put the blade against my thigh and pressed.
I was no longer aware of how much time had passed, I was feeling kind of dazed but in a good way. I now had a couple of still bleeding wounds on my thighs and it felt good. That should have been a warning sign to me but it wasn´t. Suddenly a loud noise came from my bedroom, I guess Hidan finally had had enough and broke down my door. But I didn´t actually care anymore, I had dealt with my breakdown in the only way I knew and now I was fine. A knock on the bathroom door pulled me out of my thoughts. "Sakura it´s two in the morning are you alright? Can you open the door for me?" It was Hidan again but this time his anger was replaced with tiredness and a genuine concern.
I didn´t bother answering him, I still wanted to be left alone and in my daze I didn´t feel how cold the water was or if the wounds hurt. He knocked again. "Sakura please answer me." When he didn´t get an answer this time either he banged a little harder and told me. "If you don´t answer me Sakura I promise you I will break down this door as well, no matter if you are in the shower or not". I knew he was going to break down the door so I wasn´t startled when he threw his bodyweight against the door. The door broke down after only three tries.
If I had looked at him I would have seen his eyes widen as he took in the sorry state I was in. "Shit…" He whispered as he turned off the water and wrapped a towel around me. He made me look into his eyes before saying. "Sakura, I will go and wake up Kakuzu. Please don´t move while I´m away, I don´t want you to exaggerate the bleeding." And then he was gone.
When he arrived with Kakuzu I hadn´t moved but it wasn´t because he told me not to. I was just too tired to do it. Kakuzu looked worried but not near panic as Hidan. He examined my wounds and wrapped them before saying something to Hidan who disappeared with a worried glance my way. Kakuzu then lifted me from the floor and carried me into my door less bedroom where he proceeded to strip me from my wet clothes before putting me in a warm flannel pajama. I was too tired to be embarrassed but I would surely be embarrassed tomorrow. Kakuzu once again lifted me up and carried me through the bathroom to Hidans room. Hidan was there and already in bed. When we entered the room he lifted the covers so that Kakuzu could lay me down next to him. "See you two tomorrow." Kakuzu told us, turned off the lights and left us.
Hidan pulled me closer to his body, apparently he thought I was still too cold. And maybe he was right, his body heat almost burned me even through my pajama. I suddenly felt bad for what I had done; both Hidan and Kakuzu were clearly worried about me. Tears started leaking from my eyes, making Hidans pillow wet. A sob escaped and Hidan gently turned me around so that I was facing him. "Hey are you alright Cherry?" That only made me cry more, he was so nice to me and I had done absolutely nothing to deserve it. He pulled me closer, so that my head was resting against his chest and his hand was stroking my back. "Shh… It´s alright Cherry. I promise it will be alright." I blinked away a few tears before looking up at him, asking. "You´re not mad at me?" "Of course I´m not mad at you! Why would I be mad at you?" I swallowed nervously. "Because I hurt myself and I… I yelled at you…" He cupped my cheek and without breaking eye contact, he told me. "I could never be mad at you for yelling at me. And the thing about you hurting yourself won´t go away just because I get mad, it´s much better if I stay calm and help you deal with it, don´t you agree?" I nodded against his bare chest and let his gentle strokes over my back sooth me to sleep.
I woke up a few hours later, screaming, from the same nightmare as the night before. Again Hidan had to hold me down before he could wake me. And again I sobbed against him before finally falling asleep at the brink of dawn.
When I woke up again it was close to noon and I was alone in Hidans bed. I heard the shower running though and concluded that he was in the bathroom. I rolled over so that I was on his side of the bed, it was still warm so he hadn´t been up long. I was on my stomach with my head buried in Hidans pillow and I was so comfortable. I didn´t even hear the shower turn off or Hidan entering the room. It was first when a warm hand landed on my back that I realized someone was talking to me. I looked up to see Hidan in only a pair of loose fitting jeans hovering over me. "Huh?" He gave me a small smile and said. "I asked you if you´re hungry? I could make us some breakfast while you shower." I nodded eagerly. "Sure, I´m starving." I got out of bed quickly and then hurried through my shower. I stopped in my bedroom (which now had a new door) only to put on some black sweatpants and a pale green shirt before I headed to the kitchen.
As soon as I entered the kitchen my senses went into overload from all that beautiful aroma spreading in the air. Someone pushed me down on a chair and I turned my head to see that it was Kisames doing. But something was off with him today, he seemed a lot quieter than usual and the normal sparkle in his eyes was gone. Hidan was busy at the stove so I turned my attention towards the big blue guy next to me. "Hey are you alright Kisa?" He turned to look at me, a surprised look in his eyes.
"I should be the one asking you that… I heard you had a rough night, was it because of my stupid question last night?" I wondered if I should tell him the truth or what I imagined would make him feel better. I finally settled for the truth. "Your question kind of triggered it but don´t worry about it. I could have reacted the same way to Itachis question; unfortunately it was your question that brought up uncomfortable memories." I told him truthfully and even though he winced at the realization that he in a way was responsible for my breakdown, I could see that he wasn´t going to dwell over it for long. At the same moment Hidan slid a plate in front of me that was filled with some wonderful smelling omelet, some crispy bacon and some fresh fruit. The food tasted as good as it looked and it was soon gone. When the last of the bacon disappeared into my mouth Kakuzu entered the room and the look he gave me clearly told me that he wanted to talk to me. Alone.
I put my plate in the dishwasher and then followed him to his bedroom without complaining. I knew that it wouldn´t do me any good.
He locked the door behind me as I entered his bedroom, he didn´t want us to be interrupted. I took a seat on his bed and he sat in a chair he pulled up in front of me. I didn´t bother saying anything, or asking anything, I just waited for him to say something. I didn´t have to wait long.
"What happened last night?" Was his simple question. Yet I found it very hard to answer. "I had a breakdown." "Yes, I noticed that. What I´m wondering is what caused it?" I took a deep breath. "Some bad memories." "What kind of bad memories?" I didn´t answer that but Kakuzu didn´t get angry, he just asked another question. "Did the bad memories have something to do with the question Kisame asked you last night?" I nodded my head yes. "Sakura were you raped?" He asked that question in a softer voice, as if he already knew…
I nodded again, tears burning in my eyes, longing for freedom. "Was it your parents?" This time I could hear that he had to force himself to ask that question. I shook my head no and said. "No it was a stranger… I was on my way home from training when he and two of his friends jumped me, I… I couldn´t fight all of them off…" My voice was wavering with held back emotions but I needed to say this before I could allow myself to break down. Kakuzus worried eyes were glued to my every movement, he was prepared for any reaction I might give him it seemed.
"When they were… done with me I managed to make my way home only to find my father waiting up for me. He hit me and when I told him I had been raped he told me he was sorry he didn´t think of it first." By now the tears were falling at a steady pace from my eyes and my shoulders were shaking from repressing the sobs that wanted out. Suddenly Kakuzu moved so that he was sitting next to me on the bed instead and when he wrapped me in his arms all my walls broke down and I let the sorrow run free.
Kakuzu didn´t once make me feel like I was a burden for crying on him for a whole hour. Instead he was a perfect gentleman, stroking my back and murmuring soothing words in my ear. He let me cry for my lost virginity and when the tears stopped he continued to hold me while asking his questions. "Why did you hurt yourself last night?" I had to think about it before I could answer him and even then I wasn´t sure on how accurate my answer was. "It´s hard to explain… It kind of felt like I was drowning but at the same time not. I felt really tired, like I was at least a thousand years old. And it hurt and I didn´t know what to do so I guess that I tried to let the pain out…" He seemed to get what I was trying to say even though I wasn´t sure how he did it, but he nodded and told me. "Pain is familiar to you so when you got overwhelmed by feelings you didn´t know how to handle, you tried to make them go away by replacing them with physical discomfort. Did it work?"
I slowly shook my head. "It didn´t make the feelings go away but they got manageable." He was quiet for a while before asking me. "Are you suicidal Sakura?" I immediately shook my head no. "Of course not! I could never do that to Sasori or any of you guys for that matter… It´s more like I do it because I don´t want to die…" Apparently that answer triggered some warning bell with Kakuzu because he asked me. "Have you been hurting yourself before?" I nodded, shame making my face burn. "Since I was eleven… I´m really good at hiding it…" I whispered. Another silent pause filled the room before Kakuzu broke it. "Will you make me a promise?" "That depends on the promise." I told him and he nodded. "Fair enough, will you promise me to try stop hurting yourself?" I thought about for a few seconds before I answered him. "I promise I will try." "That´s all I´m asking for." Kakuzu said with a small smile.
A few hours later I was in my room, reading when a light knock disturbed my peace. I yelled at the person to enter and Hidan and Itachi opened the door. I was surprised to see both of them; Itachi and Hidan didn´t usually spend much time together. "Yes?" I asked them, surprise clearly showing in my voice. "We wondered if you would like to go with us to the pool. We could give you your first swimming lesson if you want?" I nodded eagerly. "Sure just give me a minute to change and I´ll be ready." They nodded and walked out in the hallway to wait for me. I quickly put on the same bikini as I wore yesterday and wrapped myself in a big black towel before meeting up with the guys. This time I saw that both of them were wearing bathing shorts with their shirts. I gave them a smile and we started walking towards the indoor pool.
Itachi was walking ahead of us and Hidan leaned down towards me to ask me a question that he couldn´t hear. "Did it go well with Kakuzu this morning? You two were talking for quite long." I gave him a sideways glance, Kakuzu had told me that our conversion would be kept a secret until I felt comfortable with him telling the others. "How did you know what we were doing?" He gave me a small smile. "It was I who told him you needed to start talking about what´s happened to you." That explained how he knew. "Anyway just know that if you want to talk about something, anything, you can come to me as well as Kakuzu." I smiled at him; he was so sweet to me. "I know." Was my simple response right before we arrived at the pool.
Both boys threw off their shirts and immediately dived in at the deep end of the pool. I laughed at them, they were so cute with their hair all wet and plastered to their faces. Hidan smiled at me and held out his arms for me. "Jump in Cherry! I´ll catch you." I wanted to jump in the water really bad but I was scared at the same time, which of course both boys noticed. "It´s okay Sakura, we won´t let you drown, promise." Itachi told me and I smiled before jumping off the edge into the water. I did after all, trust my new family.
As soon as my head went underwater I felt strong hands around my waist and I was lifted up again so that my head was above the water. I clung to the shoulders of the person holding me and met Hidans violet glittering eyes as I gave him a huge smile and told him. "That was so amazing!" He only grinned at me. "I knew you would like it." We played around for a bit more before Itachi got serious and said. "The first step to learn how to swim is to not be afraid of the water. Therefore we are going to teach you how to float first." I nodded but my stomach tightened in nervousness. What if I sank beneath the surface? "I want you to lie on your back and relax; Hidan and I are both going to hold you up until you feel comfortable." Itachi told me. "What happens then?" I asked him nervously. "Then only one of us will hold you up until you can float on your own." Hidan told me. I nodded and leaned back into their arms, trying to be brave. Soon I actually was kind of floating but with the safe feeling of Hidan and Itachis muscular arms beneath my back and neck. I could hear nothing but the small splashes from the water and the boys breathing and I was soon completely relaxed and actually dared to close my eyes.
They started to move around a little in the water with me but since my head never went under the surface I didn´t tense up. Hell I didn´t even notice Itachi leaving us. But when I opened my eyes again I could only see a pair of violet eyes staring back down at me, the dark red pair had gone missing. It made me try and stand up which in turn made Hidan lose his grip on me because of my sudden movement. I went under the surface but since we were in the shallow part of the pool I quickly resurfaced sputtering water. I glared at the now laughing Hidan and then exited the pool with as much dignity as I could muster. I left the room with Hidans laughter still echoing in my ears. A few minutes later when I was in the shower in mine and Hidans bathroom I realized that I actually felt proud over myself, something I hadn´t done in a long time.
Later that night when I was in my bed trying to sleep I thought about all the people who made up my new family. First there was Sasori, the brother I thought I had lost. I loved him but I sometimes whished he would stop doing the jobs for the navy, they were dangerous even if he was good at what he was doing. Then we had Deidara, Sasoris best friend and one of my favorite guys of the gang. I loved all of the gang of course but there was something extra special about Deidara. I also believed he was gay and in love with my clueless brother who didn´t seem to realize it. Konan and Pein were like the caretakers of us all despite not being the oldest. Konan was warm, motherly and cared for us all. Pein was serious but had humor and was always looking after us. Kisame was like a fun older brother while Tobi was the annoying younger one. Zetzu was a little creepy from time to time but I loved him as well. Itachi was like Pein always serious with a hidden fun side but I trusted his advice in every aspect. Kakuzu was one of the guys I trusted the most. He cared for me and helped me, and he did it without making me feel uncomfortable. And then there was Hidan. Hidan was special, he was my best friend, the one to calm my stressed out nerves. The one to heal my soul. And maybe, just maybe the one to make me believe in love.
I fell asleep with the thoughts of Hidan still fresh on my mind.