"Can I get you anything stronger then that sweetheart?" The bartender gestures to my glass of water.
I eye the bottle of Jack Daniels over her shoulder. "Um…maybe…" I shake my head. "No thanks." I respond, taking out five bucks and sit it down on the counter before getting up and leaving the bar.
I've been coming to the bar at least once a week for the past two weeks. I never drink. Just sit at the bar and think. Then I usually go home and if Rachel is asleep I have a few beers and go to bed.
I guess going to the bar is a way to test myself. Yea sometimes I drink at home, but not as much as I use too. It's usually only a couple of beers. Since Ava's been born, I've really been on my shit. Mostly because I don't have any time not to be, our lives are too busy for me to be checking out, and getting wasted somewhere. So I just do it alone in the dead of the night.
I did pretty well through Rachel's pregnancy. Then when Ava was born the first three months I only had a few beers every other night. But recently I started back having longer nights and more intake of alcohol. When Rachel gives me looks, I just tell her I'm just unwinding from my day. Raising a kid isn't easy.
It was a lot easier before Rachel went back to work. We didn't have to worry about a baby sitter or find time to hangout as a family. Rachel would already be home and on my days off we would go out or just hang around the house. Now with both of us working again and having an eight month old, it's hard to just have time to be. To be with each other or just to have a second to ourselves. Rachel and I schedules are so all over the place. Thank God for Rachel's dads for babysitting Ava most days.
When I get home Rachel is still up. She's sitting in my recliner with her nose in a book.
"Hey." I whisper into the quiet.
Rachel looks up from her book but doesn't say anything. She just stares me down, probably trying to see if I finally took a drink tonight.
"Oookay." I shrug and push away from the entry way I was leaning on. I start to make my way to the kitchen when Rachel finally speaks. But surly I'm hearing her wrong. "What?"I walk back into the living room.
"I said," She sits her book down on the arm of the chair. "I poured your beer out."
I close my eyes and breathe slowly.
All I wanted to do is come home and have a drink and go to bed.
That's all.
"You've been drinking all week and not just the usual a couple every other day. It's been every day." Rachel continues. "I need you to be sober tonight."
I bit down on my lip to keep from saying anything crazy.
"Santana, can we just…"
"I'm going to bed." I cut her off and start for the stairs.
"Santana." Rachel is up out her sit and on my heels before I know it.
"Just don't." I shrug her off when she grabs my shoulder. We are at the bottle of the steps now. "Fuck."
"I'm sorry." Rachel says when I slap her hands away when she tries to touch me again. "I just want to talk."
I sigh. "I'm tired, Rachel."
"I know." Rachel takes a step back. "But I tried to call you earlier…"
"I was busy."
"Really?"
Rachel knows I go to the bar. We got into an argument a few weeks ago when I came in late and she demanded to know where I was. So I just told her.
"I'm going to bed."I say but don't move.
Rachel rolls her eyes and pushes past me to sit on the stairs. She sits the baby monitor on the stairs next to her leg. "I should have talked to you before I poured your stuff down the drain. But, San? "Rachel sighs. "You're going backwards baby. I'm just trying to help."
"Pouring my shit out isn't helping Rachel. It's just pissing me off." I grind out between clenched teeth.
"Well tell me how I can help." Rachel pleads. "Just tell me what to do Santana. You've been doing so well. And I know things are crazy right now but I need you Santana. You can't keep sitting in bars all night."
I shake my head. "I'm really tired and irritated." I move to walk passed her. "I'm going to bed."
"Fine." Rachel says defeated. "Go to the guest bedroom then because I can't be near you right now."
I think about arguing with her but in the end I'm really not up to it. "Whatever." I continue up the stairs.
I stop by Ava's room and give her kiss on the cheek before going to our bedroom and grabbing some clothes before going to the guest bedroom.
I've been just lying in bed, on my side, staring at the wall for thirty minutes, when I feel the bed dip. I don't turn around or say anything as Rachel gets settled in beside me. It's another ten minutes before her breathe evens out. I roll over and throw my arm around Rachel's waist and pull her close. "I love you."
00000000
"Thanks again, Quinn." I tell Quinn as I come back into her house from grabbing Ava's car seat from the car.
Quinn is going to watch our little princess over night. Rachel and I need a night to ourselves to figure some things out.
"No problem." Quinn waves me off. "You guys need this. My best friend needs this. You've been an even bigger douche lately."
I don't let what Quinn say bother me…much. She's right. Rachel and I have been arguing a lot more lately this month. It got so bad that she threw a shoe in my direction and told me to get out of her house. Of course I refused to go. I'm not going anywhere. My baby is in this house. Rachel is in this house. And as much as we fight, I still love her with everything that I am.
"Yeah, well…" I look around the room, trying to avoid looking directly at her. "I'm trying."
"Look San," The tone of Quinn's voice has my eyes snapping to hers. "We've always gotten along and stuff. I love you almost as much as I love Rachel." Quinn smirks. "But I will kick your ass if you don't fix things. Rachel and Ava need you. You got this." I flinch when she says my daughter's name. "Fix it." She says with a final nod.
I start to open my mouth to respond when I hear Rachel footsteps on the stairs. She went up stairs to change Ava and secretly make sure the house is baby proof. This is only the second time we've ever slept away from our baby.
"Ready?" I ask Rachel when she steps into the room. She nods and we both kiss Ava and say goodnight to Quinn before making our way back to the car.
==0890275097290375
"Stop, that tickles." Rachel giggles and swats my hand away from her sides. I grab her hand and intertwine it with mines.
It was a little after eleven when Rachel and I stumbled, giggling into the house. I treated her out to dinner and a movie like we use to do all the time. And then we went to the park a few blocks over. We just sat on the swings and held hands. We both manage to avoid what we really should have been talking about. Like what had me asking Rachel out tonight. Us. Instead we spent the night laughing and talking about our daughter.
We are just inside the door to the house, leaning against the wall. Rachel back is pressed against the wall and I'm standing as close as I can in front of her. My pants are around my waist and Rachel's skirt bunched up around hers, a used and pretty full condom discarded to this side. I'm pretty sure Rachel will get on me about that before the night is up.
"It's so quiet." Rachel whispers, looking over my shoulder, into the living room.
"Yeah." I agree. "Just us tonight." I run my thumb over the back of her hand. Of course we've had sex since Ava's been born. I mean, have you seen my wife? I couldn't keep my hands off. But it's not as frequent seeing as how we have a baby in the house and we both have full time jobs. Oh…and of course we've mostly been arguing the past couple of months.
"San." Rachel pushes against my shoulder when I lean in.
"Please." I rest my forehead against hers. "Lets just be…us tonight. We can talk or whatever in the morning. We don't have to pick up Ava until noon tomorrow."I reach down and kick off my pants.
Rachel sighs. "We really have to talk."
"And we will." I peck her lips. I reach down and grab my hard dick. "I promise."I grin.
Rachel rolls her eyes. "You are a pig." She cries when she sees the condom next to my pants. "You are cleaning this whole area tomorrow."
"Sure." I laugh and grab her hand.
TBC