Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Chapter Nine
Recap: "Because you´re in love with my brother Dei…"
He stared at me with wide eyes, before he unexpectedly pushed me off of him and stalked out of the room. I thought I saw tears in his eyes.
I sat at the floor shocked, until what just happened became reality.
I had pushed him to far in my eagerness to get him and my brother together and now he hated me. I didn´t feel the tears that fell down my cheeks but I saw them in the mirror in my bathroom.
Pain clawed at the inside of my chest, trying to find a way out. I desperately started to search for my knives and razors only to remember that Kakuzu had made me throw all of them away. In that moment I hated Kakuzu.
I knew there were no sharp things in my room so I started to search Hidans. I emptied the contents of his drawers on the floor and then threw out everything in his closet. And still there were no sharp things in my sight.
I abandoned Hidans room and went to Kakuzus since his was in the same hallway as ours. I did the same search in his room without finding anything so I ventured into his bathroom. My eyes immediately locked on the disposable razor on the sink and a smile grazed my lips despite the tears that still fell from my eyes. I quickly dissembled the razor and giggled in happiness when I had the razorblade in my hand.
For a moment I felt bad, I had after all promised them to try and stop doing this… But I shrugged it off and put the thin, sharp blade against my arm making a small trickle of blood appear. But after a few cuts I still didn´t feel my sought after relief from the pain trying to claw its way out of my chest. I dropped the razor and dragged myself over to Kakuzus bed where I broke down sobbing, clawing at my chest.
I suddenly remembered bringing my cellphone with me into Kakuzus room and picked it up from the floor with a shaking hand. I dialed the first number I could find and waited as the signals beeped in my ear.
"Hi Cherry!" Hidans voice immediately brought on a new wave of tears and I choked on the sobs, trying to hold them back. "Cherry what´s wrong?" He now sounded worried and I more or less begged him. "Could you (sob) and Kakuzu please (sob) come home? (sob) But don´t (sob) tell the others!" "We´re on our way." He told me and I hung up on him despite him asking me what´s happened. I clawed at my chest even more, making slow trickles of blood appear as the pain inside refused to let down and I clutched one of Kakuzus pillows against me, seeking comfort.
After what felt like hours but only could have been like fifteen minutes I heard my name being called in the corridor. The voice sounded worried but my voice was raw from crying and didn´t work properly.
I didn´t have to wait long before the two familiar silhouettes appeared in the doorway searching for me.
"Oh Cherry…" Hidan whispered and I reached out for him, making him sit down on the bed with me and hold me against him. I clung to Hidan and reached for Kakuzu with my free arm, he looked surprised but joined us on the bed, stroking my back as I cried against Hidans chest.
Hidan and Kakuzu soon lied down on the bed with me between them, both of them doing their best to comfort me. And finally, with Hidans and Kakuzus hard, warm bodies on each side of me and their arms around me, the pain in my chest subsided.
I realized that Hidan and Kakuzu must be quite close friends since neither of them seemed to be bothered by lying in the same bed with me and that calmed me even more. "You two are close friends are you not?" I asked them in a raspy whisper.
"Yeah I guess… We are partners in Akatsuki and we were partners in the navy." Hidan explained to me. All of us were silent for a while longer before Kakuzu asked me.
"What happened Sakura?" I sighed and explained the mess with Deidara and wanting to cut myself but not getting any relief from it. The only thing I didn´t tell was about me being in the Akatsuki, I still hoped Deidara wouldn´t say anything about that.
"I think Deidara is just scared, they have probably hidden this for a long time and are afraid of what the others will think…" Hidan told me after a while. "Yeah, and if they haven´t even told each other it´s no wonder he got scared… But I´m sure he doesn´t hate you." Kakuzu said, agreeing with Hidan.
"I hope you two are right… If you´re not I might just have destroyed both Deidara and my brother…" I said before falling asleep with my head on Hidans chest, my arm over his stomach and Kakuzus chest against my back.
The next morning I woke up to Hidan and Kakuzu talking in low voices. "How do you feel about her reaching out for me as well last night Hidan?" Kakuzu asked somewhat hesitantly. "Do not go all fucking psychiatrist on me man…" Hidan growled back. "Quit that stupid shit you dumbass, I know you have a thing for her." Hidan didn´t answer that. "Look I just want you to know that I only see her as a little sister man, you have nothing to fear from me. But I will help her and if she wants me near I´m not going to stay away." Kakuzu said and my heart got all warm at hearing that. "Thanks man, I know I have nothing to fear from any of the guys, they all told me." Hidan answered softly, not all as he usually was with the guys. "Then why haven´t you told her?" Kakuzus voice had also softened, obviously another sign of how close these two was.
"Because I´m scared I will scare her away… Or getting her in more trouble, you know I have enemies." He told Kakuzu sounding almost… sad?
I figured now was a good time to wake up so I yawned and stretched before slowly opening my eyes, meeting Hidans beautiful violet ones and Kakuzus serene green and red ones. "Morning guys." I said and gave them a shy smile.
After a few apologies about the mess I made I was ushered into mine and Hidans bathroom to take a shower as the boys cleaned up my messes. I dressed in a pair of dark navy cargo pants and a simple black t-shirt before putting my hair in a high ponytail.
Instead of going to the kitchen as I first had planned I soon found myself outside of Deidaras room, hesitating.
I finally mustered up enough courage to knock but was only rewarded with a grumpy "Go away". But instead of doing just that I tried to open the door only to find it locked. I wasn´t going to let that stop me so I silently asked for forgiveness as I pulled a hair pin from my ponytail and used it to pick the lock.
Once I heard the click of the door unlocking it was flung open and a seething Deidara stood before me. "I think I told you to…" He cut himself off as he saw that it was me standing outside his door and not one of the others.
"Sakura? What are you doing here?" He asked me, clearly not happy to see me. "I… I came to say I´m sorry…" I told him, head down and tears burning in my eyes.
He didn´t say anything but he pulled me into his room and relocked the door behind me. He stood still and silent for so long that I dared to take a peek at him. What I saw was not what I had expected.
He was crying.
Not the sobbing crying I so often did, but a silent crying. The only sign were the tears that found their way down his face.
I gently brushed away his tears and then enveloped him in a tight hug as I repeatedly whispered "I´m so sorry" in his ear. When he finally looked at me his eyes were red and the sorrow in them so clear that it almost made me cry as well.
"You don´t have to be scared, I promise." I told him and some more tears fell from his eyes. "No one here will judge you, they are your friends, they will only be happy for you." He finally hugged me back and whispered. "You can´t be sure of that… and besides I´m not even sure if he feels the same way…" "But I know he does, and I also know that no one will judge you. Have anyone judged me about the rape? Or the abuse? Or the cutting?" He looked at me with wary eyes. "That´s not the same thing Blossom…" "Yes it is, you are just too stubborn to see it." I said, happy to hear that my nickname was back. He gave me a small smile and I put a strand of his hair behind his ear. "Get dressed, we´re going to visit Sasori after breakfast."
The car ride with Deidara in his blue and white Trans-am was tense but not uncomfortable but when we arrived at the hospital he didn´t want to go inside.
"Please Dei, trust me on this one. Everything is going to be fine, just as telling all the others at breakfast went fine." I had asked everyone at breakfast if anyone would think less of him if he were gay and just as I predicted not one would treat him differently. The relief in Deidaras eyes was almost touchable.
"Fine but if this goes wrong I will never forgive you Sakura." I knew he wasn´t kidding but I was sure it would go well. It would simply have to go well.
"Hey Sori, how are you doing?" I asked him when we entered. "Fine but they still won´t let me go home…" He was sulking just as Deidara but even without them knowing it, I was going to make them both very happy.
"Okay I´m tired of sulking boys so I´m going to be blunt with you Sori." I told him, Deidaras eyes widening.
"You´re gay, right?" I asked him and he was too shocked to even blush as he nodded yes. "And you love Dei, right?" This time he did blush and avoided our gazes as he once again nodded. "Then my work here is done." I announced and left them alone in the room, calling for Hidan to come pick me up.
After that day the weeks went fast, I got really good at shooting and Pein switched to teach me about knives. Apparently I was a natural at that and especially with throwing knives. I finished my lessons with Kakuzu and was now feeling confident in that I could be of use if there was to be an accident. Our talking sessions had gone smoothly and by now I had told him all of my worst memories.
I still got nightmares sometimes but not as often and the panic-attacks were fewer as well. I was no longer afraid of strangers. All of the gang became my best friends but Hidan and I became something more, a tension between us that both frightened and excited me.
My swimming lessons were a success and Itachi had deemed me a good enough swimmer. I also kept sparring with the guys, getting even stronger and more confident. Sasori got back from the hospital and he and Deidara taught me how to drive.
But I still hadn´t told them that I was a member in the Akatsuki and now they were starting to complain to Pein that he hadn´t asked me to join yet.
If they only knew.
But now I felt it was time for them to know and I asked to speak with Pein. "Please tell me that we can tell them you are a member soon? They´re driving me crazy…" Pein said before I´d gotten the chance to tell him anything.
"I thought that maybe we could tell them tomorrow at breakfast? I´ll tell Hidan tonight since he´s staying here with me." All I got from Pein was a small, barely visible smile and he said. "Sounds good Sakura." Then he was out of the door and all of the gang except me and Hidan were off to another bar night.
Hidan hadn´t wanted to leave me alone so he and I planned to have a movie night instead. Apparently he wanted me to get some more nightmares since he had picked the movie "paranormal activity 4" for us to watch.
I heard popcorn popping in the kitchen and sunk down on the couch, waiting for him to finish. I didn´t have to wait long.
"You ready for this Cherry?" He asked me as he pressed play on the remote. "That you will have to find out for yourself." I teased him and snuggled closer, preparing for the fright I was sure to get.
"You might regret saying that…" He told me with his lips against my temple, I shivered and it made him chuckle.
As we watched the movie it started to rain outside and soon thunder echoed in the distance. I screamed when something sudden happened in the movie and thunder was heard again, closer this time. I had long since abandoned my seat next to Hidan for my new one in between his legs, clinging to his shirtfront. Thunder was heard again, this time almost on top off us and suddenly the whole house went dark.
I shivered even though I was in Hidans embrace, I had been afraid of thunder my whole life, even since before Sasori left me. And Hidan knew that. "It´s alright Cherry, it´s just thunder."
"I… I… Know…" I told him, I knew my fear of thunder was irrational. "Come on Cherry, let´s get you into bed." He told me before picking me up and carrying me to my bedroom.
He lit some of my scented candles and a flickering light filled the room as well as the scent of apples and vanilla and that´s when I got a great idea. "Hey let´s do a sleepover Hidan!" I told him excitedly. "Have you gone completely fucking crazy Cherry? I´m a guy and guys don´t do fucking sleepovers." He told me.
I had gotten used to his cussing and it no longer bothered me, which was lucky since he constantly fell back into that habit.
"Please?" I asked him and I knew he couldn´t tell me no. "Fine." I ushered him into his own bedroom to change into pajamas. While he was gone I put on a pair of black short shorts and a white midriff top with bold black letters forming the word "ANBU" over the chest to use as a pajama.
As soon as Hidan returned I forced him to sit on the bed as I crawled up behind him to braid his hair. "The fuck are you doing?" He asked me as I started to tread my fingers through his silky hair. I didn´t answer him, instead I tried massaging his scalp to shut him up.
It worked.
When I looked at him he had his eyes closed and a smile on his lips, he was clearly enjoying this. But just as I was going to start braiding he pulled away and sat behind me, returning the favor.
His hands in my hair felt amazing.
But when he pulled my hair to the side and then froze I realized my mistake, now he could clearly see the tattoo I had hidden for almost two months.
"Hidan I´m sorry! I…" I tried to turn around and face him but he held me against his chest hard enough to stop me. "Quiet." He said and I immediately shut up, preparing for him to be angry with me.
To say that I was shocked when he instead pressed a kiss against the cloud on my neck doesn´t even begin to cover it.
When I tried to turn around the next time he didn´t stop me. I looked up at him with eyes that must´ve been bigger than the moon outside and he kissed me again, this time on the mouth.
His lips were surprisingly soft against mine.
I gasped and he took the opportunity to slid his tongue inside my mouth, one of his hands nestling itself in my hair, the other one snaking around my waist, pulling me closer to him.
When he broke up for breath I was panting hard and clinging to his wide shoulders for support. He only smirked at me before recapturing my lips in another searing kiss. I felt the hard planes of his chest under my hands, the muscles tight as bowstrings. My hands slid down to his taunting abs almost of their own accord and I felt the muscles tighten even more under my touch.
Lucky (or unlucky) for me, the others came home then and Hidan and I flew apart. We looked at each other for a few seconds before smiling at the same time. Hidan leaned forward, pressed a kiss to my forehead, telling me.
"Sweet dreams Cherry" Before turning to leave. Right before he closed the bathroom door I told him. "Sweet dreams Hidan, I love you…" The door stopped moving and I held my breath.
"Love you to Cherry."
I smiled as the door closed between us.