"Okay, guys," Hermes chimed. "Just two thousand steps to the nearest restaurant! Who remembers how far two thousand steps is? Piper?"

Piper glared at Hermes. "One mile."

Hermes beamed. "Why, Piper! That's correct. I see you've been listening. Buck up, Will. You look dead."

Will scowled. "You didn't let us sleep." He wanted to say so much more. Such as, You've been talking non-stop about different methods of travel for hours, or You made us a follow a turtle into a swamp because you thought the color was nice, or possibly If I had to choose between having trigeminal neuralgia or going on another quest with you, I would choose the trigeminal neuralgia. But bringing up the fact that neither of them had slept since leaving camp seemed to be the most practical thing.

"Who needs sleep?" Hermes demanded.

"Mortals!" Piper exclaimed. "Mortals need sleep!"

Hermes frowned rather pointedly. "But Piper, you're only half mortal."

Piper hid her face in her hands. "I'm losing my sanity. Explain to me again why you can't just teleport us to the antidote?"

Rolling his eyes, Hermes responded. "That's interfering with your quest a bit more than I'd like to."

The voice of reason was clearly not going to work on Hermes. Will had decided to keep his mouth shut for the majority of the quest. He only spoke when he couldn't help himself. His back ached underneath his backpack and his feet where throbbing with pain. Speaking up against a hopeless cause would take more energy than it was worth.

"Let's just get something to eat," Will grumbled.

"That's the spirit, William! Well, in a sense. A little enthusiasm wouldn't hurt you," Hermes encouraged.

One mile later, Hermes was still talking. However, there was a restaurant—"Syzzlin' Sybbie's'"—in which the thief god might hopefully occupy his mouth with food for a little while.

The trio walked into the diner expecting to slump down into a booth and order. Instead, they stood in the doorway, baffled by what they saw.

There is no shortage of 50's diners in the world, but hardly any of them are still stuck in the 50's. Everybody, even the customers, wore era-accurate clothing. Overhearing just a few sentences was enough to pick up the phrase "Daddy-O" more than three times. The jukebox in the corner spewed out Elvis Presley songs. All of the servers wore roller-skates and chewed gum.

"This place looks great!" Hermes exclaimed.

"Yeah, sure… great…" Will absently agreed. "Let's just sit down and… um, order, I guess."

The only table open was one towards the back of the restaurant. They all sat down, and waited until a waitress skated up to them and gave them menus.

"What kind of menu is this?" Piper whispered to Will. "It's literally all meat."

"Are you sure?" Will questioned. "Maybe there's a vegetarian menu that you have to ask for."

Hermes, completely oblivious to the conversation, decided to make his own comments on the menu. "The shepherd's pie sounds great! I'm trying to decide between that or the lamb chops."

"Hey, you guys ready to order, or what?" their waitress demanded.

"Do you have a vegetarian menu I could look at," Piper inquired sheepishly.

"Sorry, sweetie," the waitress said as she smacked her gum loudly. "What you read on that menu is what there is to eat."

Hermes, still studying the menu intently, asked, "What is your shepherd's pie like? Is it better than the lamb chops?"

The waitress eyed him carefully. "For you," she began. "I'd go with the lamb chops."

Hermes closed his menu and handed it to her. "Great! I'll take that."

"Me, too," Will announced. "With a side of salad, please."

"Salad?" the waitress repeated incredulously. When Will nodded she sighed. "Salad it is. I'll see what I can do." And with that she walked off.

Soon enough, the waitress came back with two plates piled with meat of an undistinguishable shape. It smelled gross, looked gross, and as soon as Hermes took a bite, Will knew it tasted gross.

"I don't remember mortal food tasting this bad!" he exclaimed. "How do you stand it?"

Will looked down at his own plate. There was a bowl full of grass, undoubtedly meant to be the salad. "Here, this was supposed to be for you, Piper," Will announced. "I don't think you'll want it though." He continued to stare at his own plate, trying to think how he could work up the courage to devour even a bit of it.

Hermes continued to complain. "Would you just look at this barbecue! It's ridiculous! Far too red and metallic-tasting."

Will took notice of the barbecue. He had been around the infirmary enough to know something about it. "Um, Hermes, sir? That's not barbecue."

Piper's eyes widened. "You mean…?"

Will nodded in disgust. "Yeah, it's blood."

Piper covered her mouth with her hand. It looked as though she was fighting the feeling to throw up. Truth be told, it made Will a little queasy, himself. He looked around at the servers and customers. He got the feeling that there wasn't a human among them.

"Well, this is absolutely unacceptable! I'm going to have a word with the chef!" Hermes declared at the top of his lungs.

"No, no, no!" Will whispered, but it was too late. The thief god had already stormed through the door to the kitchen. Will and Piper jumped up after him.

Inside the kitchen was one of the most horrific things Will had ever seen. Meat—Olympus knew what kinds—hung everywhere, surrounded by flies. In the midst of it all was a huge woman with reptilian skin and a tail. She wore an old, faded Camp Half-blood T-shirt and held a cleaver over a chopped liver. It was then that Piper lost her dinner.

"May I help you?" she hissed in a voice that sounded like she had rocks stuffed in her mouth.

Hermes began to back out slowly. "Oh, we're terribly sorry. We were just wondering if there was anything for dessert."

The creature made a sound like she was choking. Will realized it was the sound of her laughter. "Of course, there's dessert." She held up her cleaver. "It's you."

Out of the corner of his eye, Will saw Piper draw her sword. Will hadn't thought to bring a weapon, which was stupid and borderline crazy.

Hermes tried to reason with her. "Come now, you have plenty of food around here. What could you gain by killing two harmless demigods?"

"Hmph," the monster began. "It was two harmless demigods that cost me my first life."

Hermes stopped short and furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm sorry, you are?"

She growled. "I'm Sybaris! The she-dragon and demon of Phocis! No one ever remembers me!"

"No! Of course I remember you!" Hermes insisted. "You were killed by…?"

"Eurybaros. He was supposed to be a sacrifice for me. He took the place of Alkyoneus. Now, he would've made a tasty meal. A bit stringy, maybe, but cooked medium rare…?" The dragon licked her lips contemplatively. "But today I'm stuck with these two. Now step aside, Hermes," Sybaris hissed, unsheathing her claws like Wolverine. "This is not your fight."

Hermes shrugged. "True enough. Sorry, kids," he sighed, and plopped down into the booth.

Sybaris wasted no time attacking. She lunged at Piper who just barely dodged the dragon's claws. Will watched as Sybaris' tail whipped around and slashed Piper across the face. The daughter of Aphrodite cried out in pain and lopped off the dragon's tail.

Sybaris reared back with a deafening screech. "Children!" she exclaimed. "My children! Help me!" All around, the customers and servers slowly morphed into creatures as horrifying as their mother. Some spit fire. Others had wings, perfect for swooping in and taking off Will's head. They all attacked Piper. Not a single one went after Will.

He felt so useless. Piper was doing alright, turning dragons into dust left and right, but Will could tell it was beginning to be too much for her. They just kept coming. "There's too many of them!" Piper called. "I can't take them all!"

Hermes, who was casually watching the fight from the booth, spoke up. "Wouldn't it be a shame," he exclaimed, "if somebody were to kill the mother, thus leaving her children without a purpose!"

"Shut up!" Sybaris spat.

Then an idea dawned on Will. It was risky, stupid, and would more than likely get him killed. Then again, he was going to die anyway. He might as well go for it.

He jumped up behind Sybaris a hung onto her neck, strangling her. The dragon stumbled backwards into the kitchen. Her claws pierced Will's arms several times in an attempt to get him off of her back. Will wouldn't let go. Instead he reached out with one hand and grabbed one of the kitchen knives on the counter. With it, he stabbed Sybaris's neck several times. It spurted blood which soaked the knife before the she-dragon and demon of Phocis dissolved into dust.

Piper rushed in the kitchen, covered in monster ash. "Oh, you're alive! Thank the gods!"

"Are they all dead out there?" Will inquired, his exasperation showing through his voice.

"Back in Tartarus. That was brave, what you did."

Will waved aside her words weakly. "It was stupid and it worked. That's all. Look at you, you're all beat up, and tired I'll bet."

Hermes poked his head through the door. "Is anybody dead in here? Only the dragon? Good. Will! I see you've got a new weapon. Is that dragon's blood?"

Will glanced down at the weapon in his hand. The thick substance was still running down the blade. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Fantastic! That knife is enchanted now. It will cut through almost any substance. Let's get this show on the road, campers!"

Will glanced at Piper. She was more exhausted than he was. They couldn't go on any longer without rest. "We need to rest, now," Will demanded. "We can't take this much longer."

Hermes sighed. "How did I know you were going to say that? Here," he said, pulling out two sleeping bags from his backpack. "Use these, and eat something." He pulled out two sandwiches, as well.

Will and Piper glanced at each other, and Will knew they were thinking the same thing. Hermes had food all along. They never needed to go into the restaurant. For reasons unknown to them, Hermes had made them fight the dragon.