A/N: As a side note, the last chapter I was this nervous about posting was the one in Chiaroscuro where *spoiler*Grunt decks Kaidan*spoiler*. I'll be in hiding for a bit after this.

(I've extended my master's program to August because the lack of work I've been doing in the past few weeks, for mental-emotional reasons, has been low. Which equates to writing this on the T, basically.)

Extra note: Chapter title for the next two chapters are from "Slaves and Bulldozers," Soundgarden. That in itself might be a bit of a spoiler for this chapter come to think of it, if you know the song.

So Bleed Your Heart Out

The deck of cards was exhausted and lying forlornly next to Shepard's elbow. The Major was leaning back in her chair again, hands tented over her torso and eyes closed. Kebelsen's face was lit by the orange of her omni-tool as shea checked her messages, keeping one eye on Shepard and the other on the mail she was writing. Joker adjusted his hat, folding his hands back behind his head.

"So no leave for you either?" Shepard finally asked.

Joker shook his head. "Nah. It's boring out there."

"Liar. You feel bad leaving me and Kebelsen all alone."

"I don't mind, ma'am," Kebelsen said immediately.

"Bullshit." Shepard opened her eyes. "Ships are boring when everyone's on leave or off in meetings."

"I didn't say it," Joker said. "You feeling better?"

She nodded. "The puking's stopped, mostly. Now I'm just starving all the time."

"You look good. Ma'am." Kebelsen cleared her throat slightly.

"I'm off active duty," Shepard replied. "No ma'aming." She leaned her head back again. "I just don't like that Alenko took off to deal with the Council without me."

"He'll be fine, Shep."

She sighed. "I know he will, Joker. Let the woman with crazy hormones worry and hold grudges." Shepard frowned. "The truth is that I hate being confined to the ship, the fact that Kaidan's put the kabash on me doing anything that isn't micromanaging up here, and that I'm not allowed to even defend myself."

"I think that you'd still be able to defend yourself if you had to, Major."

"You really want a nice Christmas present this year, don't you, Kebelsen?"

"If you're offering and flattery will get me there, yes."

"Can I get a nice Christmas present too this year, Shep?"

Shepard threw the deck of cards next to her at Joker, who mockingly shielded his face as they scattered around him. "You kidding, Joker? I owe you nice birthday and Christmas presents for the rest of our lives."

"Ooh. Can I have a pony?"

"Don't make me shoot you." She pointed at him threateningly.

"Do you hear that, Kebelsen? Have you ever heard such harsh words from any CO you've ever had?"

Kebelsen was laughing. "You two have been together for far too long. You fight like siblings."

Shepard grinned. "We do. And he and the ship fight like an old married couple."

"I told you before, Shepard, what Jeff and I exhibit—"

"—is a purely platonic symbiosis. Yes, I remember, EDI. Besides, Jack might space you if she found out."

Shepard smirked as she checked her omni-tool. "Heard that the Elysium kids might be on the Citadel on a trip, you know."

Joker glared at her. "She would have messaged me. Don't lie to me, Shepard, it hurts my feelings."

"Oh." There was a pause as she saw something in her messages, and opened it. "God damn it."

Both Joker and Kebelsen's interests were peaked. "What?"

"Message from Kaidan." She frowned, tapping her finger on her leg. Something churned in her stomach, a "bad feeling" of sorts. This was the same shit Echidna had pulled on Illium . . . but if there was a problem with the Council . . .

"Well? What does it say?"

"It's a level three Alliance encryption . . . Hold on." Shepard waited for the program to run, nervousness growing. Why would he use an encryption . . .? "There's a problem with the last report. The Council is demanding I get there." She pushed herself to her feet, picking up the sidearm from where she'd set it next to Joker's console.

"Are you sure it isn't . . ."

"No. But if there is a problem, then they need me there."

"You can't use the communicator?"

"Not if the Council is being this insistent."

"Wait, ma'am," Kebelsen said. "Let me get a rifle. I'll accompany you. You've got your shield gen, right?"

"I will go as well," EDI said, almost gracefully getting to her feet as she followed the marine to the elevator.

"I'm going too," Joker called after the duo.

"You are not," Shepard said, checking her clip.

"I am too," he insisted. "I'm not letting you walk out there and having Alenko chew my ass out."

"If this is Echidna, you'll just get yourself killed."

"So will you, so I don't see how it's much different." Shepard started towards the airlock, and Joker pulled himself to his feet and grabbed her arm.

"You stop it," he snapped, and Shepard jerked out of his weak grip and turned. "Just stop it right there. I watched you die twice, Shepard. I saw you get pulled out of the Normandy over Alchera. If Jack hadn't pulled you in you would have missed the ship on the Collector base. You were comatose for three days after Aratoht, and you weren't even let out of medbay for a week. And just how long were you in a coma after the Citadel, six months? A year?

"I heard that the shuttle crashed on Illium and I thought you know, after everything you've done, you were fucking dead again. And I swear to everything holy if you get your stupid self killed again I will never forgive myself, do you understand me?"

Shepard stared at him, then swallowed. "Jeff—"

"Don't 'Jeff' me. I've known you longer than anyone else on this damn ship, Shepard. If I say I'm coming with you, I'm coming with you — and I'm not saying that as your pilot."

She swallowed again, and nodded. "All right. But if you get yourself killed, it's your own fault."

"Fair enough. Besides, we've got EDI and Kebelsen." He grinned. "And if I'm flying the skycar, we aren't getting hacked."

Kebelsen and EDI returned then, EDI with her submachine gun on her hip and Kebelsen hefting one of the Revenant rifles. EDI handed Joker a pistol. "I believed this would be far easier for you to handle than a rifle."

"Fair enough." Joker pushed it down into one of the pockets on his pants and picked up his crutch, leaning on it more for stability than necessity.

"Come on then," Shepard said. "We'll just need to make it to the taxi terminal."

The docks were surprisingly empty that day, but part of that was likely due to a combination of rebuilding, lack of interest and the crew being on shore leave. The only people present were stacking food stores back up by the ship, overseen by Gardner. He nodded to them as they left.

"Major?"

"Kaidan needs backup at the meeting," she said. Gardner nodded and half saluted.

"See ya in a bit then."

They moved through the quiet docks, cutting through the waiting area out of sight of the ship. The taxi terminal was just through a series of doors, but the main thoroughfare was blocked off by the supply boxes being brought in for their ship, forcing them into the longer way around through the seats and barking news terminals.

It was halfway across that waiting area EDI suddenly jerked wildly, then slumped to the ground as her platform shut down.

"EDI!" Joker shouted, as Shepard pulled him back and all three ducked into cover behind a set of seats. "I told you this was a trap," he snapped as all three readied their guns.

"Call C-Sec," Shepard said, ignoring him. "I wasn't expecting an ambush close to the ship."

"Obviously," Joker retorted sardonically as his omni-tool bloomed around his wrist. "Maybe you were expecting Echidna to bring you cupcakes."

"Shut up," she snapped.

"Major," a voice called, and the trio traded a look. "If you hand your gun over, we won't have to hurt you."

"Who are you? Who sent you?" she called back, even though she knew. She just had to hear it for herself.

"I think you know."

"Kebelsen," she murmured. "How many?"

The woman had already had her omni-tool open. "Twenty hostiles in various spots."

"Comms are jammed. Probably locally." Joker swore under his breath — if they hadn't shorted out EDI's platform this would be a lot easier, since it meant she couldn't take control of his 'tool either. "I'll work around it but without EDI, it'll take a while."

"Fuck," Shepard murmured. "For what?" she called back over the seats.

"Your marine and your cripple get off free."

"Oi," Joker protested under his breath.

She glanced at both of them. Kebelsen shook her head. "No, ma'am. There's only twenty. We can handle this."

"Damn right we can," Joker replied. "Shep, this is a military grade block system. I need EDI to break it now. Otherwise it'll take time."

"Do it." Joker nodded, though she noted that the color had faded slightly out of his face, and she took a deep breath. "No deal," Shepard called back. "So get out of the way and I won't send your remains home in a matchbox."

"Really big talk for someone in your state, isn't it?"

Shepard took another deep breath, hand steadying her gun. "Let me see your readout." Kebelsen held it over, and she glanced at it before spinning, popping the smallest bit out of cover and firing, dropping the speaker with a shot that landed directly between his eyes. Kebelsen took the distraction to stick her own head out, flooring another as she took in the field.

"Three at twelve, two, and ten, three meters," she murmured. "Four more at one and nine, six meters. Others are snipers, I couldn't see them. Dropped singles at twelve and two."

"Fucking attack force," Shepard replied quietly. "I feel special."

"I don't think anyone would send less for you, ma'am."

"All right, if that's the way this is going to play out . . ." They winced as a shot slammed into the ground just beyond their legs, the retort obviously from a high-powered sniper rifle. "We are authorized to take you however necessary."

"We're going to need a crossfire," Shepard said quietly. "Kebelsen—"

"I can get over to that row of seats, ma'am," she replied with a nod, motioning with her gun. "Can hopefully get a clean shot on one of the snipers."

"I'll give you some cover fire." Shepard hated the fact that the seats were terrible cover — one good shot could take someone down in a second. "Go!"

Shepard opened fire with her pistol, forcing the men into their own cover as she fired over their heads. Kebelsen dove out, rolling to the side and into cover before opening her own fire as Shepard ducked down.

"We're going to take them out by groups," she said quietly, signing the directions to Kebelsen. "We're going to get the left groups at ten and eleven; she's going to get the ones at two and one. You aim for ten, you're more likely to hit."

"I thought I was just along for cover fire," he replied, still tapping on his 'tool.

"Not anymore." She glanced up and nodded. "If we can just get one each round we may have time for Gardner to sound the alarm, I'm sure he heard. Go!"

Shepard swung up, opening fire on the far group. Joker waited for Kebelsen to open fire on hers, and carefully jammed his hat down and poked his head the smallest bit up. After a few seconds of exchanging fire, they ducked back down. "Kebelsen?"

"Got four," she said. "I—"

"Maria!" Shepard interrupted, her voice a sharp bark; but her reaction hadn't been fast enough. The small, red targeting dot that she'd spotted on Kebelsen's forehead changed into a larger, natural one as the sniper round slammed through her skull. Kebelsen dropped, life-signs disappearing immediately on Shepard's omni-tool.

"Shit," Joker hissed.

"Yeah," Shepard agreed quietly. That meant at least one sniper had a decent line of sight . . . She tried not to panic. She was apparently to be taken alive, but that was only her . . . "How far down can you get into cover?"

"Doin' my best, Shepard, trust me," Joker replied quietly as he sunk even further against the seats.

Shepard glanced at the body of her lieutenant, then back at Joker. He shook his head. "Don't you fucking do it, Shepard."

"Doesn't look like we have much of a choice. Where the hell is C-Sec?"

"Don't you fucking do it," he snapped. "You hear me?"

"I got her killed by walking like an idiot into an ambush - something I have to explain to her parents. I'm not going to get you killed too," she replied, just as sharply.

"So, Major, you ready to come on out, or are we gonna have to kill him too?"

"She says no," Joker snapped for her. There was a quiet laugh.

"We're at an impasse," Shepard shouted out. "I'm not coming out, and you're not leaving. So how about we make a deal, all right?"

"What sort of deal?"

"You get the hell away from my ship." Shepard moved to a gap between seats, firing towards the group at ten. Since they weren't expecting it, she managed to drop all three of them before having to duck back into cover. "How are communications going?"

Joker shook his head. "I told you, Commander, this is a military-grade comm blocker. It's going to take time without EDI."

"She can't get through?"

"No."

Shepard rested her head back on the seat, drawing a slow breath. A shot tore through the seat next to them, making Joker jump and Shepard merely glance over, looking irritated.

"Joker —"

"No, Shepard. No."

"What choice do we have?"

"Uh, I don't know. Running? Running is always good."

Shepard raised an eyebrow at him. "How fast can you run?"

"Right. Good point."

Shepard grit her teeth as she glanced between the seats again. Years of special forces training had taught her only two things for a situation where she was pinned down with what practically could have been a civilian and subpar or nonspecialized weaponry.

Well, three things, but "create the biggest explosion possible" was not an option at the moment. Nor was a sudden fourth, "blow everyone skyhigh biotically," which was more from biotics special training than anything.

But no, in this circumstance the old commands "don't die" and "if you do die, make everything as inconvenient as possible for everyone around you" were the only ones she could cling to. And that was exactly what she did, as she slammed her palm into the side of her pistol to eject its clip and replace it with another she drew out of a pocket.

They were probably going to win. But she was going to make them bleed.

#

When Kaidan sprinted through the doors separating the Normandy's official dock from the rest of the docking bays, he walked straight into what was both a crime scene and a scene of absolute and utter chaos.

"Executor." He spotted the turian near the turn to the Normandy airlock, talking to the mess sergeant — he and the man had become quite friendly recently — who was slumped in a seat with his head in his hands. EDI stood next to him, not even moving as she curtly answered his questions. At Kaidan's shout he turned back, then waved to the C-Sec lieutenant to let him through. "Executor Chellick," Kaidan repeated as he drew to a stop. "I came as soon as you said there'd been an attack. What happened?"

"I'm afraid it's not good news, Major," the turian answered, possibly with more calm than he should have.

Kaidan pinched his first two fingers and thumb together across his eyes, the sweeping motion creating starbursts against his eyelids. "Cut to the chase and tell me what happened. Is Shepard all right?"

The Executor paused, and motioned to the general scene in reply. "Fifteen casualties out of an estimated twenty attackers. One of yours." He nodded back towards the far right of the waiting area, where a bag was being loaded onto a stretcher. "A Lieutenant Maria Kebelsen. One shot, sniper round. Exited behind her left ear. Never felt it. Rest are all unknown. Some merc group we don't recognize. None injured. Five of them had knife wounds." Chellick handed him an evidence bag, and Kaidan ducked his head and drew a deep breath when he recognized Shepard's combat knife.

"And Shepard?" he asked quietly, somehow managing to tear his gaze away from it and hand the bag back.

"Kaidan," EDI said gently. "Shepard is gone."

"What do you mean gone." Even the word sent his pulse rising, and really the tone couldn't have been considered a question. He wasn't interested in speculations; he wanted to know where the hell she'd gone and how the hell to get there, and he would tear through whoever this merc group was by himself if he had to.

"We . . ." EDI made the AI equivalent of clearing her throat as she carefully folded her hands behind her back. "As I informed the Executor, Shepard had received a message that seemed to be from you stating there was a problem at the Council meeting. She insisted on going to meet you. Neither I nor the lieutenant agreed to let her go alone. Jeff insisted on going as well."

"Joker was out here?" He turned his attention to Chellick again. "And where is my pilot?"

The turian shook his head again. "We . . . aren't sure, either."

"Is there anything you are sure of?" he snapped, dropping his hand.

"Sergeant Gardner heard the exchange," EDI said. "From the supply boxes. He made the correct decision to not become involved."

"Sorry, major," Gardner murmured, voice muffled by his palms as he held his head.

"You wouldn't have been able to do much," Kaidan admitted, though it hurt to do so. No, Gardner from all reports had barely been able to hold the proper end of a gun. He would have just been another casualty, probably another death.

"What about you?" Kaidan turned his attention to EDI. She said she had gone with them - why was she still here?

"The group that attacked us had to be Echidna," she said in her typically calm voice. "They shorted out my platform and laid down a communications block in the immediate area. By the time I was able to break it, they had been gone for several minutes. This indicates that they had a knowledge of how to deactivate this platform as well as known Cerberus jamming technology."

"And you think they have both of them."

"Yes."

As Kaidan opened his mouth it was almost as if EDI could read his next statement, and raised her hand in a placating fashion. "I have already been going through all C-Sec information. They were taken to a long-distance shuttle that landed at the CRT panel, then into the lower wards before exiting the tip of one of the ward arms. The shuttle has already entered the Widow Relay despite a valiant show of effort by the only cruiser I could reach."

"You sent a cruiser after them?" Even Chellick sounded surprised. She nodded as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I only told them that there were important political hostages aboard, however. I suspected if I did not the ship would merely be destroyed." She turned back to Kaidan. "Unfortunately, Major, I have not yet been able to track their trajectory through the relay."

Kaidan clenched and unclenched his fists a few times with a few deep breaths before turning his attention back to the Executor. Yes, this was his wife - his pregnant wife - but years of experience had easily demonstrated that flipping his shit over half the Citadel would get nothing done. He would have to do it later. He clenched his fists again, took a few more deep breaths, and said, "do we know if either were injured?"

"It looks as if they resulted to a gas grenade. Likely an anesthetic." Kaidan nodded as he pointed out the relevant areas of the scene. "Spectre Shepard and your pilot were behind this row of seats. She was probably able to resist the effect longer, hence the close combat. There's some blood, but it isn't too much." He pointed out the areas. "Genetic match is still-"

"It's Jeff's, Major," EDI said quietly.

Kaidan swore quietly. "Any indication how bad it would have been?" All he'd need to know was that, then just multiply it by seventy or so.

"Superficial at most. Judging by the remains of the Alliance tech-ops grade omni-tool over there, it was probably aimed at that." He nodded to a blackened band of circuitry on the floor just near where they had been. "They apparently handled them quite carefully. Do you know why?"

"I may." Kaidan traded a look with EDI and Gardner. "I need to go back to the Council. Transmit me your report as soon as possible." Though he was particularly unconcerned about the Council's response - or the Alliance's, for that matter. Shepard would be back and he would be the one to do it, come hell or high water; he didn't much care who tried to stop him. He delivered one last order as he turned on his heel. "EDI, call Liara."

"Right away."

A/N: Um . . . yeah. I'll be in hiding.

Jillian: I hope it still helps you have a good day? Um . . . I love you? *hides*