Part 14

When you want to escape your life November 23rd, 2007 – Friday - 3:30 pm

I went to school with a new plan this week. It´s called: Try to listen to your teacher. And – who would have thought it – it actually works. Kyle and Lonnie stayed out of my way the entire week, maybe Michael had something to do with this?

Today Billy and Sean are waiting for me in front of the school. I saw them too late, so now I have to deal with them.

"Hey!" I greet as nice as I can and try to force a smile.

"Why're you avoiding us?" Billy comes straight to the point.

"I'm not avoiding you," I deny. "I was just busy. I was looking for a job and studying."

"So you're a nerd now?" He takes my books from me.

"Give them back!" I try to stay cool and confident, but he throws them into a nearby puddle.

"Oops!" He makes a fake startled face, grabs me my shoulder hard, and drags me along with him for a few meters.

"I swear if there's someone else behind this, I'll kill him ... and you!"

I pull away from him. "There isn't."

"We'll see. Come by my place at 5:00 pm."

"I…" I try to find an excuse, but come up empty.

"You'll be there, or else I'll come and get you. Got the message?" He glares at me in anger.

I nod. "Okay." Then he leaves and I bend down to pick up my dirty, soaked books. "Great," I mutter under my breath.

***

I knock on Billy's apartment door with a shaking hand.

Why does he want me to be here?

He opens the door. "You're late!"

"Sorry, the first subway was too crowded." And I was in no hurry to see you.

I enter the apartment and sigh with relief as I see that the others are there, too. Thank God, I´m not alone with him.

"So, now that we're all here, will you tell us why we're here?" Ryan asks Billy.

"I've got news: I saw Rath today. Sad to say, he seems to be alright again," he starts. A murmur goes through the room, but I stay silent and bite my bottom lip.

"Bad weeds grow tall!" Sean replies emotionlessly.

"Too true! We're gonna have to be careful now... Without Rath they're nothing, but when he´s fit again, they may call for retaliation soon."

"And what should we do? Hide in our apartments?" Brody says.

"Of course not. We´re not gutless. Just be careful."

"That´s all, man? Cause there's a hot chick waiting to get laid." Ryan grins and high-fives Billy.

"Sure! Get out of here and fuck that bitch." He turns in my direction. "Wanna fuck me?" he asks, but it sounds more like an order.

"Sorry, I'm on my period." Wow, quick excuse. If I could, I would pat my own back.

Billy grimaces. "Eww, disgusting. Well, I've gotta find someone else then."

His remark hurts me, even if I don´t care about him.

"So, Brody… Sean… were can we meet some chicks? Girls, you stay at home this weekend. You don't go out in public."

Ava nods obediently.

"It's getting dark. Can we go home now?" I ask and try not to sound as pissed as I am.

He seems to think about it for a moment. "Leave," is all he says.

***

I rummage around in my bag to find the key for the front door. "Where are you?" I murmur to myself and then I finally find it.

"What the...?" I try to put it in the lock, but it doesn't work. I think there must be another key in the lock at the other side of the door.

"Great. This day really sucks."

I knock on the door, but – of course – nothing happens. "Mom!" I shout. "Open the door, I can´t come in; you left your key in the lock."

Still nothing.

"MOM!" I yell, louder.

"Shut up." A voice behind the door yells back – it´s George.

"Then let me in."

"We don´t want to see you right now."

"But I live here." I desperately try to convince him to open the door.

"Not today. Go somewhere else."

"There's no place I can go. Mom, are you there? Please, just let me go to my room. Please Mom, don´t listen to that bastard. I'm your daughter." My voice sound so desperate at the end of the sentence.

"Shut up, bitch," George howls.

Tears cloud my eyes as I silently stare a moment longer at the locked door, then I go back outside and shiver as the cold wind blows in my face.

I stand in the in the middle of the street and look to the left then to the right. Where should I go? There is no place where I can go. Billy is not an option, of course; Sean hangs around with him, and Ava would never let me stay at her place.

***

I stayed at one of the malls until it closed at 8pm, looking at all these things I could never afford. At least it was warm and dry.

The smell of food in the air made me very hungry, but I don´t have a single penny to spend. So I´m sitting on a bench in the subway station right now because it's been raining for hours outside. I pull my legs against my body and wrap my arms around them to keep me warm but it doesn't help much. My eyes close every now and then; I'm so tired, but I know that I mustn´t fall asleep outside – it´s too cold.

Suddenly, someone rouses me out of my light doze. "Look at the bitch."

I turn in the direction where the voice had come from and spot Lonnie and Michael. My heart pounds as he meets my gaze, but I know that he can´t be nice to me when someone from his gang is around so I just answer weakly, "Leave me alone," and turn away.

"Come on, it´s cold," I hear Michael say to her.

"But she's alone, Rath. At least we could annoy her a little."

"I'm not interested. Come on, I wanna find something to eat."

He pulls her away from me and they disappear into one of the trains. I exhale and try not to be disappointed.

***

Only a few minutes had passed when my cell phone starts to beep.

'One unread message', it says. It takes me a while to open it and I smile a little when I see the name of the sender. Of course it's from Michael. Who else?

WHAT'RE YOU DOIN' OUTSIDE? IT´S COLD – GO HOME!

"Easier said than done!" I murmur to myself.

I try to answer the message – but I've never had a cell phone before so it takes a few minutes.

I CAN´T GO HOME RIGHT NOW. BUT DON`T WORRY, I`ll MANAGE.

Preferably, I want to ask him to come back here again, but I won´t. He can´t change my situation and I don´t want to bother him. Besides, he's still hurt and it's too dangerous.

I stare at the phone in my hand. Will he text again? The renewed beep releases me from the waiting.

I´LL CALL YOU AFTER I GOT RID OF LONNIE.

I'm so excited as I read his short sentence. Even though I know it´s wrong... I'm impatient to hear his voice again.

***

An hour has passed since his last text – but nothing; no call, no message. Maybe he forgot about me? How could he forget me while I was thinking about him the whole time?

I stand up and walk around a little, because my feet are very cold and they ache. Where should I go? I can't stay here all night. Homeless people will arrive soon as they seek a little shelter from the cold wind. They won't accept my presence here.

Suddenly – and finally – my cell phone starts to ring. I nervously pull it out of my bag. What will he say?

"Yeah!" I answer the phone.

"Hey, it's Michael. Sorry, took me a while to get rid of her. Where are you?"

"Still where you saw me last," I confess, my voice shivering.

I can hear him sigh at the other end.

"Okay, you wanna meet me at the park? You know... where we met once before?"

I know that I should say no and hang up because he's not able to help me, but I just can´t say those words out loud.

"Maria?" he asks again.

"Yeah," I reply quietly. "I… I wanna meet you."

***

He's already there, leaning against a tree, when I get to the park. I try to find something to say to him when I reach him, but nothing smart and intelligent comes to mind. So I stop in front of him and just say, "Hi."

"Hey!" He takes a step forward. "I brought you a pullover from home. You've gotta be really cold."

I nod. "Thank you." Then I pull it over my head. It's way too big, but I don´t care.

He shoves his hands in his pockets. "You wanna take a walk?"

Again, I nod silently.

"Tell me what´s wrong?" Michael asks directly.

"Nothing!" I deny without conviction.

"You look horrible!" he declares.

"Thank you. That's just what I wanted to hear," I snarl at him.

"But it's the truth. You look like you haven´t slept or eaten in days. I´ve always imagined that Billy's the only trouble in your life, but I was wrong, right?"

I don't answer. I can't. I would start to cry the moment I begin to speak.

He scratches his eyebrow. "Maria, how am I supposed to help you when you won´t tell me anything?"

"I didn't ask you to help me, Michael." I almost scream at him, because my emotions are so overwhelming. "Because you can´t help me... you can´t change... my situation."

We stop and stare at each other; tears are streaming down my cheeks. I want to turn away to hide my face from him, but he grabs my wrist.

"Come here!" He pulls me against his chest and loops his arms around me. "You're so cold!" he whispers into my hair.

I hold onto him desperately. "Everyody wants to get rid of me or lies to me," I sob quietly into his jacket, my whole body quivering.

"I won't!" he promises in a soft tone.

He pulls his cell phone out without letting me go.

"Liz? It's Michael."

"You alone?"

"Can you distract Max for a while? Take him out for dinner or something."

"Maria's gonna sleep at my place tonight. I´ll explain later."

I look up at him in horror, shaking my head and mouth the word NO without making a sound. He calmly stares at me and continues talking to Liz.

"Okay, call me when you´re leaving." Then he hangs up the phone.

"No, Michael. I can't sleep at your place. It's too dangerous. What happens when someone from your gang drops by?"

"Liz will distract Max for a while so we can get into my apartment unseen. We'll have to be qiuet tomorrow morning, but it'll work. Kyle, Lonnie and Alex don´t come to my apartment uninvited."

"But..." I start again. I don't want him to risk anything for me.

He presses a finger against my lips. "It's okay. Nobody will know."

I hope he´s right.