CATO:
Long hours passed in the blink of an eye, and I felt myself losing time. It felt like there was a timer edged in my brain, reminding me that I only had five hours left to try and do anything that I can to find some way to change my fate. I had, to some extent, accepted the fact that I was most likely going to die, but I couldn't help but feel as though I can do something to change it.
I knew Rose wasn't going to forgive me, but I still had that hope, that stupid fucking hope I always have with her, that she would just let it go. But why the hell would she? I've done so much, caused her so much pain, that if I was in her situation, I would watch myself being killed with a smile.
All that I had to do was wait, and so that was what I did. I waited... And waited... And waited until I couldn't wait anymore. But even then, I still waited because that was all that I could do.
I hadn't planned on telling Rose about the deal that Snow had given me because I didn't want to have to force her into making a decision about me. Knowing her well, if I would have told her before giving her a chance, she would've forgiven me without even thinking about it. Rose is too predictable sometimes.. She would rather live through the suffering in her heart than let me go so easily.
Even though I don't want to admit it, it hurt like hell hearing her say no, hearing her tell me she that she wasn't going to do this with me anymore. It was scary, almost like a bad dream that I couldn't escape from. I wanted it to be over, to let it pass and move on from it forever, but knowing myself, it would just be a matter of time before I did the same thing to her again. I was tired of it, tired of all of the bullshit and the struggling, and I knew she was, too.
I had to leave her one last thing, though, something to remember me by... My last apology to her.
My hands fumbled around until I found a pen and some paper. I let her words and the sorrow on her face guide my mind, my hand and my heart, and I just began to write, not caring about anything in the world but pouring my final thoughts to her.
I remember the first day that all of this started. I had one goal in mind, and that was to win the Games. That had been my goal since I was nine years old, to be honest. I would kill everyone off and then the Careers and make it back home in the blink of an eye. That was my goal, my only goal...
But then there was the reaping.
Although I watched the entire thing and saw every tribute, I just couldn't seem to forget about you. The brave girl that didn't let her sister volunteer for her. Only 15 years old, and expressing more courage than any woman, or man, that I have ever known. You stood there firmly and told your sister that it was your turn to protect her, and though you didn't say it, everyone could see it in your eyes. Even though your legs shaked, and you walked with uncertainty, you made it onto that stage and stood there proudly, knowing that you had done the one and only thing you could.
The day we watched the reaping, Clove threatened to take you first, but I punched her in the nose. Thinking about it now, it was hilarious, probably the funniest thing I've done since leaving Two, but honestly, that was the first time I vowed to protect you. Nothing and no one would stand in my way of getting you. Not her, and not anyone else.
And then I saw you, in the flesh, for the first time right before our Tribute's Parade. You were like nothing I had ever seen before. The way that black suit clung to your delicate frame, and how your hips swayed, but not too much as though you were aware of how insecure you were in such a tight outfit. Your body was the most exquisite thing I had ever seen, with you small waist and slightly wide hips, your perfectly rounded chest, those slim legs... perfection is what I would call you, even more so now.
I wanted to do something to get you to notice me, but you were too busy talking to Peter to notice. I was seriously contemplating walking up to you and just stealing you away from him, but I didn't need to. Because in a split second, your eyes began wandering, searching for what I later realized was me.
Your eyes found mine with caution, and I watched as a small gasp escaped your pink lips. You blinked, probably a thousand times, and took in every single one of my features. The blush, it was the first time I had seen it. Your cheeks flushed into the remnants of what I thought was a rose, soft and pink. I could tell you were trying to look away, but you couldn't.
I know it's cocky to say, but I knew I had you just from that look.
The rest seemed to pass in a blur, with the Games fastly approaching and us falling for one another freely. The only moment where time could have stood still was the first time we kissed. I could feel how afraid you were just from touching you, holding you against that bathroom wall. Back then I thought you could be a game. That since you were going to die anyway, I could have you for a little while before you were gone. That changed with that kiss. I thought you were afraid of me, but now, looking back, I know that wasn't it. I was feeling very brave when I leaned in to kiss you because I wasn't sure if you wanted that.
But you did.. God you really did. The connection our lips made sent something down my spine. The softness of your lips rubbing against mine and the occasional scrape of teeth. Your innocence and hesitance sparked something in me. You seemed sure and unsure all at once. And the way you looked at me.. It was intense, filled with every emotion you could muster up. We were different, but I guess we didn't care.
I loved you from that day on, and I know it's extreme saying that, but it's true. I fell in love with you at that moment.
Which is why I am so sorry to have hurt you in the ways that I did.
Through all of our arguments, and there were a lot, you always stuck by my side, telling the both of us that I could change and that we would get through anything together. We almost did.. Almost.
I can't do this anymore, Cato.
You telling me that you couldn't handle us anymore.. It was eye opening. But I knew it, baby. I knew from the moment we started it would only end this way, but being my completely stubborn fucking self, I had to go ahead and pursue you anyway. I went for the one thing that I was certain was impossible to have. Still, I just had to have you, even though I was aware that I would lose you in the same process.
But who wouldn't want you? Who wouldn't want that shy smile and those big blue eyes staring up at you with adoration? Who wouldn't want to love you, to make love to you, with your perfectly untouched skin and beautiful face? Who wouldn't want to hear you call his name, tell him how much you love him, and how scared you were that he would hurt you? Why wouldn't he want to hold you and take away all of the pain? Why wouldn't he fight God if he needed to for you?
I don't think I can name anyone who would answer me with a 'no'. He'd be too stupid to let someone like you go.
Like me, I guess.
You are the definition of the perfect girl for any man. I was just too stupid to realize how much that meant to me until now. Anyone would be lucky, except you know that I would kill any man that came near you.
...did you ever stop to think that almost every single time I cry, it's because of you...
I thought about making you cry every day, every time you shed even a lone tear. It hurt me to hurt you, but somehow, I just couldn't stop myself from doing it. I should have known that things like this would happen.. But I also should have stopped myself from acting on them because I would rather hurt myself than hurt you. With every drop of salty sadness, a piece of me would crumble, but when I made you happy.. When I made you smile again, it was like I was slowly putting the pieces back together.
...the ones about you are the ones I cannot bear any longer.
Nightmares. We both had them. You had them about Peeta, about the Games. But what I didn't expect was for you to have them about me. I thought I was your knight, your savior that you could run to when you were afraid, didn't know what to do, or was just alone. I wanted to be the one person that you could trust with anything in this world. I never would have hoped that I'd be the one you were running away from.
I guess I brought your worst nightmares to life by betraying your trust and your love, and I don't think that anything will let them go away except for me treating you right. I wish, more than anything, that I could fix myself and fix you, and let those demons go away, but I understand that you would rather fix them on your own rather than bring me back into your life.
Really, I was your nightmare, and you were my daydream.
I called Mum and Charlie today, but they didn't answer the phone strangely. So whenever you read this, could you please let them know that I love them, and that I'm sorry that this is the way that they're losing me? Tell Ma not to cry, because I know she will, and tell Charlie to look after her, just like I taught him.
I'm sorry I could be your knight, the ending to the perfect fairy tale you deserve.
Even though I won't be there, I'll always protect you, my little Rose, and I will never let you go.
Yours, forever,
Cato.
There was a pounding knock on the door, interrupting me from the flow of words on the paper in front of me. I checked the clock on the side of the bed.
Damn, it's time.
It took me five hours to write that whole letter. I had been so consumed with thinking and writing, writing and thinking, that I hadn't even noticed that so much time had passed. The moon shined through the window shutters, creating a gloomy, yet peaceful mood in this room. I guess that was why I was at ease and able to write without worries.
"Stand up," One of the two Peacekeepers said to me in a monotonous voice.
I stood up slowly, leaving the pen and almost five pieces of paper sitting neatly on the desk. Hopefully Snow wouldn't touch it, and after I'm gone, Rose will come in here and find the letter. I hope she reads it and holds on to every word on the paper.
"Turn around."
"What the fuck do I gotta turn around for? How about you take me where I need to go so we can get this shit-"
One of the Peacekeepers kicks me down so that I fall on my knees and then they place a black bag over my head while simultaneously tying my hands up behind me.
"What the hell is going on? Snow knows that I'm not going to tr-"
I'm punched in the face, and it only makes me really wanna beat the shit out of the two of these men and not even care about it. I try and wriggle my hands out of the rope, but I only get hit again, this time in the gut.
Fuck, if I wasn't doing this for Rose, I would be going down for two counts of first degree murder.
They grab me harshly and yank me up to stand, where they began to drag me to where I was guessing would be my end. I tried yanking myself away from their tight grips, but they only tightened them even more, letting me know that I wouldn't be able to escape the inevitable death.
How would they do it? Would they just shoot me and get this thing over with? Will Snow torture me for disobeying his rules? Will he make Rose watch?
Shit, I don't want her to watch. That would be one of the darkest things for her to see.
Thinking about it, Snow would make her watch, and he'd probably smile at the fact that she would be seeing this all with pain in her heart.
And if my family has to watch...
I hear a large door creaking as it is opened and then I'm being shoved onto a hard cement floor.
"What's going on?!" I yell into what I thought was just empty space. My voice echoes against the walls and I try to catch my breath. A Peacekeeper is holding me down, making sure that I don't escape.
"Pumpkin?!"
Oh hellno! What the fuck...?
"Ma?" I yell. I'm gonna fucking murder Snow.
No. She cannot be here.
"Baby, what's going on?" I swear that's my mother voice.
"Ma, ma are you really here?"
My eyes look around, even though I can't see shit. This fucking black bag is cutting off my sight and my breathing, two things that I really wish I had right now. I must be in the same room as Ma if I can hear her so clearly. But why is she here?
"Yes," she answers shakily.
I fucking knew it. I knew something was up. Snow wouldn't just kill me and get things over with. He always has this grand plan. Nothing is ever easy when it comes to him.
"Did they hurt you? Where's Charlie?" I ask in a hurry. Fuck this, if they laid a hand on my mother or my baby brother, the Capitol is going to have hell to pay.
"No, no I'm fine, Charlie's at home being watched by one of the neighbors. I don't know what happened. We were just getting ready for lunch when a Peacekeeper stormed in. He told me to take Charlie somewhere safe and then they tied me up, threw a bag over my head and knocked me out. I woke up here, I guess, and now you're here."
First Rose, now my family? What was Snow really planning?
This was only supposed to be about me, not anyone else. I was supposed to be the one to suffer for all of the bad decisions that I've made. Why would he bring my Mum into this? She has already had to suffer so much for everything I've done, so why bring so much more pain on her?
More doors creaked and I heard people being thrown into the room with us.
There was a panicked cry and I could have sworn that it was Rose's mother.
Then came quiet, but heavy breathing on both sides of me, and out of nowhere, my eyes were adjusting to bright light.
The bag had beem removed. I looked around.
We were sitting in a circle in front of monitors, all seven of us.
Me, Mum, Cinna, Haymitch, Rose's Mum, Katniss, and... Dad?
Oh my god.
I did not look at him. I didn't look at his face, which so similarly mirrored mine, his blond hair, green eyes, his body slumped on the ground as he was still knocked out.
There was a Peacekeeper standing behind each one of us, a gun pointed at the backs of our heads.
What the bloody hell was going on?
The monitors were pitch black.
Mum let loose and began sobbing, mumbling quiet phrases that I couldn't understand. She was so afraid.
"Mum, please, you have to stay calm. Everything is going to be alright," I tried to reassure her, even though I know that it wasn't going to be okay. Something horrible was going down.
Ma didn't stop her tears, just let her body tremble with fear and sadness.
"I knew it, I knew you were only trouble," Katniss whispered, shaking her head. Rose's Mum stayed silent, her blind hair tousled on her head and her blue eyes wide with fear.
She looked just like my baby.
I wanted to say something, but I knew what Katniss was saying was true. All of this was because of me, no one else. What more could I do but accept defeat?
"Does anyone know what's going on?" Cinna asks in a calm voice. Leave it to him to always be the one to keep everyone calm in times of panick.
Everyone but Haymitch shook their heads. Of course we knew nothing about what going on. No one, not even me, was expecting this.
"Haymitch, tell us what the hell is going on, right now."
Haymitch sighs. "It goes like this only in the most extreme cases. I've only seen it once before, about twenty yea-"
The lights began to flicker, cutting Haymitch off in the middle of his explanation of what was happening. The monitors in front of us switched on, and there she was.
She was standing next to Snow, looking us all in the eyes, hers watered slightly. Her lips were parted, trembling as she willed herself not to cry. She was scared, she was so scared. Snow was holding onto her arm, not so much that he was hurting her, but not too loose that she would be comfortable. Her eyes were trained on mine, but I could not tell which emotion they held. For the first time ever, I couldn't tell what she was thinking.
"Hello all," President Snow started, smiling cynically. "I'm sure you're all wondering what you're doing here."
Everyone stares straight at him, not speaking a word. Mum was the only one that kept her eyes to the ground.
I couldn't stop staring at Rose's Mum. If we would have lasted forever, that it what she would look like...
"I was thinking." Snow lets go of Rose, causing her to let out a huge sigh. "I couldn't just kill Cato off without giving him one more chance to survive. He would be one of the best assets on our team here at the Capitol, what with our army and training for the Games in the future."
"Well then just let me live," I almost yell. "What is the point of putting all of these people through so much trouble when it's all about me?"
Snow smiles again. "Oh, but it is not all about you. Everything we did, all of the plans we made, revolved around this young lady, right here. So, we're going to play a little Game of Russian Roulette, but with a twist."
What the fuck is going on?
Dad... Why? Why is he here?
"Snow, if you think this is some fucking game, it's not. These are people's lives that you're playing with, innocent people that have done nothing but listen and work for you."
"Cato, you played games with me, and now it's my turn to do the same with you."
He turns to Rose and reaches a hand out to her. She shakes her head no, taking steps away from him. God dammit, she's terrified of him.
I need to save her.
"Come here, darling. No one is going to hurt you."
Rose tells him no again.
"If you do not come here, right now, I'm going to kill them all and make you watch."
I watch as she gulps and steps forward, taking his hand.
"Good girl. Now, I want you to pick three numbers, one through seven."
Seven.. there's seven of us.
I know what's fucking going on.
He's making her choose which of us to kill. He's planning to make all of us suffer, not just me.
"Now, don't be shy," he says while grabbing her arm harshly. She lets out a cry.
Fuck!
Rose closes her eyes, taking a deep breath.
"One."
Am I one? Which am I?
"Two," she mumbles lightly as a tear falls down her face. She knew it.. she knew that she was killing three of us, the people that are nearest and dearest to her heart.
Why would Snow make someone so innocent go through so much sorrow?
I am so sorry, baby, I am so, so sorry.
"And six."
Snow looked directly into the screen and nodded his head at the Peacekeepers, I assumed.
I would forgive her, I would if she killed me, or my Mum, or anyone. I would.
If it's not me, we would get through it together. We would.
This is it.
The guns cock, and I know that this is the end.
I'm gone.
I'm just glad that I got through so many things in life and made it out alive. I was able to live through a horrible childhood, and even worse teenage era, and I even fell in love.
I'd say I had the best life.
-
Yaaaaaaay, it's done my beautiful people!
So, who do you think are the three people that were killed? Comment below with your thoughts.
Hate comment of the week: " I absolutely love the theme and plot, but it the actual content itself is ridiculously childish... You're 18, not 8. Try harder for God's sake."
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Cheers. Laters, baby.
Myesha xx