Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Chapter Eighteen

My back had finally healed after the shooting on my latest mission and I was now standing outside my brother´s door, hoping to convince him to allow me to get another tattoo.

I knocked on his door and then I waited. Soon the door opened but it wasn´t Sasori who had opened it, it was Deidara. "Hi Blossom, you want to talk to Sasori, un?" I nodded yes and he let me in while telling me. "He´s not here right now but he´ll be back soon." I sat on the bed and told him.

"That's okay, I can wait. I probably need the extra time to figure out something that will convince him anyway."

Deidara looked at me curiously and then asked. "What are you going to try and convince him about, un?" I gave Deidara a smile and said happy.

"I want to get him to let me get another tattoo; it's not my birthday until next month so I still need his permission."

"Why don´t you just wait another month then?" Deidara asked and I sighed.

"Yeah I could do that… But I don´t want to. I´ve got this supercool idea for a tattoo and I want it now, I want to show everyone the tattoo on my birthday…" I explained and I saw Deidaras eyes glitter with interest.

"If I help you convince Sori will you tell me what tattoo you want? I´ll keep it a secret, I promise, un."

"Sure Deidei." I said with a huge smile. "I plan to get a sakura tree with all of your names engraved on it. Then in the shadow of the tree I want to have a gravestone without a name, oh and about a third of the tree closest to the gravestone is going to be dead and the other two thirds are going to be alive and blooming."

Silence followed and I started to wonder if Deidara didn´t like my idea when he suddenly almost crushed me in a hug. "You really want all of our names tattooed on your body?" He sounded happy but had a slight hint of astonishment in his voice as well.

"Yeah, you guys are my family, of course I want to." I told him and he released me.

"I´ll convince Sori, you go and talk to Kakuzu." He told me before more or less shoving me out the door. I guess he liked the idea of his name on my body. I shrugged and went to talk to Kakuzu instead.

He was in his bedroom, going over some papers when I found him. "Hi Kazu!" I told him happily while sitting down on the edge of his desk. He took one look at me and asked me.

"What do you want Sakura?"

"Well, I would like another tattoo… please?" Kakuzu put away his papers before turning to fully face me.

"Do you have Sasoris permission?" I bit my lip and was about to answer him 'not yet' when another person answered for me.

"Yes she does." I turned my head to see Sasori standing in the doorway, looking as if he had known about this for weeks and not only minutes. I gave him a thankful smile and watched him walk away, a smile on his lips as well. I turned back towards Kakuzu to see what he would say.

"When do you want to do it then?" He simply asked me and I took a quick look at the clock before asking him.

"Today perhaps? If you have time and don´t mind spending the evening with me?" He only looked at me, surprise clear in his eyes.

"The evening? How big tattoo are we talking about?" I smiled against him.

"I was thinking about a back piece actually…"

He looked at me for a long time and I was starting to fear he would say no when he nodded and said. "Fine, be ready to leave in an hour." I eagerly nodded and hurried back to Sasoris room, hoping to find Deidara there.

I did and asked him to draw a sketch of my new tattoo which he eagerly agreed to. I then went to the kitchen and packed some food for me and Kakuzu. Right before we left, I got the sketch from Deidara, it was beautiful and he had added my name over the tree, making the picture even better.

When I showed Kakuzu the sketch he got all silent before hugging me as well. It seemed like this was going to be a success after all, if all of them would react like this when seeing my new tattoo.

It took Kakuzu many long hours before my new tattoo was finished, but it was totally worth it. The tree looked amazingly alive and my name across my shoulders was inky black and hot neon pink.

When Kakuzu had wrapped my back and we were about to go back to the car, he stretched his back out and I could hear some of his vertebras pop. I frowned as he grimaced at the pops but didn´t say anything until we were in the car heading home.

"Does your back hurt?" I asked him, still frowning.

"Nothing to worry about Sakura, it always gets like this after long tattoo sessions." His answer didn´t make me feel any better. Instead it made me feel rather guilty…

"Well anyway when we get back, I´m giving you a back rub." I told him with a smile that made him chuckle.

But things didn´t go as smooth as I had hoped when we came home, Pein was waiting for us at the garage and he didn´t seem too happy.

"Sakura I´ve called you seven times, why didn´t you pick up?" I looked at my phone and saw that he had indeed called me seven times; I also saw that the sound was turned off.

"Sorry Pein I had it on soundless." I told him.

"Okay, anyway I need you to go and talk to Konan for me. She´s been acting weird all week but she won´t tell me what´s wrong, perhaps she will talk to you." He said a hint of worry visible on his face.

"Sure, I´ll go talk to her." I said before turning to Kakuzu, telling him. "I´ll find you later, don´t disappear on me." Then I made my way inside the house, walking towards Konans room.

She was in her room just as I had suspected, but the door was locked and I could hear faint sounds of crying from the other side. I knocked lightly on the door.

"Konan? Are you alright? It´s Sakura, will you let me in?" The crying stopped and a red-eyed Konan opened the door and let me in before she locked it again. Her room was a mess, there were used tissues everywhere and it looked like she had thrown her pillows around.

Now I understood why Pein was worried. I hugged her gently against me and asked her.

"Konan what´s wrong? You know you can tell me everything, right?" She only nodded before her eyes filled up with tears and she clung to me like I was her lifeboat in a stormy ocean.

I held her until she stopped crying and then asked her again what was wrong. She looked at me, a million different feelings flashing across her face before she told me.

"I´m pregnant Sakura."

I was shocked at first but then I became confused. If she was pregnant shouldn´t she be happy? Why all the tears?

"Then why are you so upset? You should be happy." I told her and she sighed before sinking down to sit on the bed.

"I am happy… but I am also scared, I don´t know how to tell Pein. What if he gets angry with me? What if he doesn´t want children and tells me to do an abortion? I could never do that…"

"I don´t think you need to feel anything other than happiness. I´m sure Pein will be happy as well." I told her.

"You really think that?" She asked me, looking up at me with a hopeful expression. I nodded and smiled.

"Yeah, I do. Now how far along are you? Have you thought about names? Can I help decorate the nursery?"

I knew I was going over the top with all my questions but at least I made her smile. We spend the next two hours talking about everything that was remotely connected to babies and when I left her she let Pein in and a smile decorated my face.

It seemed as if we all would get some happy news tomorrow.

I went to my room and changed into a pair of black silk pajama pants and Hidans reaper shirt before I walked through our bathroom to his bedroom.

But he wasn´t there, instead I found a note on his pillow that explained that he and Itachi and Kisame were out on a night patrol and that he would be back by morning. I frowned and walked back to my own bedroom.

I had trouble sleeping alone and Hidan had never been away for a night before. I would not be able to stay with Itachi or Kisame since they were out with Hidan. I would not be able to stay with Konan or Pein either and Tobi and Zetzu were out of town again.

That left Sasori, Deidara and Kakuzu. Sasori and Deidara would surely let me stay with them but that could be uncomfortable since they probably already have gotten to bed.

That left Kakuzu, and I owed him a back rub.

I walked across the hallway and knocked on his door, hoping he was still awake. I smiled when he opened the door and asked him in my best 'I´m innocent and cute' voice.

"Hey Kazu can I stay with you tonight? Hidans out and I have trouble sleeping on my own…" He opened the door wider without a word and let me in. I happily skipped in and jumped onto his bed. He followed me more slowly and turned off the lights, leaving only a small bedside lamp on.

He lay down next to me on the bed and I told him to roll over on his stomach. He gave me a suspicious glare and I giggled before telling him.

"Relax Kazu, I owe you a back rub remember?" I saw him relax and he actually rolled over on his stomach, I had thought that I would have to talk him into that; he must really be in pain since he´s complying.

I straddled him and started on working out the knots in his tense muscles. He was so tall that I actually sat on the small of his back but that didn´t seem to bother him since he actually fell asleep while I was massaging him. I lied down beside him when i was satisfied that he would not be in any more pain by morning and covered us both with the covers before turning off the remaining light and went to sleep myself.

I was back in the sound hideout but something was different, everything was covered in blood and everyone was dead. I walked slowly through the compound, looking for someone still alive that could tell me what had happened.

I entered a room with a huge fireplace that housed an impressive fire. In the middle of the room was Sasuke standing.

"I see you finally found me, are you satisfied with my gift to you?"

I looked down and saw that I was dressed in a beautiful white wedding dress.

Suddenly he appeared right in front of me, making me take a step back.

"Are you afraid of me Sa…ku…ra?"

I shook my head no but he came a step closer and whispered in my ear.

"You should be."

Then he pushed me in the blazing fire.

I woke with a start and sat up before taking a big breath of air and screamed. I could feel Kakuzu spring into action next to me but I couldn´t make the screams stop.

He pressed his hand over my mouth to silence the screams and he held me against his chest with his other arm.

"Hush Sakura, it was only a nightmare…" He tried to sooth me with words but it only made my screams turn into tears. But he held me as I cried and soon the closeness of him and the heat from his body lulled me back to sleep.

The next morning when all of us where eating breakfast together (except for Tobi and Zetzu since they were still away) Pein actually gave all of us a huge smile and I knew that Konan had told him.

The smile made Hidan rub his eyes, he probably thought he was delirious from sleep deprivation since he, Itachi and Kisame had yet to go to sleep and we almost never saw Pein smiling.

"I have something to tell all of you, though I suspect that Sakura already knows… Anyway there are going to be some changes around here soon so you better be prepared."

"Just tell us what this is all about so I can go to sleep." Kisame said grumpily, clearly he thought that Pein was talking too much. It made me giggle as Pein glared at him.

"Fine, Konan is pregnant."

There was immediate silence in the kitchen as everybody tried to comprehend what he had just told them, then the congratulations came and after that the questions.

I saw Hidans eyes glitter when Pein announced that Konan and him were having a baby and felt a pang in my heart. I still hadn´t told him that I couldn´t have children.

I left the kitchen and went to the attic. I sat down on the floor behind an old closet so that I was not visible from the door. I remembered when I had found Hidan up here, playing his guitar and singing.

I closed my eyes, I knew I had to tell him that I couldn´t have children but I was still scared of doing just that. I hoped nobody had noticed that I left, I didn´t want Pein and Konan to believe that I was not happy for them because I was. But at the same time they reminded me of what I could never have.

Hidan had once asked me who he was to me, but who was I to him?

I knew I loved him and I wanted to spend my life with him, but what did he want?

Did he want things to stay as they were? Did he want me to move into his bedroom? What did he want?

These questions circled in my head almost all day. I sat on the floor in the attic and pondered my relationship with Hidan and I didn´t notice how fast the time passed. I didn´t realize that I missed both lunch and dinner.

I only noticed that it was dark outside when somebody opened the door and called my name.

"Sakura? Are you here?"

"Yeah I´m here…" I answered but didn´t move from my spot, my head was still filled with different thoughts.

Hidan sat down in front of me and gently lifted my head to meet his gaze.

"Is there something wrong Cherry? I thought you would be happy that Konan is pregnant?"

"I am happy…" I told him absent mindedly and he frowned at me.

"You don´t look very happy."

I stared at the floor and cursed the lone tear that made a track down my cheek before falling on the dusty floor.

"Hey what´s wrong Sakura?"

Hidans voice instantly softened and I inwardly flinched from his gentleness.

"I´m scared you´ll get upset with me… You once asked who you were to me, but who am I to you?" Hidan didn´t hesitate before he answered me.

"I will not get upset with you, I love you, what is it about that that you find confusing?"

"I don´t know…" I admitted while resting my forehead against his collarbone. "Do you want things to stay as they are? Do you want to share a bedroom? And what about marriage and children? I can´t…"

I cut myself off, almost telling him that I could not have children. I would tell him but I didn´t think that was the way to do it.

"Calm down Sakura, if you´re worrying about it we can talk about it, no problem. I would love to share a bedroom with you but I don´t want you to feel stressed about it. We could convert one of our bedrooms to a living room of sorts if you wanted. I´m not interested in marriage but I wouldn´t mind getting you a ring, as to mark you as mine. And children…"

I cut him off here, telling him.

"There is something you should know about me."

He gave me a confused look.

"I thought I knew most about you…"

"You do, but not this. Only Konan knows about it, I haven´t told anyone else, not even Kakuzu or Sasori." I told him and kept my gaze on the floor again. He said nothing, instead waiting for me to continue.

"I… I can´t have children… I can´t get pregnant. I´m broken." I admitted and then waited for Hidans reaction. He surprised me by wrapping me in a hug, asking me in a soft voice.

"That´s what has you so worked up? I don´t care about that, as long as I have you I´m happy." He told me and a small smile grazed my lips.

"Does that mean that you´re not upset with me? Cause I´ve been really worried…"

"Of course I´m not upset you silly girl, didn´t I tell you that I love you only a few minutes ago?"

"I love you to." I said and kissed him. "Does this mean I get to move in your bedroom? Your pillows are nicer than mine…"

"Of course you can move into my bedroom, it´s not as if you don´t already spend the nights there though."

"Tch, it´s not the same thing… And if you want to buy me a ring, my birthday is coming up soon!" I told him happily before leaning in and whisper in his ear.

"But I´ll only wear the ring on my ring finger if you get yourself a matching one…"

He hugged me tighter to him in response and I giggled.

I hadn´t thought that things could get better between us but I guess I was wrong…