Trying To Adapt

We were in the dining area eating lunch, well immersed in our own small bubble of bliss when Jared and Melanie entered with their meal. Having shown no hint of anger, I was caught off guard when Ian's eyes tightened and his fists clenched. He stood abruptly and pointed at Jared.

"Stay the hell away from me, Howe," he threatened and continued to stare challengingly.

Jared's surprise quickly turned to confusion as he scanned the room for some kind of explanation. He was met with equally startled faces until his eyes found their way to me. I wished I could stop the blush that stained my face before I lowered my head. Jared's resigned sigh had me peek back up to understand the prolonged silence. His head bowed once with shrew acknowledgment as he reached down for Mel's hand to guide her back into the hall without saying a word.

Ignoring all the eyes in the room that were now eager for information, Ian exhaled and sat back down. Without meeting my gaze, he reached across the table for my hand and lightly trailed his fingers across the back of it. "Sorry," he muttered barely loud enough for me to hear. He picked up my hand and raised it to his lips to kiss it as if it were made of delicate glass.

Kyle was sitting nearby. "What the hell was that about? You two still haven't worked it out yet?"

"Stay out of it Kyle." Ian growled.

He shrugged uninterested and went back to finishing his sandwich.

I tried to hide the embarrassment of knowing I was the cause of the disturbance. Maybe it had been wrong to say anything last night. Jared and Ian were usually quite close these days, working past their differences caused when I had showed up. He and Mel often sat with us at meals. I felt awful causing friction between the ones I loved but couldn't address it with Ian so publicly.

He finally raised his eyes to mine and wore an expression similar to a guilty child before giving me a mischievous smile.

We didn't see Jared or Melanie at dinner or any time in the halls between the main garden or waiting a turn to wash away the day's work in the pools.

We had just come from the hospital to both pick up my clothes and some birth control. Thankfully, Doc had still been at dinner and Candy was the only one there. The souls had easily improved birth control so it no longer worked as the humans were accustomed to. Men or women could take it by simply placing a tissue square in their mouth. For men it would last a week and for women, it lasted not only a week afterwards but also prevented any pregnancies from two days prior. Once the group had adjusted to this knowledge, she said it was almost funny how many would end up in her office with worried faces. It was the one medicine of the souls which people were worried to put their trust in but out of necessity, they tried. It had become increasingly difficult to find the old methods in abandoned places.

Of course I had no problem accepting the effectiveness of the soul's medicine. Candy gave us the standard small container and it made me blush thinking about how many weeks ahead were covered.

We held hands walking back to what would soon be our room in order to drop off the items. It had been a hot and clear afternoon allowing the caves to begin to dry although the rooms were still not sleepable.

Any furniture that had been in the rooms was now in the covered corridor. Ian's dresser was beside the red and gray doors. As he placed my small stack of clothes and hairbrush into the top drawer, Mel stepped out from behind her green screen. Dust from the day's work still clung to her clothes and skin.

Before either of us could speak she looked to me. It was clear she was uncomfortable which wasn't an expression Mel normally wore. "Wanda, can I speak with Ian for a minute?"

"Of course, Mel." I felt his grip tighten on my hand. There weren't many times he released me today and I could tell he wasn't happy to now.

I turned to him to give him a quick kiss. "I'll wait for you at the stream. Please be nice," I whispered.

He took a deep breath. "I'll be there shortly."

I looked back towards her when I was about to turn out of the corridor. She tried to raise the corner of her mouth in a reassuring smile but I was suddenly not convinced. She clearly felt a responsibility to be there. Sometimes it was as if I still had her in my head; I understood so easily what she was thinking. It pained me to see her conflicted.

"Can we speak more privately?" Mel asked.

Without a word, Ian pulled the red door aside and walked in where his bed normally was placed. When Malanie had put the door back in place, he turned to address her. "I'm pissed at you too Mel."

"I gathered as much. Please don't be angry with Wanda."

He turned to face her. "I'm not."

"Jared and I have felt awful having this secret from you but it wasn't ours to tell. Can I explain?"

"Actually, if I have to hear how you two are the victims in all this again I might just lose my mind. Of course, Wanda already defended you both fervently. I don't think she even realizes how fucked up that was. I just... I can't even believe..."

"Ian, everyone involved has been injured during the crazy circumstances we were trying to live with. We all have very valid reasons to be angry. Hell, you wondered if it wouldn't have been better if I had faded out of existence. You also held a tribunal intending to keep me hostage in my own body." Her resolve strengthened with each new point.

He met her eyes before staring stubbornly away again.

"And how many times did you kiss my body against my permission?"

Ian was uncomfortable as he tried not to imagine Mel's presence during those kisses he shared with Wanda. It had been easier before he had ever known Mel or heard her speak to just accept her as a package with the woman he was falling in love with. As he had done for weeks now, he tried to edit those memories and reimagine them with Wanda's new body. And those had been only kisses.

"It's not even close to the same thing and you know it."

"True, but I also know if I wasn't the determined person I am, it's quite possible there would have been more. Right?" She paused for an answer she knew she would not receive. "Stop kidding yourself with the holier than thou act. If, say, a year or so had passed and you had your way, it could have been different... where Jared would have some similar, arguably more legitimate reasons to be very angry with you right now. Can you imagine if circumstances had been just a little different?"

There was a long silence as she let him consider her implications. Only his short, temper filled breaths were audible.

"Dammit," Ian ran his hand through his hair in frustration as he admitted the truth to himself. "You're right." He grumbled as leaned against the wall and sank down to the floor.

"I know. I also know that doesn't make it much easier to accept." She sighed. "If any of us had the slightest notion that everything would work out to the ideal way it is now, we would have acted differently. But... I don't know. Maybe it had to get as desperate as it did for us to find the answer."

Melanie sank to the floor on the opposite wall. "Please don't hold this against Jared for long. He won't say so but he feels awful enough as it is. I know he feels like in a moment of weakness, he betrayed all three of us. You're the closest one he's had to a friend in years. And out of this whole thing, I kind of feel like I gained an overly protective big brother. I know it wasn't necessarily for me but I literally owe you my life many times over. Jared and I could never fully express how thankful we are."

Ian was quiet for a few minutes mulling over Wanda's words from the night before. It was more complicated for Mel than she would openly admit. "Just give me a day or two for reason to fully sink in. I know you're right."

"Ok, we'll sleep somewhere other than the game room."

"We won't be in the game room tonight, so no worries."

Ian tried to keep his tone expressionless but Melanie detected an undercurrent of satisfaction with that statement. She tried not to show the smile she was holding back as she had noticed they didn't returned last night after sneaking out shortly after lights out. Seeing their happiness brought her such joy.

"Thanks for hearing me out, Ian." She looked down at the dirt ground into her hands. "I should probably go clean up. Plus, by now Jared has suspected where I am. He didn't want me to intervene so I'm going to have to talk to him now too." She sighed, exasperated.

She got up and dusted herself off.

"Mel, I'm sorry for before. You deserved an apology a long time ago. Many apologies actually. Wanda is right; we were all trying to find a new normal within extraordinary circumstances. I'm sorry to have wronged you in the ways that I did." He snorted. "Jared too, but that's as close to an apology that little ..." Ian took a breath to regain composure. "That's all he is getting from me."

"Fair enough. And thank you, Ian. That means a lot to me." She smiled and then looked around the room. "It's strange being in here without Wanda. Sometimes I really miss her." Mel looked down at Ian for a moment and allowed herself to remember things from when Wanda was still with her that she normally tried to forget. "It's such a comfort to me to know she's so well loved. Nite." Mel turned to leave because she didn't want to dwell on those old memories for long.

"'Nite Mel."

Melanie left quietly, replacing the red door as Ian still sat against the wall.

-

I waited for Ian in the small room with the stream. There wasn't enough to keep my mind busy. I had picked up a fully charged lantern from the storage room. I laid out the sleeping pads we had stashed there in the morning along with our pillows I had collected from the game room. That had been uncomfortable. Thankfully no one asked and I didn't look up to give anyone the opportunity. Most people were still moving about the separate rooms before settling in for the night so I hoped I wasn't paid too much attention. I made sure Jamie wasn't around since I wasn't prepared to answer those questions.

As I sat waiting, a drop of moisture fell from the ceiling and landed on my foot. I watched it roll down to my toes and thought it strange it was the first I had noticed since Ian brought me here last night. I lifted the lantern to get a better look at the ceiling and all the other future drops forming.

"Hey there, gorgeous," he walked straight over to the made up beds where I sat with my arms wrapped around my knees. He slipped off his shoes before stepping onto the bedding and wrapped his arms around me.

"Is everything alright?" I searched his face for any sign of the frustration that it wore when I had left the sleeping corridor.

He brought his hand to my face to lightly brush my cheek as he searched for the words. "Mel just talked some sense into me."

"You're not angry anymore?"

"I'm working on it." He breathed out. "Right now I'm not angry at all. I have you to myself again. I waited all day for this moment." His mouth hungrily found mine.

All day had felt like a never ending test of endurance. Ian was never far from me. He would steal a soft kiss if no one was looking or be content to hold my hand or lightly rub my back if anyone was. I blushed every time I thought of our love and the incredible way he made me feel the night before. I could think of little else. Every minute I longed for his arms wrapped around me, his breath on my skin, his lips on mine, his body against mine. I couldn't get close enough to the scent of him. I wanted his whisper in my ear. It was as if I had been holding my breath under water and now I was finally breaking through the surface, filling my lungs with relief.

My hands pulled myself closer to him and he leaned back on the mat. His hands softly twisted in my hair as he held up my curls from our faces. His kiss slowed as the need from being apart eased.

As he moved over me, I pulled his shirt off without hesitation and he did the same for me. Some of what came next was familiar to me. The way his kiss ignited every part of my body with burning desire. The amazing feeling of his hands on my skin. The satisfaction of having him so close, he was all I smelled, all I tasted. Unlike the night before, I wasn't as shy with the actions we had already done. I anticipated and yearned for them. That was, until his hips pressed against mine and my body slightly winced from the pain I had forgot existed earlier.

Ian moved back to look at me with a tender, concerned expression. "You're sore. I should have realized. I'm sorry." He brushed the hair back from my flushed face and smiled. "I'll behave myself."

Was he seriously going to stop? "No, Ian. Please. It doesn't hurt." I didn't realize the lie until it was already out.

He chuckled to himself always able to see right through me. He raised one devious eyebrow as he slowly pushed his hips against mine again though just lightly compared to the first time. "It doesn't?"

I could feel his hard desire under his clothes and my head angled up as my back arched. "It feels much more good than bad." I searched for the right words as I pulled myself up to reach my lips against his. "Um, can we try, just maybe gently?"

"Yes, we can do that. I know something even better we can try first that won't hurt at all." He kissed me as his hand ran down my side in between my legs. "Will you let me kiss you here?"

There wasn't anything I hadn't enjoyed his mouth on but it still was a surprise to me. As long as he was offering something other than waiting, I was willing to trust him. And I was also extremely curious by what he meant. "Yes."

His mouth moved leisurely down my body but it was hard to concentrate as I knew its final destination. He was careful not to press against me again even though I had moved against him as his mouth found my breasts. He slowly pulled the rest of my clothes off and a look of raw anticipation came into his eyes. He started with a kiss on the inside of my knee while he moved it to the side before working his way higher. The stubble of his chin contrasted with his soft lips and tongue against my tender skin.

Apparently either Melanie kept some secrets from me or there were some amazing things she didn't know about. I assumed it was the former since she understandably tried to guard most of her intimate memories from me.

I had been shocked last night by how expertly he had touched me with his hand. He unquestionably knew how to make me feel even better with his mouth. I felt nothing but intense pleasure that compounded until I knew exactly what was happening to my body. The feeling continued to build until it could go no higher and I cried out, reaching for Ian in order to hold him tight.

At that very moment, he slid inside me and I was promptly overwhelmed. There was no pain, only an increasing need to climb back up to some unknown edge and jump off. Ian was careful to be gentle with me but I really didn't feel the pain anymore. It wasn't long until we were both grasping each other in relief.

When his breath slowed, he gently pressed his lips to mine as he began to pull away from me. I wasn't ready to be without him inside me yet. There was something comforting or safe with him there. I wrapped my legs around him and protested. He obliged my unspoken request and stayed. His arm curled around my back and pulled me with him as he laid back on the mat. On top of his chest, I curled around him as I slowly drifted off to sleep. The last thing I noticed was him leaning over to turn off the lantern before I felt his lips press into my hair.