Hi my lovely readers. I hope you're having a good day I'm so happy you are enjoying my story. Seriously if it have any ideas I promise I'll read it and try my best to incorporate it love you-maya

Tobias

I wake up gasping for air. My sheets are soaked in my sweat and thrown around me hazardously. I try to force myself to forget the latest night mare but it seeps into my head and chest slowly until I'm left with a heavy sense of dread. My father hasn't occupied my mind lately as much until now. I tugged my shirt off my back and dragged my hand against the long ridges of my spine. At first I only felt smooth skin and muscle. I thought I felt vomit clawing at the back at my throat as my hand glided over the first sign of raised flesh. It wasn't as prominent as some of the others, but it was enough to drag a long sorrowful howl from my throat. I was sobbing in my bed pulling at the roots of my hair till it hurt. The acid in my esophagus took me by surprise. I stumbled off the bed and hit the floor hard as I emptied my stomach into the off-white extra clean toilet. Not clean anymore. I gagged over and over as my stomach emptied itself of all its contents. Bile spilling from my mouth.

When I woke again I felt the cold compress of the bathroom floor pressing its hexagonal pattern into my cheek. I still feel hot tears leaking from the corners of my eyes. I dragged myself up by the sink and almost start sobbing again at the sight of my reflection. Since I came to Kilms 6 days ago I felt more comfortable then ever and had only had a few nightmares. But now looking in the mirror. I didn't see four. I saw Tobias. God I'm so weak so fragile and empty. What would Tris think about Tobias? All she knows is hard unyeilding four. She'd hate me if she knew. If she only knew how vulnerable and destined to fail I was. I smashed my palm into my face trying to rid my self of the feelings my father inspired.

Finding out how long I had been in the bathroom proved to be harder than it looked. I found my phone dead and no alarm clock. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and searched my bedside drawer for the charger. After 10 long minutes of searching I found it tucked securely behind my drawer instead. I plugged my phone in and stumbled back into bed and waited for it to turn on. The short ping told me that it has turned on shortly after I plugged it in. I grabbed it and noticed a message from tris. I usually would have felt excited but now it was just a grim and shameful reminder that I'd never be good enough.

'Training today at 3?'

I read the text slowly over and over. Thinking about the first time I had given her a lesson in self defense.

flashback

I could have broken my fingers from incessant tapping that sounded from my digits. I had been waiting for Tris for about 5 minutes and I was already anxious. The pre-stipulated training had at first excited me and it still did. But nerves were slowly taking over at the thought of being so close to Tris alone. My mind drifted to how soft and plush her bare skin would be flush against mine. Her lips would be even softer. Against my chest and then dip of my stomach. My thoughts were abruptly halted by a door opening. She almost stumbled as I took a long slow drink of my water. Partly to hide the fact that my mouth had fallen open. She was wearing tight black work out pants that squeezed her legs snugly but didn't look constricting they fit perfectly around her slim hips and thighs. Her deep blue shirt opened in the front to reveal her black sports bra. I especially appreciated her open shirt. The black of the bra excentuated her creamy white skin and toned flat stomach. the tops of her breast barely peaking from the neckline. They looked perfect to fit into my hands. I tried hard to rid myself of the inns propriety thoughts and think of her as just a friend I'm helping out but it was almost excruciating.

"So what am I learning today."

She sounded nervous and I wanted her to feel more at ease so I slipped of my jacket and shoes and stepped onto the mat I had set up before hand. She watched as my jacket came off and did the same leaving her just in her sports bra. She looked incredibly uncomfortable with this new development as soon as it happened. I wanted to reassure her that she didn't have to do that but she seemed to calm down as soon as her feet touched the mat so I continued on

"alright since you're new at this I'm gonna give you a rundown."

I said slowly and carefully as to not insult her. I didn't doubt her but this was a serious sport and no one can just jump in

"the first thing you're gonna learn is a block but not with out stretching and warming up for at least a half hour."

She groaned loudly and I chuckled.

"how long are we supposed to be doing this for?"

she asked with mock irritation. I laughed again and took a minuscule step closer.

"this is an incredibly physically demanding activity Tris. You need to be prepared to give it your all. No excuses."

She drew her bottom lip in by her teeth and nodded looking up at me through her forest of lashes. I sucked in a swift breath. I don't know when we got so close or how but I wasn't complaining. She was the first to draw back backing up and watching me waiting for instruction.

"Ok first lets do stretches as many as you can. Not stretching can cause severe injury."

"Aye aye captn'."

She giggled And I couldn't help but laugh and drop my instructor act for a second. She was it. The whole package smart, funny, beautiful. No wonder I had to wait in line for her attention. She started stretching around the gym as did I. I watched her as she moved around the mats. She was flexible but far from graceful. I watched her as she pulled her leg straight up and aligned with her body and felt my cock twitch in response. I mentally scolded myself for being so creepy and tried to focus on the task at hand. When she finally finished stretching she looked up at me panting. I smirked at the thought of wearing her out. And then Tried even harder to halt the direction of my thoughts. Tris was everything I wanted but I needed to respect her boundaries; this was about making her feel safe not my attraction to her. I reminded myself.

"Alright stand up I'm gonna teach you how to block a jab to the face or stomach."

She looked momentarily distracted and then nodded in agreement. I was taken aback for a second by the fierceness in her eyes. She looked like a formidable apponent just from her gaze and I had to remind myself to focus and help her the best I could.

"Step forward." I told her trying to put on my instructor face. I took a step forward and grabbed both of her hands forming them in to fist. I pulled her elbow up so it was tucked securely to her waist and then the other wrist a little higher. I continued around her body adjusting her as I felt neccisary until she was in the proper stance.

"How does that feel?" I asked in a serious tone. Her stance slipped slightly and I thought I saw a slight tint rising in her cheeks then she formed it back together somewhat quickly.

"awkward."

It was a reasonable response considering she had probably never stood like this before. I placed my body square in front of her and got in proper stance. I pretended to do a jab to her stomach but stopped right before contact and she didnt flinch. Not even slightly. I probably shoudl have at least tapped her to get my point across but the thought of even laying a hand on her in any way other than kindly made me nasueas.

"Ok so even though you're in position obviously you just saw that isn't all you need to block."

She nodded along adjusting her arms a few times. I took a step forward and swung. Again stopping right before her face. She nodded her head like she understood it this time and we ran it again with her moving her arms at different angles to stop my punch. After an hour of doing this and about a million different tries. I could tell she was tired and needed to stop while I had barely broken a sweat.

"alright this is good for today good job."

I said turning to grab a long swig of water. I sat at on and empty table with no chairs pushed against the wall she collapsed onto the mats and I chuckled.

"Hey four?"

I didn't like the sound of my nickname on her lips. I bet my name would sound so much better bouncing off them and rolling on her tongue.

"Yea?"

She lifted her head to respond propping herself on her elbows to look at me.

"How'd you learn self defense."

I wanted to tell her. I did but I panicked slightly.

"that's a story for another time tris. I promis to tell you at some point."

"Okay."

I shouldn't have been as surprised as I was at Tris'd answer. Most people would keep digging but she dropped it just like that I smiled to myself. She stood suddenly walking over to retrieve her bag. After she had grabbed it she looked up at me and the corners of her mouth lifted into a small smirk

"Thanks four really."

I smiled back at her. Glad that she knew I didn't do things like this for everyone. Maybe she had notices that I never touched anyone else or barely ever smiled around anyone else. I stood handing her, her jacket. I froze as her scent flooded me. She should smell like sweat or at the very least like the cleaning supply they had obviously drowned the floors with. She didn't smell fruity or sweet like most girls. She smelt like rain and I was imeadiately turned on and entranced. I wanted to trace her neck with bites kisses and licks. I followed to trail to the junction between her neck and shoulder and imagined kissing and sucking the soft skin there. My gaze travelled lower to her tattoo and she traces it with her index finger absentmindedly. Holy fuck. My mouth went dry. Does she even know what she does to me? I handed her, her jacket, my fingers brushing lightly against hers. We were locked in each other's gaze and I felt my entire body heat up. We jumped apart at the sound of laughter outside the room and color filled her cheeks.

"Thanks again four."

She said it so quietly I almost didn't here it. I stood there stationary watching her leave the gym. Only after she left did I feel the ability to move. I sat down back on the table and gulped down my water. One thing was more clear than ever. I was going to work as hard as possible to make tris mine.

End of flashback

I was sweating again for a completely new reason. Since then me and Tris had two training sessions because of me being new and class work. Each time had the same effect on me. I wanted her so badly and it became clearer and clearer the more time I spent with her. It was literally painful to not be able to touch her how I want. It wasn't all sexual for me. Though I wanted Tris badly. I wanted her to be mine. My girlfriend not just a fling I wanted her mind and her heart. It sounds corny but I wanted all she would give to me which was so far the title of "self defense trainer." And at best, friend. I'd take whatever I could get though. I looked again at the message and agreed that tommorow would work id take any chance I'd get to see tris. Even if I can't act on my affection i still couldn't help but be close to her every chance I could get. She deserves better. If she saw the real Tobias she wouldn't stay. He's unlovable and vulnerable and dangerous. And who could love that. I scrubbed at my face, my stubble scratching my palm. It was 4am and I didn't have to be up at a certain time because it was Memorial Day and we had no classes. I didn't want to go back to sleep and have to suffer through more nightmares the thought brought the tightness back to my throat. I turned on my side and stared at the wall not really seeing anything. I am weak and scared

I finally slipped out of bed at around noon dragging myself to get dressed for lunch. I glanced in the mirror and scowled. I looked haggard and extremely tired. My hair was sticking up at odd ends and there was a permanent stony look to my face. There would no doubt about what type of mood I was in. Zeke still wasn't in and I was slightly nervous he hadn't come home since last night and I didn't know where else he could be. My question was answerd when the door opened to him stumbling into the apartment with an almost comical grin on his face. I would have laughed if I wasn't in such a shit mood. Zeke picked up on it instantly and his smile slipped slightly.

"Who the fuck peed in you cereal?"

He asked trying to keep his tone light. Over the short time knowing Zeke I had already grown incredibly close to him but I wasn't remotely ready to tell him about my father. I shook my head in response tying to rid him from my mind.

"nothing I'm jut really tired."

Zeke nodded at me but I could tell he didn't really believe me but he didn't pry. Zeke never pried. He knew about my growing attraction to tris. I had told him after the third time training her when he caught me staring and smiling at a text from her. I was straightforward in my answer and Zeke was more excited than expected.

Now standing here I almost wanted to tell him. But not yet. I was slumped all through lunch barely dragging myself to eat. I waited and waited for tris to show up but Christina came with the news that she had staying in class to retake a test. I nearly groaned out loud. My only reason for coming. Wasn't even here.

I waited in the gym for and hour after lunch I was way to nervous to go to the library and actually seek tris out. She came at exactly 3 and she looked beautiful as always. The laid back feeling I usually got in her presence was muted by my insecurities. My feelings for her were growing to rapidly to handle and it was all consuming. She strides into the room all smiles. I prayed they were for me.

"what are learning today sensei?"

She asked still smiling widely. I couldn't help but smile back. She was so much brighter than me. So much better.

"I'm gonna teach you a take down."

She seemed to like this idea as her smile only grew. We ran out usual streatches. I appreciated her figure just as much as usual. Maybe even more. She got into proper stance and got ready to start. I squared up my body preparing her.

"I gonna charge you, not at full speed but I want you to try and hit me at the waist and knock me off balance. She nodded her head looking just as feirce as ever. I got ready to charge changing my stance completely. I charged. I didn't use my full force or speed but she fell of balance any ways. I was on top of her. Our breaths mingled and my mind clouded. I groaned audibly and I heard her breath hitch. God I wanted her she smelled so good. I could kiss her. right here right now. She bit down on her lip and I wanted to do the same. I had no concept of how long we had been in this position but her bare midrif against my ridden up shirt Was going to make me hard very soon. Then she did it. She lunged. Her lips were soft and wet and incredibly eager. She was so sweet and intoxicating. I placed my hand on the small of her back to raise her middle into mine. The other braced us both. I licked her bottom lip to ask for access. She opened happily and I dipped my tongue In catious at first. I couldn't hold back she was addictive possessive. I had to taste more. She tasted me with deep licks. I migrated to her neck sucking and nipping I'd wanted this for so long. When I reached the soft area behind her ear she rolled her hips into mine and moaned quietly. I almost lost it. I needed to stop we were in the middle of the gym and I needed to keep calm and not push her too far. I pulled back leaving innocent pecks here and there on her smooth skin. God I needed to calm down. I pulled back and started calming my breathing. She looked incredibly nervous. Like she was the one who wasn't good enough. As much I wanted this to continue I needed to think. Before we could even start a conversation she was out the door.

Hey guys! Woah this is a long chapter. I really hope you like this one I tried really hard on this. Suggestions are always welcome also questions hope you guys are all having a good day/night-maya