Dedicated to my babe, think_in_pink, for helping me with this story so much. Love you muchly Maggie!

I definitely was not ready for this. Not even in the slightest. But Effie and President Snow were not taking no for an answer. I had to get through this tour, or it would probably be the end of me.

District One was nothing but a wakeup call for me. It showed me the true horror of living in a world like this. There are people praising me for something I am most ashamed of doing. How do they deal with their beliefs? I know the Capitol can be convincing, but they should seriously understand that something is wrong. I mean, their own kids are being drafted into the Games.

We made it back onto the train safely, but barely. There was a crowd of people following us to the train, asking me if they can get pictures with me and Cato. I would have gladly accepted, but I was afraid that the girls would attack Cato.

As soon as the doors closed behind us and the train started moving, Effie went off on a rampage, yelling and screaming about how horribly that went. I didn't think that it was my fault. I did everything that she asked me to do, no questioned asked.

Effie stomped off into her room and I stood there, not really knowing what to do or say.

"I'm gonna go wipe all of this makeup from my face," I told Cato, walking away from him so that I can return to myself again.

"I'll come, too. I need to shower. I can't get the faces of those girls out of my head and their stares are making my skin crawl."

I laughed as Cato followed me. It really was weird how open all of those girls were with asking questions. They were definitely my age, or maybe older, so it's not like they were some twelve year old girls. But still, it was funny to finally see Cato uncomfortable and unable to control a situation. He was blushing so hard, much more than I think I've ever done.

"It's so weird how so many girls only think of you in that way," I told Cato. I sat in front of the mirror in the bathroom and Cato stood behind me, removing his clothes for the shower.

"Didn't you?"

I blush. "No."

Cato shrugged his shirt off and turned to start the shower. "Can you really blame them, though?" he asks me with his eyebrows raised. Goodness, here comes the arrogant side of him.

I frowned. "No, but they should at least have some respect for themselves and me. I was sitting right next to you."

I took a wipe and began swiping it along my cheek, removing the layers of makeup. Cato bent to push his pants off, smirking at me.

"Are you jealous, Kitten?" he asks slowly. Of course, he was going to tease me about this, just as I tease him about being jealous when other guys even look at me for a millisecond.

I bite my lip and look at him through the mirror. "No," I lie. "I just think that girls shouldn't be speaking that way in front of anyone."

Cato laughs and steps into the shower. "Sure, Kitten, you think that."

"Stop calling me that," I warn him playfully. Even though I hate that nickname, I've gotten used to it. It would be weird if he didn't call me that, rather than what it's like when he does call me it.

"Never gonna happen," he calls over the sound of the shower.

I continue wiping the makeup off of my face, making sure to wipe every ounce of it off of me. I remembered that the prep team had to cover the bruise on my back with makeup and groan in frustration. Now I have to shower and get that off, and who knows how long that's going to take with how much they had to use to cover the thing up. I really do not know why they even decided to cover it up. I was wearing a dress and a long jacket, not a bikini. No one would have seen it through my dress.

Though, knowing Effie, she would want every piece of me to be completely perfect.

"Cato, can I join you in there? I need help getting the makeup off of my back."

"Fucking yes, you can. Any chance I get to see you naked is a chance I will take."

"Shut up!" I yell as I begin to remove my clothes. I had to admit, I really liked what I was wearing today. It was super comfortable, compared to all of the tight clothing that I had to wear every other time Effie decided what I had to wear.

Once I was completely undressed, I slowly made my way into the shower with Cato. He was just in the middle of washing his hair and smiled down at me.

"Can you wash my back, please? I can't reach that far and I don't want to press too hard," I ask him.

Cato nods and rinses his hair out. He takes my towel and squeezes soap onto it to help with the washing.

His hand wraps around my front, holding me in place.

Once he made contact with my skin, I almost slipped forward at how much it stung. This is why he had to hold me in place. I could have fell and broken my neck from jumping so much.

"Sorry, you gotta stay still," Cato mumbles. I nod and hold onto a rail in the shower.

"Is it coming off?"

"Sort of."

I sigh and stand still, waiting for him to finish his work.

"I'm really sorry about this, Kitten," Cato apologizes again. "If I would have known, I would have never tried anything."

I shake my head. "It's okay. I just have a weird issue with being tickled. I haven't figured out why yet, but I think it was something from my childhood."

"Done." Cato lets me go and I turn around, taking my towel so that I can wash the rest of myself. I swear, I sweat like a pig on that stage. I was so nervous.

"Thanks."

"Is this why you were pissed at me earlier? I didn't know if I had done something else to upset you, or you were mad about anything else."

I shake my head no. That is definitely not why. "No, it was something else."

"Is is Marvel?" Cato asks me quietly.

I stare him directly in the eyes, not caring that water was splashing into mine. "How did you know?"

Cato sighs and pats his wet hair off of his forehead. "I remember that day in the arena. I was there, remember?"

I tilt my head, and then it comes back to me. It was the first time I had seen him in the arena since the bloodbath, and he watched me shoot an arrow into Marvel's head.

The arrow... Marvel... Rue.

I need some air.

"I... Um. I'm gonna go get dressed." I immediately step out of the shower, grabbing my towel to cover myself. Water was dripping down my body and onto the floor.

I made it into the bedroom and collapsed onto the bed.

Visions start running through my mind again. This happened earlier. I don't-

This time, it's much worse. My mind starts to fog, everything is going black. I can't see, I can't hear, can't feel.

I'm back in the arena, standing at the Cornucopia with a bow and arrow in my hands. Harsh wind picks up around me and my clothes and hair are being blown all over the place. There's blood everywhere. It's at the end of my feet, slowing accumulating. The boy I killed in the bloodbath, Marvel, Clove, Rue, Foxface, Katniss, Peeta, Haymitch, Cinna... They're all here. They're standing above me, latched onto a Hovercraft, watching me as their blood drains from their bodies and fills underneath them. The bodies off the dead are covered in gashes from which the blood is pouring out of.

It doesn't stop, the blood. It continues to grow around me. "Help me!" I scream up at them, reaching my arms up for one of them to latch onto. Cinna loves me, right? Katniss loves me. Haymitch loves me, too, right? They'll help me. They'll lift me out of this massive grave and keep me safe.

No one helps me. They all stare down at me angrily. All of my loved ones, and not so loved ones, start to chant.

You killed us.

The blood starts to rise, reaching up to my chest. I can already feel myself drowning in them. What kept them alive is surrounding me, suffocating me in guilt. I was the reason behind all of their deaths. I deserve to drown in their blood. They deserve at least that.

You will pay for what you did to us. Drown in our sorrow. Drown in our pain.

The blood makes it to my mouth and I taste the metallic tang of it. I try to scream and swim out of them, but blood only fills my mouth and enters my lungs. My arms flail, but they don't help me. Why would they? I deserve it.

"Fuck!"

"Help me! Help me, please!" My throat burns from screaming so loudly.

I come to my senses and see Cato running up to me, body drained in water. He must have still been in the shower.

I stop screaming.

There's pounding on the door, and I hear Effie yelling.

"What is going on in there?!"

The lock on the door clicks and Effie steps in, eyes wide with anger. I tighten my towel around myself and stare straight ahead, breathing sporadically. What is wrong with me?

"What happened?" Effie questioned Cato. She sounded like she was insinuating that I was being hurt by Cato. She did accuse him of beating me before. Me in a locked room alone with him screaming doesn't sound good on his part.

"I don't know! I was in the shower and heard her screaming."

He came to sit next to me and wrapped his wet body around me. Effie kneeled down in front of me and I stared at her blankly.

"Honey, what's the matter?" she asks softly.

I clutch my towel around myself tightly.

"Haymi... Katniss.. Rue... Cinna..."

My body starts rocking back and forth. I can't get myself out of this trance. I can hear and see Cato and Effie, but my mind is telling me something different. It doesn't want me to forget all of the pain I've caused.

"Rose, come on, you're scaring me," Cato's voice rings out.

I turn to him. There are tears in his eyes.

There were tears in Katniss' eyes. She was crying blood. She was crying-

I burst into tears. The fear overcomes me and my body shakes violently. I'm never going to be able to escape the regret, the fear and pain of my life. It's never going to go away. When I least expect it, when I feel that it has gone away and I can finally breathe, that's when it jumps back up and attacks me without even a single warning.

My arms wrap around Cato and I keep crying, not feeling the need to stop. I couldn't stop. As long as the dead keep crying, I will continue as well.

Cato rubs my hair.

"Could you give us a moment?" he whispers to Effie.

I think she agrees because her heels start clacking along the floor. The door closes shut and Cato lets me go.

"Shh, stop crying."

"I'm sorry, Cato." I don't know what I am apologizing for. Maybe for being so tortured while he wasn't. He shouldn't have to deal with the demons.

Cato's thumb swipes underneath my eyes softly. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

I wipe the excess tears from my eyes. "They won't leave me alone."

"Who?"

I shake my head, trying to get the bloody tears out of my mind. "Everyone I've killed."

"You didn't kill anyone. It was all the fault of the world we live in," Cato tries to reason with me. "You are still the perfect, innocent girl that you've always been, and nothing and no one is going to change that, okay?"

I nod, even though I don't believe him. I'm not the same anymore. I've changed, and everyone has noticed it. I can't help the person I've become, and it's like the more people tell me that I have not evolved, the more I disagree.

"Cato, I'm not the girl that I used to be anymore. I'm different," I tell him.

He stares at the door, chewing on his bottom lip. "Yea, but that doesn't change who you are on the inside. We never truly let go of who we're meant to be. We just hide it until the time is right to bring ourselves out again."

Maybe he's right. But when will the real me come out again? Maybe who I was before wasn't who I'm truly meant to be, and I am still trying to figure it out. That's okay, because I have Cato to help me along the way. He is the one that will guide me towards the true meaning of myself, through everything and anything.

"Then how can-"

There's another knock on our door.

"Yea?" Cato calls, making sure he wraps my towel around me tightly so I wouldn't be exposed to whoever is there.

The door opens slowly. "I heard you were feeling a little down, so I thought I would bring the dinner to you." A head peeks in. It's the Chef I met all that time ago after I left the Games. He was the one I shared the soup with. The memory makes me smile. Chef is such a kind and gentle soul.

"Oh." I stand up, wiping whatever moisture is left from my cheeks. "Thank you." I smile graciously at the kind man as he rolls a tray with food- chicken soup- into the room.

"My pleasure." Just as quickly as he came, he's gone again.

Thank goodness I don't have to eat with Effie. The way I'm feeling wouldn't stop her from saying and doing what she wants, especially not criticizing me.

Cato holds onto the towel on his waist and goes back into the shower. I heard the shower still running. It must have been going on non-stop for about thirty minutes, or maybe even longer.

He returns to me and hands me the shirt he was wearing today and a fresh pair of underwear.

I take them graciously, inhaling the comfortable smell his shirt emitted, and slipped my underwear on. The shirt met the middle of my thighs, and I hugged myself, bringing his smell closer to me. Cato was the only person that could make me happy now-a-days. I really appreciate him.

"Why don't you lay down? Let me do all of the work."

Cato dresses himself while I slip under the sheets. I turn on the TV to a random cartoon channel, leaving the volume down low so that I could have some sort of peace.

Cato rolls the tray over to the bed and sits down, taking the tray and sitting it on his lap. He picks up the spoon and slowly dunks it into the steaming soup, making sure to blow some of the heat away. He offers the spoonful to me and I take it, letting Cato take care of me. He's always there to care for me, whatever it is. I don't think he would ever let anyone else care for me like he does.

"Wanna tell me what was going on in your head?" he asks as he feeds me another spoonful of soup. Cato dips the spoon again and takes a taste of his own while he hands me a piece of bread.

I shrug lightly. "I don't know. I was drowning in everyone's blood, and I was calling out for them to help, but... they all just stared and-"

My throat catches on a forming lump and I can't think about it anymore. I feel my eyes welling with tears again and I close them, trying to get the moisture away.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

I nod my head. "Thanks." Cato smiles.

Effie storms into the room, not even caring to knock. She looks at me with a clipboard in her hand. "Primrose, darling, I know you're feeling a bit sad right now, but we must go over the schedule for tomorrow. We arrive in District Two and I just want to make sure-"

"No. She needs to take a break tonight." Cato interrupts Effie's persistent schedule.

"You don't understand-"

"You don't understand," he interferes again. "Give her a fucking break. She's been through enough for one night, don't you think?"

Effie sighs. "Yes, but-"

"Nothing. We can figure out whatever bullshit you have tomorrow. Right now, Rose needs to relax."

Effie sticks her nose up in the air, a look of disgust on her face for Cato. "Very well, but we must start bright and early tomorrow! No excuses!"

"Thanks, Effie. I appreciate it," I call after her as she exits the room. "You didn't have to do that," I tell Cato.

"I did."

I breathe slowly. "Okay."

Cato stands and removes the now empty tray, placing it in the hallway for an Avox to pick up. He returns to the bed and slips under the sheets with me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

I pick at loose strands of fabric in the comforter, not really knowing what to say, but not having anything to say at the same time. Sometimes I liked to sit in comfortable silence with Cato. It gives me time to think clearly. It brings me happy thoughts, not horrid ones.

"Can I tell you something?" Cato asks abruptly, halting our silence.

"Sure."

Cato runs his hands through his wet hair. "I don't know if you feel it, too, but every time I look into your eyes, it feels like my heart is bursting. I don't know why, and I can't figure out why it happens so suddenly, but it's there, and it won't go away."

I smile. This is why I love him.

"I get the same thing, Cato," I tell him while placing a hand on my heart. Just hearing his voice makes my heart race.

He breathes a sigh of relief. "Can you feel it?" He takes my hand, spreading my palm against where his heart resides. He's right. He's looking me in the eyes, and his heart feels like it's going to fall out of his chest.

I nod, rubbing my hands over his chest. "I feel it. I feel it everywhere."

"I've never felt this, for anyone."

"Neither have I."

"I just want it to show you that I am here for you, and as long as my heart beats like this, I will always be here. I'm yours."

I lean in and kiss the corner of his mouth.

"I don't want you thinking that there's ever a time that you feel alone; that you can't get through anything, and that there's no one in this world that loves you enough to want to fight for you. I've done it before and I'll do it again."

"You mean that?"

Cato nods. "Yea, I've told you so many times. I love you. And I hate seeing you like I did today. I know it's not easy, but we can get through it together. We've been through so much and it's only going upwards from here."

I lean in to kiss Cato slowly, pushing myself as closely as I could. I line my heart up with his and I can feel my heart bursting, just like he said his does. God, where did all of this come from? Who has blessed me with someone like this?

Cato grips the bottom of my shirt and looks at me for reassurance. I nod and he slips my shirt off, leaving me bare except for my underwear. He reconnects his lips to mine with a little more force, and holds onto my hips. My fingers fumble clumsily for his shirt, and I slide it off of him.

Cato flips me over onto the bed and digs his hips into mine, positioning himself in-between my legs.

My mind was telling me that this was right. I was ready for Cato, all of him. I love him, and I trust him with all of my heart. I don't think I will ever feel the same about anyone else. There is an overflow of so much love and passion in my heart that I think I might explode.

I don't have any regrets, especially not with him, and I was ready to show him. I was ready to give myself to him wholeheartedly and never look back.

I began pushing Cato's shorts and underwear down and he let go of our kiss, looking down at me questioningly.

"Are you sure?" he asks. "You're ready?"

I nod, biting my lip. I was scared as hell, but when wasn't I when it came to Cato? Everything about us was scary, but that's what made us work.

"I love you, Cato."

"I love you, too, baby."

So, I guess you guys can assume what happens next. If any of you are pissed that I didn't go into 'detail' with them making love, let me know.I may include a bonus chapter with a little more detail (not too much), but that's only if most people WANT IT. I'm totally okay with the way I left it.

Um, when was the last time that I actually posted twice within one week? I haven't posted this frequently since Peeta died... LOL that was a joke... no... okay.

As always, I love you all more than breathing. Happy 100K!

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Cheers. Laters, baby.

Myesha xx