Immeasurable Love

She returned shortly and sat back against the wall. "I want to tell you a little more about what happened while you were sleeping in the tank because after you woke up in this fabulous new body, I couldn't figure out why you kept Ian at an arm's length. You two finally could be together. I wasn't sure if there was something in PET's past that we missed or if possibly I had been wrong and my old feelings were still confusing you. I knew with certainty that the distance wasn't Ian's choice. After watching you, I realized you were every bit in love with him that I had guessed, you were just being shy or polite or something. That's why I had Jared arrange for Jamie's new sleeping situation to try to give you two a little push. You and Ian are both too nice for your own good.

"I probably should have had this conversation with you earlier because I can see things are definitely headed in the right direction now but I remember how innocent you are about human relationships. I want to tell you that you don't have to be shy with Ian. He truly loves you." She paused to let the last statement settle in.

"It wasn't exactly shyness but...uncertainty." I responded. "I didn't know if he was attracted to me now or if he needed time to wrap his mind around all the changes. He fell in love with me when I looked like you."

"I wondered if it might have been something more than shyness. That's why I want to explain in better detail what happened when you were in the tank. I think it will help. It's not a happy memory but it's one of the few I possess that I feel belong more to you than me."

She took a deep breath before beginning.

"Telling Ian was awful. He thought I was you for one moment and then just knew without even looking into my eyes yet. It was as if someone had stolen all his strength. He bent over at the waist and staggered away from me. I had to reassure him you weren't on your way to another planet already. I also had to explain that you never planned on leaving." Melanie took a deep breath. "He took that one pretty hard. Once I brought him to the hospital. You should have seen him slowly reach for the tank. It was as if he were suddenly a shell of a man. He asked me if you were aware of anything while in there. He then asked how much of your memory was now with me."

My eyes were beginning to fill with tears as I thought about the pain I had caused Ian.

"We told Jamie and Jeb and word spread quickly. I assured them and all your friends that we were going to get you a new body and you'd be back soon. We had spent the day in the hospital. By evening, everything was actually getting quiet. Kyle again began one of his efforts trying to get Jodi to wake up. Something about the scene suddenly had Ian looking almost as lost as he did when he found out you were gone. He had barely kept it together during the day but I could tell his nerves were about to unravel. He said he couldn't be there and was taking you back to his room for the night. He stood and glanced down at Jared's arms around my waist. Then he asked Jamie if he wanted to keep you and him company for the night. He had a free bed in his room but didn't exactly feel like being alone, he said. It was obvious to me that Ian very much wanted to be alone but... He figured things out pretty quickly."

Mel reached down for my hand and held it before explaining further.

"I thought Ian would hate me. I thought he would hate Jared because he got the girl at Ian's expense. But here he was being generous to us by helping us be alone. He had already separated you from me."

I sat quietly awaiting more of the story.

"In the morning, I went to Ian's room to wake Jamie and bring Ian breakfast. I told you I would take care of him and I intended to keep that word. Ian looked like he had barely slept. And you know how that guy sleeps soundly! He didn't say anything to me or Jamie he just turned back to the wall, curled around your tank. Anyways as I was about to leave with Jamie he asked for one favor - if I could tell him immediately if Jodi wakes up. I went to go check for him and then returned with an update.

"I was starting to feel I was missing something that Ian wasn't telling me so I pushed him for answers. I sat on Kyle's bed and asked him what was going on. He admitted to feeling intensely conflicted. He loved Jodi like a sister and knew how much she meant to Kyle but if she came back, it could be the end of our hope for you. If after six years, Jodi was still there, then the likelihood was slim that we could find a body that you could have and not feel like an intruder in. Ian had realized the overall significance of Jodi's case. I tried to tell him it had already been two days so we had reason to hope for you. I could tell he wasn't ready to hope just yet. He said we weren't even sure if children could possibly still be there. He told me, 'If Jodi wakes up, you should put Wanda in me.'"

I gasped. "No."

"This is what I wanted you to know. The extent this man loves you."

I nodded as my tears began to fall to my lap.

"I tried to argue against him but he was actually starting to make some sense to me. You didn't want to leave this planet because your home was here with us but you didn't want to feel like an intruder fighting a body that didn't want you. I told him you definitely wouldn't want to take away his life but he insisted it wouldn't be like that. He would be the first willing host and you would be his welcomed guest. And he wasn't in love with anyone besides you so maybe it wouldn't be confusing for you.

"He began to ask many questions. He wanted to confirm again the depths of your feelings about him because he didn't want you to be unhappy in there. He worried at one point if afterwards he would suddenly develop a fondness for Jared." Mel laughed once and shook her head.

"I told him I didn't think so. I told him you initially loved Jared and Jamie because I loved them. Jamie later earned that love but Jared never did. I told him how you often wished you didn't feel anything towards Jared and even wondered how I could love him. He was after all, quite awful to you. I told Ian it was him who had fought for and earned your love.

"Ian was then more determined that your home should be with him if Jodi woke up. He knew everyone would be against him so he began gathering solid arguments such as Jeb's 'Your body, your decision' or even possible threats against doc for almost ending you."

"You know the rest. Once we realized Sunny was right and Jodi wasn't there to claim her body, we had hope for a better option." Melanie was quiet for a moment. "So you see, there's no uncertainty on Ian's part. That man was willing to give you his everything."

I nodded still staggered to hear the story. For a moment I wondered what it would have been like sharing a body and a beautiful mind with Ian, the man I loved who was gentle, intelligent, funny, and protective. While there was certainly no one I would rather have in my mind, he was also the last person I would ever want to take any small piece of life from. I would have been the one controlling him and I never would have wanted that. "Everything has turned out so much better than I could have even imagined. Thank you for not giving up on me."

"My pleasure. Ian's not the only one who loves you. We all do."

"You know I love you too. I'm so fortunate to have such an amazing new family." I wondered at my luck.

Mel checked her watch after a minute of thought. "Well we covered sex and love all in one morning. Our amazing family is probably wondering where we are by now. Dry your eyes so we don't alarm anyone."

As Mel and I walked into the dining area late for lunch, Ian rose from his seat to greet us. "I couldn't find you in the fields." He looked at the crimson quickly warming my cheeks. "Is everything alright?"

I reached for his hand and with a new found courage, I met his questioning eyes. For one moment, I imagined those beautiful eyes belonged to me in a different way; that I was looking through them rather than at them. I shook my head and tried not to laugh. It would have been a strange situation indeed bringing a whole new meaning to the phrase I'd heard, 'In love with yourself.'

Melanie quietly suppressed a laugh and we both turned to look at her - Ian confused and I embarrassed. It seemed my body was still going to respond in its usual way. I blushed and looked down as I remembered the instructional part of our morning.

"Everything's great, Ian." She turned to me and winked. Smiling conspiratorially, she walked over to Jared who already had her meal waiting for her at another table.

Ian looked down at me. "Is everything honestly ok?"

"It is."

Thankfully he could always tell if I lied so he accepted my answer. "Then I won't press the issue. If you want to talk about it later, I am curious."

"I promise to explain later." I reached up on my toes to give him what I realized later was our first public kiss.