((A/N: Writing in third person to try something new. Don't expect *that* much seriousness, this is slightly crack-y))

The room is dark, the only light filtering in coming from the window overlooking the neighboring apartment complex, a messy bed and its sleeping occupant illuminated in the haze of an afternoon sun, the window–left wide open for those gentle little breezes that roll by every now and again–is covered in stickers and post-it notes.

The silence is broken harshly by a buzzing alarm. The sleeping figure–our dear friend Terry–awakens abruptly with a groan, his hand coming down to slam the alarm silent. With a heavy sigh, he sits up, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Fuck…" A yawn escapes his lips as he stretches. "Christ above… augh."

He hops out of bed, sleep quickly forgotten as he does. "Whoogh. What time is it…?" He rubs his face, shaking off the little remnants of sleep right out of his system. "Oh, right, yeah– Wait, yeah! Terraria update!" With a wide smile, he rushes to his desk. "Woo yeah oh yeah we got a new up-date~ Final update my ass, I knew they were coming back!"

His computer quickly boots up, steam and discord warming up just as quick. He can't contain himself, all that excitement causes Terry to bounce his leg. "C'mon, c'mon~ Get up quicker!" With a broad smile on his face and excitement in his mind, he immediately sets terraria to update. "Alright, leave this updatiiiiin'…" He clicks on terraria's icon, prompting it to start updating. "Aaaand I'm gonna go get breakfast!"

He excitedly stands up, leaving the computer to download the new update all on its own. As the door shuts behind him, the computer's screen starts acting up. Ethereal wisps of technicolor light dance around the air before filtering into the screen, steam's display twisting and changing for the briefest of seconds as the update forcefully completes, anomalous energies twisting and turning the contents of the update for a more… noble purpose. Just as abruptly as the motes of light started, they stopped, a little buzz coming out of the headset.

Mere minutes later, Terry enters the room again, this time holding a big bowl of cereal. He pauses as his gaze lands on the screen, furrowing his brow. "Huh. Is it done already?" He asks between mouthfuls, quickly sitting back down. "Wow. Heh, who switched out my wi-fi?" He chuckles, clicking on the game's icon again.

The game boots up perfectly fine–absolutely no weird events occur. He leans back in his seat, a ping drawing his attention out of terraria. "Ope, message.." He tabs out of the app and into discord, immediately opening the chat between him and Uoiea.

The message reads; "Are you up yet?" Well, if that isn't good timing, nothing is.

"Yeah, I'm up." He messages back, fingers moving quickly across the keyboard. "Just finished updating terraria, too. You up for a game?"

There's a few seconds of silence as the other types up a message. "Sure. Just finished updating. Is Ash joining?"

He pauses, before switching chats. "Yo buddy, you wanna play terraria?" Now it's just a waiting game. Like twelve seconds pass before he gets a response.

"Sure."

"Yep, he's coming along." Terry types back, bouncing in his seat a little harder. "I'm so fucking happy that it's got another update."

Again a brief pause before he answers. "Lovely. Honestly, though, I'm just gonna join to see what you two've done to the world. But hey, who knows, maybe it'll keep me engaged for more than twenty minutes." Terry chuckles, taking a big spoonful of his now-soggy cereal. "Looked like a pretty big update."

"Yeah! I'm surprised it downloaded so quickly. Like, it started updating, I went to go get breakfast and it was done by the time I got back." Again he takes another bite of his cereal, hurrying up a bit in preparation to start playing.

"I went to the bathroom and it was done." Terry makes a curious sound, setting the bowl on the desk.

"That's cool. I'll start up the world." He viciously finishes his bowl of cereal, setting it out of his way. "Vc?"

"Not today. Sister borrowed it. I gotta get ready to go for a check-up anyway, so I'm probably gonna leave really quick." With a sigh, Terry pops back into terraria, choosing his mage character; crank, promptly going into their shared multiplayer world. There's a bit of a wait as everything loads in.

Finally, the world fades in. The spawn is a nice, decorated thing, only two of the three players having pitched in to make a colorful world center. The guide's decided to wander on over, greeting crank with a little speech bubble. As usual, Terry moves right past him, ignoring his existence.

Only a few minutes go by before Ash and Uoiea both join in, chat reading that Kuhlen and Buile have joined in. Kuhlen is Ash's, and Buile is Uoiea's. "Hello, fuckwads." crank greets, jumping around aimlessly.

"Abwoowba" Buile responds in his usual half-mad state, character teleporting to Terry's. "Hey idiot"

"greetings dirty hobo" Kuhlen, majestic bastard he is, comes flying in, swinging his Zenith at me. "still the same" The sprite lands, taking a second to type a longer message. "i thought i heard they were changing weapons?"

"lmao." Terry chuckles, rummaging in his violently cluttered void bag. He can see that quite a few wands and staves have gotten resprites. "fellas, I think the early game stuff got all the love"

Buile comes up to crank.. "Let's see some magic then, trash king"

With a snort, crank. equips an earlier staff. The flamelash. "Okay, okay, let's try this shitty thing out." Now in his hands, crank. starts casting a spell. Immediately, the difference is like night and day, as the once somewhat underwhelming fire magic missile now has its very own casting animation. It has a fiery orange glow shine from the character's feet, before the main projectile comes out.

The universal reaction is a simple "yoooo"

But then, as if responding to our reaction, three more projectiles spawn in, circling around the main one. "Holy shit, they really gave these things a dusting, huh?" Buile asks, swinging his pick excitedly.

"thats neat" Kuhlen adds, usefully.

crank. opens his void bag again, cursor gliding across the magic weapons that have taken up all the slots in it. "we're gonna be here for a while." A diamond staff is equipped. "man I fucking love this update so far. Making the flamelash cool? If they did that, then I expect good shit from everything else."

crank aims the diamond staff, a little green bar popping up above the character's head. "oh shit, charge bar."

"Charge bar?" Kuhlen asks. "damn" "they made staves charge up?"

"aye." It takes a good while just to get to the halfway point. "Taking a damn while."

"it has to be good if it's taking this long"

"Watch it be absolute dogshit" Buile adds, helpfully.

Only a few more seconds before the staff fully charges, almost all of crank's mana is pumped into it. An annoying, high-pitched jingle comes from the charged staff. "christ."

"that's annoying"

"Christ dude shoot it already, that thing's making my tinnitus act up."

crank lets go of the mouse button. The bolt that comes from the pale staff is so huge it almost immediately collides with the ground, a massive white explosion of particles following, every one of the player characters getting flung from the sheer power of the blow. Little extra bolts split from the explosion, homing into the nearest wandering eye, eviscerating it with triple-digit damage.

"WHOA" Kuhlen exclaims, flapping back into view. "that was insane!"

Buile rushes back into frame, running back and forth, presumably in excitement. "Forget I said anything. That was like a flashbang, bro."

"THIS is what staves should've been to begin with! Zamn!" Terry can't help but grin in excitement. Sure, their playthrough with these characters might be over, but who's to say they can't just enjoy their new weapons?

Sadly, their excitement is cut short. "Ah shit, my appointment is coming up. Nice to see what you guys made here, love the spawn."

"aw man. Yeah, alright, take care. And thanks, I did most the work!"

"bruh no the fuck you didn't" Kuhlen cuts in, trying furiously to stab me with his zenith.

"lmao" "Lmao." Both crank and Buile type out, almost in-sync. "Yeah, whatever. I really need to hurry. I'll see you two later. Bye!"

Before either of them can type out anything else, Buile has already left, chat saying as much. "shit, I didn't even get to insult him bruh"

"bruhhh"

Again Terry chuckles, leaning back. He's… mildly disappointed that Uoiea couldn't stay any longer, but he gets that there's stuff that takes priority over some gaming. Doesn't stop him from being salty.

Ash and Terry spend a good hour just going through the guns, swords and magic items in their journey inventories, enjoying all the new animations, effects, and colors. It's all so insanely cool, it's almost like every weapon has a more intricate effect than the next.

So far–and surprisingly–the basic staves have been Terry's favorites. Though that might just be the diamond staff bias. But who cares? It's his opinion!

On Ash's side, however, there's a bit of disappointment as they note that most melee weapons except the popular ones didn't receive any real changes, besides just a bit of a basic animation and sound update. Still, the feeling of the weapons is way nicer. Smoother, heavier, everything is just a bit better.

"Yo dude pass me some chlorophyte bullets, I forgot to dupe them"

Before Kuhlen could pass the bullets–or even respond, for that matter, their whole game is interrupted by… someone with a blank name joining their supposedly-private game. Almost immediately the unknown person sends a message. "Terrarians… Your mission here is over. The lands have been combed, and your collections are complete. Please, we beg of you, heed our call and accept our plea; we offer you a new adventure, glory, and fame. In return, we ask of you to lighten our burden."

There's an eternal second of silence as Terry and Ash both run the situation back in their heads. Ash is the first to type. "is this an event?"

"I dunno dude, the update logs didn't say anything about this. I think. Hang on lemme check" Terry tabs out of terraria very quickly, scrolling to open the changelogs in his library. He scans down the huge list, eyes landing squarely on the very last bullet point.

'And a few hidden features…'

Tabbing back into the game, his fingers glide across the keyboard once more. "Shit, dude, they did say that there are 'a few hidden features', you think this is one of them?"

"i don't know man"

The nameless player sends another message, this one a bit more frantic. "Please, terrarians, the window is closing! We require an answer, yes or no, quickly!"

"shit. Fuck it, yes." A bright light envelops crank, Terry's own body feeling a deep, intense tingling. "Oh, my god, what the fuck!?" He looks down at his hands, feeling like all of his limbs have fallen asleep.

"crank, king of misfortune, sorcerer of the dark arts, we thank you deeply for accepting our plea. Kuhlen, knight of the Hallow, bulwark of the weak, will you accept as well?"

Terry finds his hands frozen, unable to warn Ash about what's happening. Ash shortly answers with a single word. "yes."

The glow envelops Kuhlen as well. The faceless player sends one last message, a sense of calm carried through, in spite of it seeming neutral. "Thank you. We beg you, lighten the burden. Save the remnants of our world, do not plunge it deeper still into darkness."

Terry can barely register the words before his eyes, vision blurring more and more. It feels like he's floating and falling at the same time. The last thing he sees is his computer's screen cracking and breaking, technicolor tendrils snaking out of the monitor's corners, wrapping around his hands…

Then nothing.

Darkness.

…

The squalid silence deep within a long-forgot bastion is softly yet boldly interrupted by a soft chime, a burning light following suit. The few rats seeking shelter from the snow outside squeal and run away.

A heavy thud follows suit, a second following right after.

"Aaauhgh… fuck…" A deep, croaky voice rings through the cracked stone halls, the rustling of heavy cloth filling the frigid air. "Jesus christ… what happened?" crank stands, leaning against the gray bricks of the walls. He pauses, blinking heavily as his eyes adjust to the low light. "What… wh-what?!" He brings his hand up, looking at hands that… aren't his. They aren't pasty and soft, they are big, tanned and clearly calloused.

A deep, rough cough interrupts crank's incoming panic attack. He whirls back, looking at the figure splayed on the bricks. "Whoa…" A sense of familiarity floods crank, telling him that he's seen this guy somewhere before. Heavy, shining full-plate armor with cyan highlights, massive blue cape with fluff on the neck, a pair of antlers firmly on his head… "I-... Kuhlen? Ash?"

crank is immediately at his side, breath fogging in the cold air of the fortress. Kuhlen slowly raises his head, peering up at crank… "Sorry…" His voice is deep and rumbling, carrying an inexorable air of authority with it. "I don't- I don't have any money." He sounds dazed.

"Fucking… what? Dude, what are you talking about? It's me! Terry! Get up!" A little annoyed at his antics, crank gives him a quick slap on the head.

"Augh!" Kuhlen immediately sits up. "What- what?!" He looks at crank, though pauses, that same familiarity apparent in his eyes. "... Terry?"

A sigh escapes crank's mouth as he stands up. "Yeah. What the fuck happened?" He offers his hand to the other man.

"How am I supposed to know?" He grabs his arm, using it to stand up with a grunt.

crank struggles some to hoist him up. Once Kuhlen is up to his full size, crank backs up a little to better look him in the eye. "Whoa, you are fucking massive." Kuhlen easily towers over crank, nearly a whole head and shoulders.

"Ugh… last thing I remember is…" He scratches the back of his head, hand bumping into a set of antlers. "Agh- the fuck?!"

"What? What's wrong?"

There's a few seconds of silence as Kuhlen runs his hands up the horns, finding a new set of ears alongside the antlers. "I have antlers. Like, real antlers! And- and deer ears!"

crank frowns a bit, coming to a realization. "Dude, these are our sprites. Our terraria sprites." He holds out his hands again. "But we're… in 3D. Did we get isekai'd?"

Kuhlen scoffs, frowning. "I mean… maybe? Sounds a little ridiculous though." He crosses his arms under that oh-so-heavy cloak of his.

"Oh yeah? Then what is this, huh!? Neither of us own a vr headset!" crank raises his arms, his orange-dyed crimson cloak flapping open. "Shit, the last thing I remember is my computer freaking out and a bright light around my body. You?"

Kuhlen rubs his ears in discomfort, sighing. "Stop shouting."

"Right, yeah, sorry. I guess you have better hearing, huh?" crank sniffles, rubbing his nose. "My bad."

"It's fine. But yeah, that's… that's what happened to me too."

"Dude, I'm telling you, we just got sucked up to another world." crank perks up, snapping his fingers as he realizes something. "Wait- oh, shit, do you think we still have our items with us?"

"Uh…" Kuhlen spends a second patting himself down. "I don't have anything on me. Or in my cloak." He looks back up at crank with a shrug.

crank hums in thought, bringing a hand to his chin. "Maybe it's in our inventories? I mean, it'd make sense."

"And how do we open our inventories?"

"... fuck." crank facepalms, letting his hand drop back to his side limply. However, as it passes back over his chest, his inventory opens up. He jolts a little at the sudden window, but he's quick to notify Kuhlen. "Yo, dude, I figured it out! Just swipe down mid-air!"

"Oh. Interesting." He does as told, nodding in understanding. "Huh. My antlers aren't in my vanity."

"Well, you do have them stuck to your head. I guess they're just part of you now." He shrugs, pulling out his nebula blaze, immediately illuminating the room with a nice purple glow. "Oh, light. Hey, you have everything, right?"

"Uh-huh. Why?" Kuhlen looks back over, zenith now in his hand."Are you missing something?"

"No, no, just checking." Raising the metal gauntlet for a bit more light, crank hums curiously. "Damn, this place is wrecked."

The room they're in is small, the walls, floor and ceiling made of gray, cracked bricks, woody root-like vines growing between the cracks. Icicles hang from the edge of the entrance, an opportune wind blowing through the room. crank's hat flies off of his head, causing him to sigh.

"Shit, my hat."

Kuhlen looks over, eyes widening slightly. "Whoa. You have horns too."

"What? No I don't, I wasn't wearing any type of horn vanity." He quickly pats the top of his head. He feels two tiny little nubs right at the top of his head. "Oh, what the fuck?"

"They're like goat horns. Wait!"

crank and Kuhlen both look at eachother, the same thing in their mind. "My lore!/Your lore!"

"Duuude!" crank picks his hat up. "Oh my god, do you realize what this means?" He plops the dirty-yet-fancy thing back on his head, covering his messy black hair. "If this is real, then the rest of the lore you made has to be true!"

Kuhlen takes a deep breath, bringing up a hand to scratch at his magnificent beard. "Hmn. That… that could be bad." He seems to be thinking back about the lore he wrote up for the both of them.

"Fuck… okay, yeah, it's probably really bad. If all that lore is true now, then I guess I'm your employee, eh?" He chuckles, walking past Kuhlen. "And it also means you work for the Empress. I guess that's why the voice called you 'Knight of the Hallow.'" crank idly pokes his head out of the door.

"I guess. I can't believe all of that actually matters now." He approaches, standing behind crank. "Anything interesting?"

"No, not really. Just a long hallway." Stepping out into the hall, he puts the gauntlet away, placing an ultrabright torch down instead. The bright light reveals all of the detail that was hidden in the shadows. "Much better. We got some roots, more broken bricks, and some snow. It feels colder."

The other man steps out after him, though he stumbles a bit as his antlers smack into the arch of the doorway. "Shit, ow." He bends down, careful not to bump into the doorway again.

crank glances back at Kuhlen over his shoulder. "What?"

"Not used to my antlers." He brandishes his zenith, holding it at the ready.

crank chuckles, setting down another torch. "What's wrong, big man ain't used to having horns?" He teases, kicking away a little bump of snow.

"Fuck you." Kuhlen quips, unamused.

"Fuck you too, bro." He pauses, turning to face the oversized knight. "Hey, actually, you hear anything with that sharp hearing of yours?"

"I'm trying not to. It's overwhelming." crank chuckles again, but before he can get a word in, Kuhlen continues. "Hurts my brain."

"Pft. I'm sure you'll get used to it, bro. See, think of this like practice, it's pretty quiet around here." crank goes quiet for almost half a minute before continuing. "So?"

Kuhlen glances over, perking up. "'What?"

"The fuck you mean 'what', do you hear anything or not?"

The other sighs deeply. "Fine, fine." He focuses, trying not to get overwhelmed. Though crank is right, it's incredibly quiet, most of the noises in this brick hall are just echoes of their voices. Though far off to one end, beyond a mound of snow, the sound of rushing wind rings clear. He points the tip of his sword that way. "There's a breeze that way."

"Hell yeah, man. I told you it's good practice!" crank smacks Kuhlen's back, but that only makes him wince. It felt like slapping solid steel. "Ow. Christ, you're really built like a mountain."

He smirks, chuckling. "Thanks. It's literally just two directions, though."

"Practice is practice anyway. Come on, let's get outta this place, it's making me feel like a sewer rat." They both start walking, crank placing torches as they go.

"You definitely look the part."

crank looks down at his outfit. A black-dyed magnificent beard, fallen tuxedo, gentleman's trousers, and a crimson cloak dyed orange. As if to make it fit with his lore, all of it looks very mangy, fitting for the 'trash king', one would think. "Heh, yeah. Honestly I feel really dirty, I gotta clean myself up."

"In the cold?" Kuhlen asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Eh… maybe I'll wait til' we get somewhere warmer." They bump into the pile of snow. It's blocking basically the entire hallway, though a little gap between it and the hall lets a tiny amount of light through.

"Hm. Hang on." Kuhlen puts his sword away, taking out his pickaxe. He raises it up confidently, taking a massive swing at the snow. But the head just sinks in harmlessly, the snow only crunching and squeaking, though no progress is made.

"Huh. Well, look at that." crank rubs the back of his neck, chuckling. "You wanna try again? Second swing's probably gonna do some more damage."

"Shut up, you." He wrenches the pick's head out of the snow, sighing. "I have a shovel researched, just let me find it."

"We'd be here for ages, dude. Oh, I have an idea! Why don't I just… you know, use a fire weapon? Melt the snow, it'd be quicker."

"I was just about to suggest that."

Both share a little chuckle over that. "Right, I'll use the… uhhhh, cursed flames, then." Quickly opening his inventory, then the journey mode research tab, he pulls out the purple leather bound tome. It's hefty.

Kuhlen does the same, though he pulls out something different. "And I'll use the flamethrower." Hoisting it up, he aims it at the offending pile of snow. "Ready?"

"Yup." Their attack is halted by a loud click. "... What was that?"

"Uh." Another click. Kuhlen squeezes the trigger again, only getting another wildly unsatisfying click. "The hell? I have gel in my inventory, why isn't it working?"

"Huh. I dunno, man, but that's weird. I mean, you can sit back for this one. I can handle a bit of snow."

"Damnit."

"Heh." Without any other comment, crank… stands there, book in hand. "Uh, shit. I just realized I don't know how to use this thing."

"'I can handle a bit of snow', he said." Kuhlen brings his hand up, rubbing the bridge of his nose with a heavy sigh. "God damn it, man."

crank chuckles loudly. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. What do I do, just open the book?" He looks back at Kuhlen, who just shrugs. "I'll open the book." The very second the book is cracked open, a flare of those sickly green flames explodes out of the book, little balls of fire shooting out wildly from the glowing pages. "Oh- Shit! Fuck!"

Kuhlen, acting on instinct, brings up his frozen shield, ducking behind it as a ball of fire bounces off, leaving a small, smoldering mark. "SHIT!"

"Holy fuck! How do I stop this thing?!" The hallway is slowly filling up with cursed fire. Though the snow is melting at least. "I can't close it!"

"Fucking put it away, then!"

Heeding Kuhlen's advice, crank forces it back into his inventory. Thankfully, that seems to stop the little book's rampage, though the leftover flames seem to be burning steadily, even without fuel. Both men take a second to just take a deep breath of relief. "Jesus."

Kuhlen sighs, lowering his shield. "I don't think jesus can hear us here." He steps toward the exit, taking a deep breath of the frigid air.

"Pft, funny fuck." crank pulls out a torch, walking over the smoldering flames. "Team up. Don't wanna burn you or something." He opens his inventory, setting his team to red.

"Oh, right." Kuhlen does much the same. "Do you think mirrors and recall potions still work?"

"I think? We'll have to find out." crank starts walking to the exit, though he pauses to address that little magical outburst. "Oh and, hey, make sure to check your weapons before using them. I don't think we want that happening again."

"You're telling me?" He chuckles, putting his shield hand on his hip.

"Here I am, trying to be helpful. Nah but really, who knows what else the other weapons could do." He pulls out the blaze, looking down into the shiny metal of the gauntlet. "Especially the endgame stuff."

"Might be fun." He shrugs, hefting the zenith up onto his shoulder.

"Might be destructive… So yeah, fun. Still, this world is a lot more realistic. We could get hit with shrapnel if we use an explosive weapon."

"True."

"Whatever, we can experiment when we're not in a cramped stone hallway. Come on." Both finally step out into the moonlight, snow slowly drifting down from the sky, the idle breeze gently carrying the flakes towards them.

They're standing on a raised platform overlooking a large, ruined courtyard, whatever plants that had once been here long-since dead and wilted, covered with snow and ice. One of the walls is crumbled, broken as if something had smashed through it.

However, all of that pales in comparison to one little detail. The moon. It's shattered, broken into dozens of pieces, all hanging close, so very close, yet still apart. Even so, the brilliant moon shines brightly, the night not quite as oppressive as it would otherwise be without it.

Both men stand frozen, staring in awe at the state of the satellite. The silence is only broken by crank, coughing deeply. "Holy fuck it's cold."

"... The moon looks like that, and you're worried about the cold?"

"Heh." crank crosses his arms, chuckling. "No but seriously it's fucking freezing."

((A/N: I think this is one of the most fleshed out fics I've made yet. Most of that is cause I got hooked into playing terraria with my editor lmao))

{{Thanks to Singular Ash for beta'ing and helping me with ideas}}